Hello Kitty Hell » Hello Kitty Plush

Hello Kitty Sex Doll Harem (possibly NSFW)

Hello Kitty Hell — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 20:45:56 +0000

One would think that it would be impossible to make a harem of sex dolls stored in the closet any creepier, but that is definitely not the case. That’s because when you place a large Hello Kitty plush on the top shelf to watch over them and a Hello Kitty night light on the floor so they don’t get scared at night, you pretty much have put together the creepiest room possible. To keep my sanity and prevent countless nightmares, I’m not even going to think about why those Hello Kitty items may be there…

Sent in by Getsu

Hello Kitty Tattoo Plush

Hello Kitty Hell — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 17:50:15 +0000

If there is one thing that the evil feline can’t stand, it’s her image appearing on stuff where she hasn’t been able to fleece the buyer for the majority of their last paycheck. Because of this, Hello Kitty tattoos have always posed a problem for her. The solution for body piercings was simple. The idea of a Hello Kitty tattoo gun never seemed to catch on except in prison. So Hello Kitty has done the only thing she can to capitalize on the Hello Kitty tattoo trend by creating a Hello Kitty tattoo plush:

Of course, my wife loves this and this plush has my wife thinking about getting a tattoo again. As I have mentioned on numerous occasions in the past, my wife really wants a Hello Kitty tattoo. My only saving grace up to this point is that she also fears needles — a fear that I highly encourage her to keep by describing over and over and in minute detail the excruciating pain that the tattoo needle can cause — because I know what the Hello Kitty Hell which will result if she somehow manages to overcome this brilliant fear that every Hello Kitty fanatic should have.

Sent in by fredrick who should have to get multiple Hello Kitty tattoos all over his body as punishment for once again peaking my wife’s interest in getting a Hello Kitty tattoo and ever thinking that sending this to me could be a good idea…

Hello Kitty Coat

Hello Kitty Hell — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 16:17:56 +0000

What is it with Hello Kitty fanatics and Hello Kitty plush fashion? Seriously, it’s one of the most disturbing trends for the simple fact that someone with absolutely no fashion sense can look at it and know instantly that they would never be caught dead in something like that. It’s bad enough that these types of outfits actually make their way onto the runway or are produced for special occasions (or worn by people that should never be let out of the house), but for someone to feel that it’s OK to wear a Hello Kitty plush coat as normal everyday wear?

My wife somehow sees that this as a good thing (how the Hello Kitty fanatic mind works I will never understand) and a perfect way to be surrounded by Hello Kitty plushies all day without having to carry them around.

I, on the other hand, find it’s truly a sad day in the fashion world when a large, overweight guy living in a foreign land and absolutely no interest in fashion in any way shape or form — and is only involved in it due to the unfortunate fact that he lives in Hello Kitty Hell — has to let those in the fashion industry know that simply pinning on a lot of Hello Kitty plush to an outfit is not only ridiculously stupid fashion sense, it’s been done so many times that it can’t even be considered edgy or inspired. When I feel there is a more pressing need for me to comment on fashion rather than sit down in front of the TV with a non-Hello Kitty beer and non-Hello Kitty pizza, you know that there is something seriously amiss in the world and that Hello Kitty Hell has just gotten a bit worse…

Sent in by dori who should be forced to wear Hello Kitty plush outfits every day for the rest of her life for ever thinking that sending me this photo could be a good idea.

Hello Kitty Bloodfest

Hello Kitty Hell — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 19:01:10 +0000

There are some things about Hello Kitty fanatics I just don’t want to know. Apparently there is a a rave called Bloodfest where “the Infamous Boom Boom does his blood bath performance which is basically simulated sex in a tub full of blood and bones.” This year Boom Boom incorporated the below Hello Kitty plush into the act and for your sanity, I’ll leave out the details of what he did. While this certainly sounds like the crowd where the evil feline belongs, feel free not to share these stories with me in the future:

Sent in by Hello Kizee

Hello Kitty Sushi Plush

Hello Kitty Hell — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 18:40:25 +0000

The fact that Hello Kitty sushi exists is a pretty good damnation of the human race. That the evil feline also encourages fanatics to wear Hello Kitty chopsticks in their hair when she monetises this trend just further proves that all is not right in the world these days.

Sent in by Jessica

Hello Kitty Lady Gaga Markus & Indrani Photos

Hello Kitty Hell — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 07:01:13 +0000

My wife was already a fan of Lady Gaga due to her Hello Kitty hair bow and visit to Japan where she professed her love of the evil feline. This has only grown as Lady Gaga posed for a Markus & Indrani photo shoot for the Three Apples art collection (yet another reason to avoid this if at all possible, as if you really needed another reason).

While the Hello Kitty plush dress is quite disturbing, vastly more disturbing is that I immediately knew it had been tried before without success (bikini plush as well). This is information that no man should have stuck in their head. Things from the photo shoot didn’t get any better from there:

Sent in by far, far too many different readers (seriously folks, you need to spend your free time in more productive ways) all of who should have to wear these outfits around town as punishment for ever thinking that sending them to me would be a good idea…

Hello Kitty Headband Bow

Hello Kitty Hell — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 22:30:59 +0000

No matter how much a Hello Kitty fanatic wishes it to be true, putting on evil feline plush ears with a bow is not acceptable behavior. Asking your significant other to try them on “just to see how they look” pretty much assures that you are comfortable with him living in Hello Kitty hell…

Sent in by amara (via hottopic)

Update: Of course, the evil feline would never allow there to be just one of these as monica shows via the Three Apples art exhibit:

Hello Kitty Head Mount

Hello Kitty Hell — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 16:05:47 +0000

Let me make it perfectly clear that I have no desire to ever have any type of Hello Kitty plush in my life. If, however, I was forced to pick one that I had to have, the Hello Kitty head mount would definitely give the Hello Kitty tarred plush a run for her money.

It’s not often that my wife immediately has a negative reaction to something that involves the evil feline, so when she does, I have a pretty good idea that I’m not going to think it’s quite as horrific as most of the Hello Kitty crap I see. “Why would someone want to shoot Hello Kitty? That’s cruel!”

I briefly considered asking my wife which Hello Kitty gun she thought the hunter used, but decided that not sleeping on the couch in the Hello Kitty sleeping bag would be a nice change of pace for once…

Sent in by –M (via datamafia) who I will have to buy a beer for if ever our paths should cross…

Hello Kitty Plush !?

Hello Kitty Hell — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 07:01:11 +0000

There seems to be a growing trend of Hello Kitty fanatics that not only get joy out of the torment detailed on the blog, but also in getting me in trouble with my wife. An email with the title “Hello Kitty plush” arrived in my email box and I made the bad assumption there would be nothing to worry about. So when my wife asked to see it, I didn’t even hesitate. Who would have guessed this would be the photo:

wife: “Who is that?”

me: I have no idea! (thinking: “uh oh, this is not going to end well…”)

wife: “If you have no idea, why is she sending you photos?”

me: I have no idea! (thinking: “note to self: never, ever open another Hello Kitty photo email in front of wife before having seen it myself.”)

wife: “That doesn’t make sense. Girls don’t just send photos like that to people they don’t know.”

me: Yes, they do! What about this and this? (realising: “uh oh – I just won the battle, but lost the war”)

wife: Eyebrow raised, hands now on hips. “Why do you still have those photos?”

me: Attempting to salvage anything at this point: “No, no – those photos were used for the blog. I didn’t keep them.” (thinking: “note to self: Seriously – never, EVER open another Hello Kitty photo email in front of wife before having seen it myself.”)

wife: Foot beginning to tap, eyebrows in higher arch: “That sure is a convenient excuse. Are you saying that you can’t see them on the blog?”

me: Continuing to dig a deeper hole for myself. “Yes…no…wait.”

wife: silence but for her tapping foot.

me: “…” (thinking: “Ride out the silence. Keep quiet. No reason to take the shovel out of my hand and start using a backhoe”)

wife: Arms now folded. Foot still tapping. “So, are you going to delete this or are you going to blog about this?”

So here I sit, on the couch in the Hello Kitty sleeping bag, typing out this post. Was there ever any doubt it could end any other way in Hello Kitty Hell?

Sent in by anonymous who I would wish the complete wrath of Hello Kitty Hell upon as punishment if I had any idea who it was…

Hello Kitty Weekly Photo Dump

Hello Kitty Hell — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 07:01:40 +0000

Here’s this week’s Hello Kitty photo dump of photos sent in that didn’t make the front page of this blog:

Hello Kitty Uterus Plush
Hello Kitty Guitar Meow!
Hello Kitty Jelly Belly Jelly Beans
Hello Kitty Cat Litter
Hello Kitty Asics Shoes
Hello Kitty MP3 Player

And a few photo post updates:

Hello Kitty Darth Vader
Hello Kitty Coffee Maker
Hello Kitty Computer Keyboard
Hello Kitty Stormtrooper Tattoo