The simple fact that anyone could even conceive of this club, let alone that it actually exists, scares the Hello Kitty Hell out of me. There really isn’t any more that needs to be said about the Hello Kitty Athletic Club:

Sent in by Summer (via the Hello Kitty athletic club blog where there are plenty of other disturbing photos sure to give you nightmares for the rest of the year…)

We are all well aware that the evil feline has taken over both land and air. It appears that she isn’t satisfied with these two domains and that she also has set her sites on water with the Hello Kitty sailboat:

Of course, the truly terrifying part is that we all know that the Hello Kitty battleship can’t be far behind…

Sent in by Summer (via sailing anarchy)

One of the things that I fear most about posting Hello Kitty crap is that it will lead to more Hello Kitty crap in my email. A perfect example is when I posted the Hello Kitty shooting target on Facebook. Christine then offhandedly asked the question, “For those who don’t have access to guns, how about a Hello Kitty dartboard?” Guess what ended up in my mailbox a few days later? Was there any doubt that it was a Hello Kitty dartboard?

Once again, this really shouldn’t be much of a surprise. The fact that Hello Kitty darts exist pretty much guaranteed that a Hello Kitty dartboard also existed. What was a surprise was how the evil feline decided to make such a mockery out of the dartboard.

You know that the people at Sanrio were sitting there saying, “I wonder if we make the most ridiculous dart board ever if the fanatics would still be willing to buy it?” and then went about creating it. “Let’s just put random Hello Kitty faces and hearts of different sizes on the board and give them random point amounts. Then to make it even more ridiculous, we can leave the middle blank so that a bulls eye on a regular dart board will be worth the least amount possible on our dart board.” As they sat there laughing and congratulating themselves on how they could completely mangle the concept of a dart board, they knew that it didn’t matter because the fanatics would love it anyway — which pretty much sums up most Hello Kitty crap and ensures my continued life in Hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in by sarah

Update: She doesn’t seem to do too well on other Hello Kitty dart boards as well:

Sent in by angel

One would assume that there were certain sports that would be free of the evil feline such as fishing. of course, this would be greatly underestimating Hello Kitty’s desire to place her face on absolutely everything. No longer can a fisherman request fishing gear as a birthday gift without the risk of something like this being given to them: The Hello Kitty fishing reel.

I can’t even imagine the Hello Kitty Hell of having to try and explain to your fishing buddies why you have to use something like this…

Sent in by Pinky

Once again proving that there is nothing that the evil feline isn’t willing to try and buy her way into, this is undoubtedly what Sanrio would like the Olympic rings for Sochi and beyond to look like:

My wife absolutely loves it and thinks that it makes perfect sense because “The Olympics bring the world together and so does Hello Kitty. They are a perfect match for each other.” I was tempted to give my opinion that the only place that Hello Kitty belonged in relation to the Olympics was in the flame as fuel, but decided that since I had managed to avoid the Hello Kitty sleeping bag since moving back to the US, this wasn’t the time to begin getting into that routine again…

Left by @_adrilovesyou on Twitter who should have to watch Hello Kitty cartoons during the Olympics for the rest of her life for every thinking that showing this to be could result in anything positive…

One would imagine that there would be certain sports where Hello Kitty, no matter how hard she tried, would never be accepted. Of course, that would once again greatly underestimating the evil feline and her quest to put her face absolutely every where. For those of you who still doubt, here is the Hello Kitty extreme cage fighter:

Much like the Hello Kitty men’s underwear (and the various other frightening variations), this photo is a disaster for any male that has a Hello Kitty fanatic in his life. My wife took one look at this photo and demanded to know, for the millionth time, why I am so against wearing Hello Kitty clothing. She should already know better.

Hello Kitty x aging men with beer bellies does not make an attractive photo opportunity (although it certainly does provide ample blackmail material so that she is guaranteed to get anything Hello Kitty she wants for the rest of her life simply by threatening to release the photos onto the Internet). Imagine of your dad wearing that outfit (ohhh, sorry about that — my bad. I should have told you to go to the bathroom or at least get a trash can handy) and you should pretty much agree that it is just wrong in so many ways. The fact that my wife refuses to acknowledge this obvious reality ensures that I remain painfully in the deepest depths of Hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in by Cathy who should have to watch all her loved ones fight this guy (I would say her, but from the sound of her email to me about how sexy this guy is, she would undoubtedly enjoy being in a ring with him herself) as punishment for ever thinking that sending this to me would result in anything good…

The evil feline knows how to make a generation of real skateboarders want to purposely road rash themselves to death. When Hello Kitty gets the endorsement of Hilary Duff for skateboarding, skateboarders can roll their eyes knowing that their sport is safe and has nothing to worry about. When Mike Carroll creates Hello Kitty skateboard decks for Girl, you know that Hello Kitty has no mercy when recruiting members to the dark side…

Sent in by danny.

I guess when you play competitive games, you have to sometimes sacrifice your dignity in order to win. That can be the only explanation for the Hello Kitty paintball gun. There is no doubt that upon seeing it, any opponent will be instantaneously frozen with both fear and disgust leaving him/her to be a sitting duck just waiting to be picked off. The irony, of course, is that the loser will go home having lost happily, knowing that he doesn’t have to live life with a Hello Kitty paintball gun. The victor, on the other hand, will carry the shame of owning that monstrosity which pretty much ensures lifetime psychological damage for the rest of his life. Even when you think you win with the evil feline, you lose…

sent in by freewin (via Charkrem)

My wife loves to head to the mountains in winter because she has this horrendous Hello Kitty snowboard set-up (she doesn’t actually snowboard much, but she sure does enjoy sitting at the bar in her Hello Kitty outfit), but she has never really wanted to ski. Of course, that was until the evil feline introduced these Hello Kitty skis by Victoria Couture:

Now my wife has a keen interest in skiing and thinks that these skis would make a perfect pair to buy in order to support her now found passion for the sport. Of course, this “sport” is not skiing, but the sport of placing the skis in a strategic position so that all can see them when she points out the bar window. And the sport of making me carry them around so that the skis don’t ruin her Hello Kitty ski bar lounging outfit. See, there is still Hello Kitty Hell even when snow is falling all around…

Sent in by Clément (via liberation)

Update: You knew that Hello Kitty could never stop with just the Victoria Couture skis and would also produce a Victoria Couture snowboard to match because the evil feline knows that all Hello Kitty fanatics would need both…

Sent in by plavlet

And some Hello Kitty angel skis

Sent in by brent

In my ignorance (helped along by a few beers of the non Hello Kitty persuasion), I mentioned to my wife that I thought it would be fun to get a skateboard. If I had been a bit more sober, I would have known before the words came out of my mouth that Hello Kitty would have one. Even worse, my wife found one that she thinks I should get because not only is it a Hello Kitty skateboard, it is a Hello Kitty Hilary Duff endorsed skateboard. Yep, that pretty much guarantees a Hello Kitty hellish day…