Hello Kitty Hell

Even worse than people asking me to be a Hello Kitty wedding planner is the thought that one day I will have to hear about the concrete plans for my own Hello Kitty wedding. I make every attempt not to write anything about Hello Kitty wedding related stuff because it inevitable leads to trouble. When my wife and I got married, her Hello Kitty fanaticism had yet to kick in, and not having a Hello Kitty wedding is something that she feels is missing from her life. Our Hello Kitty wedding would, of course, include a minimum of at least one Hello Kitty wedding dress (it’s common for the bride in Japan to change into three or four different dresses during the wedding ceremony):

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It’s once again that time of the week where you have the choice of leaving this blog and enjoying your weekend, or inflicting pain and torture upon yourself by looking at all the horrifying additions that didn’t make the front page this week. A bit of advice — just because there is a car wreck doesn’t mean that you have to look…

Hello Kitty Luggage (update)
Hello Kitty Hat and Mittens
Hello Kitty Flowers (update)
Hello Kitty Hangers
Hello Kitty Earbuds
Hello Kitty Digital Scale (update)
Hello Kitty Nails (update)
Hello Kitty Hoodie
Hello Kitty Halloween Costumes (update)
Hello Kitty Sex Doll Harem (possibly NSFW)
Hello Kitty Swine Flu Mask (update)

The worst part of having a Hello Kitty fanatic as a significant other is that they think that taking photos of you with Hello Kitty things is cute. If you are naive enough to indulge this urge of the Hello Kitty fanatic, you end up with photos like this of you holding a Hello Kitty bath mat and awkwardly smiling toward the camera:

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I knew it was only a matter of time before something like this showed up in my email. For any normal person, it would be hard to imagine anything worse than getting a Hello Kitty tattoo. That would be greatly underestimating the horror that the evil feline can produce. Anyone living in Hello Kitty Hell knows that things can always get worse, and this matching pair of Hello Kitty Punisher tattoos is a perfect example:

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First, the posts and updates that happened this past week that weren’t mentioned on the front page:

Hello Kitty Girl Mike Carroll Skateboard Decks
Hello Kitty Assault Rifle (update)
Hello Kitty Schoolgirl
Hello Kitty LCD TV (update)

And now onto the contest…

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This is why I hate this time of year. No sooner has Halloween and the celebration of whatever freaking year the evil feline has turned (does it really matter since she still looks exactly the same?) ended that I start getting emails for things like a Hello Kitty pink feather Xmas tree:

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One thing that you learn quickly when you live with a Hello Kitty fanatic is that you are never safe from the evil feline when traveling. That’s because no matter where in the world you might be, there is a good chance that a Hello Kitty store exists — and the one universal truth for those living in Hello Kitty Hell is that if there is a Hello Kitty store to be found, the Hello Kitty fanatic will find it. Take these photos and story as a classic example:

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So, apparently my mom read my post about the free Hello Kitty shoulder massager and followed the link explaining what the alternative use for it is. To her credit, when I talked to her on the phone, I didn’t get the reaction of disgust and lecture about the sexual promiscuity of the younger generation that I expected. No, the reaction was far, far worse…

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