free hello kitty – Hello Kitty Hell

Free Hello Kitty Contact Lenses Giveaway

October 2, 2012 by onezero

I thought when I received a Hello Kitty glasses that things couldn’t get any worse. How wrong I was. I should know by now that things can always get worse in Hello Kitty Hell. For some unfathomable reason, someone upon seeing the glasses thought it would actually be a good idea to send me something else that places unimaginable fear into my life. So what could be worse than micro dot pink bow Hello Kitty glasses? How about a pair of Hello Kitty contact lenses?

Of course, I immediately thought of my Hello Kitty contacts post and realized that if I want to keep what little sanity I still have left, I can never let my wife wear these.

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I really have no idea why anybody would want to actually wear a pair of these contacts except if they were looking to alienate every single person that actually cares about them. If you think about it, there is something so disturbingly wrong with having to look at somebody with Hello Kitty eyes that there really should be some type of law against it. It’s a thing of nightmares. It’s the type of stuff that Stephen King cannot even imagine. It’s taking the worst torture possible, and elevating it another hundred levels. Seriously, can you think of anything more horrific or spine chilling than having to actually look at somebody with these contacts in their eyes? You know that these are what you’re going to be staring directly into when the Judgement Day comes.

Apparently these come in a variety of different colors, but I have absolutely no idea what color the ones sent to me are (and there is no way in Hello Kitty Hell that I’m going to open them up and to find out). I imagine that they are the color that would make any sane person want to instantly vomit.

If you enter this contest, you agree that you are over 18 years old and that you aren’t stupid enough to actually stick this crap in your eyes. This is a novelty item. I have no doubt that if you were to stick anything Hello Kitty into your eyes, you would regret it for the rest of your life. It really doesn’t matter if they are “contact lenses” — the result of doing so is not going to and good. Just don’t do it. If you get these, destroy them. They should not be placed into your eyes, and you take 100% responsibility for your own idiotic tendencies.

Free Hello Kitty Pez Dispenser Giveaway

April 17, 2012 by onezero

The question is, “What does one who lives in Hello Kitty Hell do when a Hello Kitty item is found accidentally misplaced among his own items?” Does he return it to the Hello Kitty fanatic who will never fully understand the amount of true self sacrifice it takes to do such a thing, or does he go rogue and give it away and hope that the fanatic never finds out? The flip of the coin determined that he would go rogue.

This is a giveaway for a 2004 Hello Kitty Japanese Pez Dispenser (still in its original package because what Hello Kitty fanatic would ever actually use a Hello Kitty product???). There are 7 ways to enter:

“Like” Hello Kitty Hell on Facebook
Follow @hellokittyhell on Twitter
“Like” this Blog Post
Tweet About the Giveaway
Leave a Blog Post Comment
Google+
Pinterest

Good luck and let’s hope I can sneak this to one of you (who will hopefully destroy it is some awesomely horrific way) without getting delegated to couch in the Hello Kitty sleeping bag for the rest of the year…

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Hello Kitty Face Carabiner Giveaway

January 8, 2010 by onezero

If this is any indication of how this year is going to shape up, it’s going to be one Hello Kitty Hellish 365 days.

Now that we’re back in the US, my wife is dutifully trying to Hello Kittify our new place like in Japan. To keep my sanity, I try to take off each day to an Internet cafe to get work done. One would think that I would be safe now that I am not in the land of the evil feline, but that would be greatly underestimating Hello Kitty’s will to make my life hell.

I now know that I should never, ever check this blog in public. There were some notices in my email that a number of comments needed to be moderated, so I headed over to this blog to approve them. If I had only known what would happen next.

As the blog came up on the screen, the woman next to me must have glanced over to see it.

Woman: “Oh, I love that blog!”

Me: Instantly knowing this wasn’t going to be good when I looked to see a variety of Hello Kitty crap among her possessions. I forced a smile and remained silent hoping against hope that she would leave the conversation at that, ignoring the universal truth that if a person is a Hello Kitty fanatic, there is no shutting them up once the topic turns to Hello Kitty.

Woman: “I didn’t know guys like to look for Hello Kitty stuff too. Are you looking to get something for your wife? I love looking for new stuff there.”

Me: “Well, not exactly…” (thinking: “Seriously, this can’t be happening to me.”)

Woman: “Oh, you should buy your wife Hello Kitty jewelry. She’ll LOVE (repeated 3 times) IT! See, I have this necklace…” and the woman begins to go through and explain about all the Hello Kitty items she owns.

Me: (Thinking: “you have got to be kidding me…”) as I interrupt her, not really thinking what might happen because all I want to do is get this woman to stop talking about Hello Kitty. “Look, I am the guy that writes this blog, and…”

Woman” “OMG! OMG! OMG!”

Me: (Thinking: “oh crap, what have I just done?”)

Woman: Starts excitedly talking a million miles a minute so that nothing is comprehensible except for the final sentence which is, “your wife is my hero.” She then takes something out of her purse, hands it to me and says, “I want your wife to have this.”

Me: (Thinking: “this can’t be happening…) Thanks, but there is no need to do that.”

Woman: “No, I insist. I love your wife.”

Me: (Thinking: “under no circumstances should I ever let this woman and my wife meet if I want to keep my sanity…) “No, really, it’s not necessary…”

Woman: “Your wife will love it! You have to give it to her from me.”

Me: “Seriously, there is no need…”

Woman: Interrupting me mid sentence. “You have to promise to give it to her.”

Me: “Well…”

Woman: “There are no buts about it. It’s settled. You promise to give it to her, right?”

Me: “Seriously, she doesn’t need it. Have you ever read my blog? She has more…”

Woman: interrupts mid sentence again. “Oh, I LOVE (repeated 3 times again) your blog” and then goes into her undecipherable, mile a minute blabber about all the things she likes on the blog.”

Me: (wondering: “what is the worst of these two evils – having to listen to this woman blather for the next half hour about Hello Kitty or taking the thing for my wife and getting out of there asap.”) “Fine, fine,” I said grabbing the Hello Kitty face carabiner key chain and getting the hell out of there as quickly as I possibly could:

So now I have this and there is no possible way I’m going to give it to my wife because if I do, she’ll insist on meeting this woman and that would certainly produce unimaginable ripples in the very fabric of life as we know it. So I will instead give it away.

The contest is simple and should give Hello Kitty fanatics a fun dilemma to try and overcome. Simply leave a comment in this post listing 3 or more reasons why you hate Hello Kitty. Any comment which has anything positive to say about Hello Kitty will be disqualified.

I will have a random number generated for the comments that qualify left below. The person’s comment that matches the number will receive the Hello Kitty face carabiner.

The contest starts now and will end at 11:59 pm eastern (10:59 pm central, 9:59 pm mountain and 8:59 pm pacific) on Tuesday January 12th. Open to anyone living anywhere in the world including my wife (oh, how I would love to see her list three reasons she hates Hello Kitty).

Update: There were 181 entries in this contest and the random number came out 20 – contragatualtions to Yasmin for being the winner: