While it’s certainly true that Hello Kitty finds a variety of ways to make my life hell on a daily basis, most of the time I can take it. Then there are the days when the evil feline devastates me.

I have always had a secret celebrity crush on Zooey Deschanel. Since I had never seen a photograph of her wearing the evil feline like so many other celebrities, I’d come to assume that she was one of the sane ones out there.

So you can imagine the devastation I felt when I discovered that not only did Zooey Deschanel have this monstrosity (3rd photo down) of a Hello Kitty sewing machine, she was actually quite proud of it:

As she unfortunately states: I have a HELLO KITTY Janome sewing machine. It’s awesome. I want to believe that this is nothing more than a passing delusion and that she will come to her senses, but we all know that once Hello Kitty gets her claws into you, it’s more difficult to free yourself than from a Hello Kitty cocaine habit. Just when you think that the depths of Hello Kitty Hell can go no further, she provides yet another step that she forces you down…

Sent in by Amy

This is on my wife’s current wish list which probably means that I will soon have the evil feline flipping me off every time I go to get a cup of life sustaining liquid. I wonder how long I will have to sleep in the Hello Kitty sleeping bag when my wife sees me returning the favor while yelling at the water dispenser, “%*@& you too! How the hell can you get away sitting around flipping off the world and claim you are simply ‘sucking on your finger’ when you don’t even have a mouth!” I can see that I’m going to be needing a Hello Kitty straight jacket soon…

Sent in by Azielle

When my wife and I travel back to the US, there are certain places that I do my best to keep her away from. One of those places is Target. The following photo should make clear why:

Sent in by Elizabeth

The problem with living in an Asian country is that there is absolutely no escaping the evil feline, including every Hello Kitty appliance you could ever dream up. Take, for example, this photo from a random store in South Korea. Worst part is I can actually say we have more than that in our own house…

Sent in by Jennifer

Here’s this week’s Hello Kitty photo dump of photos sent in that didn’t make the front page of this blog:

Hello Kitty Uterus Plush
Hello Kitty Guitar Meow!
Hello Kitty Jelly Belly Jelly Beans
Hello Kitty Cat Litter
Hello Kitty Asics Shoes
Hello Kitty MP3 Player

And a few photo post updates:

Hello Kitty Darth Vader
Hello Kitty Coffee Maker
Hello Kitty Computer Keyboard
Hello Kitty Stormtrooper Tattoo

I have absolutely no idea why the Hello Kitty toaster is such a popular appliance with Hello Kitty fanatics (quit sending photos of it to me!). There really is nothing that’s more dreadful than having Hello Kitty staring back at you in the morning when you still aren’t awake, especially when it is accompanied by a squeal of “how cute it is” when it is placed before you.

I’ve been avoiding writing anything about it simply because having to stare at Hello Kitty toast each morning pretty much is the limit anyone can take in regards to thinking about it each day:

Of course, when you live in Hello Kitty Hell, having a single Hello Kitty toaster isn’t enough. It seems that for the Hello Kitty fanatic, it’s important to have a choice of what type of Hello Kitty toast is staring back at you each morning (no joke):

A warning to all people out there: If your significant other decides that a Hello Kitty toaster is a cute addition to your kitchen, you know that it’s time to get out of the kitchen (and the entire relationship). Either that, or you can join me in Hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in by far too many people (it’s up, stop sending it) who should have to wake up to Hello Kitty toast each morning for the rest of their lives as punishment for ever thinking that sending me anything that requires me to look at Hello Kitty in the morning would be a good idea…

Although I have suspected it for some time, I am now convinced that there is a special unit at Sanrio that makes Hello Kitty items with the sole purpose being to irritate the hell out of the significant others of Hello Kitty fanatics. In fact, it would not surprise me if they have it nicknamed the “Hello Kitty Hell” department and basically start each day with the mantra, “How can we make Mr. HKH’s life even more miserable?” I have come to this conclusion because there is no possible way that something like the Hello Kitty lawnmower would ever come into existence without such a department:

I already know that there can absolutely be nothing less manly and more embarrassing that this piece of machinery. Imagine the reaction I’ll get when walking outside on a sunny Sunday afternoon with all the neighborhood men on their industrial strength power riding lawn mowers cutting grass as they turn in my direction to see the pink Hello Kitty lawnmower contraption? Yep, that pretty much sums up how I feel on a daily basis in Hello Kitty Hell…

Even worse, I will likely be able to soon confirm this as fact as my wife thinks the Hello Kitty lawnmower is something that we should definitely have since it is “soooooo adorably cute!”

Maybe I’ll get lucky and run over my foot the first day out and have the blades grind it to bits because that would be infinitely less painful than having to go out weekly and mow the lawn with a Hello Kitty lawnmower. Ah, the things you get to look forward to in Hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in by Jodie who should have to mow her own lawn for the rest of her life with one of these for ever thinking that sending me a photo like this could result in anything good…

Hello Kitty couldn’t leave hands free house clean-up with the Hello Kitty robomop and decided that they also needed to have a Hello Kitty Roomba:

Of course, my wife took one look at this and decided that it was an upgraded version of the robomop and that she absolutely had to have it. I tried to explained that it would be a bad idea because I would likely step on it and break it at some god awful hour in the morning when I was still half asleep and wake up all the neighbors. Now, this logic would work on most people, but don’t forget that we’re talking about a Hello Kitty fanatic here. Instead of hearing the hoped for “Yes, dear, you’re right” (ha, you can tell I was dreaming) she simply looked at me and said, “If you are not responsible enough to watch where you are walking, then you can’t leave the bedroom until you’re fully awake.”

So now not only am I going to have this monstrosity of a vacuum cleaner nipping at my feet during the daylight hours, I will be forced to decide whether it is worthwhile making a midnight trip to go to the bathroom and risk the wrath of a Hello Kitty fanatic if I take the wrong step, or hold everything until morning. Then again, I could just piss in the Hello Kitty futon and blame it on not being able to leave the room, but that would obviously lead me to sleeping in the Hello Kitty sleeping bag for the rest of the month. Anyway you look at it, it adds up to Hello Kitty Hell…

First sent in by Rhonda (and then thereafter by far too many people who really need to find something more productive to do with their lives than send me Hello Kitty Roomba photos) who should have to have this contraptions at her feet blaring the Hello Kitty theme song 24/7 for ever thinking that sending this information to me would be a good idea…

One would assume that one Hello Kitty TV would be enough. Of course, that in no way dissuaded Sanrio from making another Hello Kitty TV. Or a third and fourth Hello Kitty TV as well. So, there really should be no surprise that there is a new Hello Kitty LCD TV that has recently been released:

I used to think that new Hello Kitty product announcements could never get worse than having a Hello Kitty fanatic squealing with childish joy at the top of her lungs about how much she wanted whatever that new evil feline product of the moment might be. Now not only do I have to put up with the excited squealing, I also get to look forward to a deluge of emails telling me about something I have no desire to know about in excruciating detail. Once again proof that things can always get worse in Hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in by 23 people who decided for some unfathomable reason that it was essential to email me this news. May you have to watch all your television on a Hello Kitty TV with the Hello Kitty theme song playing in the background the entire time as punishment for not having something more important to do than sending this to me and thinking that anything good could ever come from it…

Update: The evil feline, not satisfied to torture the masses with just the white version, is also now making a black version:

Sent in by Julie

Update Again: wife took one look at this and insisted we needed it. I guess this is one way to get me to stop watching TV…

Sent in first by Deena (and by many others)

I know that things are getting bad in Hello Kitty Hell when the transformer Hello Kitty sewing machine doesn’t seem quite as bad as I first thought. What could get me thinking this way? The Hello Kitty face sewing machine, of course:

What is most frightening about this is that it appears Hello Kitty had a one night stand with Bill the Cat and this is the resulting child. Of course, my wife loves it and has added it to her list of things she wants (even though she already has a Hello Kitty sewing machine, but then again, when has that ever made a difference to a Hello Kitty fanatic?) Just your normal start of a new week in hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in by Emma (via Cláudia*~Assad) who really should have to have all her clothes made with this monstrosity for thinking it could ever be a good idea to send me this photo….

In other totally non related sewing machine news, Hello Kitty has been made “goodwill tourism ambassador” of Japan to China and Hong Kong. This is just more piece of news that proves that Hello Kitty is after world domination and something that I really don’t need to know, but when 20+ people email me the story (it is becoming more and more obvious to me that many of you that read this blog have far, far too much time on your hands…), I get the feeling that Sanrio has hired some of you to make sure that the only thing that fills my email is Hello Kitty crap…

Update: Because you knew that the evil feline would have to come out with additional Hello Kitty sewing machine models:

Sent in by jultritz