One mans hell with cute overload
It has already been well established on this blog that dogs that are owned by Hello Kitty fanatics must live in a Hello Kitty Hell on par with mine (for reference for those that might still have any doubt: 1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – yes, I could go on and on…), so the fact that the evil feline continues to make products specifically for dogs pretty much confirms that there are absolutely no dog lovers working at Sanrio.
While I don’t believe that anyone actually lives more of a Hello Kitty Hellish life than myself, I really do feel for the pet owners of Hello Kitty fanatics. Especially dogs who must have done some pretty horrific things in their past life to have been dealt such a humiliating hand in this one. Here is yet another prime example of what those poor dogs must endure:
It doesn’t take a huge leap of faith to figure out that if you lived an especially disgraceful previous life, chances are that you returned to earth as a pet of a Hello Kitty fanatic as punishment. Although I can’t imagine what type of evilness could constitute such a horrendous punishment, what Hello Kitty fanatics do to their poor pets is proof that their crimes must have been immense.
One would have thought this retribution was limited to those coming back as cats and dogs, although the fact that some poor bees got thrown into the mix (forcing them to kill themselves to escape the pain) should have been a hint that no animal was safe. The Hello Kitty hermit crab is more evidence to this fact:
Of all living things on earth that may have a comparable Hello Kitty Hell to my own, the closest may be the dogs of Hello Kitty owners. When your owner thinks it’s a good idea to give you a Hello Kitty ID tattoo or simply dress you up like this (or this or this or this — it is quite sad that I could keep going on and on), being a dog owned by a Hello Kitty fanatic can’t be an easy life.
Knowing this, it becomes plainly obvious when a creature did something beyond evil in their past life, and now the karma has come back to haunt them in their new form. There is no other explanation when you see a photo like this:
I must have really done something really (and I mean beyond belief)terrible in my last life because there simply is not another explanation as to why I have found myself suffering in Hello Kitty Hell. There are very few things in the world that I can think of that would be worse than being the significant other of a Hello Kitty fanatic. One of those few things is being the pet of a Hello Kitty fanatic because you end up on the street looking like this:
When you combine the holiday season with a Hello Kitty fanatic, nobody escapes. Not even the family dog, although the dog does appear ready to go for the jugular at the first opportunity:
Sent in by Kendra
It seems that the Hello Kitty beehive bees succumbed to the humiliation of having to be known as the Hello Kitty bees. At the time, Bill Bird was confused about why his bees were swarming even though the evidence was obvious as I explained:
The answer is simple. You’re making the bees live in a freaking pink Hello Kitty bee hive and they figured it out. It would make anybody angry and want to swarm. Of course, as anyone that would think it was a good idea to build a Hello Kitty bee hive in the first place, they try to rationalize the new found aggressiveness of the bees to something else.
It seems that Lindsay Lohan has decided that she no longer needs some of her Hello Kitty crap. She has decided to sell it to her fans on a new website which she created for the sole purpose of selling all of her old crap (seriously, you can’t make this stuff up). I can’t decide if it is good news that Lindsay Lohan has actually figured out that Hello Kitty crap is not worth keeping, or beyond evil feline evil that someone will end up with not only Hello Kitty crap, but Hello Kitty crap previously owned by Lindsay Lohan.
Here’s this week’s Hello Kitty photo dump of photos sent in that didn’t make the front page of this blog:
Hello Kitty Uterus Plush
Hello Kitty Guitar Meow!
Hello Kitty Jelly Belly Jelly Beans
Hello Kitty Cat Litter
Hello Kitty Asics Shoes
Hello Kitty MP3 Player
And a few photo post updates:
Hello Kitty Darth Vader
Hello Kitty Coffee Maker
Hello Kitty Computer Keyboard
Hello Kitty Stormtrooper Tattoo
I received the following question in my email the other day:
What are the worst Hello Kitty products out there?
“Everything?” would be my immediate response. That being said, many of the things that I personally find horrifying never seemed to raise much of a ruckus among the readers here and the Hello Kitty fanatics — well, let’s not even go there. I guess my life has become so Hello Kittified that I have a hard time distinguishing between Hello Kitty bad, Hello Kitty worse and Hello Kitty worst. So here’s a challenge/question – what are the top three worst Hello Kitty items I have listed on this blog (yes, I know there are a number of items even worse that I have not listed, but I try to keep this blog semi family safe) and why do you think so?
I’m hoping that some of you will be able to put together a rational explanation that I can give to my wife to show her that some of this crap is downright crazy — all while not getting me sent to the couch in the Hello Kitty sleeping bag for the rest of the month. Yeah, I know. It isn’t going to work, but I have found that deluding myself that there is hope of one day escaping from Hello Kitty Hell makes the Hello Kitty toast and coffee go down easier in the morning…
Here’s this week’s Hello Kitty photo dump:
Hello Kitty DragonCon Pasties Nightmare
Hello Kitty Birthday Party
Hello Kitty Minivan
Hello Kitty 35th Anniversary Laptop
Hello Kitty Robot
Hello Kitty Bed
Hello Kitty Rain Boots
Hello Kitty Knife
Hello Kitty Pink Room
Hello Kitty Cutting Board
Hello Kitty Mascot Costumes
And a few photo post updates:
Hello Kitty Bra Shop
Hello Kitty Anime
Hello Kitty Bar
Hello Kitty sandwich