Hello Kitty Hell » Hello Kitty Holiday

Hello Kitty Brains

Hello Kitty Hell — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 22:57:49 +0000

What do you get the Hello Kitty fanatic in your life for Valentine’s Day? Apparently, the evil feline knows exactly what her fanatical followers want — to devour her brains:

Of course, my wife could care less what this may appear to look like to others. She hears Hello Kitty x chocolate and she wants it without question.

This makes perfect sense. Hello Kitty fanatics are already zombie like in their devotion to the Sanrio character, so them wanting to eat her brains is obvious. Hello Kitty, of course, wants her followers to eat her brains so that they continue to be zombie followers of her quest to take over the world. The worst part is that Hello Kitty gathering her legions of Hello Kitty zombie fanatics to eat her brains on Valentine’s Day to wreak havoc on the world pretty much makes for the best case scenario of what will happen on Valentine’s Day when you live in Hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in by Harriet, who should have to spend the rest of the year eating Hello Kitty brains as punishment for helping to guarantee that my Valentine’s Day will likely turn into a Hello Kitty Hellish zombie attack from which I will never be able to escape…

Hello Kitty Superheroes

Hello Kitty Hell — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 17:17:55 +0000

Seriously, if my wife ever is able to convince me to go out in an outfit like this, just shoot me. Sometimes there is nothing more to say.

Sent in by Amy who should have to dress up like this everyday for the rest of her life as punishment for creating the thought in my wife’s mind that this would be “a cute and wonderful costume” for us to wear next Halloween (I’m moving back to Japan before that happens), and for ever thinking that anything good would come of sending it to me…

Hello Kitty 1974 Finger Costume

Hello Kitty Hell — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 19:50:46 +0000

I have a simple policy of not telling Hello Kitty fanatics where they can get the stuff on this blog. That doesn’t stop those that worship the evil feline from complaining and whining. When they realize that their tantrums have little effect on me, they move onto the next stage of trying to bribe me for the information. One Hello Kitty fanatic was so desperate that she offered to send me naked photos of herself for information on where to get stuff (yeah, like that would go over well with my wife…). The latest of these attempts was this costume — with the claim that this is the best Hello Kitty costume ever:

Once she sent the photo and made the “best Hello Kitty costume ever” claim, she sent another email:

now if you agree; you HAVE 2 tell mi where yu got the hat and mittens from ; so i can wear em @ mi nxt even whn its friggin cold — breeze

The first and most obvious problem here is that it’s impossible to ascertain what the hell she is even trying to say, but that seems to be the signature of many Hello Kitty fans. The second problem is that Hello Kitty fans seem to believe that they can somehow convert me to liking Hello Kitty by trying to make her sexy. This ends up having the exact opposite effect of producing nothing short of nightmare after nightmare. It also doesn’t help to have Hello Kitty directly showing me what she does to me on a daily basis in Hello Kitty Hell.

Given that I live in Hello Kitty Hell, I am obviously more than a bit biased when it comes to judging Hello Kitty costumes. Maybe having viewed life for far too long through Pepto Bismol pink colored sunglasses has made me even more jaded than even I assume I am.

So you be the judge. Is this the best Hello Kitty costume ever and does she deserve to get information that I clearly say that I will not provide?

Hello Kitty Dog Holiday Nightmare

Hello Kitty Hell — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 18:07:06 +0000

When you combine the holiday season with a Hello Kitty fanatic, nobody escapes. Not even the family dog, although the dog does appear ready to go for the jugular at the first opportunity:

Sent in by Kendra

Hello Kitty Christmas Stocking

Hello Kitty Hell — Mon, 21 Dec 2009 20:50:14 +0000

One more reason it is Hello Kitty Hellish having a Hello Kitty fanatic in the family during the holiday season (and a good way to make sure Santa never wants to return to your home again):

Left by on Kristine Facebook

Hello Kitty Advent Calendar

Hello Kitty Hell — Sun, 20 Dec 2009 00:11:31 +0000

I have no doubt that this was created to make sure that the significant other of every Hello Kitty fanatic suffers intolerable agony on a daily basis for the entire month of December as he has to listen each morning to the excited, high pitch squeals of joy about how cute that day’s chocolate blob of feline evilness is. Just saying from my own experience…

Sent in by Kiki

Update You knew that there could never just be one and that I would continue getting Hello Kitty Christmas crap after Christmas was long over…

Sent in by hellokitty_luver

Hello Kitty Christmas Wreath

Hello Kitty Hell — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 21:48:27 +0000

If a Hello Kitty fanatic is going to have a Hello Kitty Christmas tree, you know that they are sure to have a Hello Kitty Christmas wreath as well. Now you know the reason that suicides spike during the holidays:

Sent in by Gabe

Hello Kitty Thanksgiving Turkey

Hello Kitty Hell — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 22:04:31 +0000

The Hello Kitty turkey was bad, but to take it to a literal level is something only a Hello Kitty fanatic would do — and of course, one did. This is why you never want to have Thanksgiving with anyone that loves the evil feline, and I can say that I am extremely thankful that I live in Japan where they don’t celebrate this holiday. Otherwise, I would probably also have to deal with something like the Hello Kitty Thanksgiving turkey:

The only positive thing about this is that anyone who sees this abomination will instantly be much more thankful in several orders of magnitude for not having to dine on something like ths and not living in Hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in by sheena who has already proven by doing this that there is no hope for her no matter what type of punishment I wish to dispense…

Hello Kitty Turkey

Hello Kitty Hell — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 17:12:44 +0000

It’s not difficult to spot a child of a Hello Kitty fanatic. I’ve always complained that after Halloween and the evil feline’s birthday, Hello Kitty jumps straight into Christmas, but if this is what Thanksgiving would be like, maybe I should rethink that position…

Sent in my Martha

Hello Kitty Xmas Tree

Hello Kitty Hell — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 22:41:16 +0000

This is why I hate this time of year. No sooner has Halloween and the celebration of whatever freaking year the evil feline has turned (does it really matter since she still looks exactly the same?) ended that I start getting emails for things like a Hello Kitty pink feather Xmas tree:

Of course, my wife loves it and immediately asked me what I thought about it which is always a no win situation in Hello Kitty Hell. If I tell her the truth that it looks like a cat got hold of a flock of pigeons and puked them up after drinking a gallon of Pepto Bismol, I would most certainly be spending the rest of the week on the couch in the Hello Kitty sleeping bag. On the other hand, if I lie and tell her that it looks nice, then there is a good chance that I will have something similar sitting in my house for the rest of the holiday season.

Unfortunately, my tactfulness is running in short supply these days due to the constant reminders that we failed to go to Three Apples (doesn’t bode well for the rest of the holiday season) and I may have let some of the cat/flock of pigeons/puke and Pepto Bismol slip out. At least I’ll be sleeping on the couch knowing that pink monstrocity won’t be our holiday tree this year which counts as a tiny victory when you are living in Hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in by mariammbaby who is punishing herself far more than I could ever imagine by simply thinking that this is a positive addition to her home…

Update: It looks like it is going to be an awfully pink Hello Kitty Hell Christmas:

Sent in by Gabe (and left on facebook) who says the following: “This morning I woke up (in my already pink Hello Kitty bedroom decorated by my wife by the way) to find this tree. My wife (who is hello kitty mad) was up to 3am decorating for Christmas and when I woke she had turned our tree into a pink kitty wonderland — its amazing what they can do with a can of pink spray paint and a collection of HK toys.”

Sent in by schoolnerd via Twitter

Sent in by kendra

Sent in by Michelle of both her home and office Christmas trees.

Left by @4PrettyPrincess via twitter

Sent in by ericka

Sent in by Colleen

Left by @JoanArkham via twitter

Left by @RopeMarksMuse via twitter