Hello Kitty President Obama

Wars? The economy? Global warming? You would think that the President of the United States would have enough worries on his plate these days with all the current crisis that exist, but things just got a whole lot worse for him and he probably doesn’t even know it. The evil feline has set her sights on invading his territory and has moved into a position just a couple of seats away. If you think things weren’t looking good before, wait until the president faces Hello Kitty Hell…

hello kitty Obama

Sent in by Stacy who has confirmed that the world is much closer to doom that anyone ever imagined…

Hello Kitty Bento Making Set Giveaway

While the main reason I decided to take the long shot stab of winning a trip to the Vancouver Olympics was to help out a good cause, I must admit that the thought of escaping Hello kitty Hell for a couple of weeks also made it worth the effort. When I asked my wife to help, she agreed to give away a few of her things with the stipulation that if I did win, I had to pick up Hello Kitty crap that I found in Vancouver.

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Hello Kitty Wig

One would assume that it would be difficult to make anything worse than the Hello Kitty head that has tormented cats (even dead ones), dogs (including those doubly unfortunate enough to belong to Perez Hilton), babies and those related to fanatics who somehow feel this is cute. On a similar note, it would seem nearly impossible to make your hair worse than by doing a Lady Gaga and shaping it into a giant bow. Of course, this would be highly underestimating the evil feline and her great ability to take two terrible ideas and meld them together to make something far worse. Case in point, I introduce the Hello Kitty wig:

hello kitty wig

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Hello Kitty Chemical Factory

Was there ever really any doubt that the evil feline has a number of chemical factories across the world? The problem was that these Hello Kitty chemical factories were hidden across various countries in secret locations so they could spew out their mind altering gas (seriously, is there any other logical explanation for Hello Kitty fanatics?) without any protests. The first of these Hello Kitty chemical factories has been found:

hello kitty chemical factory

Sent in by lilly (via elfo streetart – image used with permission)

Hello Kitty Nori Punch Giveaway

This is my second post in my continuing long-shot attempt to win a contest to blog about the Vancouver Winter Olympics and in the process, hopefully help out a good cause.

This contest is for a Hello Kitty Nori punch courtesy of my wife (who incidentally has been greatly encouraged by acquaintances who say that there are quite a few places to buy Hello Kitty crap in Vancouver — which has me thinking that maybe winning isn’t going to be the escape from Hello Kitty Hell that I had first imagined…):

Hello Kitty nori punch

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Hello Kitty Cat Wars Star Wars Anime

You knew when Hello Kitty came out with an anime series that it wouldn’t be good. What you probably failed to understand was how truly horrid it would be. In her never ending quest to destroy and co-opt anything even remotely popular, the evil feline once again has modded Star Wars in ways that should never be considered with “Cat Wars.”

While I should write that I will now give a spoiler, I really don’t need to because when I explain it you won’t believe me — but you can’t make these things up. This video featuring Darth Cat Nip, Princess Kitty, Master Fluke, Hop 2 D 2, Hobi Kat Nobi and, of course, The Fur. The question is can you last until Master Fluke and Darth Kat Nip fight with their Flea Sabers. Seriously, watch at your own risk!

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Hello Kitty Ice Cube Tray Giveaway

It is not often that my wife will give away things in her Hello Kitty collection, but she always has a soft heart when it comes to good causes. When we were in Japan, we used to give toys to a local orphanage. Now that we are back in the US, we needed to come up with a new project. We have set a very ambitious goal to provide a lot of food to food banks, and although we have just started, we are making a difference.

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Hello Kitty Chocolate Covered Macadamia Nuts

If there was ever really any doubt, it has now been confirmed. Hawaii has officially become an extended island of Japan and has succumbed to ownership of the evil feline (can the rest of the world really be that far behind?). Introducing Hello Kitty Hawaiian chocolate covered macadamia nuts:

hello kitty chocolate covered macadamia nuts

Sent in by kerri

Update: Apparently the people at Sanrio know all too well that if they combine chocolate with Hello Kitty, there is nothing that will stop the Hello Kitty fanatic from buying it (at least in the case of my wife). Suffice to say, my wife can’t wait to get hold of this new line of Hello Kitty chocolate macadamia nuts coming out and I see the continued take over of the world by the evil feline…

hello kitty Hawaiian host chocolates

Hello Kitty Furry Tail Theater: Wizard of Paws / Pinocchio Penguin

You would think that life in the US would be less Hello Kitty Hellish than in Japan, but you’d be wrong. My wife has discovered that in the US she can watch the Hello Kitty Furry Tail Series over and over again. Don’t think it could be that bad? Try watching for 5 minutes without wishing that a large space object of any kind would fall out of the sky and put you out of your misery.

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Hello Kitty Week in Review

It’s that time of the week again to self inflict massive amounts of pain to your brain by looking at the Hello Kitty crap that didn’t make the front page. This email I received sums it up pretty well:

This site freaking proves how deadly and dangerous a place the internets really is. One minute I’m pretending to work while searching guitars on google and everything is great the world is a happy place for me. About 3 clicks and 2 minutes later I’m in “WTF” HelloKittyHell?!!? (The sad part is, I’ve been here like 2 hours looking at hello kitty vibrators and handguns!) — Kelly

Proceed at your own risk:

Hello Kitty Google Chrome Theme
Hello Kitty Sushi Plush (update)
Hello Kitty Snuggie (update)
Hello Kitty Darth Vader Helmet
Hello Kitty Kilt
Hello Kitty Tattoos (photo gallery)
Hello Kitty Scarification (photo gallery)

And just to make the week all the more Hellish, I now have readers whining for Hello Kitty crap from me (which I would obviously already be giving away if the consequences from my wife weren’t so severe)

I was the winner of the Hello Kitty optical mousepad (which I am enjoying, by the way), and I have a sad story. For Christmas, my boyfriend, whom I live with, promised to get me the Build-A-Bear Hello Kitty doll. Instead, he got me nothing. Not a flower. Not a card. Nothin’. Zip. Zilch. He said he “didn’t have time.” This has made me incredibly sad and has RUINED my holiday (especially since I knitted everyone in his WHOLE family personalized scarves, AND got him plenty of Christmas gifts). I feel an injustice has been done to me.

I am aware of you and your lovely wife’s recent return to the US. Welcome back. If you feel obliged to send any of your wife’s extraneous Hello Kitty dolls my way, no matter how small, you would make a Georgia girl’s holiday happy again! I know this request may sound pathetic, but I am feeling despondent and, quite frankly, heartbroken. I wanted a Hello Kitty gift this year, and was severely let down. — Rebecca

Believe me, if you have to rely on someone living in Hello Kitty Hell to rescue you from being despondent because you didn’t get the Hello Kitty crap you wanted for Christmas, you’re going to be despondent for a long, long time…

Hello Kitty Google Chrome Theme

It’s not enough for the evil feline to fill my house with all of her Hello Kitty crap, she now also wants to be part of my browsing the Internet when using Google Chrome. I guess getting this might be a good way to lose a few pounds because there is no way that you are going to be able to keep any food down if you have to look at that all day…

hello kitty chrome theme

Hello Kitty Google chrome theme

Sent in by Katy (via Chrome Plugins)

Hello Kitty Mop

What’s worse than cleaning up around the house? Cleaning up around the house using Hello Kitty cleaning products. Nothing makes mopping the kitchen floor worse than having the evil feline staring back at you the entire time — something which happens when you have the Hello Kitty mop in your house:

Hello Kitty dry mop

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Hello Kitty Darth Vader Helmet

This is why you never want to have a daughter with a Hello Kitty fanatic. When it comes time to give a gift to your daughter, somehow it will get rationalized that a full size custom Hello Kitty Darth Vader model head would be a good idea:

Hello Kitty Darth Vader helmet

Sent in by Holly (via JD Hancock – used with permission)

Hello Kitty Kilt

True to form, Hello Kitty has an entire nation of ancestors rolling over in their graves. You knew that something like this would have to be made because if there was one image that had not yet been terrifyingly burned into my brain, it was a man wearing a Hello Kitty skirt. The evil feline can now cross that off her list of things to torture me with:

Hello Kitty kilt

Sent in by zaphod

Update: I don’t know how anyone would ever dream that trying this again could be a good idea, but apparently I continue to underestimate the evil feline:

Hello Kitty plaid kilt

Sent in by Brad

Hello Kitty Online Theme Song

If there is one thing that the human race absolutely does not need, it is a new Hello Kitty theme song. The fact that the original Hello Kitty theme song is so hideous that it is used by terrorist organizations to break the will of all enemies within minutes goes without saying. This would lead one to assume that if the evil feline did come up with another theme song, it would have to be better. Of course your would be wrong (seriously, just walk away and don’t click — you’ll never know how much you should thank me, but you will retain your sanity):

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Hello Kitty Louis Vuitton Purse

As I have said plenty of times in the past, if the evil feline thinks that she can make a buck, she will do whatever it takes to do it. While I have no doubt that Hello Kitty is in talks with Louis Vuitton about making a Hello Kitty Louis Vuitton bag, apparently those discussions aren’t going fast enough. Now most companies would try to negotiate harder if there was a problem, but not Hello Kitty. She simply steals the style and makes her own Hello Kitty Louis Vuitton purse:

Hello Kitty Louis Vuitton purse

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Hello Kitty Week In Review

It’s never a good sign when the first week of the New Year begins with situations like this, and it gets even worse when I take a look at all those posts that didn’t make the front page this week. Flee while you can and leave the links below alone because once you look, there is no erasing what you have seen:

Hello Kitty Weapons (photo gallery)
Hello Kitty Fanatic Significant Other (update)
Hello Kitty Star Wars (photo gallery)
Hello Kitty Snuggie (update)
Hello Kitty Bong (update)
Hello Kitty Room (update)
Hello Kitty Xbox Controller
Hello Kitty Advent Calendar (update)

Hello Kitty Face Carabiner Giveaway

If this is any indication of how this year is going to shape up, it’s going to be one Hello Kitty Hellish 365 days.

Now that we’re back in the US, my wife is dutifully trying to Hello Kittify our new place like in Japan. To keep my sanity, I try to take off each day to an Internet cafe to get work done. One would think that I would be safe now that I am not in the land of the evil feline, but that would be greatly underestimating Hello Kitty’s will to make my life hell.

I now know that I should never, ever check this blog in public. There were some notices in my email that a number of comments needed to be moderated, so I headed over to this blog to approve them. If I had only known what would happen next.

As the blog came up on the screen, the woman next to me must have glanced over to see it.

Woman: “Oh, I love that blog!”

Me: Instantly knowing this wasn’t going to be good when I looked to see a variety of Hello Kitty crap among her possessions. I forced a smile and remained silent hoping against hope that she would leave the conversation at that, ignoring the universal truth that if a person is a Hello Kitty fanatic, there is no shutting them up once the topic turns to Hello Kitty.

Woman: “I didn’t know guys like to look for Hello Kitty stuff too. Are you looking to get something for your wife? I love looking for new stuff there.”

Me: “Well, not exactly…” (thinking: “Seriously, this can’t be happening to me.”)

Woman: “Oh, you should buy your wife Hello Kitty jewelry. She’ll LOVE (repeated 3 times) IT! See, I have this necklace…” and the woman begins to go through and explain about all the Hello Kitty items she owns.

Me: (Thinking: “you have got to be kidding me…”) as I interrupt her, not really thinking what might happen because all I want to do is get this woman to stop talking about Hello Kitty. “Look, I am the guy that writes this blog, and…”

Woman” “OMG! OMG! OMG!”

Me: (Thinking: “oh crap, what have I just done?”)

Woman: Starts excitedly talking a million miles a minute so that nothing is comprehensible except for the final sentence which is, “your wife is my hero.” She then takes something out of her purse, hands it to me and says, “I want your wife to have this.”

Me: (Thinking: “this can’t be happening…) Thanks, but there is no need to do that.”

Woman: “No, I insist. I love your wife.”

Me: (Thinking: “under no circumstances should I ever let this woman and my wife meet if I want to keep my sanity…) “No, really, it’s not necessary…”

Woman: “Your wife will love it! You have to give it to her from me.”

Me: “Seriously, there is no need…”

Woman: Interrupting me mid sentence. “You have to promise to give it to her.”

Me: “Well…”

Woman: “There are no buts about it. It’s settled. You promise to give it to her, right?”

Me: “Seriously, she doesn’t need it. Have you ever read my blog? She has more…”

Woman: interrupts mid sentence again. “Oh, I LOVE (repeated 3 times again) your blog” and then goes into her undecipherable, mile a minute blabber about all the things she likes on the blog.”

Me: (wondering: “what is the worst of these two evils – having to listen to this woman blather for the next half hour about Hello Kitty or taking the thing for my wife and getting out of there asap.”) “Fine, fine,” I said grabbing the Hello Kitty face carabiner key chain and getting the hell out of there as quickly as I possibly could:

hello kitty carabiner face

So now I have this and there is no possible way I’m going to give it to my wife because if I do, she’ll insist on meeting this woman and that would certainly produce unimaginable ripples in the very fabric of life as we know it. So I will instead give it away.

The contest is simple and should give Hello Kitty fanatics a fun dilemma to try and overcome. Simply leave a comment in this post listing 3 or more reasons why you hate Hello Kitty. Any comment which has anything positive to say about Hello Kitty will be disqualified.

I will have a random number generated for the comments that qualify left below. The person’s comment that matches the number will receive the Hello Kitty face carabiner.

The contest starts now and will end at 11:59 pm eastern (10:59 pm central, 9:59 pm mountain and 8:59 pm pacific) on Tuesday January 12th. Open to anyone living anywhere in the world including my wife (oh, how I would love to see her list three reasons she hates Hello Kitty).

Update: There were 181 entries in this contest and the random number came out 20 – contragatualtions to Yasmin for being the winner:

random number keychain

Hello Kitty LSD Tattoo

If there is anything that you learn in Hello Kitty Hell, it’s that the evil feline loves her drug culture. Between Hello Kitty bongs and Hello Kitty cocaine, you knew that at some point someone would think that something like Hello Kitty sporting 6 tabs of LSD on her tongue tattoo would somehow be a good idea:

Hello Kitty LSD tattoo

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