Hello Kitty Proof


$160 Hello Kitty PlushI received an email from someone who challenged me saying that I was making Hello Kitty Hell up and exaggerating. Oh, if only that were truly the case!! The one thing that you will learn as you continue to read this saga is that it all gets so absurd that nobody could ever be creative enough to make up something like this. There are just some things in the world that are so completely wrong that when you hear about them, you know that despite the chill it sends down your spine, it has to be true. I think you’ll see my Hello Kitty Hell is that way. 

I was talking to a friend over the weekend and he suggested that I go on the wife swap show, but the truth is that I could never subject another person to Hello Kitty Hell and live with myself later in life. There are some things that are just too cruel to contemplate, and that is one of them. I do think that it may be an effective strategy to implement on mass murderers in place of the death penalty – much more painful and lasting over a long period of time. I’m sure the inmates would be able to successfully fight it in court, however, as cruel and unusual punishment.

In relation to providing proof, Emily also asked if my wife had a website (I hope that this was to get some type of demented pleasure at my expense and not the desire to imitate my wife.) This is another one of those Catch 22 situations. She really should have one, but if I create one for her I’m afraid of what will happen and have thus been avoiding this next logical step. At the moment she doesn’t have a website dedicated to Hello Kitty, but does have an extensive Hello Kitty eBay Store which as you can see, has over 1000 different items for sale. Now imagine that what is listed there is only a tiny fraction of what is stored in our house and you begin to get a picture of what I live with.

Hmmmm, maybe I should make the person who challenged me come live for a month as punishment…

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16 Responses to Hello Kitty Proof

  1. Selena says:

    Why on EARTH would anyone SELL their HK stuff???????? HK is for BUYING not for SELLING!! She is not a real fan, sorry. Unless she has doubles.

  2. angl2b says:

    As I was going through your website – I found myself envious of your wife – having such access to buy Hello Kitty stuff – I grew up with her myself and over the years have collected only certain ones and looking for the harder older characters (in the states at least) Little Twin Stars, My Melody and such. As I came across this entry – I realized going to her store I have made a purchase from her before. I love that she has doubles (like I do with my stuff) and is willing to part with one. My husband understands your feelings – as I am the same as your wife (with less access to make these purchases). Please let her know – that I am happy to know there is someone over in Japan doing exactly what I would be doing too =)

  3. Holy CRAP! 41 pages of Hello Kitty Hell! My thoughts are with you, sir.

  4. Pami Jane says:

    Sir, I think you should run these off in consecutive order with pics and have it published. You are an excellent, if dramatically funny, and poignantly tortured soul and I feel sure that if you are being driven steadily towards heretofore unprecendneted insanity, you might as well
    make big bucks and maybe hire the hello kitty terminator? (There must
    BE one, or perhaps one in the making?) I’m not sadistic by any means, and I hate to see anyone suffer, so why do I enjoy these posts of yours so much? I just joined today and I’m already addicted! To soothe you somewhat I’m not at all tempted to in any way collect hello kitty paraphanalia of any kind. Unless I win the one up for graps in the poll if it doesn’t become hello kitty dust. Blessings, Pami Jane

  5. Leah says:

    Three words: “WTF”? No offense, but I think your wife had too many “Hello Kitty Martinis”

  6. Cade says:

    My collection would be too large if I strayed from collecting plushes. I draw the line at collecting the HK plushes with the blood types on her little t-shirt.

  7. Sheena says:

    Kudos to your wife. Hello Kitty has been the obscure object of my desire since birth, passed down from my mother, who is a 40 year old hello kitty freak. Your wife is really living the kitty dream.. but you know, the other day I was driving in my car, hugging my hello kitty steering wheel cover, sitting on my hello kitty seat covers, wearing my hello kitty shirt and ear rings and necklace and ring and panties and I had my hello kitty purse and my hello kitty bookbag with my hello kitty notebooks and pencils and I stopped for a second…. and I took a big whiff of my Hello Kitty lilac scented car-air-freshener… and I thought “perhaps this really has gone too far, maybe I really have gotten out of control.” So I called my mother and asked her if she knew of any fitting 12 step programs… and I think this is how I will make my millions “The 12 step program to quitting the kitty”
    ah… who am I kidding? There’s this really fab hello kitty fender guitar case that I’ve been dying to get for my tele…. maybe I’ll just go buy that instead. There’s no quitting the kitty… she is more addictive than heroine.

  8. Buffy says:

    Your wife should have a site. She could call it Hello Kitty Heaven and she could show all of her hello kitty stuff.

  9. Ramilyn says:

    If you have such a problem with hello kitty.You say you hate hello kitty then why do you have a hello kitty site?

    Seems to me you love hello kitty just as much of as her fans.

  10. larry says:

    if you did go on wife swap you could bribe the other family’s wife with a $50 dollar bill so that as a one of her rules would be no hello kitty and for her to say that as a way of getting rid of them you could go to a firing range and get a gun permit and blow the hell out of the hello kitty stuff your wife has.

    p.s. if you can get some gasoline and pour it over heelo kitty stuff and send the reincarnation of @#%*&^ satan

    p.s.s. its nice to know that one hero among a army of insane hello kitty fanatics still fights for freedom, librity, and above all a world without hello kitty #@$^*& up our life.

    p.s.s.s.you know what a scary horror film would be? Planet of The Hello Kittys.

  11. larry says:

    opps i ment

    satan back to hell

  12. larry says:

    anwser to Ramilyn’s question

    express his hatred of this crap, to expose those bastards in charge of hello kitty, and to inform the masses of the world about how much this stuff isn’t needed and that if hello kitty wasn’t around billones of dollars wasted on crap could go to saving endangered species, helping the world go green, and just genrally making the world a better place. in my book hes a one of a kind hero making earth (a.k.a.) the blue planet a better place by exposing the hoe hello kitty as the useless gimic she is and the na lets not forget that she is owned by a company and like he once said companys have two main goals in their existance to stay alive and to make money by selling merchandise crap to people who think hello kitty is cute and loving. belive me hello kitty is useless crap.

    LONG story short to show what hello is, a demon why do you think she is called HELLo kitty. the only point for hello kitty is to make money for some campany.

  13. Acton says:

    I saw the site before I how she is profitable. As for me save your self, it is to late for me I have embraced the forbidden kitty and it is good.

  14. Liz says:

    @ Selena

    You’re right. And if she SELLS HK, someone’s going to BUY HK. Isn’t that nice how it works?

  15. Chelsea says:

    I went to click for the eBay Hello Kitty Store, but the store does not exist. No fair.

  16. Rachael Hiro says:

    Hi, I have this same Hello Kitty doll I was just wondering if you knew anyone willing to purchase it?

    Thanks,
    Rachael

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