If people insist on sending me Hello Kitty related emails, fan art is preferable over Hello Kitty items that are just bound to make my life more of a living (Hello Kitty) hell once my wife sees them. Here is the latest piece of fan art sent in:
It came with the following message:
Alright, I drew this to make your holidays a little better, and less Hello Kittyish. This was drawn using a Hello Kitty picture to make the ultimate anti-Hello Kitty weapon.
It even comes with a small story about how Sanrio attempted to make a living with Hello Kitty and accidentally made Goodbye Kitty, who thus began her quest to destroy all links between her, Hello Kitty, and Sanrio. Goodbye Kitty, fighting Hello Kitty since 2007
It would be nice to think that there was an anti-Hello Kitty roaming the earth trying to wipe out all things Hello Kitty but I, unfortunately, see no evidence of it. Still, I can keep dreaming, right…
Sent in by Alenderis, who now only needs to make his creation as popular as the evil feline for me to have his undying gratitude…
I should have known that it was going to get worse (this is, after all, Hello Kitty Hell where things always get worse no matter how bad they may seem). Thus we move from the Hello Kitty pink Christmas tree to the Hello Kitty Plush Christmas tree:
Of course, my wife loves both and is talking about combining the two together (Pepto Bismol pink with lots of Hello Kitty plush and Hello Kitty ornaments — and people wonder why the holidays is the time when people kill themselves…) which would take the entire Hello Kitty Christmas tree to even new Hello Kitty Hell depths…
Sent in by cutesy (via likerogermoore) who should have to live with a tree like that for the entire year (and definitely get a new user name) for even thinking for a second it was a good idea to send that photo to me…
The fact that Sanrio makes a Hello Kitty douche pretty much assured that a Hello Kitty deodorant existed and now, of course, my wife is looking for it.
There are a couple of classic signs that it is Hello Kitty. It’s marked “limited edition” at the top – who else besides Sanrio would come up with the idea of limited edition deodorant? You know that limited edition deodorant would never fly with any other brand in the world and you also know that the Hello Kitty fanatics are drooling all over themselves wanting it. Then there is the description that the spray is “air petals” – which is so classic Hello Kitty sweetness that it makes my stomach churn, a chill go up my spine and makes me want to vomit.
Of course, my wife sees it from a completely different point of view: “Wouldn’t it be wonderful that you could smell Hello Kitty everyday?” Between having to eat Hello Kitty food, see Hello Kitty everywhere I go, listen to the Hello Kitty theme song on crappy speakers and touch Hello Kitty at times when one should never have to touch her, we might as well make it all five senses and make me suffer with the Smell of Hello Kitty on a daily basis as well. Would you expect anything less in Hello Kitty Hell…?
Sent in by Marcus who should have to wear this Hello Kitty deodorant himself for even considering it would be a good idea to send this to me…
You would think that there would be a law against this, especially during the holidays. I mean, seriously, how could anyone really view this as a good idea? (then again, I guess you could make that argument with virtually any Hello Kitty product…)
There is nothing that says Christmas spirit like a tree covered in Pepto Bismol with the evil feline on top. Of course, my wife wants one, but thinks that the ornaments should be Hello Kitty too (see, it can get worse than this photo) If we end up getting one, I’ll have to down as much Pepto Bismol as is covering the tree to keep from getting sick — yeah, I know, it still won’t work, but I have to deceive myself that there is a possibility of hope while living in Hello Kitty Hell during the holidays…
Sent in by kris (via lilitu93) who really should have to dress up like the tree for the remainder of winter for even having the thought that sending this to me would ever be a good idea…
You know it’s going to be another Hello Kitty Hellish day when an email with photos like this arrives – the Hello Kitty lantern festival:
The second my wife saw these photos, she wanted to go. My mentioning that since the photos were posted online, it probably meant that the festival was already over (hoping beyond hope that this would somehow end the subject) didn’t dissuade her in the least bit (nothing dissuades a Hello Kitty fanatic once the Hello Kitty virus has entered their brain).
The unfortunate state of reality is that Hello Kitty is succeeding in taking over the world and it probably won’t be impossible to find another Hello Kitty lantern festival (just realizing this already has me more than a bit queasy). So I get to look forward to searching for Hello Kitty lantern festivals as part of my winter holiday. That certainly seems to perfectly sum up Hello Kitty Hell…
Sent in by kittysweet (via vkeong.com) who should suffer unspeakable torture for not only for thinking sending this to me was a good idea in any way, shape or form, but also for having a username that should definitely not be visiting this blog making it all the worse.
Yes, we already know that Hello Kitty has a things for guns including AK47s and Armoured Personnel Carriers so it’s really no surprise that she would come out with another assault rifle:
On the surface, a Hello Kitty gun just seems wrong (but then again, anything Hello Kitty could fit that description). But with a little more thought, one could argue there is something quite appropriate about the character that is all about “love and sweetness” displaying her true colors and what she is really all about (death and misery for all those Hello Kitty fanatics that needed a hint). I guess in the end, it really doesn’t matter because either way, it’s still misery in Hello Kitty Hell..
Sent in by far too many people who obviously have way too much time on their hands if they could ever even think that sending me this photo was a good use of their time…
The things about Hello Kitty fanatics is that they take something Hello Kitty that is already unbearable like the Hello Kitty hotel room (which one would assume could never get any worse) and combine it into a video with a song that takes it to as yet unknown nauseating level (warning: play the video at your own risk…)
I warned you. After listening to that once, I would rather have to listen to someone scratching their fingernails against a chalkboard for hours on end than listen to that again. Of course, my wife thinks it’s the “cutest thing ever” so it’s only a matter of time before it makes it way onto her playlist – ahhhh, the things I get to look forward to living in Hello kitty Hell…
It’s stuff like this that scares the freaking Hello Kitty Hell out of me. I knew I was going to have nightmares as soon as I read the first sentence of this post:
“Have you ever felt the weird urge to be like Hello Kitty?”
Of course, now it’s like a train wreck. I know I don’t want to see any more, I know that I’m going to regret seeing any more and I know that I’m going to have terrible nightmares about anything beyond this first sentence that I do see. I know that I should simply stick my fingers into my eye sockets and rip them out because this gesture will be 100 times less painful than what I’m about to read, yet against all common sense my eyes drift to the next lines in the post:
1. Put your hair in two pigtails above your ears and put the little girl bow clips in your hair.
2. Get a jumper that goes down to your knees and wear it everyday.
3. Get all your friends call you “Kitty” though this could be taken wrong.
4. Learn to make Kitty’s expression of amazement.
5. When your sad, make your eyes big, get out one tear and pout.
6. Wear a lot of bright pink blush in little stripes over your cheekbones like Kitty when she blushes.
7. Always split things with your friends.
8. Talk in a little voice all the time.
9. Go to the park on your bike a lot.
I couldn’t go any farther. Some train wrecks are just too awful and gruesome and you have to turn away and that is exactly what I did. While a post about how to be like Hello Kitty is bad enough, the fact that people actually want to be her makes the entire concept well beyond wrong. Of course, my wife thinks that this is an absolutely normal and typical thing that any human being would want to do which simply reinforces the Hello Kitty Hell I live in…
Sent in by Patty who should actually have to read that post daily and attempt to follow it for even thinking it was remotely a good idea for her to send me a link to that post…
If you are a non Hello Kitty fanatic, you probably can’t conceive of anything worse than flying on a Hello Kitty airplane for the holidays, but when it comes to the Hell that Hello Kitty places all Hello Kitty fanatic partners into, a Hello Kitty airplane would never suffice. If you’re going to go to the trouble of building a Hello Kitty airplane, you might as well also build a Hello Kitty airport:
While my wife thinks that this is the greatest idea in the world and now wants to travel on the Hello Kitty airplane even more, this is the type of thing that places the last straw on the camel’s back before breaking it. It would not surprise me in the least bit if they have to provide numerous Hello Kitty barf bags to all the Hello Kitty fanatic partners who are forced to suffer through this.
While I don’t normally support terrorist actions, if a group decided to take over this airport and bomb the building, I think they would be doing a service to mankind and receive the support of millions of people for whatever cause they may have. Since this is unlikely to happen, and since at some point I’m going to be forced to endure this torture, if you happen to see some guy continually barfing into a Hello Kitty barf bag in a corner attempting to shield himself of all the horror surrounding him, feel free to give your sympathy (while bringing some extra barf bags) to someone living in Hello Kitty Hell — it just might be me…
Sent in by Kitty Baby, who should have to live in that airport for the rest of her life for even thinking for a moment it would be a good idea to send me these photos…
Another doomed man to Hello Kitty Hell that has no idea what he has gotten himself into…
The problem with Hello Kitty fanatics is that they are perfectly willing to humiliate their partner and place them into the depths of Hello Kitty Hell from day one and see absolutely nothing wrong with it (because wouldn’t everybody want to dress up as Hello Kitty?). Here is the explanation in the email:
On our wedding day, according to Chinese traditions, the groom will come to “collect” the bride from her parents house. But before he gets to see her, he has to play games and do stupid things before he is allowed through the gate to see his bride. I made the Hello Kitty head for him to wear complete with collar and bell )…I was laughing the whole time I was sewing it.
Of course, my wife thought it was “sweet” and “adorable” – two words that were quite the opposite of how I would describe the situation. My sympathies go out to this man because what this poor soul doesn’t realize is that what he assumed was a one-time gag for fun is now the reality of the rest of his life…
Sent in by Gayle, who really should have to wear that costume each day for the rest of her life for thinking it was a good thing to send me this photo and whose husband is free to write for this blog at any time…
I too am a fellow sufferer in the depths of hello kitty hell. my fiance is a hello kitty fanatic of the highest caliber. (we are going to honeymoon in Japan, see if you can guess why)
I find myself torn between the love of my fiance and my hatred toward hello kitty. I’m a fan of you blog and it has prepared me for life with my own hello kitty fanatic.
If I had not had your experience to learn from I would have thought nothing of my fiance buying a hello kitty sleeping bag. When faced with my impending doom I became fear drunk and decided I needed to accept hello kitty into my life and preform some large gesture to cement my loyalty.
I agreed to get a hello kitty tattoo. Whats worse is that I’m a Norse Pagan and I agreed to get a tattoo of hello kitty made to look like Odin.(one doesn’t exist so i have to design it myself)
I’m risking retribution from the All Father in order to avoid the hello kitty sleeping bag. I was wondering if what I’m doing is a little too extreme, and if so how can I go back on my agreement without my lawyer having to draw up hello kitty divorce papers.
Help me please – Tony
All I can say is that this blog is only the tip of the iceberg and doesn’t even do Hello Kitty Hell true justice. If he thinks that reading this has prepared him, he’s in even more trouble than he knows. My advice: Feel free to contribute any time you want
Oh, you don’t think it would stop at a single Halloween costume sent to me in December, would you?
Of course not, this is Hello Kitty Hell. Once again we see Hello Kitty fanatics that are dressing up like Hello Kitty’s twin sister Mimmy (you know that Hello Kitty Hell is reaching all time lows when I am lecturing Hello Kitty fanatics that they aren’t dressing properly as Hello Kitty — damn, someone shoot me and put me out of my misery right now…) whether on purpose or mistake. It really doesn’t matter because to anyone who sees it, it’s terrifying either way…
Sent in by alison who should have to suffer a lifetime of lectures on proper fashion from the evil feline herself for even thinking it was a good idea to send this photo to me.
Yes, it’s December and I’m still getting Halloween costume photos sent to me:
I took one look at this and thought, “You know, this looks like a torture device that they would use on terrorists to suffocate them into submission” and the minute I did, it occurred to me that is exactly what Hello Kitty does…combine still getting Halloween costume photos in December with that and it pretty much sums up Hello Kitty Hell…
Sent in by Jenn who should have to wear that mask tied extra tightly at the neck for the rest of the year for thinking it was a good idea to send me this Halloween photo…
There really should be some kind of law that people can’t get personalized license plates like this:
Of course, my wife wants one for our always increasingly Hello Kitty pimped out car (I’ve been avoiding writing about it lately because it is getting so depressing), but luck is on my side on this one — they currently don’t offer personalized license plates in Japan. Of course, the minute they do, we all know what’s going to happen…
Sent in by Jo “Hello Kitty” Cook — I should wish a terrible act would fall upon her for even thinking it was a good idea to send this to me like I usually do, but I really can’t think of anything worse than changing your name to “Hello Kitty” …
It was bound to happen — because after all this is Hello Kitty Hell — this showed up in my email immediately after posting this (which just goes to show that way too many Hello Kitty fanatics read this blog…):
The flow of Hello Kitty tattoos into my email box continues unabated for reasons I cannot fathom other than Hello Kitty fanatics think it is fun to nauseate me on a regular basis. The latest in the growing list is a Hello Kitty candy tattoo:
I like sweets as much as the next person, but you know when you eat too much and that sugar high quickly turns into an overwhelming feeling that all contents in your stomach should no longer be there. That is what it basically feels like to live in Hello Kitty Hell all the time making this tattoo aptly appropriate (although it would be more accurate with the vomit aftermath at the bottom).
Even worse, it doesn’t look like it is going to stop here:
I went threw 6 hours of pain for this and I will do it again!! And thank you for giving me more ideas for more Hello Kitty Tattoos.
Of course, my wife loves it. “Hello Kitty is always surrounded by sweetness. How could you not love a tattoo like that?”
Let me count the ways…
Sent in by Melissa who deserves a whole lot more than 6 hours of pain for thinking it was a good idea to email this to me…
It’s when I receive emails like this that I know it’s really going to be a Hello Kitty Hell day. I’ve noticed a growing trend of Hello Kitty fanatics modding their stuff so that they can have the only (and most expensive) of that certain kind of item. Thus it was not a surprise (although it still made me want to run to the toilet) when this arrived in me email box:
I’m not sure what it is with Hello Kitty and Swarovski crystals, but this is definitely a Hello Kitty fanatic thing (see my wife’s modded cell phone). I think that Sanrio and Swarovski have secretly teamed up after discovering some special region of the brain in Hello Kitty fanatics which goes into overdrive when the two are combined while the rest of us normal folks are left staring at stinging bling that makes us want to cut our eyes out because doing so would be less painful.
What’s worse is the Hello Kitty fanatic is totally proud of this monstrosity:
I got the most expensive Hello Kitty bike on the planet! I spent one year covering my Hello Kitty bike in Swarovski crystals. Literally thousands of dollars were spent and it has approximately 50,000 crystals on it.
Yep, that pretty well sums up a Hello Kitty fanatic. Of course, my wife loves it. “It shines and sparkles bringing Hello Kitty brightness wherever she goes. Isn’t that wonderful?” I was tempted to answer, but decided that now that winter is here, it’s no fun to sleep alone on the couch in the Hello Kitty sleeping bag…
Sent in by Dottie who should have the the good fortune to have this pimped out contraption stolen, but who is safe with it because I can’t imagine that anyone (including the worst criminal elements) would ever want to be seen with something like that…
Just when you think that Hello Kitty can’t possibly appear someplace more inappropriate than where she has already ventured, she once again shows that things can always get worse. It’s not often that I’m sent an e-mail with a Hello Kitty product that I’m not sure if I should despise or love — that is the current internal conflict that continues to rage within me in regard to the Hello Kitty urinal target.
There is something that is just completely wrong about any Hello Kitty item that invades a men’s bathroom which leads me to believe that I should despise this product. That being said, along with the fact that I have to see Hello Kitty every second in every other place that I go, the thought of being able to piss all over Hello Kitty (as she encourages me to do so) has quite a satisfying appeal to it and why I may be in love with this Hello Kitty product.
Of course something like this would never work at home. First off, installing a home urinal, while it would be fantastic from my point of view (and I assume any man’s, really), is not something that my wife (or any other woman) is going to let happen — even if there are Hello Kitty urinal targets. On the off chance that she did, there is absolutely no way that I would ever be able to use it as intended (see Hello Kitty toilet paper).
I can already imagine if I had accidentally come across this myself. After having a few too many beers to drink, I too would wander into a bathroom to relieve myself to find Hello Kitty staring back at me out of the urinal. At that moment one of two things would happen: 1) I’d freak out with the realization that there is absolutely no escape from the evil feline and would immediately be rushed to a mental hospital. 2) I would see my chance to piss all over Hello Kitty, do so and then go back and drink as much as I could so I could do it again and again. This would eventually leave me either passed out at the bar or back at home with the worst hangover ever. Either way, I’d end up losing in the end which is pretty much par for the course when you live in Hello Kitty Hell…
Thanks to Steve who I will definitely go out and have a few beers with (and possible many more) if I’m ever in Spokane just so that I can have the pleasure of pissing on Hello Kitty while being able to justify it even to a Hello Kitty fanatic…
I miss forks. Living in Japan where we use chopsticks all the time and stabbing food with them is considered extremely rude, you aren’t able to pull something like this off and be able to claim to the Hello Kitty fanatic next to you that you had no intention of inflicting any harm to the evil feline in any way:
Sent in by Pilar (via Richy!) who deserves a beer if we ever meet for letting me imagine that I will be able to do something like this to take out my frustration and get away with it if I’m ever forced to fly on the Hello Kitty airline…
It’s already been well established that Hello Kitty fanatics are, to put it diplomatically, fanatical. In being so, they go far beyond what most of us normal people would consider, for lack of a better word, sane. Usually this merely means buying lots of useless Hello Kitty crap, but apparently some are willing to go to painful lengths for the evil feline:
Of course, I have fallen once again into the classic Hello Kitty Hell trap of believing that it couldn’t get any worse than the Hello Kitty tattoos for body modification. I never learn…it always gets worse. Apparently true Hello Kitty devotion means splitting you skin open to permanently scar Hello Kitty’s image into your skin. Again, I hope this person really wanted Hello Mimmy (Hello Kitty’s sister) and not Hello Kitty on her arm (it still bothers me that I know the difference) because it doesn’t look like those scars will be coming off once the cuts have healed…
Sent in by Morgan (via modblog) who should have to suffer the same treatment for thinking it was – in any way, shape or form – a good idea to bring this to my attention.
Every time I get a new Hello Kitty tattoo sent to me, I naively think that the number of people who would ever consider doing something like that has been exhausted and no others will show up in my email box. Especially when I get one that is like the Hello Kitty zombie tattoo, I figure that there would not be any need for an alternative Hello Kitty zombie tattoo (isn’t a single Hello Kitty zombie tattoo enough?) Obviously, this is the hopeful delusions of someone stuck in Hello Kitty Hell because we all know that Hello Kitty is never satisfied with something until she has made a million versions. So it really shouldn’t have surprised me that a new Hello kitty zombie tattoo showed up in my email:
I would have pretty much determined that all these Hello Kitty tattoos are the sign of the Apocalypse being right around the corner except for the fact that we all know that Sanrio would be making Apocalypse Hello Kitty items in celebration of the event if it were that close at hand. You know it won’t be long before someone comes forward with a full body Hello Kitty tattoo and my ultimate fear is that it’s going to be my wife. It just shows that the evil feline can continue to drive my Hello Kitty Hell into deeper depths no matter how low she has ventured in the past.
Sent in by Andi who should have to get this tattoo (and all the others) for ever thinking it was a good idea to send this to me…
)…I was laughing the whole time I was sewing it.
