Sent in by Jennifer

Hello Kitty Uterus Plush
Hello Kitty Guitar Meow!
Hello Kitty Jelly Belly Jelly Beans
Hello Kitty Cat Litter
Hello Kitty Asics Shoes
Hello Kitty MP3 Player

And a few photo post updates:

Hello Kitty Darth Vader
Hello Kitty Coffee Maker
Hello Kitty Computer Keyboard
Hello Kitty Stormtrooper Tattoo

I’ve been avoiding writing anything about it simply because having to stare at Hello Kitty toast each morning pretty much is the limit anyone can take in regards to thinking about it each day:

Of course, when you live in Hello Kitty Hell, having a single Hello Kitty toaster isn’t enough. It seems that for the Hello Kitty fanatic, it’s important to have a choice of what type of Hello Kitty toast is staring back at you each morning (no joke):

A warning to all people out there: If your significant other decides that a Hello Kitty toaster is a cute addition to your kitchen, you know that it’s time to get out of the kitchen (and the entire relationship). Either that, or you can join me in Hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in by far too many people (it’s up, stop sending it) who should have to wake up to Hello Kitty toast each morning for the rest of their lives as punishment for ever thinking that sending me anything that requires me to look at Hello Kitty in the morning would be a good idea…

I already know that there can absolutely be nothing less manly and more embarrassing that this piece of machinery. Imagine the reaction I’ll get when walking outside on a sunny Sunday afternoon with all the neighborhood men on their industrial strength power riding lawn mowers cutting grass as they turn in my direction to see the pink Hello Kitty lawnmower contraption? Yep, that pretty much sums up how I feel on a daily basis in Hello Kitty Hell…

Even worse, I will likely be able to soon confirm this as fact as my wife thinks the Hello Kitty lawnmower is something that we should definitely have since it is “soooooo adorably cute!”

Maybe I’ll get lucky and run over my foot the first day out and have the blades grind it to bits because that would be infinitely less painful than having to go out weekly and mow the lawn with a Hello Kitty lawnmower. Ah, the things you get to look forward to in Hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in by Jodie who should have to mow her own lawn for the rest of her life with one of these for ever thinking that sending me a photo like this could result in anything good…

Of course, my wife took one look at this and decided that it was an upgraded version of the robomop and that she absolutely had to have it. I tried to explained that it would be a bad idea because I would likely step on it and break it at some god awful hour in the morning when I was still half asleep and wake up all the neighbors. Now, this logic would work on most people, but don’t forget that we’re talking about a Hello Kitty fanatic here. Instead of hearing the hoped for “Yes, dear, you’re right” (ha, you can tell I was dreaming) she simply looked at me and said, “If you are not responsible enough to watch where you are walking, then you can’t leave the bedroom until you’re fully awake.”

So now not only am I going to have this monstrosity of a vacuum cleaner nipping at my feet during the daylight hours, I will be forced to decide whether it is worthwhile making a midnight trip to go to the bathroom and risk the wrath of a Hello Kitty fanatic if I take the wrong step, or hold everything until morning. Then again, I could just piss in the Hello Kitty futon and blame it on not being able to leave the room, but that would obviously lead me to sleeping in the Hello Kitty sleeping bag for the rest of the month. Anyway you look at it, it adds up to Hello Kitty Hell…

First sent in by Rhonda (and then thereafter by far too many people who really need to find something more productive to do with their lives than send me Hello Kitty Roomba photos) who should have to have this contraptions at her feet blaring the Hello Kitty theme song 24/7 for ever thinking that sending this information to me would be a good idea…

I used to think that new Hello Kitty product announcements could never get worse than having a Hello Kitty fanatic squealing with childish joy at the top of her lungs about how much she wanted whatever that new evil feline product of the moment might be. Now not only do I have to put up with the excited squealing, I also get to look forward to a deluge of emails telling me about something I have no desire to know about in excruciating detail. Once again proof that things can always get worse in Hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in by 23 people who decided for some unfathomable reason that it was essential to email me this news. May you have to watch all your television on a Hello Kitty TV with the Hello Kitty theme song playing in the background the entire time as punishment for not having something more important to do than sending this to me and thinking that anything good could ever come from it…

Update: The evil feline, not satisfied to torture the masses with just the white version, is also now making a black version:

Sent in by Julie

What is most frightening about this is that it appears Hello Kitty had a one night stand with Bill the Cat and this is the resulting child. Of course, my wife loves it and has added it to her list of things she wants (even though she already has a Hello Kitty sewing machine, but then again, when has that ever made a difference to a Hello Kitty fanatic?) Just your normal start of a new week in hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in by Emma (via Cláudia*~Assad) who really should have to have all her clothes made with this monstrosity for thinking it could ever be a good idea to send me this photo….

In other totally non related sewing machine news, Hello Kitty has been made “goodwill tourism ambassador” of Japan to China and Hong Kong. This is just more piece of news that proves that Hello Kitty is after world domination and something that I really don’t need to know, but when 20+ people email me the story (it is becoming more and more obvious to me that many of you that read this blog have far, far too much time on your hands…), I get the feeling that Sanrio has hired some of you to make sure that the only thing that fills my email is Hello Kitty crap…

This is basically a Roomba which has been Hello Kittified and made for Japanese households (which rarely have carpet) using a Swiffer sweeper like pad instead of a vacuum. All I can say is that it’s extremely annoying as it slides across the floor bouncing off walls and purposely trying to trip me. I would drop kick it at the first chance if I knew doing so wouldn’t lead to banishment on the couch in the Hello Kitty sleeping bag for the next week (and even this prospect is quickly fading as a deterrent).

I have come to the conclusion that there is something in the Sanrio company charter that explicitly requires them to Hello Kittify the most annoying products possible to drive those of us who are sane to the edge. Either that or they are sitting in their offices reading this blog saying to themselves, “OK, that didn’t get him to off himself. What other horribly annoying gadgets can we find to Hello Kittify in our next attempt to do so?” Either way, the results are the same as I live in the eternal damnation of Hello Kitty Hell…

As you sit there asking yourself “why does a washing machine need Hello Kitty all over it?” like any normal person would do, step back and realise that this has been the exact same question you have asked yourself for every single item you have seen on this blog. Nobody in their right mind would ever even consider placing a monstrosity like this in their home, but we have long ago established that Hello Kitty fanatics aren’t in this category. Thus the question quickly becomes “how the hell do I keep my wife from seeing this so that it doesn’t end up in our home?” at which point she walks in, sees it, and promptly declares it “the cutest thing ever” and places it on her must have list for 2008.

While this is obviously a total disaster in itself, it also foreshadows the complete and utter Hello Kittification doom to our house. Now that a Hello Kitty washer exists, is it really that hard to imagine that a Hello Kitty refrigerator isn’t just around the corner? Just one more thing to worry about in Hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in by Melissa who deserves to be placed in the washer and have it run through a couple of hundred cycles for thinking even for a split second that anything positive could come out of sending this photo to me…

It’s when my wife start showing me things like this that I wonder if it would just be better to freeze to death…