Hello Kitty Hell

Hello Kitty Desk

Hello Kitty Hell — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 13:21:22 +0000

You really don’t know Hello Kitty Hell until a true Hello Kitty fanatic is in your presence on a daily basis. Imagine, for instance, that you had a co-worker that was a Hello Kitty fanatic. You might be saying to yourself, “oh, I know someone that likes the evil feline” but they really aren’t a Hello Kitty fanatic unless they have decorated their desk like this:

Imagine having to look at that desk every day you come into work. Now imagine that kind of Hello Kitty coverage over your entire house and having to live there 24/7/365. That is what I live with. My wife calls it Hello Kitty Heaven (and after seeing this photo has decided that we just may need some more Hello Kitty in our house), but I imagine that if you are part of the population that hasn’t been served the Hello Kitty Kool Aid, you get an inkling of what Hello Kitty Hell is like…

Sent in by Cinomed who should have to work at a desk like this for the rest of her life as punishment for thinking for even a split second that showing me something like this could ever be a good idea…

Hello Kitty Costume Gone Horribly Wrong

Hello Kitty Hell — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 15:03:15 +0000

There are way too many people that dress up as Hello Kitty, but Hello Kitty costumes take on new dimensions of horror when they interpret the evil feline like this:

All I can say, it it certainly makes me want to run and hide…

Sent in by SoilentGreen who deserves to wake up with this photo in front of her face every morning as punishment for thinking it could ever be a good idea to send this to me…

Hello Kitty MBA Hell

Hello Kitty Hell — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 12:33:23 +0000

I get all kinds of strange emails linking Hello Kitty with anything you can dream of. You know that the world is nearing the end when MBA students are getting college credit for studying Hello Kitty. You know that I’m in the middle of the Hello Kitty Hell tsunami when those students write to me for help with their project:

We are a group of first year full time MBA students in UC Irvine doing a big marketing project on Hello Kitty and we really need a big favor from you - if possible, to complete this 5 min survey and also to post this survey on your blog or ask your friends to help out as well. We need data that can exclude demographic limitations so we need people from all over the world to do this and we are looking for more than 2000 participants. Please use your charm and also your passion for kitty to help us on this survey!

Obviously these students need to do a bit more research if they believe that I have a “passion for kitty” or that I would ever place my friends into such a tortuous position in the guise of helping (although it seems to be a pretty good project for my enemies). Maybe they should get a failing grade before they even start and save everyone the pain of having to learn anything new about Hello Kitty.

Of course, my wife thinks it’s a wonderful idea and is of the opinion that college would be a much better place if all people had to study about Hello Kitty as part of their graduation requirement. Hello Kitty University - there’s something to look forward to that you know the people at Sanrio are probably all going to be saying, “why didn’t we think of that before?” at their next meeting.

Something tells me these students have already lined up plum job positions at the corporate headquarters of the evil feline or are trying to weasel their way in by kissing some you know what. Seriously, if you were a student and could pick any marketing theme project to conduct, why on earth would you pick Hello Kitty? Or an even better question, why the hell would you think it was a good idea to ask me to help you with it?

The Colbert Report: “It Makes You Poop Hello Kitties”

Hello Kitty Hell — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 04:37:16 +0000

When Stephen Colbert endorsed Barack Obama on The Colbert Report, he made the distinction that there is a difference between endorsing and supporting :

There are plenty of things out there that you can endorse, but not do anything to support. For instance, in Japan, I endorse a very popular energy drink called Pow Yong Power Jogging now juice. But I would never drink it. It makes you poop Hello Kitties.

You can see it at 4:55

It’s a deep, dark day in Hello Kitty Hell when Stephen Colbert would consider endorsing anything that makes you poop Hello Kitties (over even mention the evil feline on his show…), but far worse is that Sanrio has probably latched onto this idea and is trying to figure out a way to really make it happen…

Sent in by Matt who should have to drink that stuff and suffer the effects in the bathroom as punishment for thinking even for an instant that sending this to me could produce any good…

Hello Kitty Cheeky Tattoo 2

Hello Kitty Hell — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 09:14:48 +0000

Sometimes I get up, open my email and realize that it would just be better to crawl back into the Hello Kitty futon and sleep for the entire week. This is the problem with Hello Kitty fanatics. They do things like get a tattoo of Hello Kitty on their ass and then send me a photo of it completely ruining my eating for the rest of the week since I can’t keep any food down. But that is not enough. They just can’t seem to leave something so horribly wrong alone. Instead, they feel the need to double the horror by taking what is already a sign that all is not right in the world and moving it to an entirely new level. Even worse, they feel compelled to send me a photo of it:

Someone, please, take a laser and burn this image out of my mind. It’s going to haunt me for years to come…

Sent in again by Colin who has obviously inflicted a lifetime of pain and humiliation upon himself — much more than I could ever wish upon another person…

Happy Birthday Hello Kitty! Ouch…

Hello Kitty Hell — Sat, 01 Nov 2008 10:10:52 +0000

In celebration of Hello Kitty’s 34th birthday (kind of sad I have this information in my brain - by the way, aren’t cats supposed to die after 15 years or so?) I figured I should show what the evil feline means to me…

Yes, having to live in Hello Kitty Hell is like having Hello Kitty carved into your skin with a sharp object on a daily basis. Now the difference between living in Hello Kitty Hell and being a Hello Kitty fanatic is that while anyone in their right mind would consider something like this extremely painful, the Hello Kitty fanatic thinks this pain shows some type of Hello Kitty devotion and smiles through the entire process:

So while those like me suffer the excruciating pain, the Hello Kitty fanatics move around the same world with a dull, intoxicated smile on their face. And while most people would be ashamed to have anyone know that Hello Kitty had left any type of mark on them, Hello Kitty fanatics are proud to display that they are owned by the one with no mouth.

So that pretty much sums up what it’s like to live in Hello Kitty Hell and I toast her on her birthday for giving me pain, humiliation and a lifetime of scars. And just think, next year it’s bound to be even worse…

Sent in by Stacey (via A little bit of everything…) who should have to suffer this ritual herself for ever thinking that sending me these photos could result in anything positive…

Hello Kitty Halloween Nightmare

Hello Kitty Hell — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 09:16:57 +0000

For some reason people feel it’s important to send photos of their Hello Kitty Halloween themed crap which pretty much makes Halloween one of the holidays I least look forward to and a Hello Kitty Hellish nightmare. The only bright spot is that there is no Halloween in Japan so I escape the indignity of having to dress up in some Hello Kitty themed costume with my wife (one reason I dread ever moving back to the US). Some of those photos that for some inexplicable reason I didn’t delete against my better judgement:

Sent in by Rachel who felt that last year wasn’t enough…

Sent in by Louanne…

Sent in by Jess…

Sent in by jen…

Hello Kitty Zombie Bento

Hello Kitty Hell — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 13:55:36 +0000

I’m not sure what it is with the Hello Kitty Zombie combination, but since they have already appeared together as cakes and tattoos, I guess it really should be no surprise to find a Hello Kitty zombie bento:

It’s really discouraging when stuff like this shows up in my email because as soon as my wife sees it, she immediately thinks that it is her duty as a Hello Kitty fanatic to give it a try. Unfortunately, that means that it ends up in front of me — and while it may be good if I was on a diet or felt like sleeping in the Hello Kitty sleeping bag, that is usually not the case.

So of course my mind starts racing for ideas on why she shouldn’t make it or why I won’t be able to consume it. So I immediately begin to wonder if there is any chance that I can convince her that there is a law outlawing the consumption of Hello Kitty zombies on Halloween? — yep, I know. Pretty pathetic. But it just goes to show how the mind starts to work when you live in Hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in by Linda (via justbento) who really should have to eat Hello Kitty zombie bentos for the rest of the year for thinking that sending something like this to me could ever be a good idea.

Hello Kitty Dog Muzzle

Hello Kitty Hell — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 15:29:11 +0000

If there is anything worse that me living in Hello Kitty Hell, it might possibly be a dog living in Hello Kitty Hell. Whether it’s their fanatic owners giving them a Hello Kitty tattoo. Making them wear a Hello Kitty head / Hello Kitty dog blanket and Hello Kitty clothes / Hello Kitty jewelry, they pretty much are guaranteed to be the laughing stock of all the other dogs in the neighborhood (boy, do I know how that feels). Of course, things can still get worse for dogs as well like having to wear a Hello Kitty dog muzzle:

Life pretty much sucks when a cat with no mouth won’t let you open up your own. My guess is that the only reason this owner needs a dog muzzle for this dog is that through all the other Hello Kitty trauma the dog has been put through and been forced to endure, he basically wants to bite the hell out of the owner. I surely would…

Sent in by Kelsey who should have to wear this muzzle herself every day as punishment for thinking it could ever be a good idea to send this photo to me…

Hello Kitty Cheeky Tattoo

Hello Kitty Hell — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 13:42:21 +0000

I am always afraid when I get an email that indicates that there is a Hello Kitty tattoo inside. There have just been far too many Hello Kitty tattoo that pretty much confirm that things are not right in the world. That is exactly the feeling that overwhelmed me when I took a look at this:

It’s not the fact that the actual Hello Kitty tattoo is as bad as some of the others out there (it’s a sure sign you live in Hello Kitty Hell when you can actually rank the awfulness of Hello Kitty tattoos because you have become so familiar with them), but that having to see it on a man’s hairy ass early in the morning (trust me, you really don’t want to click on the photos to get an extreme close-up unless you are on a fasting diet this week) pretty much ensures that you aren’t going to be eating a whole lot during the day.

Of course, to my wife sees this as proof that there are men out there that truly love the evil feline to which she can compare my total lack of devotion and question why I can’t be more like them — which pretty much ensures that it’s going to be one Hello Kitty Hellish weekend…

Sent in by Colin who I should wish horrendous and terrible things upon for thinking that ever sending me a photo like this could produce any good in the world, but the fact that that is going to be on his butt for life is far worse punishment than I could ever conceive…