Hello Kitty Hell

We have already established that there isn’t a single product that Hello Kitty doesn’t love to hijack into her own likeness, but she is also the master of creating events (where no even truly exists) to sell completely useless, overpriced junk that can only leave a normal person shaking their head asking, “Do people really buy that crap?” Of course, the Hello Kitty fanatic takes one look at it and begins drooling uncontrollably, and if she happens to have some poor soul that is her significant other, she begins whining about how much she loves it and just has to have it. That was the basic reaction of my wife when she found out about the pure gold Hello Kitty playing cards Sanrio is releasing for its 33rd Hello Kitty anniversary (33rd anniversary?!? What other company in the world celebrates a 33rd anniversary?):

There are 54 cards in the set which includes 2 jokers with each card being made from 0.73 grams of 99.99% pure gold. The gold cards are then laminated in a protective coating and sold for the price of nearly $5000 (567,000 Yen)

So my wife is telling me now that this would be a perfect birthday gift for me because I like to play poker with the guys (right – 1. Like I would ever play poker with Hello kitty playing cards. 2. Like the guys wouldn’t have me instantly committed if I ever brought out a deck of Hello kitty playing cards. 3. Like my wife would ever let me touch $5000 gold playing cards with the intent to play poker with them). Undoubtedly, all I’m going to hear about for the next week is how beautiful these cards are and how much she really wants them. Par for the course in Hello Kitty Hell…