When my wife saw this photo, she thought it was adorable and didn’t hesitate to inform me that when we have a little girl, she will participate in Hello Kitty beauty pageants. Maybe those Hello Kitty condoms aren’t such a bad idea after all…

Left by Kristen on facebook who should have to attend daily Hello Kitty beauty pageants for the rest of her life as punishment for letting my wife know that these exist and ensuring the depths of Hello Kitty hell increase when we have children…

Sent in by too many people – stop sending MAC stuff – the campaign is over and let’s leave it that way for everybody’s sanity…

Of course, when my wife sees something like this, she believes that it’s a fashionable new trend. Even worse, she instantly believes that it’s a fashionable new trend that I need to partake in so that I am fashionable.

I, on the other hand, have quite a different feeling when I see this. I would much rather have an full body bikini wax over the entire 6 foot 3 inch frame of my hairy body (yeah, I know that isn’t a pretty image — sorry about that) than to have Hello Kitty stickers placed on my face to be “fashionable.”

Yet another battle to be fought in the depths of Hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in by Natalie who should be forced to wear Hello Kitty stickers on her face each day for the rest of her life as punishment for sending this to me and giving my wife the idea that this is something that I should do…

After the initial “wtf?! are my eyes deceiving me?” moment has passed, you inevitably re-loop back into the same question because of how little sense this makes. The best case scenario has everyone leaving with a bow in their hair and worst case is that everyone leaving looks like this.

Of course, my wife thinks this is the greatest idea ever and wants to get her hair done there. She somehow believes that getting her hair done in a Hello Kitty hair salon will make the haircut that much cuter than if it was done in a regular hair salon (no use trying to explain that it doesn’t make any sense because nothing regarding the evil feline does…)

To make matters worse, my wife thinks that I should get my hair cut at the Hello Kitty hair salon because the “outstanding haircut will make you appreciate Hello Kitty more.” I think the only saving grace if this should happen is that there will be lots of sharp objects around to allow me to slit my wrists and quickly put me out of my pain. One more thing to look forward to in Hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in by deidra who should be forced to go to this hair salon on a daily basis for the next year as punishment for thinking that it would in any way, shape or form be a good idea to email me this photo…

Of course, this is infinitely better than the Hello Kitty contacts, but that simply proves that the world is in a sad state when it’s possible to name something that is worse than this. My wife’s bright idea? Combine the Hello Kitty eyeshadow with the Hello Kitty contacts so that Hello Kitty will be staring at you 24/7 — now that’s truly the definition of Hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in by Chrissey who should have to wear Hello Kitties on her face daily for the next year for giving my wife such an idea and thinking for even an instant that something good could come out of sending me something like this…

So what does this gadget do? Who the hell knows…apparently by pressing it against your face, it is able to directly measure the state of your skin by analyzing your skin’s moisture content, oil content and sun damage. Since this would seem incredibly ridiculous to even someone in an insane asylum, my bet is that it really sends beams of Hello Kitties under your skin to infect you with a Hello Kitty virus that Sanrio has developed to get you to buy more Hello Kitty junk. That, or send huge amounts of electricity into the brain to fry it to the point that you actually think that Hello Kitty is cute.

Even the employees at Sanrio believe they may have taken all this Hello Kitty crap a step to far. Realizing that this gadget doesn’t make any sense at all, it appears that at least one employee had a twinge of conscience and added a clock to it (they call the gadget a “Hello Kitty beauty clock”), so that it actually has one function which makes sense to anyone who isn’t a Hello Kitty fanatic.

Of course, none of this makes any difference to my wife. It’s a cute Hello Kitty gadget which she can add to her collection for a mere $25, use and pretend that somehow Hello Kitty understands how her skin is doing on a daily basis. Or in other words, she has ensured that Hello Kitty Hell continues to get worse on a daily basis…

While I’m sure that seeing such a sight would send a Hello Kitty fanatic into a tizzy (based upon my wife’s reaction from simply seeing the photo), I think I can pretty much speak for the rest of us in saying that bringing S&M Hello Kitty headed models to real life is probably the best way to get everyone to run as far away from the store as possible while they relieve their stomach of the last meal they had eaten.

And while anything Hello Kitty that comes into my life is something of great concern, the fact that Hello Kitty seems to be emphasizing the Hello Kittification of men on a more regular basis is definitely not a good sign for all of us poor souls that live in Hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in by Maggie who should have to date the Hello Kitty MAC model in full costume as punishment for ever thinking for an instant that sending me this photo could be a good idea…

While there are far too many things that are truly disturbing about the video than I care to write about here, I guess the biggest question is why didn’t they simply film the entire video in the Hello Kitty S & M Love Hotel Room since that is definitely the proper place for those Hello Kitty guys.

Of course, my wife found the entire video “sexy and fun” — words that actually scared me more than watching the video because I could see a glint in her eye as she tries to figure out how to get me to wear one of those Hello Kitty costumes in the video. See, things can always get worse in Hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in and left in comments by far too many people that seriously want me to have nightmares for the rest of my life. May you all get trapped in the video for even thinking for an instance that making me aware of its existence could ever be a good idea…

Now, in most instances Hello Kitty make-up wouldn’t be something that would get me in much of a Hello Kitty Hell tizzy since the truth is that on the scale of Hello Kitty Hell, cosmetics usually rank pretty low on the list of things that torture me. When that Hello Kitty cosmetic line runs over $1000 ($1,179.50) for everything in it and I know my wife will be getting it all, there is definitely a reason that I don’t want to talk about it. Of course, that’s not including any of the replacements which will be anything that she actually uses even once, so I figure it’s pretty much a done deal that she will buy at least 2 of everything. Or the fact that I’ll have to listen to how wonderful all this make-up is for the following 2 months after it’s released. Yep, one more of the joys to look forward to living in hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in by far, far too many people for far, far too many days in a row for the world to be a healthy place. All of you should be forced to buy this crap and not use it (keep it for your collection like my wife) for thinking that in any way, shape, or form sending this information to me could ever result in anything good in the world…

This is what ended up in my email:

Hey poor guy who has to live with a Hello Kitty fanatic that will probably be me one day and my husband will be just like you! Guess what I did?

My boyfriend cut my hair into a Mohawk for me so I bleached out the sides, dyed them pink, and stencilled Hello Kitty on them in black! It’s super exciting and it’s still my real hair currently and probably will be for a while.

This would be bad enough if my wife wanted to do it to herself, but upon seeing this and realising that her hair is black and mine isn’t, she somehow instantly thought that this would be a good project to perform on me. While I’m willing to put up with a lot of Hello Kitty crap, having Hello Kitty dyed into my hair is not on that list.

wife: “Come on, it will be fun!” (with the Hello Kitty squeal in her voice that is supposed to denote cuteness, but in reality only confirms the true depth of Hello Kitty Hell I live in)

me: silence (trying to be as calm as any sane person can be when someone is telling you that dying Hello Kitty into your hair would be something fun to do)

wife: “You’re lucky that you have light hair so you can do it. I wish I could…”

me: silence (trying my best not to contort my facial expressions to give away the pure absurdity of the comment)

wife: “Are you going to just sit there and not say anything?

me: Knowing that I should remain silent, but not being able to control the urge to say “and I suppose that you would also think it is a good idea for me to shave Hello Kitty into my hair as well…”

wife: Eyes brighten. “That’s a wonderful idea!”

me: Still not knowing when to keep my mouth shut: “I was being sarcastic…”

wife: “Why can’t you ever be serious when we talk about Hello Kitty. I’m trying to have a Hello Kitty moment with you.”

me: Head off to the closet to get the Hello Kitty sleeping bag

There are certain instances when you live in Hello Kitty Hell when it’s just better to take the medicine long before it gets to the point where you know it will eventually end up. When a Hello Kitty fanatic tells you that they want to “have a Hello Kitty moment with you,” that’s pretty much a clue that no matter how bad you thought a conversation was going to end when it first started, it will end up 1000 times worse if you let it continue…and simply knowing this fact is a true sign that you live in Hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in by Lucifer-Ann who should not only have to have Hello Kitty dyed in her hair for the rest of her life, but also have Hello Kitty shaved into the side of her head for thinking that for even an instant that sending me a photo like this could result in anything but me sleeping on the couch…