While there are a ton of trends that involve the evil feline that frighten me beyond belief (simply take a look through this blog and you will instantly know what I mean), this is certainly a trend that I hope never catches on. It seems that there are a few guys out there that somehow came to the conclusion that a Hello Kitty haircut would be a good idea (or, more likely, were somehow convinced by their girlfriends that this would be worthwhile).
The people of Sanrio have figured out that if you are delusional enough to want a Hello Kitty TV, then you are probably delusional enough to want to watch that TV while reclining in a Hello Kitty reclining chair.
Most of us love our mothers and enjoy showing them true appreciation on Mother’s day each year. Not the people at Sanrio. With Mother’s Day just around the corner, the evil feline has decided that she would like to guarantee that it’s the worst possible day ever for all mothers by encouraging gifts of Hello Kitty plants and flowers.
How can anyone possibly make reality TV any worse than it already is? Although most people wouldn’t think it could be possible, reality has shown it was actually quite easily accomplished. Simply add “Hello Kitty high fashion” and you get what can only be described as fashion created by coughing up a massive Hello Kitty hairball. Don’t believe me? Watch the video (at your own risk as it will undoubtedly scar your brain for life)
There are plenty of hints that you are headed for a life of Hello Kitty Hell from which there will be absolutely no escape. At the top of the list is if you’re ever asked to wear these or these. That is quickly followed by basically anything that is evil feline related which also has to do with the bedroom. Your girlfriend suggesting that a custom-made Hello Kitty headboard would be a good idea is a perfect example:
The question is, “What does one who lives in Hello Kitty Hell do when a Hello Kitty item is found accidentally misplaced among his own items?” Does he return it to the Hello Kitty fanatic who will never fully understand the amount of true self sacrifice it takes to do such a thing, or does he go rogue and give it away and hope that the fanatic never finds out? The flip of the coin determined that he would go rogue.
This is a giveaway for a 2004 Hello Kitty Japanese Pez Dispenser (still in its original package because what Hello Kitty fanatic would ever actually use a Hello Kitty product???). There are 7 ways to enter:
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Good luck and let’s hope I can sneak this to one of you (who will hopefully destroy it is some awesomely horrific way) without getting delegated to couch in the Hello Kitty sleeping bag for the rest of the year…
There are few things that surprise me in Hello Kitty Hell these days, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t come across things on a daily basis that make me ask myself, “for the love of all that is supposed to be good in the word…why???” The Hello Kitty dodgeball team definitely falls into that category:
It has already been well established on this blog that dogs that are owned by Hello Kitty fanatics must live in a Hello Kitty Hell on par with mine (for reference for those that might still have any doubt: 1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – yes, I could go on and on…), so the fact that the evil feline continues to make products specifically for dogs pretty much confirms that there are absolutely no dog lovers working at Sanrio.
If you have any inclination that your significant other would want a Hello Kitty engagement ring, that is the perfect warning sign that you should run away as fast as you possibly can. If you do not heed this sage advice to run and decide that a Hello Kitty engagement ring is somehow a good idea, you should be well aware that you will likely have to wear a Hello Kitty wedding ring and have a Hello Kitty wedding with her wearing Hello Kitty wedding dresses and you in a Hello Kitty tux (no, it certainly isn’t a pretty thought which has sent more than a few strong souls to the local insane asylum…) Basically, prepare for a life of Hello Kitty Hell.
I guess it’s obvious (at least to Hello Kitty fanatics) that there are simply not enough Hello Kitty scars in the world. It’s also pretty obvious that anyone that would think that putting Hello Kitty needles into their back really wouldn’t think twice about having the evil feline hop pen branded into her skin:
Do you know when you know it’s time to get out of the rap music business? The instant that someone suggests that you appear in a Hello Kitty music video and you actually accept. How to instantly ruin your rap music career:
It’s official. Even in death, I will be living in Hello Kitty Hell. It was simply a matter of time before the people at Sanrio realized that their fan base was getting old and beginning to die off. You could see the beginnings of this with the Hello Kitty tombstone, so you knew that the next logical step was to begin producing Hello Kitty coffins:
It has already been well established that Hello Kitty, that loveable and innocent little girl’s character that she is, has quite a fetsih for S&M (you simply need to look at the Hello Kitty flogger, the Hello Kitty latex bed, the Hello Kitty bondage room, the Hello Kitty bondage sofa (NSFW) or the Hello Kitty love hotel room to confirm this). So it’s quite fitting that the evil feline should continue to show her innocence to all with the Hello Kitty ball gag:
The sad thing is that although we all already know that Hello Kitty has completely sold out (think Hello Kitty vibrators or Hello Kitty Hooters), this doesn’t stop others from collaborating with the evil feline and confirming that they, too, have completely sold out. There really is no other explanation for the Hello Kitty KISS collaboration:
Once again, the people at Sanrio leave no doubt that they are willing to partner with absolutely anyone in order to make a buck. Can there really be any other explanations for Hello Kitty teaming up with Hooters?
The evil feline seems determined to place herself in the center of drug culture because, let’s face it, there is absolutely no place the evil feline isn’t willing to go to make a buck. With Hello Kitty cocaine (and cocaine straw), Hello Kitty bong (and hk x LV bong), and Hello Kitty ecstasy you knew that there would be Hello Kitty pipes out there:
I debated whether or not I should post this, but I decided that if the fanatics here find something to focus on rather than this blog, that can never be a bad thing. Apparently, someone thought that it would be a good idea to make a documentary film about Hello Kitty fanatics (obviously someone that has never really had to spend much time with them in the past). I assume it’s going to be marketed as some type of real life horror film. Either that or it was special requested by the Department of Homeland Security to be used as the ultimate weapon to obtain confessions from suspected terrorists. Either way, it’s not going to be pretty and there will obviously be an unsuspecting film crew that will end up being scarred far deeper than they ever imagined for the rest of their lives.
I knew that things weren’t going to be good as soon as Hello Kitty duct tape came to existence. This was quickly confirmed with the Hello Kitty duct tape purse and then there was absolutely no doubt with the Hello Kitty duct tape dress. Of course, fanatics of the evil feline couldn’t leave bad enough alone and decided that a Hello Kitty duct tape bra was in order:
