In her undying quest to be involved in anything pop culture, Hello Kitty has morphed into a Hello Kitty sewing machine transformer:
My wife thinks this is “the greatest thing ever” (but then everything Hello Kitty is the greatest thing ever – no point trying to argue that it is impossible for everything to be “the greatest thing ever” at the same time, because while normal people know this makes absolutely no sense, we once again find that Hello Kitty fanatics don’t care) and wants one for herself.
wife: “I want one of those. It’s the greatest thing ever!”
me: “I don’t think it’s real…”
wife: “You’re just saying that because you don’t want me to get one. Just like the Hello Kitty car tail pipe.”
me: “no, that’s not true…” (thinking: “this is bad…I’m never going to be able to use that trick again…”)
wife: “It’s a toy you would like. I’ll let you play with it too.”
me: “That’s funny…” (accidentally laughing out loud thinking: “this is the person who sent me to the couch for a week because I used Hello Kitty toilet paper properly…”)
wife: “You don’t believe me!?” (with the Hello Kitty Hell look starting to sparkle in her eye – me thinking: “uh oh, this is not good…abandon ship…get out of this conversation as quickly as possible”)
me: (stammering trying to recover) “no…no, that’s not what I meant at all. What I meant was that I know how valuable everything Hello Kitty is to you and wouldn’t dream of disturbing your Hello Kitty items…” (thinking: “damn, you’re getting better at this. That was one hell of a comeback!”)
wife: “So what you’re saying is that I can get it and you won’t touch it.”
me: “Right” (thinking: whew, that was a close one and no Hello Kitty sleeping bag and couch tonight)
It took me a few minutes to realize the Hello Kitty conversation had ended much too amicably and going through the conversation again, I began to wonder if I had just told her it was OK to buy a Hello Kitty sewing machine? Now I sit here in a classic Hello Kitty Hell quandary – if I bring up the subject again, I’ll likely end up on the couch in the Hello Kitty sleeping bag, but if I don’t say anything, I’m bound to find a Hello Kitty sewing machine transformer at our door soon (yes, even if I know it doesn’t exist, believe me, she’ll figure out a way to find one…) Another typical no win situation day in Hello Kitty Hell.
Thanks to linda (via something awful) who should have to buy a Hello Kitty transformer sewing machine and use it daily for bringing this to my wife’s attention…