Hello Kitty Hell » Hello Kitty Food

Hello Kitty Brains

Hello Kitty Hell — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 22:57:49 +0000

What do you get the Hello Kitty fanatic in your life for Valentine’s Day? Apparently, the evil feline knows exactly what her fanatical followers want — to devour her brains:

Of course, my wife could care less what this may appear to look like to others. She hears Hello Kitty x chocolate and she wants it without question.

This makes perfect sense. Hello Kitty fanatics are already zombie like in their devotion to the Sanrio character, so them wanting to eat her brains is obvious. Hello Kitty, of course, wants her followers to eat her brains so that they continue to be zombie followers of her quest to take over the world. The worst part is that Hello Kitty gathering her legions of Hello Kitty zombie fanatics to eat her brains on Valentine’s Day to wreak havoc on the world pretty much makes for the best case scenario of what will happen on Valentine’s Day when you live in Hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in by Harriet, who should have to spend the rest of the year eating Hello Kitty brains as punishment for helping to guarantee that my Valentine’s Day will likely turn into a Hello Kitty Hellish zombie attack from which I will never be able to escape…

Hello Kitty Seaweed

Hello Kitty Hell — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 18:45:06 +0000

Hello Kitty continues her quest to make sure nobody ever wants to eat again (or at least immeasurably suffer when it comes to eating food). Apparently being able to punch faces of Hello Kitty out of seaweed isn’t enough for the evil feline. For those that feel that it is too much effort to punch Hello Kitty’s face (oh how that would be so much better of a sentence if it was being used in a different context), you can now actually buy seaweed that has Hello Kitty on it:

Sent in by Peter

Hello Kitty Chocolate Covered Macadamia Nuts

Hello Kitty Hell — Tue, 19 Jan 2010 15:00:45 +0000

If there was ever really any doubt, it has now been confirmed. Hawaii has officially become an extended island of Japan and has succumbed to ownership of the evil feline (can the rest of the world really be that far behind?). Introducing Hello Kitty Hawaiian chocolate covered macadamia nuts:

Sent in by kerri

Hello Kitty Soldier Cake

Hello Kitty Hell — Wed, 30 Dec 2009 00:26:27 +0000

What should you get a soldier on his birthday? Apparently some people think that a Hello Kitty birthday cake with the evil feline in full combat uniform holding a machine gun is the way to go. Of course, this would include the words that Hello Kitty would undoubtedly be barking out to soldiers in the field if she were in command: “Guts & Drive!”

Sent in by HK Guy (via Artisan Cakes by e.t. – photo used with permission)

Hello Kitty Bees Commit Harakiri In Protest

Hello Kitty Hell — Sun, 20 Dec 2009 04:50:18 +0000

It seems that the Hello Kitty beehive bees succumbed to the humiliation of having to be known as the Hello Kitty bees. At the time, Bill Bird was confused about why his bees were swarming even though the evidence was obvious as I explained:

The answer is simple. You’re making the bees live in a freaking pink Hello Kitty bee hive and they figured it out. It would make anybody angry and want to swarm. Of course, as anyone that would think it was a good idea to build a Hello Kitty bee hive in the first place, they try to rationalize the new found aggressiveness of the bees to something else.

Well, it seems that the Bird family failed to calm the bees by painting over the offending beehive opting instead of thinking about giving my wife Hello Kitty Hive honey instead:

Let’s just say I owe those fine folks at Hello Kitty Hell a bottle or two of Hello Kitty Hive honey, which will hopefully be available next year. I imagine the folks that actually license “Hello Kitty” will jump into the honey line as well. I can’t blame them. When you’ve got a hit like Hello Kitty on your hands — you take advantage of it.

Realizing what was not only in store for them (a lifetime of living in a Hello Kitty Hive), but also their honey (being given to Hello Kitty fanatics as Hello Kitty Hive honey), it was all just too much. They did what any self respecting bee in such a position would do. They committed suicide to spare themselves the shame of having to live in Hello Kitty Hell.

My advice to the Bird family is to turn the Hello Kitty hive into an anti-Hello Kitty hive. Not only will the bees not commit suicide, there is a good chance that bees will be fighting for the use of the hive.

Hello Kitty Advent Calendar

Hello Kitty Hell — Sun, 20 Dec 2009 00:11:31 +0000

I have no doubt that this was created to make sure that the significant other of every Hello Kitty fanatic suffers intolerable agony on a daily basis for the entire month of December as he has to listen each morning to the excited, high pitch squeals of joy about how cute that day’s chocolate blob of feline evilness is. Just saying from my own experience…

Sent in by Kiki

Update You knew that there could never just be one and that I would continue getting Hello Kitty Christmas crap after Christmas was long over…

Sent in by hellokitty_luver

Hello Kitty Thanksgiving Turkey

Hello Kitty Hell — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 22:04:31 +0000

The Hello Kitty turkey was bad, but to take it to a literal level is something only a Hello Kitty fanatic would do — and of course, one did. This is why you never want to have Thanksgiving with anyone that loves the evil feline, and I can say that I am extremely thankful that I live in Japan where they don’t celebrate this holiday. Otherwise, I would probably also have to deal with something like the Hello Kitty Thanksgiving turkey:

The only positive thing about this is that anyone who sees this abomination will instantly be much more thankful in several orders of magnitude for not having to dine on something like ths and not living in Hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in by sheena who has already proven by doing this that there is no hope for her no matter what type of punishment I wish to dispense…

Hello Kitty Sandwich Bag Mod – Fellow Kitty

Hello Kitty Hell — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 19:38:34 +0000

What happens if you are a male in a Hello Kitty dominated family? You get stuck having to use things covered with the evil feline through no fault of your own which can be especially traumatizing when you are only in the third grade. Even when the Hello Kitty fanatics try to edit it to alleviate some of the embarrassment, it still ends up being pretty pathetic — like this “Fellow Kitty” sandwich bag. I feel for the poor kid because things are only going to get worse…

Sent in by Joann

Hello Kitty Gumball Machine

Hello Kitty Hell — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 16:56:29 +0000

I’ve seen a number of Hello Kitty gumball machines through the years and my wife always insists on getting a gumball out of them as if a Hello Kitty gumball machine will somehow make the gumball taste any better. I, on the other hand, simply see Hello Kitty gumball machines as a way for the evil feline to get me to put something in my mouth that she just vomited up…

Sent in by flora

Hello Kitty Nori Cutter

Hello Kitty Hell — Sun, 11 Oct 2009 17:18:29 +0000

My wife absolutely loves her mini collection of Hello Kitty nori (seaweed) cutters and uses them way too often. What they mean for me is that the evil feline ends up staring back at me on virtually every meal that I’m served and there is nothing that will ruin a meal faster than having Hello Kitty staring back at you…

Left in the comments by rachaelwrites