If you were planning to attend Comic Con is San Diego later this month, you might want to serious reconsider. Apparently, the evil feline will be there in full force with her (and I’m not making this up — this is a quote from their press release) “band of Lolitas, who personify anime, cosplay and the colorful style of Japanese pop culture, will host fans at the experience” to make sure that everyone wishes that they never attended. Let’s just pray that fanatics don’t dress up like they did at Dragoncon (NSFW or your life)
If there was ever any doubt that the people at Sanrio aren’t even trying anymore (and there really is no doubt at all), the latest Hello Kitty creation should even convince the most skeptical. It has become readily apparent that they know that no matter what they make, fanatics of the evil feline will buy it. Case in point, the Hello Kitty chicken reversible plush:
One of the things that I fear most about posting Hello Kitty crap is that it will lead to more Hello Kitty crap in my email. A perfect example is when I posted the Hello Kitty shooting target on Facebook. Christine then offhandedly asked the question, “For those who don’t have access to guns, how about a Hello Kitty dartboard?” Guess what ended up in my mailbox a few days later? Was there any doubt that it was a Hello Kitty dartboard?
While all seasons suck when you live in Hello Kitty Hell, the end of the year is the worst. I know immediately when October arrives because people start sending me stuff like Hello Kitty Halloween costumes and Hello Kitty pumpkins. And that is just the tip of the iceberg of the Hello Kitty Halloween crap that exists out there. To perfectly illustrate this point, I present the exclusive Hello Kitty Build-A-Bear Halloween orange witch:
Most people put Hello Kitty and Halloween together to create some of the most awful combinations possible, but every once in awhile someone comes up with a quality idea on how to treat the evil feline at the end of October. Jason Freeny (of Hello Kitty anatomy fame) decided that Halloween 2010 should be dedicated to the dissection of the official Balzac Hello Kitty Skeleton Costume vinyl figure:
I have no idea what the purpose of silly bandz are, so I guess it makes perfect sense that the evil feline would want to align herself with them:
This is why you never want to have a daughter with a Hello Kitty fanatic. When it comes time to give a gift to your daughter, somehow it will get rationalized that a full size custom Hello Kitty Darth Vader model head would be a good idea:
Sent in by Holly (via JD Hancock – used with permission)
If there is one rule of thumb when living with a Hello Kitty fanatic, it is never to leave anything that you value where the Hello Kitty fanatic has access to it. Why you ask? Because if you do, you’ll end up with an Xbox controller that looks like this…
Update: Apparently Gamecube game controllers are also not immune against being Hello Kittified:
Sent in by Fluff who asks, “Why do girls feel the need to collect all that rubbish? Check out what my gf did to my gamecube controller!”
It’s important to let all those out there who make a special effort to get their Hello Kitty fanatic significant other something that she would like to immediately stop it. It not only puts you deeper into Hello Kitty Hell, it makes it worse for all of us who are desperately trying to escape from it. Case in point, the Hello Kitty Rockband Guitar:
Apparently Bratz doesn’t feel that Barbie should be the only one to get to wear the dress. It really doesn’t make a difference what doll is wearing it. It’s going to give the average non Hello Kitty fanatic nightmares…
Sent in by tiff (via veik11 – used with permission)
I never understood the appeal of Blythe dolls. If you have spent even a little time on this blog, you already know I have absolutely no comprehension of what goes on inside the mind of Hello Kitty fanatics. So the combination of the two into a Hello Kitty Blythe doll pretty much defies all reason in my opinion which will mean it will be a huge hit with both Hello Kitty and Blythe fanatics. One more reason to lose hope in the human race ever surviving…
I’m not sure what is more disturbing — the fact that they actually make a Hello Kitty radio-controlled truck or the amount of fun that the person seems to be having using it. I kept hoping against hope that someone would walk by and step on the damn thing or that it would fall down a flight of stairs and give a satisfying end to the video — no such luck…
Sent in by radioman
Yet another company sells its soul to the evil feline and Hello Kitty continues her quest to Hello Kittify every form of transportation possible with a marketing deal that will have Razor produce Hello Kitty razors in the near future:
The fact that Hello Kitty sushi exists is a pretty good damnation of the human race. That the evil feline also encourages fanatics to wear Hello Kitty chopsticks in their hair when she monetises this trend just further proves that all is not right in the world these days.
Sent in by Jessica
Update Mike Mozart reviews Hello Kitty plush for his failtoys Youtube channel:
One of the many (many, many…) problems with Hello Kitty fanatics is their desire to make everything cute. This includes things that were never meant to be cute such as one’s internal organs. So it’s really no surprise that what is really inside you and what the evil feline wants all to believe is inside you are not quite the same:
Was there ever really any doubt? Wii had already started to produce official Hello Kitty Wii related items and fans were doing things that just weren’t right with Hello Kitty Wii mods. So I guess it’s not going to be too much longer until I walk home and my Wii controllers and Wii console looks like this…
Sent in by patty
Update: Because if you are going to ruin the Wii, you might as well have multiple ways of ruining the controllers:
Sent in by Amber
You knew that eventually someone would decide to make a Hello Kitty mod (and you also knew that it would be just as terrible as you imagined it would be).
Sent in by Kos (via My Mod)
One would think that the evil feline would be satisfied after convincing guitar makers to sell their souls and produce both Hello Kitty acoustic guitars and Hello Kitty electric guitars (not to mention what happens when people actually play them or even worse, pretend to play them). This, of course, would be greatly underestimating the lengths that she would go to to try and inflict pain on every person possible and neglect the fact that more and more people are playing Guitar Hero these days. If you are a Wii fan and a Guitar Hero fan (actually, this is good advice to anyone that is breathing), just leave now because you don’t want this haunting you for the rest of the year.
Sent in by wiifan
Update: You knew there couldn’t just be one:
Left in comments by Ryouga (via Flickr)