When it comes to Thanksgiving and giving thanks to the things in our lives, I think I can say with a fair amount of certainty that the evil feline invading my life is not something which will ever make my list. In fact, Hello Kitty is pretty much the opposite of anything that anyone should be thankful for, and definitely not something that most people want to see on a day of giving thanks. Apparently the people at Macy’s see things a bit differently and want to inflict a new kind of misery upon the masses since the old version didn’t seem to be bad enough (with the obvious consequences that everyone will be relieving themselves of their Thanksgiving Day meal). Thus Macy’s has seen fit to introduce a new Hello Kitty Thanksgiving Day Parade balloon:
While Hello Kitty fanatics don’t realize it, when they hang a Hello Kitty holiday wreath on their door, they are conveniently warning everyone in the neighborhood the terrible dangers that lurk inside. Believe me, you disregard this warning sign at your own peril:
As if there was really a need to have one more reason to want this season to end as quickly as possible (see Hello Kitty Christmas trees and Hello Kitty ornaments if you had any doubts), this should quickly put the question to rest: a Hello Kitty Christmas music video that is guaranteed to haunt you long after the new year begins (you have been warned)
I knew that once the Hello Kitty Christmas tree showed up in my email before December even began that things weren’t going to go well this holiday season. This feeling was confirmed when someone, for some unfathomable reason, thought it would be a good idea to send me a photo of Hello Kitty Christmas ornaments:
Leave it to Hello Kitty fanatics to not have the patience (or common decency) to start sending me horrible reminders of what the next month is going to be like in Hello Kitty Hell. First there was the Hello Kitty Christmas tree which soon lead to another Christmas tree before the floodgates opened (which created a strong case in favor of those who believe the world isn’t worth saving). Was there really any doubt that there would be more Hello Kitty Christmas trees?
It’s obvious that Hello Kitty wants anyone and everyone to promote her, even if it’s a D-List TV personality wearing an age inappropriate costume. I could go on and on about what a sad train wreck the Bethenny Frankel Hello Kitty costume is, but a couple of photos will do that so much better:
I knew this was coming. I secretly prayed that it wouldn’t, but the mere fact that the evil feline exists pretty much proves that there is no God. It has become an annual torture fest beginning with Hello Kitty Halloween pumpkins landing in my email, then eventually a Hello Kitty Halloween costume ending up there as well. Although I had tried to mentally prepare myself for horror that would undoubtedly appear, I had no idea what an utterly frightening mess it would be. Judge for yourself:
While I do believe that creating a Hello Kitty Halloween pumpkin is the best way to ruin a perfectly good holiday, I guess it’s a great way to scare the hell out of all the kids in the neighborhood and keep them away from your house.
As I have stated before, the Halloween season is the start of a lot of Hello Kitty Hellishness. One would hope that the evil feline would be able to keep the theme somewhat on target with Hello Kitty pumpkins and Hello Kitty costumes with very little deviation into such things as Hello Kitty Halloween cupcakes, Hello Kitty Halloween tattoos and Hello Kitty Halloween nails. Of course, that would be hoping for the impossible as the Hello Kitty Halloween car so perfectly illustrates:
I should know better. Hello Kitty fanatics waste absolutely no time spreading the torture of the upcoming holiday at hand. With the beginning of a new month, I should have known that it was going to be a mistake to open any email that had Hello Kitty and <3 in the title. Apparently Hello Kitty fanatics aren’t satisfied with hearts on Valentine’s Day and feel that it is necessary to include Hello Kitty chocolate in the mix as well:
All I can say is that I’ll be damn glad when Halloween is over…
Let the Hello Kitty Halloween deluge begin. It wasn’t even a possibility that the Halloween horror would stop with the Hello Kitty Halloween nails. Even though there have been plenty of Hello Kitty pumpkins (oh, yes, there are more) sent in, Hello Kitty fanatics only care about their own (and somehow feel it is important to tell me in great detail about how great their particular Hello Kitty pumpkin is as if I would be the one human being in the world that would care in even the least little bit…) This is certainly not a good omen with two weeks still to go:
You know it’s going to be an extraordinarily terrible holiday season when it begins with Hello Kitty nails being made worse than all the examples already out there (something that any normal person would assume would be impossible). Then again, one thing I have learned over the years is to never underestimate how bad Hello Kitty can make things, especially when you believe you have seen the worst. Thus, it should be of little surprise that someone thought that Hello Kitty Halloween nails would be a good idea:
One would hope that it would be possible to escape the evil feline every now and again, but Hello Kitty always does her best to make sure that isn’t possible. Even a trip to the local beach is wrought with the risk of coming across a 26 foot tall Hello Kitty balloon (with all her character friends as giant beach ball floating in the water) to guarantee that a perfectly good day at the beach will be ruined:
You’re excited for Halloween because you have decided to go out as Darth Vader. You can’t wait for your friends to see your awesome costume. Then mom says that you have to take your little sister with you. You can’t believe your rotten luck. Having your little sister tagging along is going to ruin everything. You think that it is the worst thing that could ever happen to you. That is until you see your little sister’s costume:
What do you get the Hello Kitty fanatic in your life for Valentine’s Day? Apparently, the evil feline knows exactly what her fanatical followers want — to devour her brains: