Hello Kitty Mail

Some random Hello Kitty mail that has made its way into my email box:

I enjoy reading your blog, and I think it’s even more funny that you are helping hello kitty fanatics find more ideas of things to buy.

I have an honest question. I am 25 yrs, I don’t quite think of myself in a “midlife crisis” (unless I live to 50, of course) but why is it that I have become so obsessed with Sanrio and Hello Kitty as I have gotten older?

You know that adrenaline, butterflies in the stomach feeling of nervousness and excitement? Well, even a walk through a Target store, I will go in with intentions on purchasing a simple household cleaning item and walk out with a hello kitty trash can, laundry hamper, stickers, pillow, lamp, soap dispenser (which is still brand new in the back of my closet because I live in my boyfriends house and have no place to put it) stack of notebooks, folders (I am out of school) convection oven (which my poor boyfriend actually ended up using a couple times until he said it didn’t cook food bc it wasn’t meant to make real food!) and pretty much anything with her face on it. I remember as a kid liking hello kitty but mostly other kids things like disney, looney toons, barbie, etc. (actually , I only liked keroppi at the time because my favorite color used to be green). Anyways, I havent’ yet figured out why I get so “giddy” when I see anything Hello Kitty. My boyfriend has been supportive and hasn’t complained as of yet. He has gotten me the jewelry neiman marcus with hello kitty for birthdays and christmas, but I guess because he knows ANYTHING will make me happy, even if it’s a 99 cent eraser in the shape of her head…

Right now I still get the “oh it’s cute” factor, and seem to “pull it off” but I know once I hit 30, I might have to tone things down, but lately it’s become an obsession. Would you say my issue is pretty common with other girls/women my age? Is it associated with the fear of aging? How long does it last? Or will I get worse? I don’t even recall having any hello kitty during my high school or even early college years! I wish you could put a poll on your page which would show the size of age groups of the average hello kitty fan –Kim H.

Give all your future boyfriends a Hello Kitty gun (any will do) and let them put themselves out of their misery on day one…

Dear Wretched Victim of Sanrio-Decreed Fortune:

As one of the audience to your torment, I have the need to tell you that it stirs both amusement and empathy in me. The fact that I am (and countless others are) entertained by your ‘Hello Kitty Hell’ is evidence to humankind’s inherent sadism. This was obvious anyway because the Hello Kitty Universe was spawned from the foulest trenches of the human psyche.

But while I am empathetic for your plight, I am even more intrigued of the never-ending flow of products that have been tainted by such an abomination. This worries me a bit…more than a bit…quite a lot really. I can’t decide whether it is some sort of morbid fascination or a masochistic streak that has been recently unearthed or perhaps a primitive survival instinct that has been similarly discovered in face of a great adversary or the fact that I have a need to stare the most horrific divisions of reality in the face to prove I can. I would bet that it’s all of that combined, though any sort of fascination associated with the Corrupt-Cuddly-Pink-Aura-Rapist-of-Sanity is probably something I will need to scour from my soul before it is further blemished.

Well I doubt that’ll happen because it really isn’t some paranoid delusion that she is EVERYWHERE so I might as well remain ‘as one of the audience to your torment’ if only to provide some measure of sustenance to my sadism (and masochism) and possibly cling to sanity for a moment longer. I offer my condolences, my respect, and my laughs. Adieu — Kamara

I become more convinced over time that Hello Kitty Hell is like a car wreck. You know that you don’t want to look, you tell yourself not to look, you vow not to slow down to look and then you do anyway and gawk at the wreckage and horror and then quickly look away – which in this case just happens to be me life…

Dearest KittyHell Blogger,

I am writing to thank you for the small ray of sunshine your witty, righteous anger-fueled blogging brings my work days, and to tell you of a Hello Kitty experience I had, that might make you smile.

I work at a mechanics in Sydney. We have a notable percentage of Asian customers, all of which are always very amenable, if not some a little difficult to understand at times. Sometimes a conversation can go like this:

“Sam, its Kim Wong on the phone”
“Which Kim wong?”
“Asian Kim Wong”
“Is she like, English as a first language Asian, or Hello Kitty Asian?”

Its never derogative, just descriptive.

This term obviously springs from the Asian customers we have that generally drive VW golfs or Smartcars, and the ENTIRE car has been kittyafied. The first time I saw this phenomena, I was rather
impressed that they’d actually managed to cover every surface with Hello Kitty paraphernalia, but did have that queasy feeling in my stomach that you often describe, and which I feel most times I see
Hello Kitty products. However, on entering the car to move it into the workshop, I discovered that a kitty-covered-car can actually give a Hello Kitty Hater a rare chance for some ironic revenge.

You climb into the car, you sit on Hello Kitty’s’ face. You grab the steering wheel- and hello Kitty gets a quick slap across the whiskers. You put your grease and oil covered boot down, on Kittys face, and
grab another Hello Kitty with your left hand, to wrench it into gear. The Hello Kitty air freshener smacks its head against the windscreen every time you turn a corner, and you can even open the ashtray to put a cigarette out in Hello Kittys’ eye. So whilst a nausea (akin to car sickness) kicks in as you are
surrounded by so much pink kittyness, one is able to smile a small smile at the grease mark left on Hello Kitty’s’ head.

Thank you for continued blogging, I hope this email returns a smile from the many your have give me. –Bell

Yes, the ironic revenge stage lasts a few weeks until you realise that your entire life is filled with Hello Kitty and reality is there is nothing be Hello Kitty Hell…

I assume, (or fervently hope) that you get letters like this all the time. Probably an annoying amount of them. I don’t even expect you to read even this far into this, but I’ve made a fool out of myself for far, far less than this.

I have two nieces that were recently introduced to Hello Kitty. One is a tomboy, and so went right back to trying to figure out how to climb the tree that she’s not supposed to be anywhere near. The other is an adorable child, with a purple room and a pink bed and bows in her hair. She wants a Hello Kitty plushie thing and a backpack and shoes and God only knows what else for Christmas. And I just wrote to tell you that I’m forwarding your site to her mother in the hopes that the absurdity that is Hello Kitty will convince her not to start down this path.

So I just wrote to say thank you. Thank you very much, on behalf of the poor bastard that will marry my niece someday far, far in the future. You may just have saved him from his own Hello Kitty Hell. Sincerely –Chrissa Bennett

He definitely owes me a case of beer.

55 thoughts on “Hello Kitty Mail

  1. ““Is she like, English as a first language Asian, or Hello Kitty Asian?””

    My car is kinda decked out in HK, but only the seat covers and the belt covers. Everything else (steering wheel cover etc) is also pink.

    At the same time, however, I’m also pretty much an English as a first language Asian….

    So which description do I get?

  2. I happened to stumble across the HK car.. God forbid your wife sees this.. ( I’m sure she has though).. I am sure that you don’t want to see the car.

    I can’t imagine having everything in my life themed.. Kudos to you. You must really love your wife.. My husband wouldn’t tolerate it! lol

    Your site is great. You guys have a great sense of humor!

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