Hmmmmmm. I’m not sure if Hello Kitty finally revealed her true self to the world and I was correct or if Sanrio has seen fit to develop a new Hello Kitty line about my blog in their never ending quest to Hello Kittify everything:
More random Hello Kitty emails that found their way to me recently:
Or did MELLY send it to me? She has my PIN number.
Thank You, HKH, Jeanne, Monterey Bay, California
By the look on her face, that cat still hasn’t forgiven you…
More and more people are coming to the realization that if you really want to both punish and humiliate someone, simply force them to wear Hello Kitty. This worked wonders for the Thai police who tagged under-performing officers with a Hello Kitty armband of shame. It appears that major league baseball players have adopted a similar approach with the Hello Kitty backpack of shame:
There are certainly enough Hello Kitty goods to make anyone instantly say wtf. In fact, they are so plentiful that most people would assume that Hello Kitty must have exhausted her wtf quota, but this assumption would leave you sorely mistaken. There really isn’t any other way to react to the fact that Hello Kitty Spam sushi exists:
Some things were never meant to be made. Hello Kitty was one such thing. Crocs were another. So was there ever really any doubt that the two would be combined to create Hello Kitty crocs?
Hello Kitty is no stranger to extremism, so it seems appropriate that there is a Hello Kitty Jihadist plush out there:
You would think that the one time that I could somewhat escape Hello Kitty Hell is when my wife and I take weekend trips around Japan. Yes, there will be the evil feline in every store and shop we walk into, but at least I can escape for a short period as we actually travel. That, of course, assumes that the Hello Kitty fanatic doesn’t know about the many Hello Kitty buses that dot Japan (which my wife most definitely does):
It’s never a good day when a celebrity is caught showing off some type of Hello Kitty product and then that photo is sent to me. In the mind of the Hello Kitty fanatic, this somehow legitimizes Hello Kitty. This is my wife’s reasoning — if Anna Paquin is riding around on her Hello Kitty beach cruiser, that must mean that Hello Kitty beach cruisers are cool because even the celebrities want to ride around on them:
I’ll admit it. There have been more than a few occasions where I have wished a horrific demise of the evil feline. It seems that I’m not the only one:
While all things Hello Kitty defy logic, some of them defy logic more than others. A prime example of the latter is the Hello Kitty hair salon:
I know that it’s going to be an extra awful and down right hideous Hello Kitty Hellish day when a photo of Hello Kitty and Paris Hilton combined makes its way into my email box:
Note: Sanrio legal counsel has contacted me because they realize that their fans are not bright enough to know what is an official Sanrio product and what is not. They didn’t feel that this would be a problem until the fans started contacting them directly, and they soon realized how painful it was to actually have to converse with a fanatic, and not even they had the patience to actually do this. As a result, they sent out a notice to me begging for me to take down my posts about guns that had the evil feline on them just so they didn’t have to ever correspond with the fanatics again. When I explained that they brought it on themselves, they pleaded that I spare them the torture that they inflict on me on a daily basis and asked me to post the following, Since I actually have a conscience, here is what they have to say:
Sanrio® has informed us that Sanrio is not involved in the manufacture or sale of Hello Kitty guns or weapons, and does not allow Hello Kitty® to be used to market guns or weapons. The items shown in this post are either digitally fabricated images or were custom-decorated without Sanrio’s permission. Sanrio alleges that creating false digitized images of Hello Kitty guns or weapons, or custom-decorating a real gun or weapon with Hello Kitty art, infringes Sanrio’s copyrights and trademarks, and may violate criminal laws.
And onto the original post…
Because there has never been a gun that Hello Kitty could keep her face off, here is yet another Hello Kitty machine gun:
The problem with Hello Kitty Hell is that even something that is already far more horrendous than most people can imagine without wanting to physically hurt themselves can be made infinitely worse by additions that the Hello Kitty fanatic wants to make. Take, for example, the Hello Kitty house. Most people would take one look at that and pull out a Hello Kitty gun to quickly end their misery. The Hello Kitty fanatic, on the other hand, decides what the Hello Kitty house really needs is to be built out of Hello Kitty bricks:
Update: Only in the deepest depths of Hello Kitty Hell could someone imagine it would be a good idea to make Darth Vader wear a pink skirt. and then actually make it into a costume. For some unfathomable and unfortunate reason Let the Wookie Win decided to show me these depths:
Seriously, one would think that people would tend to shy away from a terrible idea once it had been done (and graphically shown what a horrendous idea it really was), but then one could never accuse a Hello Kitty fanatic of thinking (sent in by Ryan)…
Many people are aware of the Hello Kitty Darth Vader that was photoshopped, but what many aren’t aware of is that someone who saw that photoshop thought (for some reason that nobody that is sane will quite understand) it would actually be a good idea to create a real life Hello Kitty Darth Vader costume and shows up at various events: