One of the worst aspects of living with a Hello Kitty fanatic is that you never know what Hello Kitty items are going to end up in your stuff. This is bad enough when you catch the fact before it has a chance to unexpectedly surprise you, but there are times when the addition goes undetected until the moment when it completely humiliates you. That is exactly what happened yesterday when I went golfing with a few friends.
It’s already bad enough that I have to play with Hello Kitty golf balls. The jokes are pretty much non stop every time I pull out a ball to tee off and no matter how tough you look, playing golf with Hello Kitty golf balls is going lower your manliness in the eyes of everyone that sees you by a few thousand percent.
So I made the Hello Kitty Hell mistake of believing it couldn’t get any worse. You know those dreams you have where you are in some crowded public place in your underwear or with no clothes on and you are completely mortified? That only begins to describe how I felt when we approached the green on the first hole and I went to pull out my putter to find it had been replaced with this:
Apparently my wife decided that she needed a Hello Kitty putter (no, of course she doesn’t play golf) for the one time every 5 years we play miniature golf and decided the best place to keep it would be in my golf bag (don’t ask, but it apparently makes perfect sense to a Hello Kitty fanatic). Since there was no reason to have two putters in a golf bag, she took out my putter and placed it with my older clubs in the garage (again, no normal person would ever think of doing this, but apparently this is the most logical course of action to take if you are a Hello Kitty fanatic). Thus the only thing I had to putt with was a Hello Kitty putter.
From the way my friends reacted, there doesn’t seem to be anything funnier than watching a grown man walk onto a green and put with a Hello Kitty putter, but they have informed me that I am the “cutest” male golfer they have ever seen. Great — exactly how I want to be perceived in life. The scariest thing? It was just another typical day in Hello Kitty Hell…