How To Be Like Hello Kitty Guide

It’s stuff like this that scares the freaking Hello Kitty Hell out of me. I knew I was going to have nightmares as soon as I read the first sentence of this post:

“Have you ever felt the weird urge to be like Hello Kitty?”

Of course, now it’s like a train wreck. I know I don’t want to see any more, I know that I’m going to regret seeing any more and I know that I’m going to have terrible nightmares about anything beyond this first sentence that I do see. I know that I should simply stick my fingers into my eye sockets and rip them out because this gesture will be 100 times less painful than what I’m about to read, yet against all common sense my eyes drift to the next lines in the post:

1. Put your hair in two pigtails above your ears and put the little girl bow clips in your hair.
2. Get a jumper that goes down to your knees and wear it everyday.
3. Get all your friends call you “Kitty” though this could be taken wrong.
4. Learn to make Kitty’s expression of amazement.
5. When your sad, make your eyes big, get out one tear and pout.
6. Wear a lot of bright pink blush in little stripes over your cheekbones like Kitty when she blushes.
7. Always split things with your friends.
8. Talk in a little voice all the time.
9. Go to the park on your bike a lot.

I couldn’t go any farther. Some train wrecks are just too awful and gruesome and you have to turn away and that is exactly what I did. While a post about how to be like Hello Kitty is bad enough, the fact that people actually want to be her makes the entire concept well beyond wrong. Of course, my wife thinks that this is an absolutely normal and typical thing that any human being would want to do which simply reinforces the Hello Kitty Hell I live in…

Sent in by Patty who should actually have to read that post daily and attempt to follow it for even thinking it was remotely a good idea for her to send me a link to that post…

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30 Responses to How To Be Like Hello Kitty Guide

  1. yet another anonymous says:

    We saw many “Hello Kittyfied” products. But Ididn’t really think of a “Hello Kittyfied” person (more than being in constume). This is hilariously scary. We are all going to be assimilated into a collective. Resistance is Futile. We all worship a giant Hello Kitty in harmony.

    That may not be so bad if people can stop killing each other …

  2. Eize says:

    This made me LOL:

    “5. When your sad, make your eyes big, get out one tear and pout.”

    Considering that Hello Kitty doesn’t even HAVE a mouth…

  3. the little kitty says:

    learn to make hello kitty’s expression of amazement? she has the same expression for sad, happy and everything else in between – which is ._.

    that’s going to be one very blank faced person XD

  4. kitty says:

    hiii!!!I really tthink u’re a genius!!!!
    NOW I’m really scared about people colling me kitty!!!THANK U…have a good day!!! …KITTYYYY

  5. Misawa says:

    Oooh now other than the the jumpers, sharing, talking in little voice .. (Which I would do) the rest is just eh..

    My style already calls for knew length JSKs haha so thats no biggy, sharing is what I do… when you have a little sister haha, and little voice.. which is it like it a low voice or child voice? because I still have my same voice and people think Its like a littl girls xD

  6. Absinth says:

    well… to be even more like HK when you feel happy you clap very fast with a cute smile, gigle and start jumping up and down but little cute jumps :)

  7. Wendyscat says:

    ‘When your sad, make your eyes big, get out one tear and pout.’ I’m annoyed by the ‘your’ for ‘you’re’!!! Surely one has to have friends called Badtz Maru, Miffy, etc? There might be arguments over that instead of harmony ;)

  8. Wendyscat says:

    Just checked the post – it does warn you may be considered odd if you follow this and are aged over 10.

  9. This may be taking cosplay way too far.

  10. Kitteh!! says:

    I see, so can we think of anyone who posts here regularly and acts like a 9 year old?

    Darlene, for example? ;)

  11. darlene says:

    What is wrong with you?!! I get so furious every time I read this blog because you are so over dramatic and condescending. A train wreck? The only train wreck is this blog!

    Everyone wants to be like Hello Kitty. She is the perfect role model of love and sweetness. The world would be a much better place if you all showed the same respect that she does, something you have no idea about with your meanness. It’s because of people like you there are wars in the world which is something Hello Kitty is against.

  12. How does an inanimate object show respect?

    Oh wait, it’s Darlene!

    Never mind…….

  13. TeratoMarty says:

    Wendyscat, the grammar in “make your eyes big” is fine- ‘your’ is the possessive form, ‘you’re’ is a contraction of ‘you are.’ It’s bad enough if you mix them up in everyday usage, but PLEASE don’t present your wrong way as if it were right. I’m sorry, the internet is no place for me; I should take off back to my ESL students, who actually care.

    In other news, I detest it when women speak in cutesy-wootsy little tiny voices. It’s undignified, it’s not sexy, and it encourages the worst stereotypes of women. What would Gloria Steinem say? Granted, this advice didn’t say it was aimed specifically at girls. I guess guys could dress in jumpers and talk cutesy, also, if they wanted.

  14. redlegphi says:

    If it doesn’t say anything about buying every piece of Hello Kitty merchandise you can get your hands on, I’m calling it crap. Hello Kitty wants you to be a consumer of Hello Kitty products.
    TeratoMarty, look about two words to the left in the post wendycat was talking about.

  15. liz says:

    ohhh come on~~ guys,

    Darlene wrote that. And that’s how exactly she dress and act everyday.

    we can’t put common sense into that.

  16. I don’t mind role playing, if a girlfriend can pull off the school girl look, nurse, etc I have no complaint.

    But cartoon characters? Minnie Mouse? Hello Kitty?

    I am out of there!

  17. TeratoMarty says:

    Wendyscat, my sincerest apologies. Redlegphi, thanks for pointing it out.

  18. k says:

    “Have you ever felt the weird urge to be like Hello Kitty?”
    Who the hell does that? Other than Darlene.

  19. Vi says:

    LOL that made me laugh.

  20. 90210 says:

    I get the urge to be like Hello Kitty every day of my life. By this I mean that I have the urge to find creative ways to seperate people from their money while having them sing my praises….very much like a rapper or a politician.

    Go Hello!!!!!

  21. Now 90210 cracks me up!

  22. siimuk says:

    If you roll up your pigtails and secure them with a second band, you end up with two knobs above your ears which will resemble kitty ears.
    Then you can place a pink or red bow on the left one. Hello Kitty whoaalaa!

  23. Wendyscat says:

    Thanks for correction and apologies – mayb (deliberate spelling) I’ll edit a bit more next time but that would have been a short illustration of the post – fancy assuming I could be wrong! ;)

    90210 – heh heh heh. However, please do not hint that HK become a rapper and/or politician (if she/it/they isn’t already).

    Also, are HK products getting more creative or is it just a case of wander around, see something, think ‘that hasn’t been Kittified’ and away we go! I’d say we suggest stuff here, but that could have consequences no-one wants to be responsible for.

  24. Laser Potato says:

    Screw Hello Kitty! I wanna be like Badtz-Maru! Oohhh yeah.

  25. Sophie says:

    I think thats quite adorable.
    Id love to be like Hello Kitty… I dont know why people are mean about her.

  26. L says:

    This sounds like it was made by a fellow hater, for the express purpose of making HK fanatics look like morons.

    I like seeing Hello Kitty (and other Sanrio creations) in small doses, but the sheer amount of HK on this site is nauseating in the extreme.

  27. Laura says:


    Excuse me, but please bring me up to date…
    When EVER did Hello Kitty say she was against war.
    Actually, when has she said ANYTHING?…

  28. Mike says:

    DARLENE, you are simply delusional. What the HKHell?

  29. amarabeda says:

    this is insane.
    i wonder if anyone has actually taken the advice?

  30. pink rose says:

    hi!!!i really love hello kitty..almost of my things are hello kitty,coz i am one of your fan…i hope you appreciate my coment…and i hope someday will meet…hehehe…if ever i wiil visit japan,i will go to your palace coz its my dream…till next time

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