My wife thinks that a Hello Kitty wheelchair will make people heal faster. She may have a point. I would imagine that anyone would do whatever needed to be done (including miraculously healing themselves) to get out of one of those things as quickly as possible…

Sent in by Chrissy who should have to use one of those for the rest of her life as punishment for ever thinking that I needed more reason to stay out of hospitals…

The delusion that I would not meet the evil feline even in the emergency room was soon shattered. While I managed to avoid the Hello Kitty blood pressure gauge, I wasn’t so lucky when it came to what the nurse that did the initial screening wore when checking me into the emergency room – Hello Kitty scrubs:

As soon as my wife saw the scrubs, she was instantly more interested in them than my health and more concerned where she could get them that whether or not I was going to die. As the nurse tried to get vital information that might determine whether I lived or died, my wife peppered her with questions of where she could obtain such a “cute and wonderful uniform.”

The nurse, being the true professional that she was, not only was happy to engage in a fifteen minute conversation with my wife about all the different patterns of Hello Kitty scrubs that exist, but also gave her information on how she could purchase them. The only positive thing about the entire process was that the nurse didn’t manage to leave a Hello Kitty bruise on my arm when she drew my blood (something my wife was rooting for) and the fact that I now have a reason never to get sick again in my life…

My wife simply doesn’t understand why someone would ever want to do something like that to Hello Kitty. When she asked me why, I did what any self preserving man who lived in Hello Kitty Hell would do. I kept my mouth shut, scrunched my brow a bit to make it look like I was considering her question with deep thought and even placed my hand on my chin for a more dramatic effect. I then shrugged my shoulders as if to say, “I have no idea” while secretly thinking, “who knew that a little shading here and there would bring out the true Hello Kitty?” Hey, at least I’m learning how to stay off the couch and out of the Hello Kitty sleeping bag…

Sent in by krystal who should have to spend the rest of her days marking the heights of kids on Hello Kitty growth charts as punishment for ever thinking that sending this to me would be a good idea…

Is it totally wrong that upon seeing this, I immediately thought that a quick slice with a Hello Kitty knife or Hello Kitty box cutter of one of those Hello Kitty blood vessels would be a wonderful way to make the world a little better? It’s depressing enough that this exists at all, but you know that it’s only a matter of time before someone emails this to me as their new Hello Kitty tattoo…

Sent in by Jason Freeny (via his Moist Production site) who should be forced to show the most expedient ways to kill Hello Kitty as part of this art project as compensation for ever thinking that this was something that I needed to see…

One would assume that the Hello Kitty tooth would make all Hello Kitty fanatics come to their senses and simply admit that Hello Kitty x dentistry will never go together, but once again you would be underestimating the lengths that Hello Kitty will go to get her image on absolutely everything. Thus, the Hello Kitty retainer was born:

Upon seeing this, my wife thought that the entire concept of a Hello Kitty dentist would be a wonderful idea. At one point she even exclaimed, “Wouldn’t Hello Kitty braces be the cutest thing ever?!”

All I could imagine was having Hello Kitty leaning over me with a Hello Kitty dentist drill in her hand with a Hello Kitty drill bit on the end hitting my teeth as the Hello Kitty Novocaine she administered hand no numbing effect. Now that I think about it, that would probably be on par to the pain that Hello Kitty Hell causes me on a daily basis…

Sent in by Tara who has already punished herself more than I could ever imagine wishing upon her by merely thinking that getting a custom made Hello Kitty retainer is something a sane person would do…

Update: One would assume that one such monstrosity would be enough, but of coourse that would go against everything we already know about Hello Kitty:

Sent in by kristen

More Hello Kitty oral fixation…

Sent in by Marisa

KamikazeH20mln (via womensday)

Update: And more people willing to put their health care in the paws of the evil feline:

Sent in by Penina of herself and her friend Dana

Sent in by Sabree

Updated Photos

My wife loves this photo and thinks it shows how “Hello Kitty and fashion can be woven together to make a striking statement.” Those aren’t quite the words I would use to describe this.

I see this woman in a Stephen King novel with a Hello Kitty knife in hand ready to dissect you in hopes she can find something Hello Kitty inside you. Her eyes probably turn into Hello Kitty as she does this.

Sent in by mibby (via Gina T — with more from this photo shoot and others) who should have to have a person like this in the operating room the next time she needs major surgery as punishment for ever thinking that sending this to me would be a good idea…

Sent in by lovemimi

update: For those who wanted to see a close up of the Hello Kitty panty liner boxes (seriously, why the hell does anyone want to see a close-up of Hello Kitty panty liner boxes???)

Sent in by Pinky

While this doctor office lab is only an exhibition in Hong Kong, I have no doubt that Sanrio is already working on making this become a reality. Considering that the evil feline already has a Hello Kitty hospital, a dedicated Hello Kitty maternity ward and Hello Kitty hospital equipment, this really isn’t that far of a stretch for her to move into the doctor’s office? When they exist, I have no doubt that my wife will be taking me there for every little bump and scrape just to make my Hello Kitty Hell that much more hellish…

Sent in by saikori (and far too many others) who should have to have all their medical treatment done in this room as punishment for ever thinking that sending this to me could be a good idea…

My wife loves it (dreamy look on her face: “Isn’t it sweet having Hello Kitty looking at you each morning?”) and uses health as a way of trying to convince me that I need to drink it (wife: “matcha is filled with antioxidants.” Me thinking: “then wouldn’t it immediately destroy Hello Kitty?”) which means I will soon be seeing it in front of me. Add in Hello Kitty eggs, Hello Kitty sausage and Hello Kitty toast and I pretty much have all the reason in the world to end my life that instant to relieve the obvious torture being placed in front of me.

Just to add the final Hello Kitty straw — in case I am able to endure the pain for some unfathomable reason — I’m not a big green tea fan (at least not the matcha thick style) which will ensure that it will go down doubly bitter. That pretty much is a summary of everything in Hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in by norma who should have to drink vast amounts of this bitterness as punishment for ever thinking that showing my wife more ways to Hello Kittify the stuff that we drink could ever result in anything positive…