Hello Kitty Hell

It’s that time of the week again where you have the choice to go outside, enjoy the day and keep your sanity, or go through all the posts that didn’t make the front page of this blog. I highly recommend the first option, but for those of you who are into self torture, there is plenty to make you have nightmares:

Hello Kitty Toilet (update)
Hello Kitty Sex Slave (update)
Hello Kitty Sandwich Bag Mod
Hello Kitty Gumball Machine
Hello Kitty Religious Cross (update)
Hello Kitty Credit Card (update)
Hello Kitty Smart Car (update)
Hello Kitty Canopy
Hello Kitty Debit Card (update)
Hello Kitty Paintball Gun
Hello Kitty Halloween Costumes (w/ updates)
Hello Kitty Smashing Pumpkins
Hello Kitty Pinhead Tattoo

If there is one thing that the evil feline can’t stand, it’s her image appearing on stuff where she hasn’t been able to fleece the buyer for the majority of their last paycheck. Because of this, Hello Kitty tattoos have always posed a problem for her. The solution for body piercings was simple. The idea of a Hello Kitty tattoo gun never seemed to catch on except in prison. So Hello Kitty has done the only thing she can to capitalize on the Hello Kitty tattoo trend by creating a Hello Kitty tattoo plush:

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Seriously, there is absolutely nothing that the Hello Kitty won’t try and stick her claws into. Apparently Japanese haiku poetry, through its long and illustrious history, was still missing something vitally important — the evil feline’s commercialization. She promptly resolved this oversight with a haiku poetry book titled Hello Kitty Through The Seasons:

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OK, I’m feeling a little less uneasy about the creepy stalker package for my wife that my parents received after the person that sent the package emailed me and said she wasn’t trying to be stalker-like at all. Apparently she was simply getting ready to move and felt inspired to rid herself of much of her Hello Kitty collection due to this blog (of course, it would have been much more inspirational if she had decided to try and give it away to someone other than my wife, or better yet, set it all on fire and sent me the video).

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Hello Kitty Hell took a major step down into the depths this past week which I never anticipated. I received a email from my parents in the US saying that a packaged addressed to a “Mrs. Hello Kitty Hell” arrived at their house and they wanted to know if I had any idea what it was about (they had no idea that I even wrote this blog). I instantly knew that whatever was going on, it was not going to be good.

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It’s that time of the week again when those posts that that didn’t make the front page are listed for self induced torture for those who decide for some unfathomable reason that you must go and visit them (It must be car wreck syndrome — you know you shouldn’t look, but you have to anyway…). The scariest part is that it seems no matter how many of these I list, more still arrive – a constant Hello Kitty Hell…

Hello Kitty Nails (update)
Hello Kitty .45 Caliber Handgun
Hello Kitty Radio Controlled Truck
Hello Kitty and Disco Stormtrooper Costumes
Hello Kitty Box Cutter
Hello Kitty Swine Flu Mask
Hello Kitty eMac
Hello Kitty Jack-o-Lantern (update)
Hello Kitty Bloodfest
Hello Kitty Darth Vader Halloween Costume
Hello Kitty Halloween Tattoo
Hello Kitty Three Apples Fashion
Hello Kitty Headband Bow (update)
Hello Kitty Roller Coaster

What is it with Hello Kitty fanatics and Hello Kitty plush fashion? Seriously, it’s one of the most disturbing trends for the simple fact that someone with absolutely no fashion sense can look at it and know instantly that they would never be caught dead in something like that. It’s bad enough that these types of outfits actually make their way onto the runway or are produced for special occasions (or worn by people that should never be let out of the house), but for someone to feel that it’s OK to wear a Hello Kitty plush coat as normal everyday wear?

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You know that the results are not going to be good when a Hello Kitty fanatic has a lot of money. The one fact that we could console ourselves with when seeing the Hello Kitty Ferrari was that it was photoshopped, but you knew it was simply a matter of time that a Hello Kitty fanatic with a lot of money thought that making a real Hello Kitty Ferrari would be a good idea. If you love cars, simply walk away at this point and don’t come back because you won’t be able to undo what you have just seen:

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