Hello Kitty Hell » Hello Kitty Strange

Hello Kitty Sex Doll Harem (possibly NSFW)

Hello Kitty Hell — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 20:45:56 +0000

One would think that it would be impossible to make a harem of sex dolls stored in the closet any creepier, but that is definitely not the case. That’s because when you place a large Hello Kitty plush on the top shelf to watch over them and a Hello Kitty night light on the floor so they don’t get scared at night, you pretty much have put together the creepiest room possible. To keep my sanity and prevent countless nightmares, I’m not even going to think about why those Hello Kitty items may be there…

Sent in by Getsu

Hello Kitty Xmas Tree

Hello Kitty Hell — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 22:41:16 +0000

This is why I hate this time of year. No sooner has Halloween and the celebration of whatever freaking year the evil feline has turned (does it really matter since she still looks exactly the same?) ended that I start getting emails for things like a Hello Kitty pink feather Xmas tree:

Of course, my wife loves it and immediately asked me what I thought about it which is always a no win situation in Hello Kitty Hell. If I tell her the truth that it looks like a cat got hold of a flock of pigeons and puked them up after drinking a gallon of Pepto Bismol, I would most certainly be spending the rest of the week on the couch in the Hello Kitty sleeping bag. On the other hand, if I lie and tell her that it looks nice, then there is a good chance that I will have something similar sitting in my house for the rest of the holiday season.

Unfortunately, my tactfulness is running in short supply these days due to the constant reminders that we failed to go to Three Apples (doesn’t bode well for the rest of the holiday season) and I may have let some of the cat/flock of pigeons/puke and Pepto Bismol slip out. At least I’ll be sleeping on the couch knowing that pink monstrocity won’t be our holiday tree this year which counts as a tiny victory when you are living in Hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in by mariammbaby who is punishing herself far more than I could ever imagine by simply thinking that this is a positive addition to her home…

Hello Kitty Haiku Book

Hello Kitty Hell — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 17:49:19 +0000

Seriously, there is absolutely nothing that the Hello Kitty won’t try and stick her claws into. Apparently Japanese haiku poetry, through its long and illustrious history, was still missing something vitally important — the evil feline’s commercialization. She promptly resolved this oversight with a haiku poetry book titled Hello Kitty Through The Seasons:

You would think — being the normal, sane person that you are — that a single Hello Kitty haiku book would prove that there are just some things that Hello Kitty fanatics wouldn’t buy, but then you would be vastly underestimating the evil feline again. That’s because the first book was so successful that they came out with another Hello Kitty haiku book titled Hello Kitty Everywhere

With gems like the following inside, it’s amazing that the first book didn’t send the Hello Kitty fanatic masses to a sugary, diabetic death:

Storm of white sugar –

a wintery confection,

I sit happily

Of course, my wife loves it and is dutifully taking the steps necessary to add these two books to her collection. I, on the other hand, sit here thinking of how the above Hello Kitty haiku would go in real life:

Storm of white sugar -

Pepto Bismol pink frosting

Everyone vomits

These two books are making me seriously reconsider my thoughts on book burning…

Sent in by Alison (via haiku by two) who should have to include Hello Kitty in every one of the haiku she writes in the future as punishment for every thinking that bringing these to my wife’s attention could be a good thing.

Hello Kitty Pinhead Tattoo

Hello Kitty Hell — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 21:23:22 +0000

In the never ending display of Hello Kitty combo tattoos that make absolutely no sense and will undoubtedly seem just as smart to have gotten 25 years from now, we have yet another entry — the Hello Kitty Pinhead tattoo.

Sent in by far too many people…

Hello Kitty Coat

Hello Kitty Hell — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 16:17:56 +0000

What is it with Hello Kitty fanatics and Hello Kitty plush fashion? Seriously, it’s one of the most disturbing trends for the simple fact that someone with absolutely no fashion sense can look at it and know instantly that they would never be caught dead in something like that. It’s bad enough that these types of outfits actually make their way onto the runway or are produced for special occasions (or worn by people that should never be let out of the house), but for someone to feel that it’s OK to wear a Hello Kitty plush coat as normal everyday wear?

My wife somehow sees that this as a good thing (how the Hello Kitty fanatic mind works I will never understand) and a perfect way to be surrounded by Hello Kitty plushies all day without having to carry them around.

I, on the other hand, find it’s truly a sad day in the fashion world when a large, overweight guy living in a foreign land and absolutely no interest in fashion in any way shape or form — and is only involved in it due to the unfortunate fact that he lives in Hello Kitty Hell — has to let those in the fashion industry know that simply pinning on a lot of Hello Kitty plush to an outfit is not only ridiculously stupid fashion sense, it’s been done so many times that it can’t even be considered edgy or inspired. When I feel there is a more pressing need for me to comment on fashion rather than sit down in front of the TV with a non-Hello Kitty beer and non-Hello Kitty pizza, you know that there is something seriously amiss in the world and that Hello Kitty Hell has just gotten a bit worse…

Sent in by dori who should be forced to wear Hello Kitty plush outfits every day for the rest of her life for ever thinking that sending me this photo could be a good idea.

Hello Kitty and Disco Stormtrooper Costumes

Hello Kitty Hell — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 23:52:47 +0000

This is definitely going to be a long and horrifying Halloween if this is any indication of the Hello Kitty Halloween costumes that will be finding their way into my mailbox over the next few days. If you can be judged by the friends you keep, this pretty much explains the Hello Kitty I know…

Sent in by simon

Hello Kitty Ferrari

Hello Kitty Hell — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 16:25:09 +0000

You know that the results are not going to be good when a Hello Kitty fanatic has a lot of money. The one fact that we could console ourselves with when seeing the Hello Kitty Ferrari was that it was photoshopped, but you knew it was simply a matter of time that a Hello Kitty fanatic with a lot of money thought that making a real Hello Kitty Ferrari would be a good idea. If you love cars, simply walk away at this point and don’t come back because you won’t be able to undo what you have just seen:

While the horrific mutilation of this car brings tears of pain to my eyes, my wife absolutely loves the idea of a Hello Kitty Ferrari. She would love to have one among the fleet of Hello Kitty cars that she hopes to one day own. Sometimes it’s a true blessing that there are limited funds here in Hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in by SFR (via dekit) who should have to have all his future cars Hello Kittified as punishment for ever thinking that sending these photos to me would be a good idea…

Hello Kitty Latex Fashion Show

Hello Kitty Hell — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 07:01:08 +0000

I knew that I would regret posting the Hello Kitty handbag fashion show video. As soon as the video was posted, other Hello Kitty fashion show videos started appearing in my email box (to my disgust, but to the delight of my wife). Among these was a Hello Kitty latex fashion show (possibly nsfw)…

As much as Hello Kitty claims that she isn’t about sex, the evidence (the thinly disguised Hello Kitty vibrator, the recent MAC make-up promotions and the Hello Kitty bondage hotel to name just a few examples) points to the contrary and it’s pretty obvious that if the evil feline thinks that it will sell, she is all for it. That, in turn, means that I have a lot more Hello Kitty Hell to look forward to…

Sent in by yelpkh who should have to watch this video over and over as punishment for ever thinking that sending it to me would be a good idea…

Hello Kitty Bloodfest

Hello Kitty Hell — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 19:01:10 +0000

There are some things about Hello Kitty fanatics I just don’t want to know. Apparently there is a a rave called Bloodfest where “the Infamous Boom Boom does his blood bath performance which is basically simulated sex in a tub full of blood and bones.” This year Boom Boom incorporated the below Hello Kitty plush into the act and for your sanity, I’ll leave out the details of what he did. While this certainly sounds like the crowd where the evil feline belongs, feel free not to share these stories with me in the future:

Sent in by Hello Kizee

Hello Kitty Beauty Pageant

Hello Kitty Hell — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 07:01:16 +0000

The thing that I fear most in Hello Kitty Hell is when my wife and I have kids. It’s an absolutely no win situation, first and foremost, because she will want to have the baby conceived in a Hello Kitty bondage room and delivered in a Hello Kitty maternity ward. If it’s a baby boy, he’s going to have to grow up dealing with Hello Kitty all around. If it’s a baby girl, well, suffice to say that all Hello Kitty Hell will break loose and my current situation will seem mild by comparison. That’s because things like Hello Kitty beauty pageants for kids exist:

When my wife saw this photo, she thought it was adorable and didn’t hesitate to inform me that when we have a little girl, she will participate in Hello Kitty beauty pageants. Maybe those Hello Kitty condoms aren’t such a bad idea after all…

Left by Kristen on facebook who should have to attend daily Hello Kitty beauty pageants for the rest of her life as punishment for letting my wife know that these exist and ensuring the depths of Hello Kitty hell increase when we have children…