Just when you think that everything that could possibly be branded with the evil feline, something else ends up in my email box. Once again, Star Wars fans die a little inside with the Hello Kitty Tie Fighter
The problem of living my life is that there is no relief from Hello Kitty no matter the season. It simply seems that things get worse and worse as the years go by with each season getting worse than the last. A perfect example is that in winter there is a snowboard covered with the evil feline, so in summer there would undoubtedly be a surfboard. Since I have to deal with Hello Kitty snowmen in winter, it really shouldn’t be a surprise that now that summer is here, I will have to deal with Hello Kitty sand sculptures:
I figured that if I could survive the excruciating pain of having to see all the hideous Hello Kitty Halloween pumpkin creations, I would no longer have to worry about the evil feline being carved into fruits. Unfortunately, I once again greatly underestimated the true diabolical nature within her soul when I was shown a carved Hello Kitty watermelon:
There are some things in life that when I see, I give thanks that I was somehow spared from the Hello Kitty Hellishness. That is exactly how I feel about this recent Hello Kitty by Swarovski event in Japan (prepare for 5 minutes of sickening sweetness if you dare to watch this video — I highly recommend you use common sense and don’t as this will save your mind from losing several IQ points)
It is a well known fact that Hello Kitty enjoys her drugs (not to mention drug lords). Whether it is Hello Kitty cocaine, Hello Kitty acid or Hello Kitty marijuana, we now know what Hello Kitty enjoys doing when she is taking these drugs with this little memento left on a Hello Kitty pipe — getting it on with Butt Head from Beavis and Butthead:
What is it about Hello Kitty and eyes? Hello Kitty contact lenses are one of the most disturbing (and that is saying a lot considering the amount of disturbing this blog produces) items I have come across, so artwork depicting the evil feline as eyes just makes Hello Kitty creepier than she already is (which again, is saying a lot considering how creepy she is without doing a thing).
I’m not rich. In fact, being rich is something that I never want to aspire to be. While this might seem a bit strange to most people, it is perfectly obvious to anyone why not have large amounts of disposable income is a good thing when living in Hello Kitty Hell. The simple reason is that if money weren’t an object, there is no doubt that horrendous things like $1.5 million dollar Hello Kitty paintings would end up at my house:
Because there is absolutely nothing that the evil feline believes can’t be Hello Kittified, you have things like the Hello Kitty uterus plush, the Hello Kitty bondage room, the Hello Kitty retainer and Hello Kitty motor oil (it’s quite sad that I could go on and on with this list). Suffice to say, Hello Kitty once again shows us that she is willing to make anything in her image to make a buck — including the Hello Kitty fetus:
While having nothing with the evil feline arrive in my email box would be ideal, it has become far too apparent that this isn’t going to ever happen. With this fact in mind, I guess I can consider it a good start to the week when someone accurately depicts what Hello Kitty is full of:
Most people put Hello Kitty and Halloween together to create some of the most awful combinations possible, but every once in awhile someone comes up with a quality idea on how to treat the evil feline at the end of October. Jason Freeny (of Hello Kitty anatomy fame) decided that Halloween 2010 should be dedicated to the dissection of the official Balzac Hello Kitty Skeleton Costume vinyl figure:
The one thing that that you can be certain of is that the evil feline will always find some bizarre niche that nobody would ever think of to continue to sell herself. The Hello Kitty S&M voodoo doll is further proof of that:
Sent in by tiffany
I’m beginning to think that creative editing (much along the lines of Hello Kitty coloring pages) might be the way to help lessen the agony of living in Hello Kitty Hell. If a Hello Kitty fanatic decides to gift you a Hello Kitty growth chart, what is the best way to proceed after the stomach churning realization that you may have to stare at the nauseating image for the foreseeable future? How about turning it into a Hello Kitty skeleton growth chart?
More proof that the entire world is going to Hello Kitty Hell. You know that all is not right in the world when the the evil feline is prominently displayed in the gift shop of the supposed bastion of high art. I guess I won’t be traveling to the Louvre Museum anytime soon:
Sent in by Janet who says “This is the gift shop at the Louvre Museum! Even my 6 year old was unimpressed.”
Apparently the Last Supper painting had a slight flaw in the eyes of the evil feline — basically, she was left out of it:
My wife decided to download a bunch of Hello Kitty coloring pages the other day (I’m still debating whether this is better or worse than her buying a Hello Kitty coloring book) and told me that I should practice so that I can color them with my nieces when they come to visit. This, of course, made for a very difficult dilemma. Should I color the Hello Kitty coloring pages like my wife expected me to, or should I color the Hello Kitty coloring pages the way that they actually should be colored?
It’s not often that the week ends on a positive note when you live in Hello Kitty Hell, but sometimes there is a tiny ray of light that shines through all the darkness and brings a smile to my face. This is especially true when you realize that you are not alone in your fight against the horrors of the evil feline. Apparently Hagar the Horrible shares my feelings on how Hello Kitty should be treated. Enjoy:
Sent in by many via Neil Cameron
If you really had any doubt (and if you have been to this blog, that certainly is not the case) about how prevalent the evil feline is in the world, this Hello Kitty “Wonderful World of Hello Kitty” graphic should thoroughly depress you for the next few years (click on image to enlarge at your own risk):