While I don’t believe that anyone actually lives more of a Hello Kitty Hellish life than myself, I really do feel for the pet owners of Hello Kitty fanatics. Especially dogs who must have done some pretty horrific things in their past life to have been dealt such a humiliating hand in this one. Here is yet another prime example of what those poor dogs must endure:

When you hear about those dogs that go around destroying houses by chewing on anything and everything within the house, you can be pretty sure that the cause of it was the pet owner doing something like this to it…

Sent in by Pennies

Update: More dogs suffering in Hello Kitty Hell…

It doesn’t take a huge leap of faith to figure out that if you lived an especially disgraceful previous life, chances are that you returned to earth as a pet of a Hello Kitty fanatic as punishment. Although I can’t imagine what type of evilness could constitute such a horrendous punishment, what Hello Kitty fanatics do to their poor pets is proof that their crimes must have been immense.

One would have thought this retribution was limited to those coming back as cats and dogs, although the fact that some poor bees got thrown into the mix (forcing them to kill themselves to escape the pain) should have been a hint that no animal was safe. The Hello Kitty hermit crab is more evidence to this fact:

As you can plainly see from the photo, this hermit crab also can’t imagine what his previous crimes could have been to warrant such humiliation. What can you do when you are so ashamed that you simply want to crawl back into your house and disappear, but you can’t because that house is decked out with Hello Kitty which is causing the shame in the first place? Welcome to yet another perfect example of Hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in by Julie

Of all living things on earth that may have a comparable Hello Kitty Hell to my own, the closest may be the dogs of Hello Kitty owners. When your owner thinks it’s a good idea to give you a Hello Kitty ID tattoo or simply dress you up like this (or this or this or this — it is quite sad that I could keep going on and on), being a dog owned by a Hello Kitty fanatic can’t be an easy life.

Knowing this, it becomes plainly obvious when a creature did something beyond evil in their past life, and now the karma has come back to haunt them in their new form. There is no other explanation when you see a photo like this:

Shouldn’t someone be calling the humane society?

Sent in by Stephanie who I would wish unthinkable punishment upon, but have a feeling that her Yorkie already has plans far more sinister and painful than I could ever come up with as revenge for doing this…

I must have really done something really (and I mean beyond belief)terrible in my last life because there simply is not another explanation as to why I have found myself suffering in Hello Kitty Hell. There are very few things in the world that I can think of that would be worse than being the significant other of a Hello Kitty fanatic. One of those few things is being the pet of a Hello Kitty fanatic because you end up on the street looking like this:

I don’t think that any of us will be surprised to read in the paper this week about a Chihuahua that goes for their owner’s jugular. Of course, my wife thinks that this is the cutest thing ever, and thinks that we should get a dog so that she can do stuff like this to it. When she said this, I realised that the terrible thing I had probably done in a previous life was giving a pet to a Hello Kitty fanatic. That would mean that I am currently getting off easy for my former discretion — which can only mean that Hello Kitty Hell will only get worse…

Sent in by Vikki who should have to dress like this dog each and every day for the rest of the year as punishment for ever thinking that sending this photo to me could result in anything remotely close to positive…

Update: Increasing the fear of all dogs around the world, it appears that Hello Kitty thinks that all dogs (not just an unlucky few lie the chihuahua above) should be wearing Hello Kitty dog booties:

Sent in by Lizzie

When you combine the holiday season with a Hello Kitty fanatic, nobody escapes. Not even the family dog, although the dog does appear ready to go for the jugular at the first opportunity:

Sent in by Kendra

It seems that the Hello Kitty beehive bees succumbed to the humiliation of having to be known as the Hello Kitty bees. At the time, Bill Bird was confused about why his bees were swarming even though the evidence was obvious as I explained:

The answer is simple. You’re making the bees live in a freaking pink Hello Kitty bee hive and they figured it out. It would make anybody angry and want to swarm. Of course, as anyone that would think it was a good idea to build a Hello Kitty bee hive in the first place, they try to rationalize the new found aggressiveness of the bees to something else.

Well, it seems that the Bird family failed to calm the bees by painting over the offending beehive opting instead of thinking about giving my wife Hello Kitty Hive honey instead:

Let’s just say I owe those fine folks at Hello Kitty Hell a bottle or two of Hello Kitty Hive honey, which will hopefully be available next year. I imagine the folks that actually license “Hello Kitty” will jump into the honey line as well. I can’t blame them. When you’ve got a hit like Hello Kitty on your hands — you take advantage of it.

Realizing what was not only in store for them (a lifetime of living in a Hello Kitty Hive), but also their honey (being given to Hello Kitty fanatics as Hello Kitty Hive honey), it was all just too much. They did what any self respecting bee in such a position would do. They committed suicide to spare themselves the shame of having to live in Hello Kitty Hell.

My advice to the Bird family is to turn the Hello Kitty hive into an anti-Hello Kitty hive. Not only will the bees not commit suicide, there is a good chance that bees will be fighting for the use of the hive.

It seems that Lindsay Lohan has decided that she no longer needs some of her Hello Kitty crap. She has decided to sell it to her fans on a new website which she created for the sole purpose of selling all of her old crap (seriously, you can’t make this stuff up). I can’t decide if it is good news that Lindsay Lohan has actually figured out that Hello Kitty crap is not worth keeping, or beyond evil feline evil that someone will end up with not only Hello Kitty crap, but Hello Kitty crap previously owned by Lindsay Lohan.

Every dog out there owned by a Hello Kitty fanatic is freaking out about this time. It’s pretty humiliating to be dragged around town in a Hello Kitty dog bag, but then having the owner tell everyone that it was also once owned by Lindsay Lohan would pretty much put the poor mutt on par with having a Hello Kitty dog tattoo (and you noticed that that dog ran away the first chance it got).

Lindsay also has another bag for sale:

My wife thinks it’s great that celebrities want to share their love of Hello Kitty with their fans. I see this as a new and unexpected twist in Hello Kitty Hell that could have horrifying consequences. Could there really be anything worse than collecting celebrity pre-owned Hello Kitty crap? Hello Kitty Hell, as I have found out time and again, can always get worse…

Sent in by Nancy who should have to dress in pre-owned Lindsay Lohan clothes for the rest of her life as punishment for ever thinking that letting my wife know about this could ever be anything buy disastrous…

Here’s this week’s Hello Kitty photo dump of photos sent in that didn’t make the front page of this blog:

Hello Kitty Uterus Plush
Hello Kitty Guitar Meow!
Hello Kitty Jelly Belly Jelly Beans
Hello Kitty Cat Litter
Hello Kitty Asics Shoes
Hello Kitty MP3 Player

And a few photo post updates:

Hello Kitty Darth Vader
Hello Kitty Coffee Maker
Hello Kitty Computer Keyboard
Hello Kitty Stormtrooper Tattoo

I received the following question in my email the other day:

What are the worst Hello Kitty products out there?

“Everything?” would be my immediate response. That being said, many of the things that I personally find horrifying never seemed to raise much of a ruckus among the readers here and the Hello Kitty fanatics — well, let’s not even go there. I guess my life has become so Hello Kittified that I have a hard time distinguishing between Hello Kitty bad, Hello Kitty worse and Hello Kitty worst. So here’s a challenge/question – what are the top three worst Hello Kitty items I have listed on this blog (yes, I know there are a number of items even worse that I have not listed, but I try to keep this blog semi family safe) and why do you think so?

I’m hoping that some of you will be able to put together a rational explanation that I can give to my wife to show her that some of this crap is downright crazy — all while not getting me sent to the couch in the Hello Kitty sleeping bag for the rest of the month. Yeah, I know. It isn’t going to work, but I have found that deluding myself that there is hope of one day escaping from Hello Kitty Hell makes the Hello Kitty toast and coffee go down easier in the morning…

Here’s this week’s Hello Kitty photo dump:

Hello Kitty DragonCon Pasties Nightmare
Hello Kitty Birthday Party
Hello Kitty Minivan
Hello Kitty 35th Anniversary Laptop
Hello Kitty Robot
Hello Kitty Bed
Hello Kitty Rain Boots
Hello Kitty Knife
Hello Kitty Pink Room
Hello Kitty Cutting Board
Hello Kitty Mascot Costumes

And a few photo post updates:

Hello Kitty Bra Shop
Hello Kitty Anime
Hello Kitty Bar
Hello Kitty sandwich

There is something about animals that know when they have been wronged. Just take a look at these cats and you know they are going to be seeking revenge on their owner the first chance that they get. So anyone that thought it would be a good idea to build a Hello Kitty bee hive should have known that the bees would revolt:

Here’s the story:

I first noticed this change (to our Hello Kitty bee hive)about two or three weeks ago when I was going about the normal routine of changing out the sugar water feeder. The hive has now settled down to a normal routine of going through one or two pints of sugar water per day. They never gave me trouble for the simple act of picking up an empty jar and returning with a full jar a few minutes later.

That was — until the other day. When I completed the quite normal task of retrieving the empty pint jar I suddenly found myself in a cloud of angry buggers, angrily buzzing around my head. But that’s not all.

One of them landed directly on my temple and stung me. I was shocked as I coughed and ran from the hive at the same time — doing my best to avoid the bees who were flying after me. This had simply never happened before. I had been stung a couple of times for the act of removing burr comb buildup from inside the hive — but that’s normal. The bees thought we were destroying their home — and reacted in a way that insects will react to intruders: defend the hive.

But in this case? I wasn’t attacking. I was merely retrieving the sugar water jar from the feeder at the base of the hive as I’d done daily all summer long. They had never bothered me before. Why now?

The answer is simple. You’re making the bees live in a freaking pink Hello Kitty bee hive and they figured it out. It would make anybody angry and want to swarm. Of course, as anyone that would think it was a good idea to build a Hello Kitty bee hive in the first place, they try to rationalize the new found aggressiveness of the bees to something else.

My wife, on the other hand, thinks the Hello Kitty bee hive is a great idea. Although she didn’t come right out and say it, it’s as though she thinks that bees kept in a Hello Kitty hive will produce a garden full of Hello Kitty flowers, or somehow turn the surrounding fields into Hello Kitty. One more thing to worry about (for me and the bees) in Hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in by marybeth (via Sacramento Gardening – warning, music will start playing so turn down your sound) who deserves to have swarms of Hello Kitty hived bees swarm her as punishment for ever giving my wife the idea of something a sinister as a Hello Kitty bee hive…