Hello Kitty Grim Reaper

October is the start of the worst three months if you happen to live with a Hello Kitty fanatic. The main issue is that the evil feline has her birthday on November 1 which is like giving the Hello Kitty fanatic vast amounts of crack cocaine every day for the entire month preceding it. Halloween only feeds into the frenzy because the holiday gives the fanatic an excuse to actually dress up as Hello Kitty under the guise of a Halloween costume even though we all know this is what she would prefer to wear on a daily basis. The result is that Halloween pretty much guarantees that Hello Kitty pumpkins are going to be carved and Hello Kitty costumes are coming out of the closet to be worn way too many times. Then when the birthday ends, good old Christmas is just around the corner and all the Hello Kitty gifts the Hello Kitty fanatic imagines she will receive continue to ensure that Hello Kitty Hell will be burning red hot into the New Year.

With this in mind, I’m already mentally preparing myself for the onslaught of Hello Kitty Halloween costumes (and other Hello Kitty
Halloween crap) that are bound to fill my mailbox in the coming weeks. If I’m going to have to see these, let’s at least hope that most of them go for reality and show Hello Kitty for who she really is like this Hello Kitty grim reaper costume:

Hello Kitty grim reaper costume

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Hello Kitty Hell Lecture and Photo Dump

I just received an email from someone that wanted to know if I wanted to give a lecture about Hello Kitty. I’m not sure if I should feel honored by the request or devastated that Hello Kitty Hell has reached such depths…

This past week’s Hello Kitty photo dump before I start crying:

Hello Kitty Digital Scale
Hello Kitty Diamond Sapphire Doll – $150k
Hello Kitty Eye Mask
Hello Kitty MAC Cosmetic Signage
Hello Kitty Pick-Up Truck
Hello Kitty Guitar Hero Wii Guitar Mod
Hello Kitty Louis Vuitton Bong
Hello Kitty “I Kill Suckers” Tattoo
Hello Kitty Longboard Surfboard

Hello Kitty Digital Scale

We already have a Hello Kitty scale, but that doesn’t stop my wife from wanting other ones that she comes across. I find the whole idea rather ironic since the last thing that my wife wants to know from the evil feline is what she weighs. It wouldn’t surprise me if the Hello Kitty digital scale actually malfunctions on purpose so that it gives the wrong weight (to keep the Hello Kitty fanatics happy), or maybe it gives the weight in apples (if you know why this reference is significant, you know too much about Hello Kitty) so that it is impossible to tell. No matter what the truth is, it’s just another piece of Hello Kitty junk to add onto the pile in Hello Kitty Hell…

Hello Kitty digital scale

Sent in by appleworm

Update: It looks like Sanrio is moving closer to that weight in apples theory I had with the Hello Kitty apple digital scale (sent in by martha)

Hello Kitty apple digital scale

Hello Kitty Underwear Fetish (don't look – it can't be unseen)

I know it’s going to be a really, really Hello Kitty hellish day when photos like these end up in my email box. I don’t want to know why. I don’t want to know when. I just plain don’t want to know anything about what is going on here. I advise you to turn away while you can because once you’ve seen it, it can never be unseen. It will haunt to far more than any of the previous Hello Kitty nightmares you have had. Unfortunately, I know this from experience:

Hello Kitty pink underwear fetish

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Hello Kitty Diamond Sapphire Doll – $150k

A diamond ribbon, over 400 pink sapphires on its body, a citrine nose, black spinel eyes and made of platinum, there is no doubt that my wife will want this. Luckily for me, her business isn’t so good that she can afford the $150,000 it costs…

Hello Kitty jewel figure

Sent in by Susan

Hello Kitty Eye Mask

I hate Hello Kitty eye masks. My wife sleeps with them on and there are literally dozens of different patterns on the market. While they help keep the light out of her eyes, they also perpetually have me inches away from dying of a heart attack.

Imagine for a moment that your significant other rolls over while you’re fast asleep and gently snuggles against you. Still 90% asleep, you turn over so that you are face to face, place your arms around her in loving fashion. Still mostly asleep, you then slowly open your eyes expecting to see your significant other’s face and this is what greets you. Unfortunately, this is a far too regular occurrence in Hello Kitty Hell…

Hello Kitty eyemask

Hello Kitty eye mask

Sent in by sophia

Update: Another way to ensure that your significant other is traumatized each and every morning:

Hello Kitty eye mask

Hello Kitty sleep mask

Sent in by HK Guy

Hello Kitty MAC Cosmetic Signage

I would basically like to wipe the entire Hello Kitty MAC cosmetic line — and the advertising they did — completely from my mind due to the traumatizing effect it caused that I’m still recovering from. It’s difficult to have a positive outlook on life when you have seen the MAC make-up video and S&M Hello Kitty men. So it is no surprise that the artwork signage for MAC also leaves one shaking their head wondering what type of drugs the people were taking that came up with the entire concept. Maybe they took a few too many tokes from the Hello Kitty Louis Vuitton bong or got hold of some of that Hello Kitty cocaine

Hello Kitty MAC cosmetic sign

Sent in by too many people – stop sending MAC stuff – the campaign is over and let’s leave it that way for everybody’s sanity…

Hello Kitty Pick-Up Truck

Since there are already way too many Hello Kitty cars out there – everything from Smart Cars to minivans – it should be no surprise that a Hello Kitty pick-up truck is roaming the streets terrorizing all those unfortunate enough to see it. I guess it makes sense. The Hello Kitty fanatic needs a place to put her Hello Kitty shotgun

Hello Kitty pick-up truck

Sent in by Miffylv

Hello Kitty Guitar Hero Wii Guitar Mod

One would think that the evil feline would be satisfied after convincing guitar makers to sell their souls and produce both Hello Kitty acoustic guitars and Hello Kitty electric guitars (not to mention what happens when people actually play them or even worse, pretend to play them). This, of course, would be greatly underestimating the lengths that she would go to to try and inflict pain on every person possible and neglect the fact that more and more people are playing Guitar Hero these days. If you are a Wii fan and a Guitar Hero fan (actually, this is good advice to anyone that is breathing), just leave now because you don’t want this haunting you for the rest of the year.

Hello Kitty guitar hero wii mod

Sent in by wiifan

Update: You knew there couldn’t just be one:

hello kitty guitar hero guitar

Left in comments by Ryouga (via Flickr)