You know that you really can’t take a fashion magazine seriously when they are willing to place the evil feline on the cover. You know they have gone completely insane when they think that doing a double cover is something that’s acceptable. We know that Elle Taiwan editors have guzzled the Kool Aid with their December Elle Hello Kitty magazine double cover:
When everything good in the world meets everything wrong with the world and wrong wins, the unfortunate and all too terrifying result is Hello Kitty bacon…
There is this extremely unfortunate (and frightening) notion among Hello Kitty fanatics that wearing very little clothing in conjunction with the evil feline is somehow a good thing. I think this photo proves that this notion is definitely not the case:
The worst part is that this isn’t even a Hello Kitty costume which pretty much ensures a Hello Kitty Hellish day for anyone that has to lay eyes on it…
Left by Whitney Rose on Facebook
What is worse than a Hello Kitty car? A Hello Kitty car where you are more horrifically distressed inside it than those are on the outside looking at the paint job (and believe me, the people on the outside are trembling with fear). This is why you never let a Hello Kitty fanatic decorate the interior of a car:
I knew that once the Hello Kitty Christmas tree showed up in my email before December even began that things weren’t going to go well this holiday season. This feeling was confirmed when someone, for some unfathomable reason, thought it would be a good idea to send me a photo of Hello Kitty Christmas ornaments:
If Hello Kitty fanatics are willing to carve the evil feline into their skin (as well as branding), I guess that it really shouldn’t be a surprise that someone would also have no issue having Hello Kitty stabbed into their back with a bunch of acupuncture needles:
Just in case you were under the deluded impression that Hello Kitty was somehow not wanting to be on absolutely anything and everything that exists, I present the Hello Kitty bullet proof mask:
Leave it to Hello Kitty fanatics to not have the patience (or common decency) to start sending me horrible reminders of what the next month is going to be like in Hello Kitty Hell. First there was the Hello Kitty Christmas tree which soon lead to another Christmas tree before the floodgates opened (which created a strong case in favor of those who believe the world isn’t worth saving). Was there really any doubt that there would be more Hello Kitty Christmas trees?
One of the worst parts of living in Hello Kitty Hell is how the evil feline manages to ruin all types of food. It has already been well established that no food is off limits to her commercialization, and she once again proves that with stunning clarity. Anyone who loves Mexican food should be shedding more than a few tears over the Hello Kitty soft taco tortilla:
The simple fact that anyone could even conceive of this club, let alone that it actually exists, scares the Hello Kitty Hell out of me. There really isn’t any more that needs to be said about the Hello Kitty Athletic Club:
We are all well aware that the evil feline has taken over both land and air. It appears that she isn’t satisfied with these two domains and that she also has set her sites on water with the Hello Kitty sailboat:
It’s already well documented that hello Kitty loves her drugs whether it be Hello Kitty cocaine or Hello Kitty marijuana accessories. And with the way that those who follow the evil feline dress up for raves (NSFW), is it really any surprise that Hello Kitty ecstasy exists?
The people at Sanrio have gotten to the point that they aren’t even trying anymore. Seriously. The don’t care at all because they know that the fanatics will buy anything. I think they have even reached the point of actively trying to see if they can find anything that Hello Kitty fanatics won’t buy. There really is no other explanation for the Hello Kitty sandwich ring:
We all instinctively know that Hello Kitty guns are an extremely bad idea. There is no need to show us. In fact, we also know instinctively that if we did see a fanatic with guns that we would cringe in the best case scenario and our brains would be scarred for life in the worst. This photo dramatically shows us the worst case scenario:
I figured that if I could survive the excruciating pain of having to see all the hideous Hello Kitty Halloween pumpkin creations, I would no longer have to worry about the evil feline being carved into fruits. Unfortunately, I once again greatly underestimated the true diabolical nature within her soul when I was shown a carved Hello Kitty watermelon:
If you have to ask “When is Hello Kitty’s birthday?” or don’t instantly know that it’s November 1, 1974, then consider yourself one of the luckiest people on the planet. If you do know that November first is Hello Kitty’s birthday, you either have been endowed with an unfortunate intellect which for some unimaginable reason gives you the misguided sense to be a fanatic, or have the truly horrible misfortune to be close to a fanatic. And while it’s a truly sad existence to find yourself in either one of the two latter situations, I do believe that everyone should be wished the very best on their birthday. It’s with this in mind that I recalled the one Hello Kitty cake that I could get behind and once again present it to Hello Kitty on her birthday.
Sometimes I forget that Hello Kitty looks at every event that makes the news as an opportunity to promote herself no matter how utterly distasteful doing so may be. A perfect example of this is the evil feline’s decision to create a Hello Kitty Steve Jobs as a memorial tribute as if anyone (besides the fanatics) could ever view this as something positive. See for yourself:
It’s obvious that Hello Kitty wants anyone and everyone to promote her, even if it’s a D-List TV personality wearing an age inappropriate costume. I could go on and on about what a sad train wreck the Bethenny Frankel Hello Kitty costume is, but a couple of photos will do that so much better:
While I’m not a big fan of any of the Hello Kitty costumes that are out there, I’m especially horrified with this one. I think that this Hello Kitty mummy cosplay model confirms, without a doubt, that Hello Kitty supports eating disorders:
Apparently there are some people that aren’t simply satisfied with ruining Halloween with an abundance of the evil feline, but also feel it necessary to throw in another beloved iconic toy to ruin as well. When this happens, the result is stuff like the Hello Kitty Lego Halloween figures: