Hello Kitty Heels

I thought that my torture with Hello Kitty shoes was going to be limited to the Hello Kitty Converse High Tops and casual clothes, but of course I underestimated the lengths to which Hello Kitty would go to in order to increase my Hello Kitty Hell. Yesterday, I was informed that my wife had ordered Hello Kitty heels:

Hello Kitty heels

While the shoes themselves scare me to no end, the thought of when and what outfit she will actually wear these with is even more frightening to me…

Hello Kitty Sex Toy ??

Maybe it wasn’t obvious to me simply because I’m a man, but I had no idea what this Hello Kitty item was when I first saw it. Actually, something did come to mind and it scared the Hello Kitty Hell out of me, but fortunately I was way off base (kind of like the Hello Kitty condom that ended up being cheese) Yes, I realize now that it’s a far stretch to assume it was a sex toy, but I’m a guy and our minds are perpetually in the gutter and when viewed from a distance…

Hello Kitty sex toy??

Now I assume the women will know what this is (my wife just shook her head when I had no idea — but at least I was smart enough not to say what I thought — that would have really caused a Hello Kitty Hell incident). So if there are any guys that read this blog, make me feel better that I’m not the only stupid person that had no clue what it is.

Hello Kitty Car Window Sprayer

It’s when your wife starts coming home with things like this that you know that Hello Kitty has infiltrated absolutely every product that exists (except beer and pizza which I’m sure is just a matter of time): This is a Hello Kitty car window spray cover device:

Hello Kitty car window sprayer

Now not only do I have to look out the car window at Hello Kitty, I get to watch her spit a flowing stream of water at my face. Somehow that definitely seems appropriate for a Hello Kitty Hell product…

Hello Kitty Karaoke Machine

My wife has managed to already wage an effective assault campaign on my senses: visual with all the Hello Kitty in our house, taste with her continuing theory that an all Hello Kitty food diet would be “cute” and and smell with the new Hello Kitty perfume, so why stop there? So, of course, my wife is eyeing the Hello Kitty portable karaoke machine and CD player to assault my hearing as well:

Hello Kitty karaoke machine

Just imagine someone singing Hello Kitty karaoke songs all day and you’ll get a hint of what Hello Kitty Hell is like.

I have decided that for my own sanity I won’t even attempt to guess what “touch” may eventually turn out to be…

Hello Kitty Perfume – Momoberry

Great. Just the news I needed to hear. It appears that Sanrio has decided that Hello Kitty needed a perfume and they just released one called Momoberry:

Hello Kitty perfume - momoberry

Now not only will I have to see Hello Kitty all over the place, I will now have to smell (there is something very wrong with that) Hello Kitty everywhere from now on. Even though I tell myself time and again that Hello Kitty Hell can’t get any worse, it continues to do so…

Update: You thought there would only be one type of Hello Kitty perfume?

Hello Kitty Baby Perfume

Hello Kitty baby perfume

Hello Kitty Diamond Perfume

Hello Kitty diamond perfume

Hello Kitty Koto Perfume

Hello Kitty Koto parfum

Hello Kitty parfum

Hello Kitty parfum package

Sent in by Vivian

Hello Kitty Planetarium

Sometimes (OK, all the time if I must be honest) I simply have to shake my head when I see some of the stuff that arrives at our house. The latest is the Hello Kitty planetarium:

Hello Kitty constellation planetarium

My biggest fear is that when we actually use it, Hello Kitty will somehow be part of the constellations. Makes me shiver just thinking about that, although it would be typical Hello Kitty Hellish…

Hello Kitty Bubble Bath – It Kills You…

I always knew that Hello Kitty was evil, I just didn’t have the proof…until now. It appears that Hello Kitty Bubble Bath would like to give you cancer:

Hello Kitty Bubble Bath

The characters are irresistible to your child, but a new study reveals there’s a suspected human cancer-causing chemical inside millions of bottles of bubbles…

The FDA recommends a maximum of 10 parts per million (ppm) of the contaminant. The author says of the products tested, 15% exceeded that recommendation.

Among the children’s products, the Hello Kitty Bubble Bath was the worst offender. It was found to have 12ppm, 20 percent more than the FDA recommendation. The chemical was also found in some adult products.

That sure sounds a lot more like the Hello Kitty I know compared to the Hello Kitty the Hello Kitty fanatics portray. Now if I could only find a product where Hello Kitty would just kill herself…

Photo courtesy of Reid H Cooper [flickr]

Hello Kitty Diamond Ring – Neiman Marcus

There is something seriously wrong in the world when I have to write a blog post about Hello Kitty and diamond rings and feel the necessity to add where the diamond ring is coming from (Neiman Marcus) because it might be confused with other Hello Kitty diamond rings out there. That is just down right pathetic.

So this is the newest ring that my wife has her eyes on:

Hello Kitty Diamond Ring

Of course, it costs over $4,000 (yep, not a typo there), but anyone who reads this blog knows, Hello Kitty fanatics don’t worry about little things like the ring could buy a car (and why stores make utterly ridiculous Hello Kitty items for way too much money – because Hello Kitty fanatics will have to have it).

Which brings yet another one of those Hello Kitty Hell dilemmas. Just the thought of spending $4,250 on a Hello Kitty ring makes me sick to my stomach, but it would mean $4,250 worth of other Hello Kitty junk that would never make it into our house, so it may be in my best interest to encourage her to save for it. It’s Hello Kitty Hell either way…

Hello Kitty Stamps Used

One of the biggest problems with living in Hello Kitty Hell is that if Hello Kitty happens to be on something, then that something can’t be thrown out. That means that whenever I open a drawer, something Hello Kitty usually emerges. It’s not enough that all our stamps are Hello Kitty stamps, but it seems that my wife has been collecting all the used Hello Kitty stamps that have been sent to her (and believe me, every letter and package she receives has Hello Kitty stamps on it since everyone knows what a fanatic she is).

Hello Kitty Used Stamps

My question is, what possible use can you have for several hundred used Hello Kitty stamps? It’s just a huge pile that will never be taken out of the drawer, but I can’t say this unless I want to risk ending up out on the sofa in the Hello Kitty sleeping bag (Hello Kitty fanatics don’t like to be questioned when it comes to collecting Hello Kitty). It has absolutely no use, yet it will never be thrown away because it is Hello Kitty. I’m not sure why I even bother trying to find out answers to such questions as it doesn’t matter if anything makes sense to a Hello Kitty fanatic…which typifies Hello Kitty Hell (lots of Hello Kitty making no sense…and me stuck among it all)

Hello Kitty Snowboard

We went on our last day of skiing and snowboarding for the year. As you can imagine, it’s not difficult at all to spot my wife on the slopes with her Hello Kitty snowboard:

Hello Kitty Snowboard

Hello Kitty Snowboard Bag

Update: At these these Hello Kitty snowboard designs reflect how most of us would like to see the evil feline:

Hello Kitty Goodbye Kitty snowboards

Sent in by snowguy

Hello Kitty Golf Balls 2

It seems that one Hello Kitty fanatic didn’t appreciate my idea of having the Hello Kitty golf balls “accidentally find their way into (water) hazards one after another after I smack them as hard as I can” and decided to email my wife before I took off on my golf outing. Basically, the anonymous emailer said I was going to “abuse” Hello Kitty (I could make a pretty good argument that it’s not possible to abuse a golf ball when using it properly for a game it was designed for, but it wouldn’t matter because Hello Kitty fanatics don’t use logic when it comes to Hello Kitty) and my wife agreed.

To make a long story short, the previous golf balls were confiscated (to be displayed as part of your collection, of course) and I was given a set of three used Hello Kitty golf balls from her golf bag to use with the stern warning that they “all better return safely and don’t swing too hard.”

Hello Kitty Golf Ball

That sounds much more like the Hello Kitty Hell I’ve grown used to…

Hello Kitty Golf Balls

So some friends invited me to go play golf this weekend and my wife tells me that she has a gift for me to take when I’m golfing. I knew as soon as I saw the wrapped package what was coming. There was no doubt in my mind that the golf balls would be Hello Kitty – I just didn’t realize they would be 4 patterns of Hello Kitty:

Hello Kitty Golf Balls

When you’re out with your buddies golfing, pulling out a Hello Kitty golf ball doesn’t say a whole lot for your manliness, but I will definitely be taking these along with me (better than having them become yet another display item in our house). I have an odd feeling that when I come to water hazard holes, these Hello Kitty golf balls will somehow “accidentally” find their way into those hazards one after another…that is, after I smack them as hard as I can ;)

Hello Kitty Porsche

Why does this not surprise me? I post about a Hello Kitty car and a few hours later I have a photo of a Hello Kitty Porsche in my email inbox. While not quite as overdone as the Hello Kitty Ferrari, this is obviously another photoshopped car. Of course, this has little effect on my wife. She likes it. Which puts me into the ultimate Hello Kitty man quandary. I have a wife that will happily let me purchase a Ferrari or a Porsche (now what man wouldn’t like to have that spousal support), but only if it is Hello Kitty themed (sure puts a damper on that first point). Maybe our current car that is slowly being Hello Kittified isn’t as bad as I first thought…(a sure sign that Hello Kitty Hell has progressed far beyond the safe level…)

Hello Kitty Porsche

Thanks (I think) to devon

Hello Kitty Car

You know there is something wrong when you start getting emails from people wondering when you are going to update Hello Kitty Hell. This wouldn’t be a bad thing if the people wanting the update were those that disliked Hello Kitty, but these are Hello Kitty fans. I will state right now that if you are getting withdrawal symptoms because you aren’t getting enough updates from a blog named Hello Kitty Hell, you’re way too into Hello Kitty. Do a favor to yourself (and your partner) and seek help right away…I suggest a 10 step Hello Kitty anonymous program.

You also know there is something seriously wrong when you have over 50 emails of Hello Kitty photos sitting in your email from people that think you need to see more Hello Kitty items. My email inbox is beginning to resemble my house. This is definitely not a good thing.

Take, for example, this Hello Kitty car:

Hello Kitty car

Hello Kitty car inside

Hello Kitty car doors

My only saving grace at this point is that my wife feels that this Hello Kitty car is “too small” – that’s not to say she doesn’t want a fully decked out Hello Kitty car, she just wants a BIG one (which she is slowly doing to our current car…). The problem, of course, is that at some point I know I’m going to hear that we need a second car and this will certainly be in the running. There really should be some universal law that Hello Kitty and cars are not allowed to mix…

Thanks gemma (I think) for the link to carview

Update: Was there ever any doubt that these would be more?

hello kitty car pink

Sent in by Jenny O.

Hello Kitty (Official) Pantie Liners

Ah, the joys of having people send random Hello Kitty photos my way. Now not only do I know that there are unofficial Hello Kitty pantie liners, I also know that Kotex makes official Hello Kitty pantie liners (at least in China). I can already hear the conversation that is coming once my wife stumbles across this….”We can fly over on the Hello Kitty airline, pick up all kinds of Hello Kitty goods that aren’t available in Japan (like there aren’t enough here?!?) and have a great Hello Kitty time.”

Hello Kitty Kotex Panty Liners

Thanks (I think) to hellokittydarling (someone with that name should not be reading my blog)

Hello Kitty TV #3 & #4

I guess it really wouldn’t come as a surprise that two different Hello Kitty TV set models would be enough. I’ve already mentioned the apple model and the flat screen model in previous posts, but then reader Mackenzie had to go point out that there was another Hello Kitty TV model in the comments area. I knew that it was merely a matter of time before my wife wandered in there and found yet another TV to add to her list…and it only took a day or so. Again, the question isn’t which one, but whether to buy them all or not.

Hello Kitty Target TV

So if there are 3 Hello Kitty TVs out there, why wouldn’t there be four? Of course there are and my wife found the fourth one the other day:

Hello Kitty TV

Hello Kitty TV romote

So she is now choosing between getting all four at once or all four, but one at a time…Hello Kitty Hell at its finest…

Hello Kitty Skeleton

After my last post, I wondered if anything might shed a little stream of light into Hello Kitty Hell, and frankly, I wasn’t optimistic. That was until I saw what Hello Kitty looks like underneath all that “cuteness” and I realized that, yep, that was about what I expected. My wife was less thrilled with the rendering that Michael Paulus created:

These Icons are usually grotesquely distorted from the human form from which they derive. Being that they are so commonplace and accepted as existing I thought I would dissect them like science does to all living objects – trying to come to an understanding as to their origins and true physiological make up. Possibly to better understand them and see them in a new light for what they are in the most basic of terms.

Hello Kitty Skeleton overlay

Hello Kitty Skeleton

I must admit that I prefer the skeletal image of Hello Kitty much better than the one that my wife loves so much. I think I’ll keep this image in my head each time I see Hello Kitty from now on :)