Hello Kitty Bruise?

It’s bad enough when your girlfriend encourages you to dress up in Hello Kitty stuff (same guy as in the photos below) and humiliate yourself, but you know you’ve reached new depths of horror when you begin to see Hello Kitty even when the evil feline is not there. Case in point – the Hello Kitty bruise:

Hello Kitty bruise

Everyone gets bruises and there is nothing special about this one you would assume unless you happen to be dating a Hello Kitty fanatic:

Hello Kitty bruise

She would encourage you to take out a pen and fill in the blanks until — tada — you have a Hello Kitty bruise:

Hello Kitty bruise

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Hello Kitty Baby Perfume

Sometimes when I see new Hello Kitty products, I think that Sanrio must actually be running out of things to Hello Kittify since there is no other explanation as to why some of these things are made. That, and the overwhelming focus that it’s never too early to indoctrinate the child masses into the Sanrio cult, is why you have products like Hello Kitty Baby perfume:

Hello Kitty baby perfume

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Hello Kitty Coffee

Mornings are never a good time of the day in Hello Kitty Hell since I never know what Hello Kitty themed food might show up in front of me. To combat this, I usually get a cup of coffee and sip it while reading the newspaper to prepare myself for what Hello Kitty food may appear before me. Until this week I always assumed that my coffee would be evil feline free. That is no longer the case since my wife has seen this photo and has set her sight on perfecting Hello Kitty coffee:

Hello Kitty coffee

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Love Advice

Maybe I’ll soon get my own love column because of my outstanding, well contemplated and accurate love advice to this email that was recently sent to me:


Could use your input and suggestions here. I’m living in Japan, and I recently started dating a beautiful young lady. Good times, fun conversation, and blah blah blah.

BUT! Last weekend we decided to visit the local Jusco to look for a book that I wanted. Half way to my goal, I suddenly feel a tug on my arm and hear a quiet “eeeeeh”. When I look over I see the Hello Kitty section of the department store, and her with a rapturous look on her face. This is when I learned about her secret obsession. Pretty sure it took her about 30 minutes to touch every item. Yes, every item. I’d understand if she had an OCD, but it was a little creepy seeing her walking up to the Kitty-chan display and lightly touching every single product.

After going through this ritual, she revisited three displays several items… saying “kawaii” under her breath at each. I finally offered to buy her one item for each book that I bought, just to get her moving. Ended up being two, for the record.

So, knowing that you have some experience with this, what are your thoughts? Is this something that I can deal with? Should I be worried? Scared? Hit the eject button and bail out before this becomes a serious relationship? Any words of wisdom will be seriously considered.


– Kowai BF

My simple word of wisdom: Run!

Costume – Photo of Horror 4

It’s bad enough when Hello Kitty fanatics decide to dress up as Hello Kitty (here is far more proof than anyone in their right mind would ever want to see if you need any), but by far the worst part is when the Hello Kitty fanatic decides that the significant other must also participate (see photo of horror photo 1, photo 2 and photo 3 and realize what a wonderful life you have compared to these poor guys) as part of the costume. Here is another poor soul that you can add to that list that is forced to humiliate himself at the bidding of his wife (oh, how I know how he feels…):

Hello Kitty costume

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Help Me Get Rid of 200 Hello Kitty Items: Comment!

One of the activities I undertake each year is collect toys for a local orphanage in Japan. While the orphanages here are pretty well run compared to other places in the world, there isn’t a whole lot of extra money for toys for the kids. So every year I go around and collect small toys such as bottle cap figures, key chains, phone straps and plush (stuffed animals) for the boys and girls.

In one of our recent discussions about this blog (my wife has learned to ignore it to a great extent, but when she does visit, I usually get an earful…) this past weekend, my wife commented that it’s always the same people who comment on this blog which means it’s only the same people who read this blog all the time. I argued that while there are a core group that tend to comment quite a bit, there are a lot of readers that just read and never comment (I should have added, “because everything is so ridiculous that it makes them speechless” but I was already treading on this ice of being sent to the couch in the Hello Kitty sleeping bag).

She gave me one of those laughs like “nice try, but I won’t believe it till I see it.” So I challenged that if I can get 1000 different people to comment on a post, would she be willing to donate some of her Hello Kitty stuff to the orphans? She agreed, but also stipulated that if I fail to reach 1000, I have to take her on a Hello Kitty trip this August and I’m not allowed to complain at all (that certainly would be nothing short of Hello Kitty Hell…)

So here’s the deal. For every 5 new people that comment (if it’s to say something bad about Hello Kitty, all the better, but even if it is something positive, I will forgive you since it’s for a good cause) my wife said that she will donate a Hello Kitty toy to the toy drive (even if if the total doesn’t reach 1000). 100 comments means 20 toys, 500 comments means 100 toys and 1000 comments means 200 toys. With your help, I have the opportunity to rid our house of 200 Hello Kitty items that will go to a good cause and my wife won’t even be able to complain about it. How great would that be?

Since I don’t want me wife accusing me of cheating, please don’t make multiple comments under different names (it’s too easy for her to figure it out). If you have never commented before, this is your chance to say something and help out a great cause. Please also take a few moments to spread the word and tell your friends. The thread needs 1000 comments from different people to donate the maximum number of toys — that’s less than half the current rss feed readers. Not only will I be deeply grateful in getting 200 products of the evil feline out of this house, it’s not often that you can bring a smile to the face of a child by simply leaving a short comment. Thank you in advance for all those that are willing to help.

Start commenting!!

Update: “Wow” is all I can say. When my wife and I made the deal, I had to reach 1000 comments before the end of the month. It took just over 2 days to accomplish it with all of your help. While I did find the number of Hello Kitty fanatics that read this blog a bit disturbing, I’ll suppress that horror knowing that this house will have 200 less Hello Kitty products crowded inside in the weeks to come and that there is no need to go on a Hello Kitty vacation this summer! That is certainly a great relief and something to celebrate!

Of course, I will photo document all the items with the evil feline that leave this house with great joy and pleasure as we pack them up and deliver them. Those will appear in future update posts about it. This is probably the biggest victory ever in Hello Kitty Hell and is certainly something that I could get used to!

Feel free to keep commenting. I’m not sure what the comments above 1000 will mean at this very moment, but I’ll figure out how to make those above 1000 help out as well for all those that took the time to stop by and help a good cause.

I’d just like to take another moment to thank everyone that took the time to comment to help out the kids. It’s very much appreciated.

Pasties (NSFW)

It’s really not like we need any more proof that there is something extremely wrong in the world. Just going through a few pages of this blog will make that abundantly clear. But for those who may have reserved a tiny space in their mind with doubt, I assume this will thoroughly erase it – Hello Kitty pasties:

Hello Kitty pasties

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Hello Kitty Tuxedo

It is amazing that week after week, when I somehow imagine that the worst of Hello Kitty has already found its way into our house and that things can not get worse (I know, I should know by now that it can always get worse, but all I have is hope…), it gets worse…much, much worse. There isn’t much that sends shivers down my spine these days, but this pretty much brings to the forefront the worst of my Hello Kitty Hell nightmares – a Hello Kitty tuxedo:

Hello Kitty tuxedo

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Hello Kitty Mosquito Repellent Patch

The hot and humid days of summer are now in full force in Japan and that means having to deal with all the lovely mosquitoes. If you decide to go on a picnic and hike like we did this past weekend, it makes sense to take mosquito repellent with you. To my regret, I made the amateurish assumption that when I asked my wife to pack the mosquito repellent that it would be normal spray or cream mosquito repellent. I should have known better living in Hello Kitty Hell that assuming is always a bad thing to do. Thus, I was introduced to the Hello Kitty mosquito repellent patch:

Hello Kitty mosquito repellant patch

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Hello Kitty Ukulele

It has been well established that Hello Kitty fanatics don’t need to have any use for a Hello Kitty product to still lust after it and decide that they need to add it to their collection. My wife doesn’t play any musical instrument, but that has not stopped her from collecting a small symphony of music related items.

The other day I was digging through our closet looking for my baseball glove (which fortunately, is not something that they currently make in a Hello Kitty pattern at Sanrio, but I have no doubt they are already planning to release a line) when I came across a Hello Kitty ukulele:

Hello Kitty ukulele

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Hello Kitty toothpick

The thing about living in Hello Kitty Hell is that you can never make a simple request and not have the evil feline right there to haunt you. You would assume that if you asked your significant other if they could hand you a toothpick, you would get a normal wood toothpick. Not in Hello Kitty Hell. I asked my wife if she could hand me a toothpick after dinner last night and she actually handed me Hello Kitty toothpicks:

Hello Kitty angel toothpick

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Hello Kitty Antivirus and Firewall Software

You knew that this day would come. Not only does Hello Kitty want to sell you computers (such as this, this and this) in her evil feline image, she now also wants to protect your computer from the inside as well with her new Hello Kitty antivirus and firewall software (while it is currently only available in Chinese, you know it’s only a matter of time…):

Helo Kitty antivirus software

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