Hello Kitty Hell » Hello Kitty Food

Hello Kitty Sandwich Bag Mod – Fellow Kitty

Hello Kitty Hell — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 19:38:34 +0000

What happens if you are a male in a Hello Kitty dominated family? You get stuck having to use things covered with the evil feline through no fault of your own which can be especially traumatizing when you are only in the third grade. Even when the Hello Kitty fanatics try to edit it to alleviate some of the embarrassment, it still ends up being pretty pathetic — like this “Fellow Kitty” sandwich bag. I feel for the poor kid because things are only going to get worse…

Sent in by Joann

Hello Kitty Gumball Machine

Hello Kitty Hell — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 16:56:29 +0000

I’ve seen a number of Hello Kitty gumball machines through the years and my wife always insists on getting a gumball out of them as if a Hello Kitty gumball machine will somehow make the gumball taste any better. I, on the other hand, simply see Hello Kitty gumball machines as a way for the evil feline to get me to put something in my mouth that she just vomited up…

Sent in by flora

Hello Kitty Nori Cutter

Hello Kitty Hell — Sun, 11 Oct 2009 17:18:29 +0000

My wife absolutely loves her mini collection of Hello Kitty nori (seaweed) cutters and uses them way too often. What they mean for me is that the evil feline ends up staring back at me on virtually every meal that I’m served and there is nothing that will ruin a meal faster than having Hello Kitty staring back at you…

Left in the comments by rachaelwrites

Hello Kitty Weekly Photo Dump

Hello Kitty Hell — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 07:01:40 +0000

Here’s this week’s Hello Kitty photo dump of photos sent in that didn’t make the front page of this blog:

Hello Kitty Uterus Plush
Hello Kitty Guitar Meow!
Hello Kitty Jelly Belly Jelly Beans
Hello Kitty Cat Litter
Hello Kitty Asics Shoes
Hello Kitty MP3 Player

And a few photo post updates:

Hello Kitty Darth Vader
Hello Kitty Coffee Maker
Hello Kitty Computer Keyboard
Hello Kitty Stormtrooper Tattoo

Hello Kitty Worst of and Weekly Photo Dump

Hello Kitty Hell — Sat, 12 Sep 2009 07:01:46 +0000

I received the following question in my email the other day:

What are the worst Hello Kitty products out there?

“Everything?” would be my immediate response. That being said, many of the things that I personally find horrifying never seemed to raise much of a ruckus among the readers here and the Hello Kitty fanatics — well, let’s not even go there. I guess my life has become so Hello Kittified that I have a hard time distinguishing between Hello Kitty bad, Hello Kitty worse and Hello Kitty worst. So here’s a challenge/question – what are the top three worst Hello Kitty items I have listed on this blog (yes, I know there are a number of items even worse that I have not listed, but I try to keep this blog semi family safe) and why do you think so?

I’m hoping that some of you will be able to put together a rational explanation that I can give to my wife to show her that some of this crap is downright crazy — all while not getting me sent to the couch in the Hello Kitty sleeping bag for the rest of the month. Yeah, I know. It isn’t going to work, but I have found that deluding myself that there is hope of one day escaping from Hello Kitty Hell makes the Hello Kitty toast and coffee go down easier in the morning…

Here’s this week’s Hello Kitty photo dump:

Hello Kitty DragonCon Pasties Nightmare
Hello Kitty Birthday Party
Hello Kitty Minivan
Hello Kitty 35th Anniversary Laptop
Hello Kitty Robot
Hello Kitty Bed
Hello Kitty Rain Boots
Hello Kitty Knife
Hello Kitty Pink Room
Hello Kitty Cutting Board
Hello Kitty Mascot Costumes

And a few photo post updates:

Hello Kitty Bra Shop
Hello Kitty Anime
Hello Kitty Bar
Hello Kitty sandwich

Hello Kitty Bee Hive

Hello Kitty Hell — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 07:01:01 +0000

There is something about animals that know when they have been wronged. Just take a look at these cats and you know they are going to be seeking revenge on their owner the first chance that they get. So anyone that thought it would be a good idea to build a Hello Kitty bee hive should have known that the bees would revolt:

Here’s the story:

I first noticed this change (to our Hello Kitty bee hive)about two or three weeks ago when I was going about the normal routine of changing out the sugar water feeder. The hive has now settled down to a normal routine of going through one or two pints of sugar water per day. They never gave me trouble for the simple act of picking up an empty jar and returning with a full jar a few minutes later.

That was — until the other day. When I completed the quite normal task of retrieving the empty pint jar I suddenly found myself in a cloud of angry buggers, angrily buzzing around my head. But that’s not all.

One of them landed directly on my temple and stung me. I was shocked as I coughed and ran from the hive at the same time — doing my best to avoid the bees who were flying after me. This had simply never happened before. I had been stung a couple of times for the act of removing burr comb buildup from inside the hive — but that’s normal. The bees thought we were destroying their home — and reacted in a way that insects will react to intruders: defend the hive.

But in this case? I wasn’t attacking. I was merely retrieving the sugar water jar from the feeder at the base of the hive as I’d done daily all summer long. They had never bothered me before. Why now?

The answer is simple. You’re making the bees live in a freaking pink Hello Kitty bee hive and they figured it out. It would make anybody angry and want to swarm. Of course, as anyone that would think it was a good idea to build a Hello Kitty bee hive in the first place, they try to rationalize the new found aggressiveness of the bees to something else.

My wife, on the other hand, thinks the Hello Kitty bee hive is a great idea. Although she didn’t come right out and say it, it’s as though she thinks that bees kept in a Hello Kitty hive will produce a garden full of Hello Kitty flowers, or somehow turn the surrounding fields into Hello Kitty. One more thing to worry about (for me and the bees) in Hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in by marybeth (via Sacramento Gardening – warning, music will start playing so turn down your sound) who deserves to have swarms of Hello Kitty hived bees swarm her as punishment for ever giving my wife the idea of something a sinister as a Hello Kitty bee hive…

Hello Kitty Toaster

Hello Kitty Hell — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 07:01:51 +0000

I have absolutely no idea why the Hello Kitty toaster is such a popular appliance with Hello Kitty fanatics (quit sending photos of it to me!). There really is nothing that’s more dreadful than having Hello Kitty staring back at you in the morning when you still aren’t awake, especially when it is accompanied by a squeal of “how cute it is” when it is placed before you.

I’ve been avoiding writing anything about it simply because having to stare at Hello Kitty toast each morning pretty much is the limit anyone can take in regards to thinking about it each day:

Of course, when you live in Hello Kitty Hell, having a single Hello Kitty toaster isn’t enough. It seems that for the Hello Kitty fanatic, it’s important to have a choice of what type of Hello Kitty toast is staring back at you each morning (no joke):

A warning to all people out there: If your significant other decides that a Hello Kitty toaster is a cute addition to your kitchen, you know that it’s time to get out of the kitchen (and the entire relationship). Either that, or you can join me in Hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in by far too many people (it’s up, stop sending it) who should have to wake up to Hello Kitty toast each morning for the rest of their lives as punishment for ever thinking that sending me anything that requires me to look at Hello Kitty in the morning would be a good idea…

Hello Kitty Spam Sushi

Hello Kitty Hell — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 07:01:33 +0000

There are certainly enough Hello Kitty goods to make anyone instantly say wtf. In fact, they are so plentiful that most people would assume that Hello Kitty must have exhausted her wtf quota, but this assumption would leave you sorely mistaken. There really isn’t any other way to react to the fact that Hello Kitty Spam sushi exists:

Gently reach for your chin, slowly push it up and close that dropped jaw. Once your mouth is closed, take both hands and place them on either side of your head to stop it from shaking back and forth. Next, get a glass of water and some stomach antacid to try to control the gag reflex and building stomach uneasiness. If a toilet is not nearby, placing a bucket by your side is probably a good idea. Try to avoid thinking about what you just saw. If this is impossible, repeat the process from the beginning again.

Seriously, it’s simply impossible to make this stuff up…

Sent in by anna who should have to eat Hello Kitty Spam sushi on a daily basis for the rest of her life as punishment for ever thinking that letting me know that something like this exists would be a good idea…

Hello Kitty Sandwich

Hello Kitty Hell — Sat, 15 Aug 2009 07:01:04 +0000

I hate it when Hello Kitty photos ends up in my email box, but they always take on a bit more severity when that photo is of Hello Kitty food. Case in point, the Hello Kitty sandwich:

Now many people that do not live in Hello Kitty Hell are looking at this and saying to themselves that on the scale of Hello Kitty Hellishness, there is far worse Hello Kitty crap that has appeared on this blog. What they fail to understand is that it’s often these seemingly benign images of the evil feline that wreak the most damage.

My wife loves this idea of a Hello Kitty sandwich and that is always a bad sign of what is to come. While those of you viewing this blog only have to see this one photo, it has now been ordained by the evil feline that this is exactly what will be staring back at me for the next month when I go to eat my lunch. Just one more thing to deepen the depths of Hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in by tanya (via Funky Lunch) who should be forced to eat Hello Kitty sandwiches for the rest of the year as her only nutrition as punishment for ever thinking that sending something like this to me would produce anything positive…

Update: Not surprisingly, some of the other Hello Kitty fanatics had to try and make my life even more of a Hello Kitty Hell and send me their own versions:

Sent in by alissa

Hello Kitty Jello

Hello Kitty Hell — Mon, 27 Jul 2009 07:01:46 +0000

I try to avoid showing any Hello Kitty food to my wife because when photos of it end up in my email, three incredibly tortuous things happen. It goes without saying that I have to hear about how cute the Hello Kitty food item is for the next week. During that time I’m under constant threat that my wife will actually try to make the Hello Kitty food item in question which will mean that I will have to eat it. Then there is the whole “only Hello Kitty food diet” that inevitably comes back to life that my wife still believes would be a good idea. With this in mind, I jumped back in fear when the Hello Kitty Jello landed in my email:

It’s one thing to have to eat nauseatingly pink Hello Kitty food, but since this food looks identical to the Pepto Bismol that I am forced to chug immediately after consuming the pink food in question, my eyes have come to view pink going into my mouth as an extreme relief 75% of the time (it usually takes a number of Pepto Bismol swigs over the day to counteract each pink Hello Kitty food).

Not only does this evil feline Jello have the nuclear blue glow, it also resembles a Hello Kitty zombie that threatens to eat me from the inside out. Either way, they both would be much too powerful for the Pepto Bismol to overcome (not to mention that vast amount of eye drops I already need due to the sting the mere sight has already caused) and guarantee that I’m physically ill for an extended period of time. Then again, constant painful assaults on the senses is a daily routine when you live in Hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in by maria who should have to eat Jello (in various nuclear induced colors) for the next year for ever thinking that anything good could ever possibly come from sending this to me…