Hello Kitty Hell » Hello Kitty Fashion

Hello Kitty Coat

Hello Kitty Hell — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 16:17:56 +0000

What is it with Hello Kitty fanatics and Hello Kitty plush fashion? Seriously, it’s one of the most disturbing trends for the simple fact that someone with absolutely no fashion sense can look at it and know instantly that they would never be caught dead in something like that. It’s bad enough that these types of outfits actually make their way onto the runway or are produced for special occasions (or worn by people that should never be let out of the house), but for someone to feel that it’s OK to wear a Hello Kitty plush coat as normal everyday wear?

My wife somehow sees that this as a good thing (how the Hello Kitty fanatic mind works I will never understand) and a perfect way to be surrounded by Hello Kitty plushies all day without having to carry them around.

I, on the other hand, find it’s truly a sad day in the fashion world when a large, overweight guy living in a foreign land and absolutely no interest in fashion in any way shape or form — and is only involved in it due to the unfortunate fact that he lives in Hello Kitty Hell — has to let those in the fashion industry know that simply pinning on a lot of Hello Kitty plush to an outfit is not only ridiculously stupid fashion sense, it’s been done so many times that it can’t even be considered edgy or inspired. When I feel there is a more pressing need for me to comment on fashion rather than sit down in front of the TV with a non-Hello Kitty beer and non-Hello Kitty pizza, you know that there is something seriously amiss in the world and that Hello Kitty Hell has just gotten a bit worse…

Sent in by dori who should be forced to wear Hello Kitty plush outfits every day for the rest of her life for ever thinking that sending me this photo could be a good idea.

Hello Kitty Swine Flu Mask

Hello Kitty Hell — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 19:01:33 +0000

Apparently the evil feline wants us to believe that flu masks adorned with her image are more than just fashion statements and are actually something you would want to wear to help prevent swine flu. While Hello Kitty fanatics may be willing to place their health in the hands of Hello Kitty products, (as I have stated before, I solve this problem by never getting colds) my experience is that Hello Kitty doesn’t always produce the best quality merchandise out there…just saying.

KamikazeH20mln (via womensday)

Hello Kitty Latex Fashion Show

Hello Kitty Hell — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 07:01:08 +0000

I knew that I would regret posting the Hello Kitty handbag fashion show video. As soon as the video was posted, other Hello Kitty fashion show videos started appearing in my email box (to my disgust, but to the delight of my wife). Among these was a Hello Kitty latex fashion show (possibly nsfw)…

As much as Hello Kitty claims that she isn’t about sex, the evidence (the thinly disguised Hello Kitty vibrator, the recent MAC make-up promotions and the Hello Kitty bondage hotel to name just a few examples) points to the contrary and it’s pretty obvious that if the evil feline thinks that it will sell, she is all for it. That, in turn, means that I have a lot more Hello Kitty Hell to look forward to…

Sent in by yelpkh who should have to watch this video over and over as punishment for ever thinking that sending it to me would be a good idea…

Hello Kitty Bloodfest

Hello Kitty Hell — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 19:01:10 +0000

There are some things about Hello Kitty fanatics I just don’t want to know. Apparently there is a a rave called Bloodfest where “the Infamous Boom Boom does his blood bath performance which is basically simulated sex in a tub full of blood and bones.” This year Boom Boom incorporated the below Hello Kitty plush into the act and for your sanity, I’ll leave out the details of what he did. While this certainly sounds like the crowd where the evil feline belongs, feel free not to share these stories with me in the future:

Sent in by Hello Kizee

Hello Kitty Beauty Pageant

Hello Kitty Hell — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 07:01:16 +0000

The thing that I fear most in Hello Kitty Hell is when my wife and I have kids. It’s an absolutely no win situation, fist and foremost, because she will want to have the baby conceived in a Hello Kitty bondage room and delivered in a Hello Kitty maternity ward. If it’s a baby boy, he’s going to have to grow up dealing with Hello Kitty all around. If it’s a baby girl, well, suffice to say that all Hello Kitty Hell will break loose and my current situation will seem mild by comparison. That’s because things like Hello Kitty beauty pageants for kids exist:

When my wife saw this photo, she thought it was adorable and didn’t hesitate to inform me that when we have a little girl, she will participate in Hello Kitty beauty pageants. Maybe those Hello Kitty condoms aren’t such a bad idea after all…

Left by Kristen on facebook who should have to attend daily Hello Kitty beauty pageants for the rest of her life as punishment for letting my wife know that these exist and ensuring the depths of Hello Kitty hell increase when we have children…

Hello Kitty Three Apples Fashion

Hello Kitty Hell — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 16:08:11 +0000

A few more reasons that my sanity is happy that I was able to avoid the entire Three Apples art exhibit and 35th anniversary celebration in person — There was no doubt that the Hello Kitty fanatics would be out in droves with their corresponding hideous Hello Kitty fashion outfits:

Left on twitter by aminerat (via laweekly)

Hello Kitty Sid Vicious Sex Pistols Mural

Hello Kitty Hell — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 18:14:38 +0000

The evil feline has no shame. It was obvious that the entire Three Apples 35th Anniversary celebration was going to be Pepto Bismol pink Hell from the beginning, and the appearance of Paris Hilton made things that much worse. Now that photos from the event are being sent to me left and right (seriously folks, I’ve already seen far more than I ever want to see of this event), this travesty shows that Hello Kitty will try to brand herself to absolutely anything — there is no other explanation for the Hello Kitty Sid Vicious mural:

When I nearly fell out of my chair in disgust upon seeing this, my wife asked me what the problem was. I explained that they had painted Sid Vicious of the Sex Pistols wearing Hello Kitty to which she replied: “Who is Sid Vicious and what are the Sex Pistols?”

As I explained, a tear of hopelessness dropped from the corner of my eye knowing that all is not right in the world when my wife’s first introduction to the Sex Pistols is through Hello Kitty. That, my friends, is true Hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in by David who should have to spend the rest of his days apologizing to all Sex Pistol fans as punishment for making a grown man cry and for ever thinking that sending this to me could be a good idea…

Hello Kitty Paris Hilton Three Apples

Hello Kitty Hell — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 16:15:27 +0000

As if there weren’t already 100 reasons not to attend the Three Apples Hello Kitty 35th Anniversary ~~gala~~ torture chamber, the fact that Paris Hilton showed up pretty much ensured that the whole event would have been unbearably painful:

Of course, this news made my wife all the more disappointed that we would not attend (someone up there has actually decided to look down kindly on me and spare me from this hellish event — it’s not often I get a reprieve in Hello Kitty Hell and can be thankful). In the Hello Kitty fanatics mind, when celebrities endorse the evil feline, this somehow makes her more legitimate and she thinks this will in some way sway me of my opinion. Unfortunately, my wife doesn’t understand that Paris Hilton usually has the exact opposite effect on most people, which goes to show why Hello Kitty and Paris Hilton are so right for each other — and why I will continue to live in Hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in by greta who should have to spend all her time listening to Hello Kitty and Paris Hilton songs as punishment for ever thinking it would be a good idea to send this to me and getting my wife on the whole “I’m so disappointed we couldn’t go” theme which I will have to listen to for the rest of the week…

Hello Kitty Handbag Fashion Show

Hello Kitty Hell — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 17:50:56 +0000

I have no doubt that having to sit through a Hello Kitty fashion show would constitute torture to any civilized nation and most people would consider the death penalty appropriate for anyone that actually put one on (miraculously, this is one experience I have yet to endure although my wife still has it on the top of her list of things to do). The fact that they now have fashion shows exclusively for Hello Kitty handbags pretty much shows that the world is in far worse dire straights than anyone imagined:

While I am ready to tear out my eyes before the first minute of the video has finished, my wife can watch any Hello Kitty fashion video 100 times and still find it interesting the 101st. The fact that I can’t tell the subtleties of shade of color or type of Hello Kitty face that adorns the handbags only frustrates my wife as she tries to explain and I stand there like a brick wall unable to absorb any of it (not that I would ever care to absorb it). Apparently I fail to understand how a handbag can make an outfit which will certainly lead to more Hello Kitty Hell in my life…

Sent in by patricia who should have to watch this video time and again with my wife instead of me as punishment for ever thinking it would ever be a good idea to send it to me…

Hello Kitty Burqa

Hello Kitty Hell — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 18:08:37 +0000

In yet another example that this Hello Kitty 35th anniversary celebration has gone way past the point of sanity, Sanrio invited Portuguese fashion designer Maria Gambina to create a unique fashion piece – the results being the Hello Kitty burqa:

Of course my wife thinks that this is an important fashion statement because “everyone should be able to wear Hello Kitty outfits if they want.” I, on the other hand, see it as yet another example that the evil feline line will go absolutely anywhere in the attempt to make a few extra bucks and has no problem co-opting any religion in doing so. In fact, I have no doubt that Hello Kitty’s plan is to meld all the religions of the world together through Hello Kittification so that we all worship her. Just one more step toward global Hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in by Crocadila (via ebay) who should have to wear a Hello Kitty burqu for the rest of her life as punishment for ever thinking that it would be a good idea to send this to me.