Hello Kitty Hell » Hello Kitty Music

Hello Kitty Earbuds

Hello Kitty Hell — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 00:09:55 +0000

While it pains me to no end to use the terms “Hello Kitty” and “practical” in the same sentence, Hello Kitty earbuds do seem more practical than Hello Kitty earbud charms. That being said, Hello Kitty earbuds also seem like a practical torture device. Simply attach them to a Hello Kitty device that will blind, and inflict excruciating pain by playing the Hello Kitty theme song:

Sent in by kyla

Hello Kitty Crystal Music Player

Hello Kitty Hell — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 21:55:18 +0000

It’s not like the world needs another Hello Kitty digital music player, but just because something is not needed doesn’t mean the evil feline won’t sell it. In this case she resorts to her favorite marketing tool that is sure to appeal to all the Hello Kitty fanatics — covering the digital music player with lots and lots of bling in the form of Swarovski crystals. Not only does this keep the fanatic happy, but it also blinds everyone else to the evil that is coming…

Sent in by andrea

Hello Kitty Detox Cute and the Beauty Junkies Song

Hello Kitty Hell — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 13:01:08 +0000

You have to question the sanity of any band that would think it’s a good idea to create a song about Hello Kitty. The fact that the band actually thought it would be a good idea pretty much indicates how it is going to be (for those that are unable to understand hint, that was a warning that you really don’t want to listen to this song if you want to keep your sanity):

You were warned…

Sent in by gina

Hello Kitty Samsung Media Player

Hello Kitty Hell — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 18:10:37 +0000

My wife already had all kinds of Hello Kitty media gadgets that all do the same thing and most of which she never uses, but that doesn’t stop her from wanting to add more to her collection. Her latest want is the Hello Kitty Samsung YP-U5 DAP which ultimately means listening to the Hello Kitty theme song again and again — the ultimate torture in Hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in by hilary (via Samsung Hub)

Hello Kitty Guitar Hero Wii Guitar Mod

Hello Kitty Hell — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 23:25:08 +0000

One would think that the evil feline would be satisfied after convincing guitar makers to sell their souls and produce both Hello Kitty acoustic guitars and Hello Kitty electric guitars (not to mention what happens when people actually play them or even worse, pretend to play them). This, of course, would be greatly underestimating the lengths that she would go to to try and inflict pain on every person possible and neglect the fact that more and more people are playing Guitar Hero these days. If you are a Wii fan and a Guitar Hero fan (actually, this is good advice to anyone that is breathing), just leave now because you don’t want this haunting you for the rest of the year.

Sent in by wiifan

Hello Kitty Weekly Photo Dump

Hello Kitty Hell — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 07:01:40 +0000

Here’s this week’s Hello Kitty photo dump of photos sent in that didn’t make the front page of this blog:

Hello Kitty Uterus Plush
Hello Kitty Guitar Meow!
Hello Kitty Jelly Belly Jelly Beans
Hello Kitty Cat Litter
Hello Kitty Asics Shoes
Hello Kitty MP3 Player

And a few photo post updates:

Hello Kitty Darth Vader
Hello Kitty Coffee Maker
Hello Kitty Computer Keyboard
Hello Kitty Stormtrooper Tattoo

Creepy Hello Kitty Lisa Loeb Video

Hello Kitty Hell — Sat, 17 Jan 2009 07:51:02 +0000

I guess it could have gone without saying since anything that involves Hello Kitty is “creepy” to some extent, but it seems to take on horror film dimensions when a Hello Kitty plush comes to life in the back of a music video. I just sat there watching — waiting for Hello Kitty to produce Alien fangs and suck the life out of Lisa Loeb. Either that or have Hello Kitty begin whacking Lisa Loeb over the head with the guitar until she was slumped in a pool of blood on the kitchen floor. The more I live in Hello Kitty Hell, the more convinced I become that Hello Kitty could be a huge horror movie franchise. Doubt me? Watch the video:

The only thing that surprises me is that both Lisa Loeb and Hello Kitty aren’t using Hello Kitty acoustic guitars in the video to promote themselves even more, but that in no way takes away from the creepiness of having Hello Kitty pretending to sing over your shoulder. It would have simply been the icing on the cake.

Of course, my wife thinks that it is wonderful and that Hello Kitty should sing with all famous musicians (you laugh, but don’t underestimate the evil feline). I suppose this would be every Hello Kitty fanatic’s fantasy – to have Hello Kitty magically come to life, but when you really know what Hello Kitty is like, this may not be such a good thing.

Sent in by Sandra who should be forced to watch only the Hello Kitty portions of this video over and over and over again as punishment for ever thinking that sending me this video could result in anything positive…

Hello Kitty Music CD Hello World

Hello Kitty Hell — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 10:48:54 +0000

It’s never a good sign when I receive emails from numerous readers about something Hello Kitty, but it’s even worse when the publicity department backing the evil feline also feels that sending me a press release is a positive thing to do. Thus was the case of the new Hello Kitty music CD that has been released with cringe inducing song samples to make you feel like you want to vomit for the rest of the day (warning – don’t listen. You’ll never be the same…):

The promotion department seems to have a slightly warped view of this CD. This is how they think it sounds:

SANRIO, Inc. is thrilled to announce the release of “Hello World”, the first-ever Hello Kitty album…The album will offer 11 tracks of original pop tunes, performed by a number of up & coming young artists. The result is an upbeat and perky compilation that reflects the life-embracing mood of the Hello Kitty brand.

This was basically the reaction that my wife had and she is determined to get a copy for her collection, although I think my reaction of wanting to immediately end my life is probably how the majority of people who listen to it will feel. In fact, after a few seconds I was wishing that someone would simply run their nails up and down a chalk board as that would have been so much more pleasant to the ears. Of course, nails on chalk board would actually mean that I had somehow escaped Hello Kitty Hell…

Originally sent in by Rachel (followed by way too many others including the Sanrio ad people) who should have to listen to this album everyday for the rest of their lives as punishment for thinking for even a moment that sending something like this to me could ever be a good idea…

Hello Kitty Fanatic Song

Hello Kitty Hell — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 11:08:18 +0000

I found this in my email box today – an original Hello Kitty fanatic song by Anna Joy. The song pretty much sums up what it’s like living with a Hello Kitty fanatic…

You can listen to the song at The Ugly Trannies Myspace Page (click the “Hello Kitty” on the player – warning: words NSFW)

You will probably have to read the lyrics to be able to understand it all, so here they are:

I can’t stop buying all that Hello Kitty s***
I cannot close my closet door, my drawers just overflow with it
And I will not take it back
I need it more than crack
If I can’t have that pillowcase then I will have a heart attack

I can’t stop buying all that Hello Kitty crap
I go to the Sanrio store and I know full well it’s a trap
‘Cuz it’s just so f****** cute
It’s just so f****** cute
I think that I have pooped my pants
I thought that it was just a toot

Posters coasters toasters rugs and mugs and keychains
(I want it all!)
Curtains tampons purses shirts and toys and storm drains
(I want it all!)
Panties bras and guitars, socks and shoes and t-shirts
(I want it all!)
Sanrio will make sure every last dollar hurts
(I want it all!)

I can’t stop buying all that Hello Kitty junk
It put it all in my backseat because I cannot close my trunk
‘Cuz it’s never enough
No it’s never enough
I’ll tattoo it on my labia
I have to have all of this stuff

Razors tazers lasers lite-brites dildos statues
(I want it all!)
Guns and ammo, crack and smokes and s***** tattoos
(I want it all!)
Posters coasters toasters rugs and mugs and keychains
(I want it all!)
Curtains tampons purses shirts and toys and storm drains
(I want it all!)

I couldn’t quit me all that Hello Kitty crap
So when I sleep outside the kitty store, I sleep in Hello Kitty wrap
‘Cuz I blew all my loot
My landlord gave me the boot
…but don’t you think this garbage can is hella f****** cute??

Posters coasters toasters rugs and mugs and keychains
(I want it all!)
Curtains tampons purses shirts and toys and storm drains
(I want it all!)
Panties bras and guitars, socks and shoes and t-shirts
(I want it all!)
Sanrio will make sure every last dollar hurts
(I want it all!)

It’s never good to start a new week with a Hello Kitty fanatic song, but at least it’s not the original Hello Kitty theme song…(warning, listen at your own risk – I’m telling you right now that you don’t want to click on it…)

I told you…

Hello Kitty Ukulele

Hello Kitty Hell — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 02:03:43 +0000

It has been well established that Hello Kitty fanatics don’t need to have any use for a Hello Kitty product to still lust after it and decide that they need to add it to their collection. My wife doesn’t play any musical instrument, but that has not stopped her from collecting a small symphony of music related items.

The other day I was digging through our closet looking for my baseball glove (which fortunately, is not something that they currently make in a Hello Kitty pattern at Sanrio, but I have no doubt they are already planning to release a line) when I came across a Hello Kitty ukulele:

While the mere fact that there is a market for Hello Kitty ukuleles should be enough to confirm that all is not right in the world, what grabbed my attention is that this Hello Kitty item was sitting in the back of a closet. This is definitely not the typical action of a Hello Kitty fanatic who proudly displays each and everything on which the evil feline’s face appears. Could it be that my wife had forgotten about this piece in her Hello Kitty collection?!?

The obvious move would be to immediately destroy the musical instrument relieving the world of one more piece of nauseating cuteness. The problem, of course, is that Hello Kitty fanatics have an uncanny way of knowing that something is amiss in their Hello Kitty universe even when any normal person would be completely oblivious to the change (take for example the toilet paper incident…)

So I’m now faced with a dilemma of what to do. This may be a rare chance for me to actually reduce my wife’s collection without having to pay the price of sleeping on the couch in the Hello Kitty sleeping bag (small victories in Hello Kitty Hell are few and far between). So the question of the day is, do I dare tempt fate and challenge my wife’s all powerful Hello Kitty radar or do I assume that this was a well conceived trap for which I will end up paying for by becoming intimately familiar with the new Hello Kitty sleeping bag and let the Hello Kitty ukulele continue its life in the back of a darkened closet?