The deluge of Hello Kitty tattoos into my email box continues unabated (it makes one seriously pause to consider how bad things have become in the world when hundreds of people are not only going under the ink gun to have the evil feline become a part of them, but then think it’s a good idea to send me a photo of it once they are done). Even worse, some are choosing patterns like the Hello Kitty Vash the Stampede tattoo:
Due to Hello Kitty’s never ending quest to be a part of anything popular even if it has absolutely nothing to do with Hello Kitty, somewhere, for some unknown reason, somebody got the idea that creating Hello Kitty Monopoly would be a good idea:
Once again showing that she can’t keep her claws off of anything that is remotely popular, Hello Kitty seems to have set her sights on the Nintendo Wii gaming system. The people at Sanrio know that there is absolutely no way that any Hello Kitty fanatic will be able to resist the Hello Kitty Wii dance pad:
I try to avoid showing any Hello Kitty food to my wife because when photos of it end up in my email, three incredibly tortuous things happen. It goes without saying that I have to hear about how cute the Hello Kitty food item is for the next week. During that time I’m under constant threat that my wife will actually try to make the Hello Kitty food item in question which will mean that I will have to eat it. Then there is the whole “only Hello Kitty food diet” that inevitably comes back to life that my wife still believes would be a good idea. With this in mind, I jumped back in fear when the Hello Kitty Jello landed in my email:
Clowns are kind of freaky and Hello Kitty is most definitely freaky, so when you combine the two together you pretty much have the perfect Stephen King horror movie prop:
It used to be that Hello Kitty Star Wars stuff was photoshopped, but apparently — for some unfathomable reason — the people at ComicCon in San Diego thought that bringing Star Wars and Hello Kitty together for real would be a good idea. The result? Hello Kitty revealing her true identity under a pink stormtrooper outfit:
It was bound to happen. With the large number of Hello Kitty Star Wars crap out there, you knew it would be only a matter of time before the evil feline started to invade Star Trek as well. The initial warning shot fired was the Hello Kitty Klingon, so it should be of no surprise that there exists a Hello Kitty Captain Kirk figure:
I’m never sure what to do with all the Hello Kitty tattoos that are sent to me because I get so many these days I could probably create a blog just about Hello Kitty tattoos (now there’s a scary thought). The fact that one person feels that it’s a good idea to stain their skin with the face of the evil feline makes one pause and question the sanity of that person, but actually having hundreds of people send me their Hello Kitty tattoos confirms that these tattoos are far too common and forces me to question the sanity of the world. When these tattoos come in the disguise of “peace” one really needs to begin to worry:
If you are ever involved with someone that insists that you paint your house Pepto Bismol pink, that is a sign that you should seriously consider getting out of the relationship. If they then take it a step further and put a Hello Kitty on the garage door with a sparkly heart underneath (and Mickey Mouse to the side for good measure), you know that it’s time to sprint in the opposite direction as fast as possible:
It’s nice to know that there are others out there that know the true fear that Hello Kitty should install in all of us. If you were to create the scariest dungeon imaginable, it would be a lot easier than most people imagine — simply fill it with Hello Kitty. The Simpsons agree with me:
Some random Hello Kitty emails that ended up in my mailbox…
Dear Mr. HKH,
I recently came across your blog on CakeWrecks. At first I was shaking my head, thinking what a poor dear you are, putting up with all the Hello Kitty crap your obviously brainwashed wife brings into your life. And then, as I read more and more of your blog, I got to thinking: What if I were to Hello Kitty Hell my boyfriend’s life? Bring in a little bit of disgusting cuteness into his apartment every once in awhile, particularly when he’s upset me for some reason or another. Mention Hello Kitty items I might buy at any given opportunity. Show him pictures of cute Hello Kitty things every day, even occasionally off of HelloKittyHell.
Today I bought my first Hello Kitty item…a matching bra and panty set…which has already been modeled. All day today I wandered around our city (Peterborough, Ontario, Canada) and made a list of the Hello Kitty crap currently available for purchase, and making note of where and when I found them.
Did you ever consider that maybe you just upset your wife one time too many, and that your private HelloKittyHell is just retribution? Because I definitely think it’s the best idea I’ve ever heard of in terms of getting even…
Best of luck in Hello Kitty Hell. My boyfriend will meet you there soon.
This strategy may seem brilliant on the surface, but it would mean you would have to turn into a Hello Kitty fanatic. While I certainly live in a Hello Kitty Hell, at least I’m aware of this fact unlike the fanatics that actually believe that Hello Kitty is great. If you can’t delude yourself, then you are creating the same Hello Kitty Hell for yourself as your boyfriend, which I suppose would be proper punishment for even trying to think up something like this…
Every day I think to myself, “At least my view of humanity is so low, it cannot get much lower.” Sadly, I usually am proven wrong by something in the news or in my everyday dealings with people. And sometimes I even wonder what’s the point of soldiering on in such a world. But then I look at your life and your blog and how you must battle the demon Hello Kitty, and I am inspired. If you can deal with that thing in your life day in and out (and love your wife so much that you put up with it), then I can deal with the failings of humanity I run across, which are generally less horrifying than Hello Kitty. For that, I thank you, good sir. Should our paths ever cross, I will buy you enough drinks that you may forget the feline for a brief while.
As long as there is no Hello Kitty alcohol involved in the process, I will certainly take you up on your offer…
God you poor guy. I am worried about my 6 year old nephew he loves hello kitty. Its a freakin cult his father is very against it but his mother thinks its cute and buys him everything HK. Back packs, stuffed toys, lunch boxes, ect. What if he growes up to be a serial killer or a Hello Kitty collector [AAHHHH}. – BACHMAYER
Let’s all hope for the less of the two evils and he only becomes a serial killer…
While there are a lot of things in life that defy logic, there seems to be a disproportionate number of things Hello Kitty that can make this claim. That’s definitely the truth when it comes to Hello Kitty nipple tassels:
The thing that is so annoying with Hello Kitty fanatics is that they take things too literally. Most people who buy makeup use it as it is supposed to be used. Not Hello Kitty fanatics. When a Hello Kitty fanatic buys Hello Kitty makeup, they think that they are actually supposed to draw a Hello Kitty with it:
I was hoping that I would not have to post this and that it would eventually fade from memory, but readers insist on continually sending me photos of this hideous Hello Kitty corset worn by Katy Perry as part of the MAC make-up collection. Considering what MAC did with their Hello Kitty MAC video and Hello Kitty MAC men, it’s not really a surprise that this monstrosity was also part of their collection:
I’m not sure what the appeal is to Hello Kitty scarification (one – two and three — then again, I have no idea what the appeal of Hello Kitty is…) other than Hello Kitty fanatics wanting to manufacture real pain in addition to the mental anguish that the evil feline brings to their lives. There isn’t any other explanation for things like this Hello Kitty bat scarification: