What happens when you have a Hello Kitty fanatic that’s a techie who needs a graduation gift and a boyfriend too clueless to know that encouraging the Hello Kitty fanatic is worse than playing with radioactive material? You get something not very pretty like this Hello Kitty Lineman’s Handset:
For those of you who remember the Hello Kitty nun (yeah, I know you really didn’t need to be reminded about that, especially if you had somehow managed to get that image out of your mind, but it gives you a tiny sample of what it’s like to live in Hello Kitty Hell) and imagined it would stop there, oh how you underestimate the evil feline. Now the Hello Kitty nun is featured in a music video:
I have absolutely no desire to write about this and would rather completely ban them from my mind, but the readers here obviously have no intention of letting me do that. Now that the emails are coming in at several a day, I’m simply posting this so that the emails stop! For anyone that doesn’t know, MAC is coming out with a line of Hello Kitty cosmetics:
I guess it could have gone without saying since anything that involves Hello Kitty is “creepy” to some extent, but it seems to take on horror film dimensions when a Hello Kitty plush comes to life in the back of a music video. I just sat there watching — waiting for Hello Kitty to produce Alien fangs and suck the life out of Lisa Loeb. Either that or have Hello Kitty begin whacking Lisa Loeb over the head with the guitar until she was slumped in a pool of blood on the kitchen floor. The more I live in Hello Kitty Hell, the more convinced I become that Hello Kitty could be a huge horror movie franchise. Doubt me? Watch the video:
Once again the true nature of Hello Kitty fanatics arrived in my email box. Because Hello Kitty fanatics have this strange concept that Hello Kittifying absolutely everything somehow makes whatever has been Hello Kittified cute (hint: it doesn’t), the world end up with disasters like Domokitty:
Although I have suspected it for some time, I am now convinced that there is a special unit at Sanrio that makes Hello Kitty items with the sole purpose being to irritate the hell out of the significant others of Hello Kitty fanatics. In fact, it would not surprise me if they have it nicknamed the “Hello Kitty Hell” department and basically start each day with the mantra, “How can we make Mr. HKH’s life even more miserable?” I have come to this conclusion because there is no possible way that something like the Hello Kitty lawnmower would ever come into existence without such a department:
You would think that public transportation would have some pity on the fine folks that use their service, but that is certainly not the case — at least in Italy. It’s kind of hard to imagine something ever being a bigger eyesore than a Hello Kitty pink tram, but obviously that doesn’t stop the evil feline from taking over one to torture all with the hideous color:
Not that I would ever wish for any kind of Hello Kitty cake to be presented to me, but if I had to have one, this would come close to being the best that I could hope for:
While my wife and I continue to negotiate the details of the future of this blog (thanks for all the comments — they seem to be softening up her position a bit, especially on the point that the blog is degrading), I have a huge favor to ask all the readers of this blog. I have created a new blog (FreeMicroloan.com) for the New Year which was inspired by all the comments that the readers left on the summer challenge to get rid of 200 Hello Kitty items by giving them to a local orphanage in Japan (can I once again thank all of your for rescuing me from what would have definitely been a much too Hello Kitty Hellish vacation to survive sane).
The new blog doesn’t pack the same bite as this blog does (It’s actually a positive blog — I bet some of you didn’t even believe that I had a kinder and gentler side), but I think it’s something that can remind and encourage all of us to make the world a little better. If you have a few minutes, please take a look and see if it’s a blog that you might find worthwhile visiting on a regular basis.
If you do, please feel free to sign-up for the rss feed, leave a comment and, most of all, spread the word to others that you know who you think would support such an endeavor. The goal is to fund a minimum of $10,000 in microloans this year, as well as getting a lot of people into the habit of doing small things daily that don’t take a lot of effort that help make the world a better place.
Whatever your opinion, please feel free to leave your impressions and suggestions on how to make it better here. I’m hoping that with your help we can start the blog off with a bang and fund the first microloan ($25) this week which would be a total of 250 comments, 100 rss readers or a combination of the two.
And now back to our regularly scheduled programming of me living in Hello Kitty Hell…
It seems that there are a few blog readers that felt their lives were so pathetic that it necessitated them to involve themselves in my life by way of my wife. They felt compelled to email my wife time and again until they had convinced her that this blog was much more than a way for me to innocently let off some steam about Hello Kitty. They insisted that this blog was degrading to the evil feline and to all Hello Kitty fanatics, especially my wife. My wife confronted me about this over the winter vacation and has demanded that I abandon this blog.
Of course, the Hello Kitty fanatics didn’t stop just there. They have convinced my wife that once I have abandoned the blog, that it should be reinvented as a Hello Kitty Heaven blog to even out the bad karma I have thrown Hello Kitty’s way these past couple of years.
Does anyone have any good suggestions on how we might resolve this current standoff that might keep me from spending all of 2009 on the couch in the Hello Kitty sleeping bag?