Hello Kitty Hell

Sometimes I forget that Hello Kitty looks at every event that makes the news as an opportunity to promote herself no matter how utterly distasteful doing so may be. A perfect example of this is the evil feline’s decision to create a Hello Kitty Steve Jobs as a memorial tribute as if anyone (besides the [...]

It’s obvious that Hello Kitty wants anyone and everyone to promote her, even if it’s a D-List TV personality wearing an age inappropriate costume. I could go on and on about what a sad train wreck the Bethenny Frankel Hello Kitty costume is, but a couple of photos will do that so much better:

While it’s certainly true that Hello Kitty finds a variety of ways to make my life hell on a daily basis, most of the time I can take it. Then there are the days when the evil feline devastates me. I have always had a secret celebrity crush on Zooey Deschanel. Since I had never [...]

Antonio Garay is a 6-foot-4, 320-pound NFL defender. Usually I would have nothing bad to say about someone who could undoubtedly do me great physical harm, but Antonio also proudly drives a Hello Kitty smart car:

There are some things in life that when I see, I give thanks that I was somehow spared from the Hello Kitty Hellishness. That is exactly how I feel about this recent Hello Kitty by Swarovski event in Japan (prepare for 5 minutes of sickening sweetness if you dare to watch this video — I [...]

This is exactly how my wife thinks all women should dress (seriously) and why she looks forward to Halloween so much. It certainly doesn’t help that she is a huge Rie Miyazawa fan as well which means I have to watch this commercial over and over and over again.

Hello Kitty on anything is a disaster in itself. Give that Hello Kitty item to a celebrity and that disaster only amplifies untold times. Kelly Clarkson x Hello Kitty is a perfect example. I’m not sure what I find more disturbing — the fact that a Hello Kitty garter belt exists or that Kelly Clarkson [...]

Hello Kitty has an official music video, and although it is a terrible song, it does have one highly redeeming value — the words have absolutely nothing to do with Hello Kitty.

What is worse than Lady Gaga dressed in a Hello Kitty plush dress? The thought of a line of Lady Gaga Barbies wearing that Hello Kitty plush dress:

It seems that Lindsay Lohan has decided that she no longer needs some of her Hello Kitty crap. She has decided to sell it to her fans on a new website which she created for the sole purpose of selling all of her old crap (seriously, you can’t make this stuff up). I can’t decide [...]

If you want to thoroughly traumatize your ears and eyes, while at the same time wasting two minutes of your life, all you have to do is listen to the high pitch, diabetes inducing noise of Mano Erina’s song Love & Peace = Paradise (Hello Kitty version of course). Having people scratch their fingernails on [...]

The evil feline knows how to make a generation of real skateboarders want to purposely road rash themselves to death. When Hello Kitty gets the endorsement of Hilary Duff for skateboarding, skateboarders can roll their eyes knowing that their sport is safe and has nothing to worry about. When Mike Carroll creates Hello Kitty skateboard [...]

The evil feline has no shame. It was obvious that the entire Three Apples 35th Anniversary celebration was going to be Pepto Bismol pink Hell from the beginning, and the appearance of Paris Hilton made things that much worse. Now that photos from the event are being sent to me left and right (seriously folks, [...]

As if there weren’t already 100 reasons not to attend the Three Apples Hello Kitty 35th Anniversary gala torture chamber, the fact that Paris Hilton showed up pretty much ensured that the whole event would have been unbearably painful:

The evil feline has no qualms about being seen with anyone and everyone in the hopes of making an extra sale, as her association with Tera Patrick shows. Hey, porn stars love Hello Kitty too and someone needs to be hawking those “shoulder massagers”: Sent in by Georga

My wife was already a fan of Lady Gaga due to her Hello Kitty hair bow and visit to Japan where she professed her love of the evil feline. This has only grown as Lady Gaga posed for a Markus & Indrani photo shoot for the Three Apples art collection (yet another reason to avoid [...]

In my ignorance (helped along by a few beers of the non Hello Kitty persuasion), I mentioned to my wife that I thought it would be fun to get a skateboard. If I had been a bit more sober, I would have known before the words came out of my mouth that Hello Kitty would [...]

It’s never a good day when a celebrity is caught showing off some type of Hello Kitty product and then that photo is sent to me. In the mind of the Hello Kitty fanatic, this somehow legitimizes Hello Kitty. This is my wife’s reasoning — if Anna Paquin is riding around on her Hello Kitty [...]

I know that it’s going to be an extra awful and down right hideous Hello Kitty Hellish day when a photo of Hello Kitty and Paris Hilton combined makes its way into my email box:

I was hoping that I would not have to post this and that it would eventually fade from memory, but readers insist on continually sending me photos of this hideous Hello Kitty corset worn by Katy Perry as part of the MAC make-up collection. Considering what MAC did with their Hello Kitty MAC video and [...]