Hello Kitty Paper Shredder

I have come to the conclusion that one of the most important skill sets when you live in Hello Kitty Hell is to learn how to keep your mouth shut on things you need and buy them yourself. While I have become quite good at this over the years, every once in awhile I slip up with horrifying results. May I introduce you to the Hello Kitty paper shredder:

Hello Kitty paper shredder

It is almost always the office that gets me in trouble with slips of what I need. I mean, seriously, who in their right mind would ever get office equipment that has been Hello Kittified? But apparently there are enough Hello Kitty fanatics out there to make it worthwhile to Hello Kittify even the most mundane office supplies.

Thus after making an offhanded comment last week that we really needed to get a paper shredder one of these days, the Hello Kitty paper shredder was waiting for me in my office when I came back from an errand. Of course, my wife was smiling from ear to ear anxiously waiting to see what I thought of it. “Isn’t it the cutest thing ever? Hello Kitty will help protect us from identity thieves.” (I manged to mumble something that satisfied her enough that it kept me out of the Hello Kitty sleeping bag)

While there is something wrong with every Hello Kitty item, there is just something downright wrong with having a Hello Kitty paper shredder. Every time I go to shred something, I get this overwhelming fear that the shredder is going to bounce up and catch hold of my hand or a piece of my clothing because you know if it was a movie, it would be the “cute” Hello Kitty shredder that ends up maiming and mutilating everyone.

I had a friend stop by who saw the thing and he just stood there shaking his head. A couple hours later I get a call with him laughing so hard he can’t stop: “Every time I walk by the shredder at work, I think of that thing you have and start laughing. It’s so sad that it’s hilarious…” (with more uncontrollable laughter)

Which I think is a pretty good summary of Hello Kitty Hell now that I think about it…

35 thoughts on “Hello Kitty Paper Shredder

  1. O.M.G..

    I love it <3333
    I should make my Mom buy one just to get on my dad’s nerves. He is the same as you when it comes to Hello Kitty. I live in Japan as well which didn’t help with my Obsession as well as my mothers, to this cute adorable kitty <3

    My room and my sisters bedroom are adorned in this as well as some parts of the kitchen. The bathroom was, but my mother changed it to Dora and is starting to do so in my sisters room. But This thing is so adorable.. though it would have been better if it was in the shape of her head.
    <3

  2. You are reaping your own rewards for being mean to Hello Kitty. She should never do something as mean as mutilate your hand, but you think this because you have been mean about the way you talk to her. This is your punishment and it is just.

    If you think about it, the only reason you’re in Hello Kitty Hell is because of your own doing. It’s your own fault and you can stop it any time you want. If you would just accept that you like Hello Kitty, then your hell would turn into heaven. You’d be happier, we’d be happier and your blog would be a lot more enjoyable to read.

  3. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, YOU’RE A FREAK DARLENE.

    You talk about Hello Kitty like she’s a God. She’s not even real. You are demented & if you lived near me I would fear that you’d sneak into my house at night and murder me in the name of Hello Kitty.

    You really are frightening.

  4. You know, it has become a neck and neck race to which part of this blog is more entertaining. Mr. HKH or the kitty fanatics that reply.

  5. I don’t see why your all calling Darlene a freak. She is completly right.

    All you Hello Kitty haters are just as obsessed as the fanatics, you just don’t want to admit you are. If you really hated the little white Sanrio cat, you would never DREAM about coming to this site to see what all the latest HK products are.

    I hate a lot of things, but I don’t go looking them up & talking about how much I hate it every day. That is called obsession.

    If you hate Sanrio/Hello Kitty, that’s fine. We are all entitled to our own opinions. However, have respect for other peoples opinions, eg the fanatics. We are here on this site because we like Hello Kitty, yet all you haters moans about us being here, when your just as obsessed with this site as we are.

    : D

  6. > You know, it has become a neck and neck race to which part of this blog > is more entertaining. Mr. HKH or the kitty fanatics that reply.

    Yup, I completely agree with.

  7. Darlene believes Hello Kitty brings goodness to the world.

    Others think she brings profits to Sanrio, and wonder what parent in Asia bought their 12 year old girl the Hello Kitty vibrator.

    There is an obvious reason I sign up for updates here. It’s for the comments by our esteemed host.

    There is no escape from HK on earth. From the legal to the counterfeit images HK is now more popular than Jesus.

  8. How is it possible for your wife to be so obsessed? I just don’t understand how anyone can think Hello Kitty is so great that you want that face on EVERYTHING.

    I am so so sorry.

  9. I buy my daughter, 24, Hello Kitty items. I try to find her useful items. Although I have purchased useless items too. Hello Kitty is just so darn cute. We love you site!!!

  10. This is like… one of the first things you have written about that I would actually buy for myself (that is, however, if everything with Kitty-chan’s face didn’t cost triple it’s value). Too bad it’s ridiculously overpriced and PINK. I miss the days when Kitty came in classic red and then expanded to all colors. Lately it’s all pink, pink, pink and quite frankly, I’m sick of it. Surely your wife must have some pull at Sanrio or be some sort of stock holder for all the money she spends/wastes. Tell her to drop them a line on behalf of a fan of yours that not all women enjoy the color pink. Some of us like the color blue. ;P
    You still have my sympathies… to a degree of course. (I wouldn’t have anything funny to read if your wife didn’t drive you slightly mad!)

  11. P.S.

    Darlene: Why are you so crazy? Get bent already, the blog amuses HK lovers and haters alike. You’re the one who doesn’t need to be here, crazy lady.

  12. I refuse to believe that people like Darlene really walk among us. I think she’s just making all that crap up to get a rise from everyone else. Cartainly no one can be that crazy . . . . .can they?

    The paper shredder is cute though . . . .

  13. To be honest, I like Darlene. Even when you think this blog author has gone too far in his comments, she comes in and reminds us what HK fans are all about.

    They really do believe this object brings good things to the world.

    Hello Kitty Hell DOES NOT exaggerate!

  14. Kari Rose:

    I’ve also stated before that I do like Hello Kitty, but how Darlene (and apparently others) talk about her is completely disgusted. People think she’s REAL and has the power to LOOK OVER YOU & PROTECT YOU. That’s taking things a little to far.

    I have a few HK things, but I bought them bc I thought they were cute, not bc “she” brings “happiness to the world” etc.

    I’m not a HK hater. I’m a HK FANATIC hater.

  15. Your blog is awesome, I’d say keep up the good work, but I’d rather give up my reading enjoyment for your sanity.

    The comments people leave here, never cease to amaze me.

    I love how people act and speak of Hello Kitty, as if she were an actual entity. She is a character people. A cartoon character at that.

    I do not hate Hello Kitty, I think she is cute, but to be so excessively obsessed…from a Psychological perspective….um…ya.

    Hello Kitty is not a deity, people.

    The evil world of marketing…making morons out of more and more people everyday!

  16. More amusing would be the Hello Kitty Confetti Creator….put in your document to shred, and it punches it into tons of tiny Hello Kitty faces, then shreds what’s left.

  17. i may be starting a war here…
    i wonder, maybe darlene is wife of HKH writing under a pseudonym? or perhaps HKH himself, trying to keep things even more amusing around here. there is simply no way she is real. not to mention, she never responds to any of us. no matter what we say! i find that a wee bit odd.
    at any rate, she is amusing. i read what she says and enjoy exercising my eyes by rolling them mightily at her lame brain comments!

  18. i wonder, maybe darlene is wife of HKH writing under a pseudonym? or perhaps HKH himself, trying to keep things even more amusing around here.

    While I appreciate the vote of confidence on my creativity, not even I am creative enough to come up with something like that. I can also rule out my wife who, unfortunately, comments to me directly when she thinks I’ve gone too far…

  19. If all the HK fanatics of the world are half as bad as darlene, then we’re all in big, big trouble. Seriously, how many times do people have to explain to her (and the other fanatics) that this is an ANTI-HK blog before she gets it? An anti-HK blog is NOT there to tell the world how great HK is. Geez, do these fanatics ever make any sense? For that matter, do they know what common sense is?

  20. Having had to take a HK Bento box to work a couple of times and having strangers in my house look at my sister’s “collection” askance, I can honestly sympathize with you over your co-worker’s laughter. There is little that sounds as lame as “It’s not mine, it’s my sister’s (wife’s, in you case)… reallly!” The eternal humiiation is teh worst segment of HK hell to me.

    Darlene, does Hello Kitty talk to you? Does she tell you to do things? Go take your pills, honey.

  21. Pychomike I agree ‘Darlene believes Hello Kitty brings goodness to the world.

    Others think she brings profits to Sanrio’. I find HK stuff cute and there’s enough of it out there to create a blog and talk about how crappy some of it is! Mr HKH isn’t obsessed. Darlene on ther other hand… Why don’t these fan(atic)s create a site called Hello Kitty Heaven if they want?

    The shredder – if it was going to match other stuff in an HK office maybe… does it shred well? cross-cut or just strips?

  22. ok,like stop the freak show.i mean hello kitty is kind of cool but not to the point to talk abouth her like she’s a real person.

  23. I wouldn’t be caught dead with one of those things… In your shoes, I probably would ditched it and came up with something to make up for it to your wife…. but thats just me… because I’d definably resort to a measure as desperate as that.

  24. You can always take a picture of Hello Kitty and shred it.
    Your blog is hilarious!
    I like Hello Kitty, but some of these items are ridiculous!
    Oh, and Darlene?
    GET OVER YOURSELF!
    There is a huge difference between Hello Kitty, and GOD.

  25. isn’t it weird that darlene only comments once and it is always the same exact thing. i dont think she even really truly reads the blogs, i bet she just skims through until she finds something she can whine about.

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  27. What, the shredder can’t shred the paper into the shape of helly kitty’s head? No? Well then I am offended that they can even call this a paper shredder, the only HK item I will not buy. ::VERY sarcastic::

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