Dodgeball Team

There are few things that surprise me in Hello Kitty Hell these days, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t come across things on a daily basis that make me ask myself, “for the love of all that is supposed to be good in the word…why???” The Hello Kitty dodgeball team definitely falls into that category:

Hello Kitty dodgeball team

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Hello Kitty Dart Board

One of the things that I fear most about posting Hello Kitty crap is that it will lead to more Hello Kitty crap in my email. A perfect example is when I posted the Hello Kitty shooting target on Facebook. Christine then offhandedly asked the question, “For those who don’t have access to guns, how about a Hello Kitty dartboard?” Guess what ended up in my mailbox a few days later? Was there any doubt that it was a Hello Kitty dartboard?

Hello Kitty face dart board

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Hello Kitty Fishing Reel

One would assume that there were certain sports that would be free of the evil feline such as fishing. of course, this would be greatly underestimating Hello Kitty’s desire to place her face on absolutely everything. No longer can a fisherman request fishing gear as a birthday gift without the risk of something like this being given to them: The Hello Kitty fishing reel.

hello kitty fishing reel

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Hello Kitty Ultimate Cage Fighting

One would imagine that there would be certain sports where Hello Kitty, no matter how hard she tried, would never be accepted. Of course, that would once again greatly underestimating the evil feline and her quest to put her face absolutely every where. For those of you who still doubt, here is the Hello Kitty extreme cage fighter:

hello kitty cage fighting

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Hello Kitty Girl Mike Carroll Skateboard Decks

The evil feline knows how to make a generation of real skateboarders want to purposely road rash themselves to death. When Hello Kitty gets the endorsement of Hilary Duff for skateboarding, skateboarders can roll their eyes knowing that their sport is safe and has nothing to worry about. When Mike Carroll creates Hello Kitty skateboard decks for Girl, you know that Hello Kitty has no mercy when recruiting members to the dark side…

Hello Kitty Girl Mike Carroll skateboard decks

Sent in by danny.

Hello Kitty Paintball Gun

I guess when you play competitive games, you have to sometimes sacrifice your dignity in order to win. That can be the only explanation for the Hello Kitty paintball gun. There is no doubt that upon seeing it, any opponent will be instantaneously frozen with both fear and disgust leaving him/her to be a sitting duck just waiting to be picked off. The irony, of course, is that the loser will go home having lost happily, knowing that he doesn’t have to live life with a Hello Kitty paintball gun. The victor, on the other hand, will carry the shame of owning that monstrosity which pretty much ensures lifetime psychological damage for the rest of his life. Even when you think you win with the evil feline, you lose…

Hello Kitty paintball gun

Hello Kitty paint ball gun

sent in by freewin (via Charkrem)

Hello Kitty Skis

My wife loves to head to the mountains in winter because she has this horrendous Hello Kitty snowboard set-up (she doesn’t actually snowboard much, but she sure does enjoy sitting at the bar in her Hello Kitty outfit), but she has never really wanted to ski. Of course, that was until the evil feline introduced these Hello Kitty skis by Victoria Couture:

Hello Kitty skis

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Hello Kitty Hilary Duff Skateboard

In my ignorance (helped along by a few beers of the non Hello Kitty persuasion), I mentioned to my wife that I thought it would be fun to get a skateboard. If I had been a bit more sober, I would have known before the words came out of my mouth that Hello Kitty would have one. Even worse, my wife found one that she thinks I should get because not only is it a Hello Kitty skateboard, it is a Hello Kitty Hilary Duff endorsed skateboard. Yep, that pretty much guarantees a Hello Kitty hellish day…

Hello Kitty Hilary Duff skateboard

Hello Kitty Longboard Surfboard

When it comes to the fanatics of the evil feline, price is rarely a consideration. Take for example, this Hello Kitty longboard surfboard (not to be mistaken for the Hello Kitty surfboard). You could get basically the same effect by sticking a bunch of Hello Kitty stickers on the board for a few bucks, but they would eventually wear off (all the more reason, in my opinion, to use this approach if you for some reason momentarily lose all common sense and actually think Hello Kitty on a surfboard is a good idea). Instead, this surfboard had the Hello Kitty laminates placed under the fiberglass for about $1200. I guess you could argue it’s a good shark repellent…

Hello Kitty longboard surfboard

Sent in by ram

Hello Kitty Carabiner

When rock climbing, putting your life in the hands of the evil feline’s bow is a pretty good way to assure you’ll end up under a Hello Kitty tombstone. Of course, you know that since Hello Kitty is making these, it’s only a matter of time before they are offering a full size Hello Kitty head rock climbing wall…

Hello Kitty carabiner

Hello Kitty carabiner bow

Sent in by peter

Hello Kitty Major League Baseball Punishment

More and more people are coming to the realization that if you really want to both punish and humiliate someone, simply force them to wear Hello Kitty. This worked wonders for the Thai police who tagged under-performing officers with a Hello Kitty armband of shame. It appears that major league baseball players have adopted a similar approach with the Hello Kitty backpack of shame:

Hello Kitty major league baseball punishment

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Hello Kitty Safari

Well, I guess I can always dream:

Hello Kitty safari postcard

Hello Kitty safari postcard

I think it would have been more appropriate if she had been hunted down with a Hello Kitty shotgun, but then again, who am I to nitpick…

Sent in by Aein (via commercial archive) who deserves a beer on me if we should ever meet for bringing a smile to my face, but next time needs to invite me along for the hunt…

Hello Kitty Boxing Shorts

You would think that Hello Kitty would realize that there are some areas where she just doesn’t belong, but the evil feline and her throng of fanatics are oblivious to this fact. Thus, you have creations such as the Hello Kitty Thai boxing shorts:

Hello Kitty boxing shorts

I think that it suffices to simply say that there is something seriously wrong with the world when Hello Kitty is showing up on boxing shorts…

Sent in by Matthew (via muaythaiart) who should have to wear those for the rest of his life for thinking for even a second that making me aware of their existence would ever be a good idea…

Hello Kitty Assault Rifle (update)

Note: Sanrio legal counsel has contacted me because they realize that their fans are not bright enough to know what is an official Sanrio product and what is not. They didn’t feel that this would be a problem until the fans started contacting them directly, and they soon realized how painful it was to actually have to converse with a fanatic, and not even they had the patience to actually do this. As a result, they sent out a notice to me begging for me to take down my posts about guns that had the evil feline on them just so they didn’t have to ever correspond with the fanatics again. When I explained that they brought it on themselves, they pleaded that I spare them the torture that they inflict on me on a daily basis and asked me to post the following, Since I actually have a conscience, here is what they have to say:

Sanrio® has informed us that Sanrio is not involved in the manufacture or sale of Hello Kitty guns or weapons, and does not allow Hello Kitty® to be used to market guns or weapons. The items shown in this post are either digitally fabricated images or were custom-decorated without Sanrio’s permission. Sanrio alleges that creating false digitized images of Hello Kitty guns or weapons, or custom-decorating a real gun or weapon with Hello Kitty art, infringes Sanrio’s copyrights and trademarks, and may violate criminal laws.

And onto the original post…

There are far too many readers of this blog that have way too much time on their hands if the amount of people who sent me photos of the Hello Kitty AR-15 assault rifle (which I mentioned previously) is any indication. Apparently a lot of people thought it was a photoshop job, so to prove it wasn’t he took photos of it with his wife using it at the firing range.

Hello Kitty assault rifle

No doubt that the military will be carrying these around soon. Seriously, I can’t think of anything more terrifying?

Sent in by 27 different readers (including the owner of riflegear), all of whom should have the wrath of Hello Kitty Hell fall down upon them for even thinking for a split second that it would be wise to send me this photo…

Update: A smiling Hello Kitty fanatic with an assault rifle really should be the definition of “scary” for the dictionary…

Hello Kitty assault rifle

Sent in by prlemph

Hello Kitty Assault Rifle

Note: Sanrio legal counsel has contacted me because they realize that their fans are not bright enough to know what is an official Sanrio product and what is not. They didn’t feel that this would be a problem until the fans started contacting them directly, and they soon realized how painful it was to actually have to converse with a fanatic, and not even they had the patience to actually do this. As a result, they sent out a notice to me begging for me to take down my posts about guns that had the evil feline on them just so they didn’t have to ever correspond with the fanatics again. When I explained that they brought it on themselves, they pleaded that I spare them the torture that they inflict on me on a daily basis and asked me to post the following, Since I actually have a conscience, here is what they have to say:

Sanrio® has informed us that Sanrio is not involved in the manufacture or sale of Hello Kitty guns or weapons, and does not allow Hello Kitty® to be used to market guns or weapons. The items shown in this post are either digitally fabricated images or were custom-decorated without Sanrio’s permission. Sanrio alleges that creating false digitized images of Hello Kitty guns or weapons, or custom-decorating a real gun or weapon with Hello Kitty art, infringes Sanrio’s copyrights and trademarks, and may violate criminal laws.

And onto the original post…

Yes, we already know that Hello Kitty has a things for guns including AK47s and Armoured Personnel Carriers so it’s really no surprise that she would come out with another assault rifle:

Hello Kitty assault rifle

On the surface, a Hello Kitty gun just seems wrong (but then again, anything Hello Kitty could fit that description). But with a little more thought, one could argue there is something quite appropriate about the character that is all about “love and sweetness” displaying her true colors and what she is really all about (death and misery for all those Hello Kitty fanatics that needed a hint). I guess in the end, it really doesn’t matter because either way, it’s still misery in Hello Kitty Hell..

Sent in by far too many people who obviously have way too much time on their hands if they could ever even think that sending me this photo was a good use of their time…