Hello Kitty Eminem Rap God Cat God Video

How do you know that the world is about to end? When the cat-with-no-mouth suddenly finds that she has one upon deciding that it’s a good idea to take Eminem’s song Rap God and do her Cat God interpretation. No, I’m not making any of that up — and you would be wise to trust me on that and just walk away from your computer screen because if you choose to watch the video, it can never be unseen. There has never been any doubt that the evil feline she’s herself as a God (or Jesus), and this video only proves it.

If this is the way that 2013 is ending, I don’t know if I’m going to be able to survive what 2014 is sure to have in store for me…

Hello Kitty eminem cat god

KISS TV Show

In her never-ending quest to never leave even the things she does which are horribly wrong alone, the evil feline once again is taking her money-grubbing paws to a new level. While the world cringed with the launch of Hello Kitty x Kiss and assumed that this combination had reached its ultimate low with the Hello Kitty KISS toilet paper, we once again failed to realize that the depths of Hello Kitty Hell can always go deeper — much, much deeper. With this in mind, the masses can look forward to being tortured with KISS Hello Kitty the TV cartoon show (seriously, you can’t make this stuff up)

Hello Kitty KISS TV show

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Hello Kitty Christmas Music Video

As if there was really a need to have one more reason to want this season to end as quickly as possible (see Hello Kitty Christmas trees and Hello Kitty ornaments if you had any doubts), this should quickly put the question to rest: a Hello Kitty Christmas music video that is guaranteed to haunt you long after the new year begins (you have been warned)

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Hello Kitty Axl Rose Tattoo

Hello Kitty fans once again prove that there is absolutely no Hello Kitty tattoo combination that they believe shouldn’t be created. Case in point – someone actually thought that a Hello Kitty x Guns N Roses Hello Kitty Axl Rose tattoo would be a good idea:

hello kitty axl rose tattoo

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Hello Kitty Theme Song Ending

There is never a good reason for anyone to ever have to listen to the Hello Kitty theme song (besides possibly terrorist interrogation). Despite this, not listening to the Hello Kitty theme song is not a realistic possibility if you live with a Hello Kitty fanatic. I guess if one must listen to it, there should be, at the very minimum, a quality ending.

Sent in by James

Hello Kitty Online Theme Song

If there is one thing that the human race absolutely does not need, it is a new Hello Kitty theme song. The fact that the original Hello Kitty theme song is so hideous that it is used by terrorist organizations to break the will of all enemies within minutes goes without saying. This would lead one to assume that if the evil feline did come up with another theme song, it would have to be better. Of course your would be wrong (seriously, just walk away and don’t click — you’ll never know how much you should thank me, but you will retain your sanity):

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Hello Kitty Mano Erina

If you want to thoroughly traumatize your ears and eyes, while at the same time wasting two minutes of your life, all you have to do is listen to the high pitch, diabetes inducing noise of Mano Erina’s song Love & Peace = Paradise (Hello Kitty version of course). Having people scratch their fingernails on chalkboards would be less painful and much more appealing to the ears. You have been warned:

Sent in by Lillian

Hello Kitty Earbuds

While it pains me to no end to use the terms “Hello Kitty” and “practical” in the same sentence, Hello Kitty earbuds do seem more practical than Hello Kitty earbud charms. That being said, Hello Kitty earbuds also seem like a practical torture device. Simply attach them to a Hello Kitty device that will blind, and inflict excruciating pain by playing the Hello Kitty theme song:

Hello Kitty earbuds bow

Hello Kitty earbuds

Hello Kitty ear buds

Sent in by kyla

Hello Kitty Crystal Music Player

It’s not like the world needs another Hello Kitty digital music player, but just because something is not needed doesn’t mean the evil feline won’t sell it. In this case she resorts to her favorite marketing tool that is sure to appeal to all the Hello Kitty fanatics — covering the digital music player with lots and lots of bling in the form of Swarovski crystals. Not only does this keep the fanatic happy, but it also blinds everyone else to the evil that is coming…

Hello Kitty crystal music player

Hello Kitty crystal digital music player

Hello Kitty Swarovski  music player

Sent in by andrea

Hello Kitty Detox Cute and the Beauty Junkies Song

You have to question the sanity of any band that would think it’s a good idea to create a song about Hello Kitty. The fact that the band actually thought it would be a good idea pretty much indicates how it is going to be (for those that are unable to understand hint, that was a warning that you really don’t want to listen to this song if you want to keep your sanity):

You were warned…

Sent in by gina

Hello Kitty Samsung Media Player

My wife already had all kinds of Hello Kitty media gadgets that all do the same thing and most of which she never uses, but that doesn’t stop her from wanting to add more to her collection. Her latest want is the Hello Kitty Samsung YP-U5 DAP which ultimately means listening to the Hello Kitty theme song again and again — the ultimate torture in Hello Kitty Hell…

Hello Kitty Samsung media player

Hello Kitty Samsung

Sent in by hilary (via Samsung Hub)

Hello Kitty Guitar Hero Wii Guitar Mod

One would think that the evil feline would be satisfied after convincing guitar makers to sell their souls and produce both Hello Kitty acoustic guitars and Hello Kitty electric guitars (not to mention what happens when people actually play them or even worse, pretend to play them). This, of course, would be greatly underestimating the lengths that she would go to to try and inflict pain on every person possible and neglect the fact that more and more people are playing Guitar Hero these days. If you are a Wii fan and a Guitar Hero fan (actually, this is good advice to anyone that is breathing), just leave now because you don’t want this haunting you for the rest of the year.

Hello Kitty guitar hero wii mod

Sent in by wiifan

Update: You knew there couldn’t just be one:

hello kitty guitar hero guitar

Left in comments by Ryouga (via Flickr)

Hello Kitty Weekly Photo Dump

Here’s this week’s Hello Kitty photo dump of photos sent in that didn’t make the front page of this blog:

Hello Kitty Uterus Plush
Hello Kitty Guitar Meow!
Hello Kitty Jelly Belly Jelly Beans
Hello Kitty Cat Litter
Hello Kitty Asics Shoes
Hello Kitty MP3 Player

And a few photo post updates:

Hello Kitty Darth Vader
Hello Kitty Coffee Maker
Hello Kitty Computer Keyboard
Hello Kitty Stormtrooper Tattoo

Creepy Hello Kitty Lisa Loeb Video

I guess it could have gone without saying since anything that involves Hello Kitty is “creepy” to some extent, but it seems to take on horror film dimensions when a Hello Kitty plush comes to life in the back of a music video. I just sat there watching — waiting for Hello Kitty to produce Alien fangs and suck the life out of Lisa Loeb. Either that or have Hello Kitty begin whacking Lisa Loeb over the head with the guitar until she was slumped in a pool of blood on the kitchen floor. The more I live in Hello Kitty Hell, the more convinced I become that Hello Kitty could be a huge horror movie franchise. Doubt me? Watch the video:

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Hello Kitty Music CD Hello World

It’s never a good sign when I receive emails from numerous readers about something Hello Kitty, but it’s even worse when the publicity department backing the evil feline also feels that sending me a press release is a positive thing to do. Thus was the case of the new Hello Kitty music CD that has been released with cringe inducing song samples to make you feel like you want to vomit for the rest of the day (warning – don’t listen. You’ll never be the same…):

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Hello Kitty Fanatic Song

I found this in my email box today – an original Hello Kitty fanatic song by Anna Joy. The song pretty much sums up what it’s like living with a Hello Kitty fanatic…

You can listen to the song at The Ugly Trannies Myspace Page (click the “Hello Kitty” on the player – warning: words NSFW)

You will probably have to read the lyrics to be able to understand it all, so here they are:

I can’t stop buying all that Hello Kitty s***
I cannot close my closet door, my drawers just overflow with it
And I will not take it back
I need it more than crack
If I can’t have that pillowcase then I will have a heart attack

I can’t stop buying all that Hello Kitty crap
I go to the Sanrio store and I know full well it’s a trap
‘Cuz it’s just so f****** cute
It’s just so f****** cute
I think that I have pooped my pants
I thought that it was just a toot

Posters coasters toasters rugs and mugs and keychains
(I want it all!)
Curtains tampons purses shirts and toys and storm drains
(I want it all!)
Panties bras and guitars, socks and shoes and t-shirts
(I want it all!)
Sanrio will make sure every last dollar hurts
(I want it all!)

I can’t stop buying all that Hello Kitty junk
It put it all in my backseat because I cannot close my trunk
‘Cuz it’s never enough
No it’s never enough
I’ll tattoo it on my labia
I have to have all of this stuff

Razors tazers lasers lite-brites dildos statues
(I want it all!)
Guns and ammo, crack and smokes and s***** tattoos
(I want it all!)
Posters coasters toasters rugs and mugs and keychains
(I want it all!)
Curtains tampons purses shirts and toys and storm drains
(I want it all!)

I couldn’t quit me all that Hello Kitty crap
So when I sleep outside the kitty store, I sleep in Hello Kitty wrap
‘Cuz I blew all my loot
My landlord gave me the boot
…but don’t you think this garbage can is hella f****** cute??

Posters coasters toasters rugs and mugs and keychains
(I want it all!)
Curtains tampons purses shirts and toys and storm drains
(I want it all!)
Panties bras and guitars, socks and shoes and t-shirts
(I want it all!)
Sanrio will make sure every last dollar hurts
(I want it all!)

It’s never good to start a new week with a Hello Kitty fanatic song, but at least it’s not the original Hello Kitty theme song…(warning, listen at your own risk – I’m telling you right now that you don’t want to click on it…)

I told you…

Hello Kitty Ukulele

It has been well established that Hello Kitty fanatics don’t need to have any use for a Hello Kitty product to still lust after it and decide that they need to add it to their collection. My wife doesn’t play any musical instrument, but that has not stopped her from collecting a small symphony of music related items.

The other day I was digging through our closet looking for my baseball glove (which fortunately, is not something that they currently make in a Hello Kitty pattern at Sanrio, but I have no doubt they are already planning to release a line) when I came across a Hello Kitty ukulele:

Hello Kitty ukulele

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Hello Kitty Balzac Japanese Horror Punk Rock Band

If you had any doubt that no place was safe from the claws of Hello Kitty, that doubt may now be put to rest. Hello Kitty has managed to wriggle her way into a lot of places she isn’t wanted, but I figured there were a few places that would never take to her – like, perhaps, horror punk rock bands. But alas, I have once again underestimated the power that the evil feline possesses:

Hello Kitty Balzac

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