I guess Hello Kitty fanatics like the boxing glove look (although I must admit that simply seeing this makes me want to punch something)…

Sent in by far too many people who obviously have way too much time on their hands and are clinically blind.

I already hate cell phones in general because of what my wife does to them. When we lived in Japan, I avoided having to live with a Hello Kitty iPhone because there were so many other cell phones that were superior to it there that my wife wanted, but now that we are back in the US, my wife is insisting that she needs an iPhone. I have no doubt that this is what it is going to ultimately look like:

This is obviously an attempt of Hello Kitty to blind everyone into submission. Either that or send everyone into Hello Kitty induced seizures. Seriously, if you are every dating someone that is carrying around something like this, run. Run fast. Run fast and far, far away. The only alternative is joining me in Hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in by Claudia who I would wish horrendous torture upon as punishment for thinking it would ever be a good idea to send this to me, but the mere fact that she owns this is far worse punishment than I could ever imagine…

Left by Alessandro Olivieri on facebook

This scenario of how the world ends is far more plausible than anyone should care to admit. There are Hello Kitty airplanes, so a Hello Kitty fighter jet isn’t a stretch. There is a Hello Kitty armoured personnel carrier, so a Hello Kitty tank is probably already in production. And we all are already all too familiar with Hello Kitty and her machine guns. All I know is that Hello Kitty continues to keep the heat roaring in Hello Kitty Hell by continually showing that things can always get worse…

Sent in by someone that would prefer to remain anonymous, but still deserves to have unspeakable punishment rained down upon them for ever thinking that sending this to me would be a good idea…

Much like the Hello Kitty men’s underwear (and the various other frightening variations), this photo is a disaster for any male that has a Hello Kitty fanatic in his life. My wife took one look at this photo and demanded to know, for the millionth time, why I am so against wearing Hello Kitty clothing. She should already know better.

Hello Kitty x aging men with beer bellies does not make an attractive photo opportunity (although it certainly does provide ample blackmail material so that she is guaranteed to get anything Hello Kitty she wants for the rest of her life simply by threatening to release the photos onto the Internet). Imagine of your dad wearing that outfit (ohhh, sorry about that — my bad. I should have told you to go to the bathroom or at least get a trash can handy) and you should pretty much agree that it is just wrong in so many ways. The fact that my wife refuses to acknowledge this obvious reality ensures that I remain painfully in the deepest depths of Hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in by Cathy who should have to watch all her loved ones fight this guy (I would say her, but from the sound of her email to me about how sexy this guy is, she would undoubtedly enjoy being in a ring with him herself) as punishment for ever thinking that sending this to me would result in anything good…

I don’t think that any of us will be surprised to read in the paper this week about a Chihuahua that goes for their owner’s jugular. Of course, my wife thinks that this is the cutest thing ever, and thinks that we should get a dog so that she can do stuff like this to it. When she said this, I realised that the terrible thing I had probably done in a previous life was giving a pet to a Hello Kitty fanatic. That would mean that I am currently getting off easy for my former discretion — which can only mean that Hello Kitty Hell will only get worse…

Sent in by Vikki who should have to dress like this dog each and every day for the rest of the year as punishment for ever thinking that sending this photo to me could result in anything remotely close to positive…

Despite the terrible combo, I can understand why someone might think it is a good idea to place these two characters together. They both possess true evil that is unimaginable to most of us, and obviously the world would be a better place if Hello Kitty was restrained in this fashion. However, trying to equate Hello Kitty to Hannibal Lecter is just plain wrong because, quite frankly, the evil feline is so much worse. She not only wants to eat your brain, she wants you to eat her brains as well.

Of course, the most frightening thing about this is that there will undoubtedly be a worse Hello Kitty combo tattoo arriving in my email box in the far too near future — and thus ensuring my continued existence in the depths of Hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in by Nickey Lynn who has punished herself far more than I could ever wish upon her by the simple act of having to live with this unfortunate ink combo…

Of course, my wife could care less what this may appear to look like to others. She hears Hello Kitty x chocolate and she wants it without question.

This makes perfect sense. Hello Kitty fanatics are already zombie like in their devotion to the Sanrio character, so them wanting to eat her brains is obvious. Hello Kitty, of course, wants her followers to eat her brains so that they continue to be zombie followers of her quest to take over the world. The worst part is that Hello Kitty gathering her legions of Hello Kitty zombie fanatics to eat her brains on Valentine’s Day to wreak havoc on the world pretty much makes for the best case scenario of what will happen on Valentine’s Day when you live in Hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in by Harriet, who should have to spend the rest of the year eating Hello Kitty brains as punishment for helping to guarantee that my Valentine’s Day will likely turn into a Hello Kitty Hellish zombie attack from which I will never be able to escape…

One would assume that the Hello Kitty tooth would make all Hello Kitty fanatics come to their senses and simply admit that Hello Kitty x dentistry will never go together, but once again you would be underestimating the lengths that Hello Kitty will go to get her image on absolutely everything. Thus, the Hello Kitty retainer was born:

Upon seeing this, my wife thought that the entire concept of a Hello Kitty dentist would be a wonderful idea. At one point she even exclaimed, “Wouldn’t Hello Kitty braces be the cutest thing ever?!”

All I could imagine was having Hello Kitty leaning over me with a Hello Kitty dentist drill in her hand with a Hello Kitty drill bit on the end hitting my teeth as the Hello Kitty Novocaine she administered hand no numbing effect. Now that I think about it, that would probably be on par to the pain that Hello Kitty Hell causes me on a daily basis…

Sent in by Tara who has already punished herself more than I could ever imagine wishing upon her by merely thinking that getting a custom made Hello Kitty retainer is something a sane person would do…

Update: One would assume that one such monstrosity would be enough, but of coourse that would go against everything we already know about Hello Kitty:

Sent in by kristen

Sent in by Amy who should have to dress up like this everyday for the rest of her life as punishment for creating the thought in my wife’s mind that this would be “a cute and wonderful costume” for us to wear next Halloween (I’m moving back to Japan before that happens), and for ever thinking that anything good would come of sending it to me…