Hello Kitty Hell

The worst part of having a Hello Kitty fanatic as a significant other is that they think that taking photos of you with Hello Kitty things is cute. If you are naive enough to indulge this urge of the Hello Kitty fanatic, you end up with photos like this of you holding a Hello Kitty bath mat and awkwardly smiling toward the camera:

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I knew it was only a matter of time before something like this showed up in my email. For any normal person, it would be hard to imagine anything worse than getting a Hello Kitty tattoo. That would be greatly underestimating the horror that the evil feline can produce. Anyone living in Hello Kitty Hell knows that things can always get worse, and this matching pair of Hello Kitty Punisher tattoos is a perfect example:

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First, the posts and updates that happened this past week that weren’t mentioned on the front page:

Hello Kitty Girl Mike Carroll Skateboard Decks
Hello Kitty Assault Rifle (update)
Hello Kitty Schoolgirl
Hello Kitty LCD TV (update)

And now onto the contest…

I have been able to breathe a sigh of relief because the Hello Kitty toaster and both the pink and black Hello Kitty “shoulder massagers” are on their way to new homes that are — and this is quite significant — not where I live.

Of all the things that came in the unwanted, creepy Hello Kitty package that turned out not to be so creepy, the only one that I don’t think that my wife has in her collection is the Hello Kitty optical mouse and mousepad:

That is not to say that she doesn’t have Hello Kitty mice and mouse pads – she has plenty of both to the point where she has even purchased me one for Xmas a couple of years ago – I just don’t think she has this particular pattern.

This fact makes this giveaway a bit riskier than the others since there is no way of knowing how my wife will react when she finds out, but this has not lessened my determination to make sure that the contents of that box don’t end up in my wife’s collection (especially since the cheeks on the mouse supposedly light up. I don’t want to have to spend a month listening to how cute and adorable that is every time my wife uses the computer).

Entry into this contest is going to be a bit different than just leaving a comment and will help me clean up this blog at the same time. If you have been following this blog for any amount of time, you will know that my posts often have many spelling and grammatical mistakes in them. While I’d love to lay the full blame of this on the evil feline (and part of this is true because I don’t feel like spending any more time on this blog than is necessary to get the next inexplicable Hello Kittified item up), the other is that I simply suck at writing.

For this contest, find a spelling or grammatical mistake in any post (not comments since I didn’t write those) and point it out to enter the contest. Your post should have the following 3 bits of information:

1. The url of the page that has the mistake
2. The paragraph (1st, 2nd, 3rd, etc.) in the post that has the mistake
3. The correction of the mistake

For every mistake that you find, you get one entry into the contest. You may enter as many times as you like. If you find more than one mistake on a post, be sure to list each one separately as a comment so that you get an entry for each. The more mistakes you point out to me, the better your chance to win. I know there are hundreds of mistakes in this blog so there are plenty of chances to enter.

I will have a random number generated for all the comments left below. The person’s comment that matches the number will receive the mouse and mouse pad, which will be sent out by my parents.

The contest starts now and will end at 11:59 pm eastern (10:59 pm central, 9:59 pm mountain and 8:59 pm pacific) on Friday November 20th so there is plenty of time to look around and find the errors. Open to anyone living anywhere in the world except at my address in Japan.

This is why I hate this time of year. No sooner has Halloween and the celebration of whatever freaking year the evil feline has turned (does it really matter since she still looks exactly the same?) ended that I start getting emails for things like a Hello Kitty pink feather Xmas tree:

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One thing that you learn quickly when you live with a Hello Kitty fanatic is that you are never safe from the evil feline when traveling. That’s because no matter where in the world you might be, there is a good chance that a Hello Kitty store exists — and the one universal truth for those living in Hello Kitty Hell is that if there is a Hello Kitty store to be found, the Hello Kitty fanatic will find it. Take these photos and story as a classic example:

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So, apparently my mom read my post about the free Hello Kitty shoulder massager and followed the link explaining what the alternative use for it is. To her credit, when I talked to her on the phone, I didn’t get the reaction of disgust and lecture about the sexual promiscuity of the younger generation that I expected. No, the reaction was far, far worse…

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It’s that time of the week again where you have the choice to go outside, enjoy the day and keep your sanity, or go through all the posts that didn’t make the front page of this blog. I highly recommend the first option, but for those of you who are into self torture, there is plenty to make you have nightmares:

Hello Kitty Toilet (update)
Hello Kitty Sex Slave (update)
Hello Kitty Sandwich Bag Mod
Hello Kitty Gumball Machine
Hello Kitty Religious Cross (update)
Hello Kitty Credit Card (update)
Hello Kitty Smart Car (update)
Hello Kitty Canopy
Hello Kitty Debit Card (update)
Hello Kitty Paintball Gun
Hello Kitty Halloween Costumes (w/ updates)
Hello Kitty Smashing Pumpkins
Hello Kitty Pinhead Tattoo

If there is one thing that the evil feline can’t stand, it’s her image appearing on stuff where she hasn’t been able to fleece the buyer for the majority of their last paycheck. Because of this, Hello Kitty tattoos have always posed a problem for her. The solution for body piercings was simple. The idea of a Hello Kitty tattoo gun never seemed to catch on except in prison. So Hello Kitty has done the only thing she can to capitalize on the Hello Kitty tattoo trend by creating a Hello Kitty tattoo plush:

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Seriously, there is absolutely nothing that the Hello Kitty won’t try and stick her claws into. Apparently Japanese haiku poetry, through its long and illustrious history, was still missing something vitally important — the evil feline’s commercialization. She promptly resolved this oversight with a haiku poetry book titled Hello Kitty Through The Seasons:

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OK, I’m feeling a little less uneasy about the creepy stalker package for my wife that my parents received after the person that sent the package emailed me and said she wasn’t trying to be stalker-like at all. Apparently she was simply getting ready to move and felt inspired to rid herself of much of her Hello Kitty collection due to this blog (of course, it would have been much more inspirational if she had decided to try and give it away to someone other than my wife, or better yet, set it all on fire and sent me the video).

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