Hello Kitty Hell

The problem with living in Hello Kitty Hell is that there isn’t a season that is safe. The Hello Kitty bikini ensures that I have absolutely no desire for summer to arrive, but then things like Hello Kitty ear muffs (almost as bad as the Hello Kitty hat and mittens) get sent to me and [...]

You knew it was simply a matter of time. With Hello Kitty retainers and Hello Kitty braces was there ever really any doubt? I even mentioned it when the Hello Kitty tooth came to my attention that it it was inevitable that at some point there would be a Hello Kitty grill:

When you live in Hello Kitty Hell, you always have to be extra careful what you wish for. I was imagining how it would be absolutely wonderful when winter is over and the warm weather is once again upon us. Then this Hello Kitty bikini monstrosity landed in my email proving that exile to Antarctica [...]

When it comes to Hello Kitty fanatics, you can be pretty sure that their unfortunate obsession includes shoes. It doesn’t matter if they are Hello Kitty Reeboks, Hello Kitty Nikes, Hello Kitty Asics or the infamous Hello Kitty Converse (seriously folks, over 300 comments mostly from fanatics whining) — and that is not to mention [...]

Hello Kitty has already started producing Hello Kitty mind altering chemicals (Yes, she also makes this and this which is what probably first came to mind when I mentioned mind altering chemicals), so it makes perfect sense that they would want to profit from this by selling Hello Kitty gas masks as well:

Every time it gets to the point where I believe that things can never get worse, the evil feline makes sure to let me know that Hello Kitty Hell can always get worse. It is distressing (and more than a little disturbing) that I still have people asking me where they can find Hello Kitty [...]

You know it’s going to be an extraordinarily terrible holiday season when it begins with Hello Kitty nails being made worse than all the examples already out there (something that any normal person would assume would be impossible). Then again, one thing I have learned over the years is to never underestimate how bad Hello [...]

This is exactly how my wife thinks all women should dress (seriously) and why she looks forward to Halloween so much. It certainly doesn’t help that she is a huge Rie Miyazawa fan as well which means I have to watch this commercial over and over and over again.

Apparently there is a rumor going around that Hello Kitty was created as a result of a pact with the devil. While I would like to claim that this idea was mine (hey, I live in Hello Kitty Hell), it turns out that this episode is far more sinister: The story is how Hello Kitty [...]

You probably believe that when the end of the world arrives, things are going to get bad. What you don’t realise is just how bad that may be. I have no doubt this is exactly what you will see staring at you — and you will instantly know that there is no hope.

Proof positive that a meme has gone way to far is when the evil feline thinks it’s a good idea to be part of it:

It is already well established that Hello Kitty fanatics love their claws. One would assume seeing that sampling of what Hello Kitty fanatics are willing to do to their nails pretty much sums up the worst of the worst, but that would be highly underestimating Hello Kitty fanatics. Case in point: the Hello Kitty pedicure:

It’s when I get emails like this that I fear for the future generations of the human race. There really should be a rule at every college that if you feel that Hello Kitty should be on your graduation cap when you are about to graduate, you forfeit your degree and have to begin your [...]

Hello Kitty on anything is a disaster in itself. Give that Hello Kitty item to a celebrity and that disaster only amplifies untold times. Kelly Clarkson x Hello Kitty is a perfect example. I’m not sure what I find more disturbing — the fact that a Hello Kitty garter belt exists or that Kelly Clarkson [...]

The issue with Hello Kitty baby stuff is that there is actually some unfortunate baby in the world that has to wear and be surrounded by it because, for some unfathomable reason, the parent worshipping the evil feline thinks that it is cute. Now, this baby will likely seek unimaginable revenge upon the offending parent [...]

There really should be a law that prohibits the combination of Hello Kitty and rings which should have been evident from the Hello Kitty wedding rings. Of course, the evil feline would never let the horror stop there. Case in point — another hideous left-over from the Three Apples event which should obviously die a [...]

It was bound to happen. When there were already Hello Kitty Converse high tops, Hello Kitty Reeboks, Hello Kitty Asics (even Hello Kitty bowling shoes), you knew that Hello Kitty would make sure to dig her claws nice and deep into Nike:

Seriously, if my wife ever is able to convince me to go out in an outfit like this, just shoot me. Sometimes there is nothing more to say.

Wars? The economy? Global warming? You would think that the President of the United States would have enough worries on his plate these days with all the current crisis that exist, but things just got a whole lot worse for him and he probably doesn’t even know it. The evil feline has set her sights [...]

One would assume that it would be difficult to make anything worse than the Hello Kitty head that has tormented cats (even dead ones), dogs (including those doubly unfortunate enough to belong to Perez Hilton), babies and those related to fanatics who somehow feel this is cute. On a similar note, it would seem nearly [...]