Condoms

You knew that they would show up eventually, but who knew they would be in the form of lollipops? Hello Kitty condoms:

Hello Kitty condoms

These are a quite disturbing development for reasons that should be obvious to anyone, but since Hello Kitty fanatics don’t usually follow the rules when it comes to the obvious, I will expound on this a bit.

1. The last place I want to see Hello Kitty when I look down is there. In fact, just the thought of something like that occurring is sending shivers down my spine…

2. While putting anything on related to Hello Kitty goes against my better judgement, putting on something that’s Hello Kitty there goes well beyond any Hello Kitty Hell I can even imagine.

3. I really can’t think of anything that would be quite as unmanly as having your significant other compliment how cute “it” looks with a Hello Kitty condom wrapped around it (which is the likely reaction of a Hello Kitty fanatic).

4. When a guy puts a condom on, he pretty much has a single thought on his mind. This does not include putting on different Hello Kitty condoms as if it were a fashion show.

5. Having to stop multiple times in the middle of doing it because the Hello Kitty fanatic wants to see “how cute it is” again and again pretty much would take the joy and pleasure out of the evening.

6. Being sent to the couch in the Hello Kitty sleeping bag because I wasn’t enthusiastic enough about this newest Hello Kitty item would pretty much top off the way I would expect the evening to end.

As you can see, the existence of Hello Kitty condoms is pretty much a nightmare for any guy that has a relationship with a Hello Kitty fanatic and something that definitely is going to cause the fires in Hello Kitty Hell to reach new levels…

Sent in by betty who deserves punishment far worse than even I can imagine, for even thinking that showing my wife the existence of these could in any way be a good idea…

Update: More Hello Kitty condoms:

Hello Kitty condom

Sent in by Aurora

Flavored condoms:

hello kitty flavored condoms

Hello Kitty lubricated condoms

Sent in by Dave

104 thoughts on “Condoms

  1. In the form of lollipops! That’s a clever marketing.
    Does this promote intimate time? Some may say ‘yes’. I hope the condom has a Hello Kitty on its surface and it tastes like a sweet candy.
    It is quite interesting (or exciting) to imagine such.

  2. Well…Hello Kitty IS all about spreading love and happiness!
    Guess it was just a matter of time until Sanrio decided to take that so literally.
    Is there nothing that they won’t Kittify though?! Is nothing sacred or taboo?!
    Just the thought of what other ‘love accessories’ Sanrio is going to put Kitty on next is enough to send me into a massive case of the evil giggles.
    PS
    I can’t wait to see how Darlene is going to defend Kitty condoms!

  3. I sincerely don’t know what to say… condoms? What next? Flavored ou scented condoms to make you intimate moments more sweet? I’m at a loss for words… :S

    And, Cat Lady, I’m with you… How will Darlene defend this new and wonderfull items?

  4. Why are you so uptight? Are you really that insecure in your manhood?

    If cute condoms get women to get their boyfriends to wear them, all the better. I imagine that flavored condoms are bad too? Hello Kitty provides the opportunity to let women take control of a sexual situation so they don’t get pregnant or get an unwanted diseases. And all you can do is ridicule this service.

    The only thing disturbing is your complete lack of support of women and it starts to make sense why you can’t admit that Hello Kitty is good. Please leave the commentary out and just show the pictures. It would make this blog so much better.

  5. Oh, darlene is so loyal to Hello Kitty (or loyal to Sanrio).
    I love to send packs of Hello Kitty condom to her (if I know where to buy and whereabout of darlene).

  6. another bullet point to add:
    the fact that they are so cute and child like. Are they TRYING to get kids to have sex?!?!?! oh wait, it’s japan, nevermind.

  7. Well think about it in a different way.. Condoms are used to prevent a pregnancy or an STD… I can’t imagine a better way of preventing, because this condoms will definitely prevent having sex at all..

  8. Hello Kitty wants me to put her on my dick? Ewww!

    Also, Darlene, “Hello Kitty provides the opportunity to let women take control of a sexual situation” WHAT? If you’re not already in control of your sexual situation, without the intervention of cartoon characters, you need to get OUT of that sexual situation. Women have the allmighty vagina, they get to decide what goes in it- and they get to stipulate that whatever’s going in be sheathed in the appropriate prophylactic.

    Again, I suppose that doesn’t apply to you, sweet 46 and never been kissed.

  9. Oh snap, TeratoMarty! Can you imagine being a twenty-something girl at a bar and hooking up with some guy you met; then, asking him to put on of these on! LOL, I can’t imagine any guy doing that…”I just got these, aren’t they so cute, I can’t wait to try them out!” Yikes, talk about catering to a younger population of sex-driven kids in a sex-driven society.

  10. if there was a murder, and the killer wrote, “i did it all for hello kitty!!” and drew HK faces on the walls with the victim’s blood…. would darlene be able to defend the fearsome feline then? maybe she would. chances are she would be the killer!

  11. LMAO all of this is too much. You guys are a riot. I’m convinced Darlene is the 10 y/o daughter of an American Sanrio employee as she has zero reservations about trusting a company who makes stationery and imaginary animals to protect her sexually and cleanse her internally. Will she still defend HK when she has uteran cancer and 10 kids herself? I hope HK also spreads the love of settlements! But she would never sue HK of course!

  12. It strikes me that HK not only wants a dick inside her, she wants to be inside a girl at the same time. Who knew that Hello Kitty liked bisexual “lucky Pierre” threesomes?

    I’m gonna go bleach my brain now.

  13. looool. I’m sorry but all of this sounds like you would have already been forced to wear these condoms and are describing your thoughts XD. This entry seriously cracked me up. It’s odd how Hello Kitty doesn’t want Hello Kitty vibrators yet it does want Hello Kitty condoms. I’m so sorry you had to come accross this item, and I hope your wife doesn’t find out…unless she already has…xD

  14. Darlene typed …”so they don’t get pregnant or get an unwanted diseases.”

    apparently hello kitty does not have a grammer school.

  15. Yeah… are there some diseases people *want* to get? I mean, babies have always seemed like sexually-transmitted parasites to me, but they don’t really count.

  16. [quote] The only thing disturbing is your complete lack of support of women and it starts to make sense why you can’t admit that Hello Kitty is good. Please leave the commentary out and just show the pictures. It would make this blog so much better.[/quote]

    Supporting women? Hell, you can do that with normal condoms. It seems the thing you lack is support for MEN.
    You seem to be a girl, so I suppose you would never understand how humiliating it would be to wear one of those condoms. Its all perfect to you because your a girl and cute things suit you. But before you talk crap to hellokittyhell, think of how a man would feel wearing one of those things, not how a woman would feel.

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  18. The condom probably breaks ON PURPOSE so that you can give birth to another fanatic. That’s a guraentee that with in just 9 months Hello Kitty will have a nother devotee….and you will be buying even more of her products.

  19. Darlene:
    If you husband or boyfriend let’s you put a Hello Kittly Condom on his you know what then he’s probably not straight. It’s time to question his sexuality. Hard on’s and Hello Kitty should never mix…unless Hello Kitty is the only Kitty in the room.

    I am a woman. I use condoms every time I have sex. Just not Hell Kitty Condoms. NOT EVER! But I’ll be giving them out as gag gifts to my gay friends.

  20. What, are you kidding? Darlene’s not got a boyfriend, she probably can’t even imagine the anatomical structure that these “condoms” are meant to fit over.

  21. LOL this just keeps getting better and better!

    LA : That’s a guraentee that with in just 9 months Hello Kitty will have a nother devotee….and you will be buying even more of her products.

    I love this paranoid theory!! Totally believable!! o.o

  22. Is Hello Kitty SERIOUSLY ON the condom too, like there’s designs on her on the condom and not just on the packaging? Okay, that’s just freaky. If it were a regular condom in cute packaging, they wouldn’t be THAT bad. But if there are kitty faces all over the damn thing, that’s really really creepy.

  23. This is disturbing, but there are other “novelty condoms” out there. Not too long ago, everyone thought those glow-in-the-dark condoms were freaky. Now they have some with happy faces on them or lipstick kisses printed on, ect. If I came across these HK condoms, I would buy them just to add them to my collection. I would never subject my husband to wearing these, and if I even tried, trust me, there would be no need for it, because he would not have sex with a HK condom on, even if the the HK print was just on the wrapper!

  24. If I recall correctly, I saw some Hello Kitty condoms on ebay (not this kind, it was a different style) and it said right in the listing that the condom PROBABLY won’t prevent pregnancy or STDs… um, what’s the point then? lol. I swear, I love Hello Kitty and all, but her products have a way of um… being complete crap and not working the way they’re supposed to.

  25. this reminds me of the pokemon condoms that were out too… Don’t get me wrong, i like hk in MODERATION … and i’d rather slap pikachu on someone than hk. what a way to further sex, accidental pregnancies, and so many abused and broken hearts… not to mention furthering the inabilities to bond that happen when people have ‘too many’ sex partners. damn sanrio, talk to a psychologist before making new products

  26. Saw the picture, and the first thing that came to my mind was a three year old, throwing a tantrum in a supermarket: “wanna Hello Kitty lollipop!” and the embarrassed Mother has to explain that these aren’t…

  27. Found Hello Kitty hell while googling HK sewing machines. Laughed about last year’s article on the Hello Kitty computer card sewing machine that would embroider HK on Mssr. Hell’s socks and polo shirts. Hiccuped the price, though — $1000 U.S.

    Then looked at the most recent blog post, scrolled down to condom post … and howled. Sooooo funny.

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  29. I just laughed out loud so much when I read this. It’s lucky we’re both married or I would probably be wildly in love with you for being so funny.

  30. I had fun reading all the guy’s responses to this.
    C’mon now, is your manly pride so cheap as to be shaken by a measly hello kitty condom (of all things)?

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