Hello Kitty Hell » Hello Kitty Sports

Hello Kitty Ultimate Cage Fighting

Hello Kitty Hell — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 22:29:04 +0000

One would imagine that there would be certain sports where Hello Kitty, no matter how hard she tried, would never be accepted. Of course, that would once again greatly underestimating the evil feline and her quest to put her face absolutely every where. For those of you who still doubt, here is the Hello Kitty extreme cage fighter:

Much like the Hello Kitty men’s underwear (and the various other frightening variations), this photo is a disaster for any male that has a Hello Kitty fanatic in his life. My wife took one look at this photo and demanded to know, for the millionth time, why I am so against wearing Hello Kitty clothing. She should already know better.

Hello Kitty x aging men with beer bellies does not make an attractive photo opportunity (although it certainly does provide ample blackmail material so that she is guaranteed to get anything Hello Kitty she wants for the rest of her life simply by threatening to release the photos onto the Internet). Imagine of your dad wearing that outfit (ohhh, sorry about that — my bad. I should have told you to go to the bathroom or at least get a trash can handy) and you should pretty much agree that it is just wrong in so many ways. The fact that my wife refuses to acknowledge this obvious reality ensures that I remain painfully in the deepest depths of Hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in by Cathy who should have to watch all her loved ones fight this guy (I would say her, but from the sound of her email to me about how sexy this guy is, she would undoubtedly enjoy being in a ring with him herself) as punishment for ever thinking that sending this to me would result in anything good…

Hello Kitty Girl Mike Carroll Skateboard Decks

Hello Kitty Hell — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 07:27:45 +0000

The evil feline knows how to make a generation of real skateboarders want to purposely road rash themselves to death. When Hello Kitty gets the endorsement of Hilary Duff for skateboarding, skateboarders can roll their eyes knowing that their sport is safe and has nothing to worry about. When Mike Carroll creates Hello Kitty skateboard decks for Girl, you know that Hello Kitty has no mercy when recruiting members to the dark side…

Sent in by danny.

Hello Kitty Paintball Gun

Hello Kitty Hell — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 18:01:26 +0000

I guess when you play competitive games, you have to sometimes sacrifice your dignity in order to win. That can be the only explanation for the Hello Kitty paintball gun. There is no doubt that upon seeing it, any opponent will be instantaneously frozen with both fear and disgust leaving him/her to be a sitting duck just waiting to be picked off. The irony, of course, is that the loser will go home having lost happily, knowing that he doesn’t have to live life with a Hello Kitty paintball gun. The victor, on the other hand, will carry the shame of owning that monstrosity which pretty much ensures lifetime psychological damage for the rest of his life. Even when you think you win with the evil feline, you lose…

sent in by freewin (via Charkrem)

Hello Kitty Skis

Hello Kitty Hell — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 07:01:43 +0000

My wife loves to head to the mountains in winter because she has this horrendous Hello Kitty snowboard set-up (she doesn’t actually snowboard much, but she sure does enjoy sitting at the bar in her Hello Kitty outfit), but she has never really wanted to ski. Of course, that was until the evil feline introduced these Hello Kitty skis by Victoria Couture:

Now my wife has a keen interest in skiing and thinks that these skis would make a perfect pair to buy in order to support her now found passion for the sport. Of course, this “sport” is not skiing, but the sport of placing the skis in a strategic position so that all can see them when she points out the bar window. And the sport of making me carry them around so that the skis don’t ruin her Hello Kitty ~~ski~~ bar lounging outfit. See, there is still Hello Kitty Hell even when snow is falling all around…

Sent in by Clément (via liberation)

Update: You knew that Hello Kitty could never stop with just the Victoria Couture skis and would also produce a Victoria Couture snowboard to match because the evil feline knows that all Hello Kitty fanatics would need both…

Sent in by plavlet

Hello Kitty Hilary Duff Skateboard

Hello Kitty Hell — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 13:01:48 +0000

In my ignorance (helped along by a few beers of the non Hello Kitty persuasion), I mentioned to my wife that I thought it would be fun to get a skateboard. If I had been a bit more sober, I would have known before the words came out of my mouth that Hello Kitty would have one. Even worse, my wife found one that she thinks I should get because not only is it a Hello Kitty skateboard, it is a Hello Kitty Hilary Duff endorsed skateboard. Yep, that pretty much guarantees a Hello Kitty hellish day…

Hello Kitty Longboard Surfboard

Hello Kitty Hell — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 08:45:36 +0000

When it comes to the fanatics of the evil feline, price is rarely a consideration. Take for example, this Hello Kitty longboard surfboard (not to be mistaken for the Hello Kitty surfboard). You could get basically the same effect by sticking a bunch of Hello Kitty stickers on the board for a few bucks, but they would eventually wear off (all the more reason, in my opinion, to use this approach if you for some reason momentarily lose all common sense and actually think Hello Kitty on a surfboard is a good idea). Instead, this surfboard had the Hello Kitty laminates placed under the fiberglass for about $1200. I guess you could argue it’s a good shark repellent…

Sent in by ram

Hello Kitty Carabiner

Hello Kitty Hell — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 18:30:35 +0000

When rock climbing, putting your life in the hands of the evil feline’s bow is a pretty good way to assure you’ll end up under a Hello Kitty tombstone. Of course, you know that since Hello Kitty is making these, it’s only a matter of time before they are offering a full size Hello Kitty head rock climbing wall…

Sent in by peter (via jbox)

Hello Kitty Major League Baseball Punishment

Hello Kitty Hell — Sat, 29 Aug 2009 07:01:40 +0000

More and more people are coming to the realization that if you really want to both punish and humiliate someone, simply force them to wear Hello Kitty. This worked wonders for the Thai police who tagged under-performing officers with a Hello Kitty armband of shame. It appears that major league baseball players have adopted a similar approach with the Hello Kitty backpack of shame:

Having to wear the evil feline out onto the diamond is not a good omen for your future baseball career. How will any of the other baseball players ever take you seriously again after seeing that, let alone not break into hysterical laughter?

Of course, it could also be a strategic game winning plan. None of the other players on the other team would be able to concentrate after witnessing something as terrifying as that. The result would almost assuredly be the loss of the game.

No matter what the intent, the fact that far too many people actually had to see this (first and foremost, myself) makes it a terrible idea. Even worse, once my wife sees it, she’ll think that if a baseball player has a Hello Kitty backpack, then I should have one too. Just one more horror to have to deal with in Hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in by Tim who should have to attend every baseball game for the rest of his life wearing this Hello Kitty backpack as punishment for ever thinking that sending me a photo like this would be a good idea…

Hello Kitty Safari

Hello Kitty Hell — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 06:32:19 +0000

Well, I guess I can always dream:

Hello Kitty safari postcard

I think it would have been more appropriate if she had been hunted down with a Hello Kitty shotgun, but then again, who am I to nitpick…

Sent in by Aein (via commercial archive) who deserves a beer on me if we should ever meet for bringing a smile to my face, but next time needs to invite me along for the hunt…

Hello Kitty World Order Wrestling

Hello Kitty Hell — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 15:36:43 +0000

When I mentioned awhile ago that the announcement of Hello Kitty Wold Order pro wresting was a sure sign the apocalypse was now upon us, little did I realize what an understatement that would be as these photos will show:

Not only is this wrong in so many ways, people actually paid to see this. You know that Sanrio has confidence that nothing can ever defeat them when they are willing to let Hello Kitty be represented as some random white guy with a pot belly in a pink costume which just confirms that Hello Kitty Hell will always get worse than you could ever imagine…

From Mike in the comments (via slam jam – with more photos at Daily News) who deserves to have to be in the ring with these guys for ever thinking that making me aware of these photos could ever be a good idea…