The people at Sanrio have gotten to the point that they aren’t even trying anymore. Seriously. The don’t care at all because they know that the fanatics will buy anything. I think they have even reached the point of actively trying to see if they can find anything that Hello Kitty fanatics won’t buy. There really is no other explanation for the Hello Kitty sandwich ring:

I’m sure that the conversation to get this in production went something like this:

New Sanrio Employee: “We need to make a new Hello Kitty ring. I’m stressed because I can’t think of anything good that we haven’t already done. Any ideas?”

Veteran Sanrio Employee: “Just make anything that comes to mind.”

New Sanrio Employee: “Anything? That’s crazy.”

Veteran Sanrio Employee: “Nothing to stress about. Just make whatever you are thinking about at this instant.”

New Sanrio Employee: “I’m thinking about having a sandwich for lunch.”

Veteran Sanrio Employee:: “Perfect! Go for it.”

New Sanrio Employee: “That’s insane. Nobody will ever buy a Hello Kitty sandwich ring.”

Veteran Sanrio Employee:: “You haven’t been here that long, have you?”

Sent in by Anna

There are some things in life that when I see, I give thanks that I was somehow spared from the Hello Kitty Hellishness. That is exactly how I feel about this recent Hello Kitty by Swarovski event in Japan (prepare for 5 minutes of sickening sweetness if you dare to watch this video — I highly recommend you use common sense and don’t as this will save your mind from losing several IQ points)

Going out to an event is supposed to be fun, not cause excruciating pain and leave you scarred for life. I guess that the only upside of the Hello Kitty Swarovski combo is that you at least have a fighting chance to use the Swarovski crystals to slit your wrists and put yourself out of the agony you would surely be experiencing…

Sent in by Sheila

Living in Hello Kitty Hell, you get used to seeing all the overpriced cheap crap that is out there, but the evil feline seems to take the overpriced theory a lot more seriously than most retailers. Case in point, the Hello Kitty POW! necklace which looks like it comes out of one of those gumball machines in front of your local drugstore, but carries a $200 price tag. Just the thought that they can get away with this makes you want to put one of those Hello Kitty guns to your head and put yourself out of misery…

Sent in by Bianca

A diamond ribbon, over 400 pink sapphires on its body, a citrine nose, black spinel eyes and made of platinum, there is no doubt that my wife will want this. Luckily for me, her business isn’t so good that she can afford the $150,000 it costs…

Sent in by Susan

Hello Kitty, not satisfied to have Hello Kitty body shaped drinks, wants to have her face on all the popular soda drinks as well. While I’m sure that the people at Sanrio are looking into ways to actually create a Hello Kitty Coke and a Hello Kitty Pepsi, until that can be worked out they have decided to simply stamp the evil feline’s face onto the popular soda cans and make necklaces out of them:

Of course, my wife absolutely loves them. She was squealing (in that high pitch tone that only Hello Kitty fanatics seem able to reach when they see Hello Kitty) around the house for an hour telling me how cute and wonderful they are, her plans of buying every style made and how she can’t wait to get them. I, on the other hand, am already tormented by them. Now every soda that I see instantly produces an image of Hello Kitty staring back at me. The Hello Kitty Hell hole once again gets a little deeper…

Sent in by lolalola (via Funky Recycling) who deserves to have these stamped and plated onto her body as punishment for thinking it was a good idea to send them to me and ensuring that I will never be able to enjoy another soda again as long as I live…

Update: To my wife’s delight (and my torment), these are now being made in Hello Kitty monster versions:

Sanrio, in its pursuit to make everything Hello Kitty, has decided to take on history and religion at the same time and wants you to believe that it was Hello Kitty, not Jesus, that died for all your sins:

The only thing that surprises me about this is that Hello Kitty took this long to try to make the claim.

Sent in by medlawcat who should have to worship Hello Kitty on a daily basis for thinking that sending me something like this could ever result in something good.

Update: Apparently the evil feline has to show that she is the main force behind religion with more than on cross necklace:

Sent in by kristy

Sent in by Susan

There are many things wrong in the Hello Kitty universe which is readily apparent by simply going through a few posts on this blog, but there are some that are worse than others. I categorize the Hello Kitty tongue stud as one of these:

This may look innocent on the scale of Hello Kitty branded merchandise, but it’s never a good sign when my wife takes one look at something and announces that it’s “totally sexy” and that she wants one. That’s a sure sign that Hello Kitty Hell will be getting infinitely worse in the future. While I have nothing against pierced tongues, I truly have no desire for the evil feline to be in there as part of the equation when I’m kissing my wife. Just one more thing to worry about in Hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in originally by Wedea (and several others via o0orespireo0o) who all should have to get multiple Hello Kitty piercings for ever thinking it could be a good idea to encourage my wife with something like this by sending me the photo…

Update: This is a fashion statement that I hope never catches on:

It’s really not like my wife needs to pimp out her cell phone in Hello Kitty anymore than it already is, but then that simple piece of logic never makes any sense to a Hello Kitty fanatic. Thus she has her eyes on a $462 (50,000 yen) 18k gold (1.8 grams) Hello Kitty phone strap which she says will make the perfect accessory:

Now, any normal person would see the price of this and clutch their heart with the pain it inspires, but those who make stuff for Hello Kitty fanatics are able to live in a parallel universe where logic doesn’t apply. How else can you explain this quote from the spokesman from the company that makes the phone strap: “It’s a reasonable price.” Of course, my wife agrees “since it is soooooo cute!”

As you have already probably concluded long ago, logic and reasonableness are not two qualities found when you live in Hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in by Mary who should have to buy her kids everything they ever ask for as punishment for thinking that anything positive could ever come of sending this information to me…

In Hello Kitty’s never ending quest to dream up new ways to sell anything with the evil feline on it, the people at Sanrio have once again outdone themselves. If expensive Hello Kitty jewelry for yourself isn’t enough, you can now share it with your dog (No, I’m not kidding…and all for the low price of $175 (118,900 yen)

Jewelry that you share with your pet?!? Common sense would dictate that there is absolutely no way that something like this would ever sell, but alas, anyone that has been following this blog for even a short period of time knows well that common sense is the oil to Hello Kitty’s water. As I sat staring at the email in disbelief, it didn’t take long to see where this was going — you know that as bad as this is, it is simply the bridge being built to launch a complete line of Hello Kitty pet (exclusive) jewelry in the near future.

Hoping against hope that my wife would somehow see this as ridiculous, I actually showed it to her (yeah, beat me over the head for my stupidity). Now one would expect that the Hello Kitty fanatic would reply, “Oh, this is the cutest thing ever!” which my wife dutifully did, but her next response goes to show how far Sanrio has brainwashed the fanatics. She continued, “We need to get a dog” as if this was the most normal way to respond when having found jewelry that she wants to buy. Just one more episode to show that things can always get worse in Hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in by oj who deserves an especially drastic form of torture for thinking for one moment that sending this to me would be a good idea and for the trauma I will have to endure for the next month explaining to my wife that “no, we do not need a dog to go with that jewelry…”

It would seem that I would be thanking Sanrio for not creating these until after I was already married, but Hello Kitty Hell doesn’t make something like this simply disappear due to timing. While Hello Kitty wedding rings weren’t around when my wife and I got married, their appearance so close to our 10th anniversary has my wife trying to convince me that this is exactly what we need to celebrate the occasion:

It would be bad enough if I had to give her a Hello Kitty wedding ring, but it’s even worse that they come in a matching pair with Hello Kitty engraved on the inside meaning that I would also have to wear a Hello Kitty wedding ring. Sanrio, in their marketing genius, have set this up as a no win situation for any man living in Hello Kitty Hell. While the bride’s ring has Hello Kitty prominently on the outside, Hello Kitty is hidden on the inner circle of the ring on the groom’s ring — apparently even they realized the backlash if they had tried to place Hello Kitty’s face on the outside, but this strategic placement gives the bride negotiating room to argue that it is not nearly as bad as it could have been.

In reality, having Hello Kitty on the inside isn’t any better. Just the thought that I am somehow defacto married to Hello Kitty as well makes my heart seize up and gives my stomach that wonderful nauseating feeling you get before you have to run to the toilet to vomit.

Of course, the wedding rings don’t come cheap when Hello Kitty lends her face to them. The platinum Hello Kitty wedding rings run $1,640 (189,000 Yen) with the bride’s ring getting two minuscule diamond chips (0.02ct ) added to either side of Hello Kitty’s face. I’m actually surprised that they are Pepto Bismol pink.

So once again the Hello Kitty quandary arises. If I don’t get the rings, I will have to get something Hello Kitty that could be just as awful (or even worse) to placate not getting them. Either way I lose and Hello Kitty wins which is almost always the case in Hello Kitty Hell…