How do you know that the world is about to end? When the cat-with-no-mouth suddenly finds that she has one upon deciding that it’s a good idea to take Eminem’s song Rap God and do her Cat God interpretation. No, I’m not making any of that up — and you would be wise to trust me on that and just walk away from your computer screen because if you choose to watch the video, it can never be unseen. There has never been any doubt that the evil feline she’s herself as a God (or Jesus), and this video only proves it.
If this is the way that 2013 is ending, I don’t know if I’m going to be able to survive what 2014 is sure to have in store for me…
What do you get from a want-to-be TV reality star teen (Courtney Stodden) who marries a 51-year-old actor (Doug Hutchison)? You get a video like this which Courtney obviously thinks is “cute” (how can you not think that as she coughs up a hairball?) but should help purge your stomach of all if its contents with ease (warning: this video can’t be unseen)
Do you know when you know it’s time to get out of the rap music business? The instant that someone suggests that you appear in a Hello Kitty music video and you actually accept. How to instantly ruin your rap music career:
As if there was really a need to have one more reason to want this season to end as quickly as possible (see Hello Kitty Christmas trees and Hello Kitty ornaments if you had any doubts), this should quickly put the question to rest: a Hello Kitty Christmas music video that is guaranteed to haunt you long after the new year begins (you have been warned)
This really shouldn’t be a surprise. When the evil feline is willing to create a Hello Kitty Darth Vader or a Hello Kitty Klingon, it isn’t a stretch to imagine that she would try to invade absolutely every imaginable franchise including Ghostbusters. So while my eyes bleed at the sickly pink and my brain hurts at the abomination of a Hello Kitty Ghostbusters proton pack, I can’t say that I’m really all that surprised. If you’re a fan, be prepared to weep:
I knew that I would probably regret putting together a photo album of all the different Hello Kitty cars that exist, and it sure didn’t take long for the regret to arrive in my email. No sooner had Sammy Bear on facebook asked the question, “Out of all the cars so far…where is a Prius? just saying” did this a Hello Kitty Prius photo show up (like anyone would doubt that a Hello Kitty Toyota Prius existed…)
There are some things in life that when I see, I give thanks that I was somehow spared from the Hello Kitty Hellishness. That is exactly how I feel about this recent Hello Kitty by Swarovski event in Japan (prepare for 5 minutes of sickening sweetness if you dare to watch this video — I highly recommend you use common sense and don’t as this will save your mind from losing several IQ points)
The title says it all…wait for it…
Yep, this comes way, way too close to home to make me feel comfortable…
Sent in by Queenie
This is exactly how my wife thinks all women should dress (seriously) and why she looks forward to Halloween so much. It certainly doesn’t help that she is a huge Rie Miyazawa fan as well which means I have to watch this commercial over and over and over again.
There is never a good reason for anyone to ever have to listen to the Hello Kitty theme song (besides possibly terrorist interrogation). Despite this, not listening to the Hello Kitty theme song is not a realistic possibility if you live with a Hello Kitty fanatic. I guess if one must listen to it, there should be, at the very minimum, a quality ending.
Sent in by James
Hello Kitty has an official music video, and although it is a terrible song, it does have one highly redeeming value — the words have absolutely nothing to do with Hello Kitty.
One of the most difficult aspects of living in Hello Kitty Hell is explaining the complete fanaticism of Hello Kitty fanatics to people who have never met one. They simply have no reference, and any sane person would find it unbelievable the lengths that fanatics will go to surround themselves with the evil feline. This video gives a taste of what every Hello Kitty fanatic would like their house to look like (my wife is certainly doing her utmost to equal, if not surpass, it).
You knew when Hello Kitty came out with an anime series that it wouldn’t be good. What you probably failed to understand was how truly horrid it would be. In her never ending quest to destroy and co-opt anything even remotely popular, the evil feline once again has modded Star Wars in ways that should never be considered with “Cat Wars.”
While I should write that I will now give a spoiler, I really don’t need to because when I explain it you won’t believe me — but you can’t make these things up. This video featuring Darth Cat Nip, Princess Kitty, Master Fluke, Hop 2 D 2, Hobi Kat Nobi and, of course, The Fur. The question is can you last until Master Fluke and Darth Kat Nip fight with their Flea Sabers. Seriously, watch at your own risk!
You would think that life in the US would be less Hello Kitty Hellish than in Japan, but you’d be wrong. My wife has discovered that in the US she can watch the Hello Kitty Furry Tail Series over and over again. Don’t think it could be that bad? Try watching for 5 minutes without wishing that a large space object of any kind would fall out of the sky and put you out of your misery.
If there is one thing that the human race absolutely does not need, it is a new Hello Kitty theme song. The fact that the original Hello Kitty theme song is so hideous that it is used by terrorist organizations to break the will of all enemies within minutes goes without saying. This would lead one to assume that if the evil feline did come up with another theme song, it would have to be better. Of course your would be wrong (seriously, just walk away and don’t click — you’ll never know how much you should thank me, but you will retain your sanity):
If you want to thoroughly traumatize your ears and eyes, while at the same time wasting two minutes of your life, all you have to do is listen to the high pitch, diabetes inducing noise of Mano Erina’s song Love & Peace = Paradise (Hello Kitty version of course). Having people scratch their fingernails on chalkboards would be less painful and much more appealing to the ears. You have been warned:
Sent in by Lillian
The nightmare for anyone who travels is to somehow find themselves stuck at a Hello Kitty airport getting ready to board a Hello Kitty airplane. For those who live in Hello Kitty Hell and have managed to avoid this fate, the people at Eva Air felt (for some unfathomable reason) that people would like to see in detail how they went about and destroyed one of the planes in their fleet:
Sent in by Karin