Hello Kitty Hell

The people at Sanrio have gotten to the point that they aren’t even trying anymore. Seriously. The don’t care at all because they know that the fanatics will buy anything. I think they have even reached the point of actively trying to see if they can find anything that Hello Kitty fanatics won’t buy. There [...]

We all instinctively know that Hello Kitty guns are an extremely bad idea. There is no need to show us. In fact, we also know instinctively that if we did see a fanatic with guns that we would cringe in the best case scenario and our brains would be scarred for life in the worst. [...]

I figured that if I could survive the excruciating pain of having to see all the hideous Hello Kitty Halloween pumpkin creations, I would no longer have to worry about the evil feline being carved into fruits. Unfortunately, I once again greatly underestimated the true diabolical nature within her soul when I was shown a [...]

Sometimes I forget that Hello Kitty looks at every event that makes the news as an opportunity to promote herself no matter how utterly distasteful doing so may be. A perfect example of this is the evil feline’s decision to create a Hello Kitty Steve Jobs as a memorial tribute as if anyone (besides the [...]

While I’m not a big fan of any of the Hello Kitty costumes that are out there, I’m especially horrified with this one. I think that this Hello Kitty mummy cosplay model confirms, without a doubt, that Hello Kitty supports eating disorders:

I guess it’s sort of appropriate that EVA Air has announced today that they will once again start flying Hello Kitty planes since this is the time of the year when things that you thought were long dead come back to life in order to both haunt you and eat your brain (something that the [...]

There really was no doubt left that Hello Kitty would put her name and likeness on anything and everything after she decided that the Hello Kitty vibrator (oh, sorry, I meant “shoulder massager”) was actually an acceptable item for the evil feline to promote. Since Hello Kitty alcohol was also deemed age appropriate for all [...]

One of the things that I fear most about posting Hello Kitty crap is that it will lead to more Hello Kitty crap in my email. A perfect example is when I posted the Hello Kitty shooting target on Facebook. Christine then offhandedly asked the question, “For those who don’t have access to guns, how [...]

All of a sudden, I enthusiastically support barbecues:

It’s not often that I can get behind a Hello Kitty product, but I do have to say that I approve of this. With all the Hello Kitty guns that are out there, it’s about time that they had something worthy to shoot at — namely a Hello Kitty shooting target:

This really shouldn’t be a surprise. When the evil feline is willing to create a Hello Kitty Darth Vader or a Hello Kitty Klingon, it isn’t a stretch to imagine that she would try to invade absolutely every imaginable franchise including Ghostbusters. So while my eyes bleed at the sickly pink and my brain hurts [...]

When Armageddon arrives, I have absolutely no doubt that this is exactly what we’ll all see in the streets:

For a cat that claims to bring love and understanding to the world, Hello Kitty sure does have quite a supply of pink weapons. One would assume that a pink Hello Kitty hand grenade would be more than enough for the evil feline to show her heartfelt kindness to all, but apparently she felt that [...]

As you all well know, I don’t get Hello Kitty. It isn’t just some parts of it — I don’t get any of it. That being said, there are certain areas that I don’t get a lot more than others. For example, I have absolutely no idea why an cat with no mouth has such [...]

We all know that Hello Kitty claims to be a wonderful role model (and how could we ever dispute that with all the Hello Kitty weapons, Hello Kitty alcohol and Hello Kitty scarification she so generously promotes to lead all toward the good life). Now we have further proof of Hello Kitty’s goodness and role [...]

It doesn’t take a huge leap of faith to figure out that if you lived an especially disgraceful previous life, chances are that you returned to earth as a pet of a Hello Kitty fanatic as punishment. Although I can’t imagine what type of evilness could constitute such a horrendous punishment, what Hello Kitty fanatics [...]

It has been shown time and again that Hello Kitty in herself is just plain wrong. Hello Kitty tattoos have a way of highlighting that wrongness in ways that make us all shake our heads in disbelief. Then, of course, there are tattoos that when seen are simply wrong in so many ways and there [...]

I decided, against my better judgement, to let others submit Hello Kitty Hellishness directly to the blog. The ability to do so has been live only a few hours and I am already regretting this decision. How could I not be when something like this (seriously, I really have no freakin idea what it is, [...]

There aren’t many things covered with the evil feline’s face that I can get into, but anything that allows me to piss on Hello Kitty is far better than most of the other crap that invades my life. For example, if I have a choice of all the Hello Kitty crap at target or a [...]

It didn’t take long for things to get a whole lot worse. After the Hello Kitty duct tape spawned the Hello Kitty duct tape purse, you would think that those of us living in Hello Kitty Hell would get a few days of respite to heal our eyes (and minds) from the hideousness. That, of [...]