Hello Kitty Toilet Paper

Only in Hello Kitty Hell can a man be sent to the couch for the night for using the wrong toilet paper. Now, if you are in the bathroom and you finish up only to find that there is no toilet paper on the toilet paper roll, what do you do? All normal people (ie not Hello Kitty fanatics) reach for a new roll of toilet paper and that is the end of the issue, but I knew that things weren’t going to be quite that easy as soon as I realized that the only toilet paper I could find was Hello Kitty toilet paper.

While the rest of the world views toilet paper as just that, Hello Kitty fanatics view toilet paper as a display item. So I sat on the toilet pondering my predicament. I had two choices: 1) I could open the bathroom door, hobble down the hallway with my pants at my ankles desperately trying to salvage any dignity I had by covering up the best I could until I got to the storage closet where I knew we had non Hello Kitty toilet paper. I would then grab a roll, hobble back with my pants still around my ankles until I reached the bathroom where I could finally wipe myself properly. 2) I could grab a roll of Hello Kitty toilet paper right next to me, use it without losing any dignity, but have to face the Hello Kitty Hell wrath for actually using a Hello Kitty product the way it was supposed to be used.

For any regular person, the obvious choice is quick and simple, but not so in Hello Kitty Hell. 5 minutes, 10 minutes, 15 minutes, 20 minutes passed with me still debating which was the lesser of two evils: humiliation & embarrassment or facing the wrath of a Hello Kitty fanatic. The tables were tipping in favor of the walk down the hall and I even opened the bathroom door, but realizing it was the dead of winter and there was no heating in the hallway, the tables quickly tipped back toward the Hello Kitty toilet paper. I must admit it took quite a bit of courage for me to finally decide that Hello Kitty toilet paper was going to be the choice (urged on by the fact that after 20 minutes of debating the issue, certain areas were beginning to crust…well, let’s just leave those gory details to your imagination…)

Now even the choice of Hello Kitty toilet paper didn’t free me to wipe away. I then had to choose which of the 4 patterns of Hello Kitty toilet paper we had I was going to use. Would it be the 1974 Hello Kitty Design:

Hello Kitty toilet paper - 1974 design

The 1977 Hello Kitty Design:

Hello Kitty toilet paper - 1977 design

The Berry / Flower Wreath Winking Hello Kitty Design:

Hello Kitty toilet paper - berry flower wreath design

The Tropical Flower Hello Kitty Design:

Hello Kitty toilet paper - topical flower design

This was far from an easy decision due to the fact that all the patterns came in pairs and the use of one would certainly unbalance the display. It took another 10 minutes before I came up with my brilliant idea: I would carefully open the Hello Kitty toilet paper, use a few sheets and then re-wrap it. Nobody would ever know, I’d keep my dignity and wouldn’t freeze my butt off (literally) and there would be no Hello Kitty fanatic wrath to face. Perfect…except…

I put my plan into motion and it worked perfectly. I congratulated myself for insightful thinking in an extremely delicate Hello Kitty Hell situation. I was still self-congratulating myself when:

wife: “Honnnney…”

me: “…” (thinking that doesn’t sound like the good “honey” but like the “You did something terrible honey”)

wife: “Honnnney, can you come here a minute…”

me: “Yes dear.” (thinking uh-oh, this is not going to be good)

wife: (looking into the bathroom) “There is something not quite right here…”

me: “Everything looks fine to me.” (thinking “woohoo, she can’t figure it out”)

wife: “Why is the Hello Kitty toilet paper out of order?”

me: “…” (thinking WTF??? Hello Kitty toilet paper has an order???)

wife: “They should all be in the order of their release. Why is the 1977 style Hello Kitty toilet paper placed before the 1974 style Hello Kitty toilet paper?”

me: (quick thinking) “Oh. I’m sorry. I accidentally bumped the shelf and they fell down and I just placed them back up.” (thinking “order??? why does everything Hello Kitty have to have an order???)

wife: (sighs) “You need to be more careful. You know that Hello kitty is precious.” (shakes her head as if talking to a 6 year old)

Then it happened. The instant she touched the roll that I had used, she knew. I still don’t understand what power Hello Kitty fanatics have that can make them instantly know that 5 squares off a full roll of toilet paper are missing just by the feel of the roll, but they can…and that is when the “you’re on the couch in the Hello Kitty sleeping bag” look came (I’d try to describe this look, but it would be useless. Think back to when you were a little kid and you did something that made your parents so mad that they couldn’t even speak. Multiply this by 1000 and you begin to see the tip of the iceberg on the “you’re on the couch in the Hello Kitty sleeping bag” look).

I must admit that I did get a bit of satisfaction out of being sent to the couch which is a rarity in Hello Kitty Hell. While a brief and fleeting moment, Hello Kitty got to see what I live with 24 / 7 when I took those 5 sheets of toilet paper and used them as they should properly be used…I should have used more.

Update: It should come as no surprise that the evil feline continues to come out with toilet paper in her image:

Sent in by ratbite

Hello Kitty pink bulk toilet paper

Sent in by Nat

Hello Kitty toilet paper

Sent in by Ashlin

46 thoughts on “Hello Kitty Toilet Paper

  1. So, don’t keep us in suspense: Which Hello Kitty toilet paper did you opt for? Was it the one that you think has Hello Kitty flipping a finger at you? :b

  2. Haha! Great blog! U know u should have taken a pic of the used papers? Would be great for later use, like blackmailing or something? Keep it up..

  3. I love hello kitty to death, but if my dear sweetie had to use the freakin toilet paper, I wouldn\’t flip.

    i had a manager whose wife flipped out on us because we bumped her precious moments curio cabinet(nothing broke) at a party one time. i haven\’t changed my mind in the past 10 years: if something is that valuable to you, lock it up (preferably in a fire safe) and live your life NOT in fear.

    I mean, really. Dude. it\’s mass-produced hello kitty. there\’s more out there. you can buy more. it\’s not like it\’s a lost picasso.

  4. I have the Green Version. xD

    I bought it at the 100yen store…. I will try to buy more now ;)

    I have my roll In my bed room Sitting with all my other hello kitty stuff.

  5. Forgot to mention, I love the toilet seat cover. LOL. Well, I would imagine you should get your own non-hello kitty bathroom too??? Guess you live in a tiny apartment.

  6. Why would your wife keep HK toilet paper in the bathroom and not the normal one? You’re supposed to use the regular TP and so why make you run downstairs and freeze?

  7. OMG, you poor poor man. I have to hand it to you, you’re by far the most patient man I’ve ever heard of. I wonder if they make Hello Kitty Duct Tape? May come in handy.

  8. I’m a Hello Kitty Super Freak! But, I Have to admit I couldn’t read the story without laughing my anus off! But I would been angry to!

  9. my god….next they will be making Hello Kitty brand sex toys!!

    oh what madness we shun ourselves into……

  10. still my favourite story ever on hello kitty hell.
    Thanks for linking it to the ukelele so i could enjoy it all over again (sorry to gain enjoyment from your torture)

  11. Heh… I thought I had OCD issues… but….. erm….. as a result of that there is always spare REGULAR tp in the bathroom :-P

    I would have thought you were exaggerating a little about the HK hell by the way, had you NOT photographed those loo rolls on top of the HK loo seat hehe….

    The discovery of this blog (from a link from someone who NEEDS the sewing machine transformer) actually made me stop and realise that I am so glad that I stopped myself from buying the comforter and pillow cover set that I saw in Hong Kong and all the other things right there… the madness never quite set in.

    It also made me smile for the 1st time today :-)

    For both those things, I thank you.

  12. …U should have burn the paper o_o…
    Yeah, i know what you’re talking about… i have a cousin who is insanely kitty sick -but not as your lovely wife, let me add- …I use an eraser sure, whichever eraser as it is supposed to be used…. i am still being watched for what i did when i was 9!!! -wtf? it was a freaking plastic eraser! and if she didn’t want it to be used…. why had she left it in her pencil bag!?!??!

  13. I like the seat cover, I have a matching floormat that my great aunt who lives in Japan sent me 6 years ago. Sadly, she stopped sending me Hello Kitty stuffs because she thinks I’ve out grown her. *sighs*
    I’d use either ’74 or ’77:D

  14. I love Hello Kitty, and would use hello kitty TP the way it is supposed to be used, proudly. Anyways, that updated “New” toilet paper looks photoshopped to me. Not sayign that it doesn’t exist, but it surely looks fake.

  15. LOL So funny!! I wouldn’t use neither the HK toilet paper. It’s a collector’s article hahaha!! I’ve seen some HK’s toilet paper too for sale, but they are not as cute as the ones your wife has, lol

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