Hello Kitty Hell

There are useless pieces of Hello Kitty crap and then there are truly useless pieces of Hello Kitty crap. While I cringe no matter what new Hello Kitty item is going to be added to my wife’s Hello Kitty collection, it’s things like this that makes me know that the people at Sanrio basically decide that anything they come in contact with can be Hello Kittified and sold to Hello Kitty fanatics for a huge profit:

That is Hello Kitty’s business card and, of course, as soon as my wife saw it she had to have it.

me: “Now, why exactly do you need Hello Kitty’s business card?” (yes, I know, a stupid question for me to even consider asking, but it slipped out in that instant of dumbfounded incomprehension that comes when any normal person sees most Hello Kitty items for the first time and wonders “who in their right might would ever buy that?”)

wife: “It’s gold.”

me: “ummm, it has a thin layer of gold laminated onto the paper…” (knowing that I should just keep my mouth shut)

wife: “It’s a limited edition item. It will be worth lots in the future.” (beginning to get that tone of “why do I even have to explain this to you?”)

me: “It doesn’t matter because you will never sell it.” (the nasty look of a Hello Kitty fanatic glazing into her eyes when non fanatics question anything Hello Kitty related)

wife: “It has Hello Kitty’s real name on it. It’s a very rare thing. Every true Hello Kitty fan will have one.” (with a huff of exasperation because I just didn’t get it)

me: “So you are going to buy a Hello Kitty business card because it has a bit of gold on it, it’s limited edition and Hello Kitty’s real name is on it?” (realizing this is not going to end well)

wife: “Yes” (as she gives her Hello Kitty credit card number to buy it)

me: “And you are willing to pay $85 for a business card?” (still letting the disbelief let me talk instead of quietly accepting the inevitable with a smile)

wife: “It’s a bargain.” (finalizing the purchase)

me: “You realize that Hello Kitty doesn’t really exist so that business card can’t really be hers?” (realizing that I had committed a Hello Kitty high crime for even suggesting that Hello Kitty wasn’t “real”)

wife: shouting in rapid fire a large number of colorful words that Hello Kitty could never say even if she did have a mouth while pointing toward the closet for me to get the Hello Kitty sleeping bag…

Thanks to Mrs Muffle who left a link in the comments which ultimately lead me to sleep on the couch — likely for the next couple of days. She should have to face the wrath of a Hello Kitty fanatic when told Hello Kitty doesn’t exist on a daily basis…