Hello Kitty Toilet Paper
Only in Hello Kitty Hell can a man be sent to the couch for the night for using the wrong toilet paper. Now, if you are in the bathroom and you finish up only to find that there is no toilet paper on the toilet paper roll, what do you do? All normal people (ie not Hello Kitty fanatics) reach for a new roll of toilet paper and that is the end of the issue, but I knew that things weren’t going to be quite that easy as soon as I realized that the only toilet paper I could find was Hello Kitty toilet paper.
While the rest of the world views toilet paper as just that, Hello Kitty fanatics view toilet paper as a display item. So I sat on the toilet pondering my predicament. I had two choices: 1) I could open the bathroom door, hobble down the hallway with my pants at my ankles desperately trying to salvage any dignity I had by covering up the best I could until I got to the storage closet where I knew we had non Hello Kitty toilet paper. I would then grab a roll, hobble back with my pants still around my ankles until I reached the bathroom where I could finally wipe myself properly. 2) I could grab a roll of Hello Kitty toilet paper right next to me, use it without losing any dignity, but have to face the Hello Kitty Hell wrath for actually using a Hello Kitty product the way it was supposed to be used.
For any regular person, the obvious choice is quick and simple, but not so in Hello Kitty Hell. 5 minutes, 10 minutes, 15 minutes, 20 minutes passed with me still debating which was the lesser of two evils: humiliation & embarrassment or facing the wrath of a Hello Kitty fanatic. The tables were tipping in favor of the walk down the hall and I even opened the bathroom door, but realizing it was the dead of winter and there was no heating in the hallway, the tables quickly tipped back toward the Hello Kitty toilet paper. I must admit it took quite a bit of courage for me to finally decide that Hello Kitty toilet paper was going to be the choice (urged on by the fact that after 20 minutes of debating the issue, certain areas were beginning to crust…well, let’s just leave those gory details to your imagination…)
Now even the choice of Hello Kitty toilet paper didn’t free me to wipe away. I then had to choose which of the 4 patterns of Hello Kitty toilet paper we had I was going to use. Would it be the 1974 Hello Kitty Design:
The 1977 Hello Kitty Design:
The Berry / Flower Wreath Winking Hello Kitty Design:
The Tropical Flower Hello Kitty Design:
This was far from an easy decision due to the fact that all the patterns came in pairs and the use of one would certainly unbalance the display. It took another 10 minutes before I came up with my brilliant idea: I would carefully open the Hello Kitty toilet paper, use a few sheets and then re-wrap it. Nobody would ever know, I’d keep my dignity and wouldn’t freeze my butt off (literally) and there would be no Hello Kitty fanatic wrath to face. Perfect…except…
I put my plan into motion and it worked perfectly. I congratulated myself for insightful thinking in an extremely delicate Hello Kitty Hell situation. I was still self-congratulating myself when:
wife: “Honnnney…”
me: “…” (thinking that doesn’t sound like the good “honey” but like the “You did something terrible honey”)
wife: “Honnnney, can you come here a minute…”
me: “Yes dear.” (thinking uh-oh, this is not going to be good)
wife: (looking into the bathroom) “There is something not quite right here…”
me: “Everything looks fine to me.” (thinking “woohoo, she can’t figure it out”)
wife: “Why is the Hello Kitty toilet paper out of order?”
me: “…” (thinking WTF??? Hello Kitty toilet paper has an order???)
wife: “They should all be in the order of their release. Why is the 1977 style Hello Kitty toilet paper placed before the 1974 style Hello Kitty toilet paper?”
me: (quick thinking) “Oh. I’m sorry. I accidentally bumped the shelf and they fell down and I just placed them back up.” (thinking “order??? why does everything Hello Kitty have to have an order???)
wife: (sighs) “You need to be more careful. You know that Hello kitty is precious.” (shakes her head as if talking to a 6 year old)
Then it happened. The instant she touched the roll that I had used, she knew. I still don’t understand what power Hello Kitty fanatics have that can make them instantly know that 5 squares off a full roll of toilet paper are missing just by the feel of the roll, but they can…and that is when the “you’re on the couch in the Hello Kitty sleeping bag” look came (I’d try to describe this look, but it would be useless. Think back to when you were a little kid and you did something that made your parents so mad that they couldn’t even speak. Multiply this by 1000 and you begin to see the tip of the iceberg on the “you’re on the couch in the Hello Kitty sleeping bag” look).
I must admit that I did get a bit of satisfaction out of being sent to the couch which is a rarity in Hello Kitty Hell. While a brief and fleeting moment, Hello Kitty got to see what I live with 24 / 7 when I took those 5 sheets of toilet paper and used them as they should properly be used…I should have used more.
Posted: February 9th, 2007 under Hello Kitty Decor, Hello Kitty Strange.
Comments: 36
Comments
Comment from YTSL
Time: February 9, 2007, 10:38 pm
So, don’t keep us in suspense: Which Hello Kitty toilet paper did you opt for? Was it the one that you think has Hello Kitty flipping a finger at you? :b
Comment from Hello Kitty Hell
Time: February 10, 2007, 12:35 am
Would I choose any other 
Comment from Princessperky
Time: February 10, 2007, 10:12 am
you know the 74 and 77 kitty is kinda cute…same cat..but background and overabundance killed the cute…
Comment from Geir
Time: February 10, 2007, 1:55 pm
Haha! Great blog! U know u should have taken a pic of the used papers? Would be great for later use, like blackmailing or something? Keep it up..
Comment from ellen
Time: February 11, 2007, 10:22 pm
What is your wife going to do with the used toilet roll?
Comment from Courtney
Time: February 12, 2007, 10:04 am
When I first read the title of this post, I thought “Now THERE’S a Hello Kitty Item he could get behind!” Ha!
Comment from Tammy
Time: April 17, 2007, 6:16 pm
I love hello kitty to death, but if my dear sweetie had to use the freakin toilet paper, I wouldn\’t flip.
i had a manager whose wife flipped out on us because we bumped her precious moments curio cabinet(nothing broke) at a party one time. i haven\’t changed my mind in the past 10 years: if something is that valuable to you, lock it up (preferably in a fire safe) and live your life NOT in fear.
I mean, really. Dude. it\’s mass-produced hello kitty. there\’s more out there. you can buy more. it\’s not like it\’s a lost picasso.
Comment from chrissie
Time: May 30, 2007, 3:18 pm
dude..
poor you!
great blog though
Comment from Georgeanna
Time: June 6, 2007, 8:03 pm
i am glad you did that hello kitty deserves to be shoved up there
p.s. yes you should have used more
Pingback from Hello Kitty Toilet: Hello Kitty Hell
Time: June 10, 2007, 2:56 am
[...] You knew that it would be impossible for Hello Kitty to stop at Hello Kitty toilet paper and when the Hello Kitty bathtub made it’s presence known, I had that haunting Hello Kitty Hell feeling what was going to be coming next. Of course, my wife thinks we need the Hello Kitty toilet to compliment all the Hello Kitty crap that is already in our bathroom: [...]
Comment from Alfred
Time: August 3, 2007, 9:48 am
Cute butts need cute TP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Comment from Misawa
Time: November 15, 2007, 8:04 am
I have the Green Version. xD
I bought it at the 100yen store…. I will try to buy more now
I have my roll In my bed room Sitting with all my other hello kitty stuff.
Pingback from Hello Kitty Urinal Target – Hello Kitty Hell
Time: December 4, 2007, 6:33 am
[...] Of course something like this would never work at home. First off, installing a home urinal, while it would be fantastic from my point of view (and I assume any man’s, really), is not something that my wife (or any other woman) is going to let happen — even if there are Hello Kitty urinal targets. On the off chance that she did, there is absolutely no way that I would ever be able to use it as intended (see Hello Kitty toilet paper). [...]
Comment from Ellice
Time: December 4, 2007, 4:05 pm
your wife kept toilet paper for more than 30 years?
Comment from Ellice
Time: December 4, 2007, 8:37 pm
Forgot to mention, I love the toilet seat cover. LOL. Well, I would imagine you should get your own non-hello kitty bathroom too??? Guess you live in a tiny apartment.
Comment from Absinth
Time: December 5, 2007, 4:00 am
Why would your wife keep HK toilet paper in the bathroom and not the normal one? You’re supposed to use the regular TP and so why make you run downstairs and freeze?
Comment from Deekoo L.
Time: December 31, 2007, 11:27 am
It’s entirely evil to point out that the obvious solution is to shout, ‘Honey, we’re out of normal toilet paper! Which roll should I use?’, isn’t it.
Pingback from Hello Kitty Toilet Sign – Hello Kitty Hell
Time: January 11, 2008, 6:54 pm
[...] is it about Hello Kitty and toilets? She has a whole line of Hello Kitty toilet paper and while it really didn’t surprise me that there was a Hello Kitty toilet, the Hello Kitty [...]
Pingback from Hello Kitty Toilet Paper Storage Cabinet – Hello Kitty Hell
Time: January 14, 2008, 12:01 am
[...] would assume that once you have Hello Kitty toilet paper, and a Hello Kitty electronic toilet paper dispenser, you have pretty much covered all the toilet [...]
Comment from bikergirl
Time: January 19, 2008, 4:55 am
you evil man!
Comment from U Mark
Time: February 26, 2008, 1:58 pm
OH Come On!!! If It is within reach of the toilet, IT IS FAIR GAME!!
Comment from Rui
Time: March 24, 2008, 7:24 pm
You should have rolled them back.
Comment from Chitaku
Time: April 10, 2008, 4:48 pm
OMG, you poor poor man. I have to hand it to you, you’re by far the most patient man I’ve ever heard of. I wonder if they make Hello Kitty Duct Tape? May come in handy.
Comment from tiff
Time: June 5, 2008, 6:44 am
I’m a Hello Kitty Super Freak! But, I Have to admit I couldn’t read the story without laughing my anus off! But I would been angry to!
Comment from taylor TIMEBOMB
Time: June 9, 2008, 8:43 am
my god….next they will be making Hello Kitty brand sex toys!!
oh what madness we shun ourselves into……
Pingback from Hello Kitty Ukulele – Hello Kitty Hell
Time: July 7, 2008, 7:03 pm
[...] The obvious move would be to immediately destroy the musical instrument relieving the world of one more piece of nauseating cuteness. The problem, of course, is that Hello Kitty fanatics have an uncanny way of knowing that something is amiss in their Hello Kitty universe even when any normal person would be completely oblivious to the change (take for example the toilet paper incident…) [...]
Comment from siNNa
Time: July 11, 2008, 11:08 pm
i don’t think so”
about hello kitty so cute”
i think no!!!!
[=p]
hoHHHoooohoooo
Comment from drscanlon
Time: July 13, 2008, 9:26 pm
still my favourite story ever on hello kitty hell.
Thanks for linking it to the ukelele so i could enjoy it all over again (sorry to gain enjoyment from your torture)
Comment from icess
Time: September 6, 2008, 3:41 pm
WOW.is she a neat freak?i never knew there was a such thing as kitty paper. im going 2 buy that!
Comment from pinCHE perla
Time: October 24, 2008, 2:50 pm
I WANT KITTY PAPER NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Comment from RicoSauve
Time: December 18, 2008, 2:36 pm
Where are the screams of the other readers to LEAVW?!?!?
Comment from Joanne WS
Time: January 5, 2009, 4:43 pm
Heh… I thought I had OCD issues… but….. erm….. as a result of that there is always spare REGULAR tp in the bathroom 
I would have thought you were exaggerating a little about the HK hell by the way, had you NOT photographed those loo rolls on top of the HK loo seat hehe….
The discovery of this blog (from a link from someone who NEEDS the sewing machine transformer) actually made me stop and realise that I am so glad that I stopped myself from buying the comforter and pillow cover set that I saw in Hong Kong and all the other things right there… the madness never quite set in.
It also made me smile for the 1st time today 
For both those things, I thank you.
Comment from JT
Time: January 23, 2009, 3:59 pm
You should have just wiped with the toilet seat cover. It’s washable!
Comment from Mary
Time: June 5, 2009, 5:58 pm
…U should have burn the paper o_o…
Yeah, i know what you’re talking about… i have a cousin who is insanely kitty sick -but not as your lovely wife, let me add- …I use an eraser sure, whichever eraser as it is supposed to be used…. i am still being watched for what i did when i was 9!!! -wtf? it was a freaking plastic eraser! and if she didn’t want it to be used…. why had she left it in her pencil bag!?!??!
Pingback from Hello Kitty 35 Anniversary Video Hell – Hello Kitty Hell
Time: October 6, 2009, 12:03 am
[...] course, my wife loves this historical perspective (the Hello Kitty toilet paper in our house is arranged by design year) and continues to play this video over and over again while continually asking me to come over and [...]
Comment from Nicole
Time: October 23, 2009, 7:29 am
I like the seat cover, I have a matching floormat that my great aunt who lives in Japan sent me 6 years ago. Sadly, she stopped sending me Hello Kitty stuffs because she thinks I’ve out grown her. *sighs*
I’d use either ‘74 or ‘77:D
Write a comment