Hello Kitty Hell

What’s worse than going to a Hello Kitty Hospital to have a baby delivered? Being the baby that is delivered in the Hello Kitty hospital:

When I go to wash my hands, the last thing that I want to see is Hello Kitty. It looks like I will no longer have a choice in the matter with the introduction of Hello Kitty antibacterial soap: I have a very simple question. Is it at all possible to classify Hello Kitty as [...]

It’s bad enough when your girlfriend encourages you to dress up in Hello Kitty stuff (same guy as in the photos below) and humiliate yourself, but you know you’ve reached new depths of horror when you begin to see Hello Kitty even when the evil feline is not there. Case in point – the Hello [...]

The hot and humid days of summer are now in full force in Japan and that means having to deal with all the lovely mosquitoes. If you decide to go on a picnic and hike like we did this past weekend, it makes sense to take mosquito repellent with you. To my regret, I made [...]

The thing about living in Hello Kitty Hell is that you can never make a simple request and not have the evil feline right there to haunt you. You would assume that if you asked your significant other if they could hand you a toothpick, you would get a normal wood toothpick. Not in Hello [...]

When you live in Hello Kitty Hell, one of the worst sounds you can hear is the doorbell. That is because there is a 99% chance that whoever is ringing it is doing so with the intention of adding yet another piece to the ever growing mountain of Hello Kitty crap that has already found [...]

I know that it’s going to be a Hello Kitty Hellish week when my wife comes up to me with a huge smile on her face, her hands behind her back and asks me the dreaded question, “Guess what I have for you?” At that point I usually think that it would be a lot [...]

When things like this arrive in my mailbox, I know that it’s going to be a Hello Kitty Hell week that will not go well. It’s bad enough that I have Hello Kitty living all around me, but the thought just got a whole lot worse – Hello Kitty may actually be living inside me [...]

You know that Hello Kitty has Hello Kittified almost everything when Sanrio starts to place the evil feline on things that you can’t even pronounce like the Hello Kitty aneroid sphygmomanometer:

It seems that on a past Simpson’s episode, Lisa quits smoking using Hello Kitty nicotine patches

While I don’t condone any product displaying the Hello Kitty brand, if I did have to choose one, the Hello Kitty rectal thermometer would certainly be in the running:

I don’t get colds. I refuse. I take extra precautions to the point of obsession. This has absolutely nothing to do with fear of germs or being compulsive about cleanliness, but every thing to do with the torture and humiliation I have to endure if I do ever catch a cold. Thus is was with [...]

In the third installment of the appropriately named Hello Kitty Psycho Test (refer to psycho tests one and psycho test two), Hello Kitty once again delves into my mind to spew out my inner thoughts by asking me which magical mushroom I think is poisonous (which certainly would pin down my psychological standing) while flipping [...]

Just when you think that Hello Kitty can’t possibly appear someplace more inappropriate than where she has already ventured, she once again shows that things can always get worse. It’s not often that I’m sent an e-mail with a Hello Kitty product that I’m not sure if I should despise or love — that is [...]

You knew that they would show up eventually, but who knew they would be in the form of lollipops? Hello Kitty condoms: These are a quite disturbing development for reasons that should be obvious to anyone, but since Hello Kitty fanatics don’t usually follow the rules when it comes to the obvious, I will expound [...]

Because there is absolutely nothing that the evil feline won’t Hello Kittify (and some things that are just too “wtf” for anyone but the people at Sanrio to think of), may I introduce you to the Hello Kitty douche: There are not many Hello Kitty products that leave me speechless, but this is one of [...]

When it comes to Hello Kitty, there aren’t many things that bring a smile to my face, but this was one of them – Hello Kitty coughing up a hairball: I’m not sure why I enjoyed this so much. Maybe it’s because we now know what is truly inside Hello Kitty. Maybe it’s because I [...]

I should know by now that there is no such thing as a normal conversation when you live in Hello Kitty Hell. If the conversation has anything to do with something that might be needed, I will find it at our doorstep a week later in all its Hello Kittiness. That is how the Hello [...]

Okay, if you are walking down the store aisle and looking for a multi vitamin, would you pick Hello Kitty brand? Whenever I see these, I just have to shake my head in wonderment why anyone would purchase them (except for my wife, of course, but that should be quite obvious by now) Maybe it’s [...]

I’m sure there is some underlining reason why Sanrio labels it’s tests as “psycho” in their URLs (hint to Hello Kitty fanatics, it’s a not so subtle message to you). Whatever the reason, Hello Kitty couldn’t stop at just one psycho test, so here is another: Hello Kitty Speculative Fiction Psychology Test My theory is [...]