My Biggest Fear

Hello Kitty Diamond WatchesWhen you live in a Hello Kitty Hell, your perspective on certain things can change dramatically. Take, for example, winning the lottery. Most people dream about how wonderful it would be to win the lottery and how they could buy and do all the things they wished they could if they only had more money. I, on the other hand, pray that my wife never wins the lottery.

My wife likes to play the lottery. Even though I have explained time and again that she is more likely to die from a flesh eating microbe or get killed in an auto accident on the way to purchasing the lottery ticket, she is not deterred. She is convinced that she will win one of these days because “Hello Kitty is looking over me for good luck.” While I like to protest that the reason she shouldn’t play the lottery is that it is a waste of money, the true reason is that my biggest fear is that she will somehow beat the extraordinary odds and actually win. It gives me the shivers just thinking about it.

The reason that I live in fear of her winning the lottery is because whenever she buys the lottery tickets, she also takes the time to explain to me in detail all the things she will do with the money. This, of course, almost exclusively entails Hello Kitty items that we can’t currently afford. It would mean that I would be forced to take trips to Hello Kitty Land (PuroLand) on a regular basis and watch her spend thousands on such stuff as Hello Kitty diamond watches (she doesn’t want just one, she wants the entire set including the $3,250.00 version)

Even worse, there would no longer be a reason for her to continue the Hello Kitty business meaning that Hello Kitty items would continue to come in, but none would be leaving (one of my biggest joys is seeing Hello Kitty sell and leave our house). If she had unlimited money to buy Hello Kitty, I would truly be scared to return home to see what new might be there.

So in the future you hear that someone has won the lottery and upon hearing the news, her husband immediately committed suicide, you know that my biggest fear has come true…

13 thoughts on “My Biggest Fear

  1. I currently live in a Hello Kitty infested house. My recurring question to our resident Hello Kitty addict is “why doesn’t Hello Kitty have a mouth”? Ask your wife that question I bet she says “because she speaks from the heart”. HELLO KITTY IS THE DEVIL!!1

  2. I like Hello Kitty myself, but not as much as your wife. But here is a thought that might be a better alternative to suicide upon winning the lottery.

    With that much money you could get a 2nd house – a Hello Kitty house. Put ALL of the Hello Kitty stuff in THAT house, and you and your wife live in your main house. You could maybe let her keep a few of her favorite Hello Kitty items in the main house (like 5-10) but keep the rest at the Hello Kitty house. Your wife could visit Hello Kitty whenever she wanted.

    Maybe not the best option, but better than death. Just my thought.
    Good Luck

  3. Oh WOW a whole Hello Kitty house, that’s brilliant! Better not let your wife see that comment, she might want to paint the house white and pink. Which would be freakin adorable.

  4. This is funny as hell! My accounting instructor was horrified when he saw my “Hello Kitty Calculator”. Or maybe he was just horrified that he had to use it.

Leave a Comment

82 − 76 =