Month: February 2008

Hello Kitty Sunday Mail

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More random mail that has found its way into my email box:

I found this job that I think you should apply for:

Sanrio Digital is interactive new media company which strives to digitally expand on world famous IP’s such as Hello Kitty, My Melody, Badtz Maru,etc and to generate higher value via the development of digital content, new media, community, and the social web. For more information please visit www.sanriodigital.com

Web Content Editor

Jobs & Responsibilities

Responsible for writing and editing articles on website
To manage the web content and web forum and to develop the websites
Controlling the quality of the website content

I think you would do an excellent job at this job — james

hmmmm, I think everyone should go to the site and recommend me for the job considering they are already sending me press releases… 😉

I just ran into this and thought you may get a kick out of HK’s new friend! — Zalphene

The divorced dolphin, I like it…

Dude, Is Darlene your wife? I’m trying to think of reasons why this lady would be so against your right to free speech in your hatred towards Hello Kitty. I mean hey it’s your blog. She should get her own. Although even if she did yours would still be undeniably more popular. Anyway good luck in hello kitty hell. Maybe i’l get my boyfriend to draw some pictures of the “evil feline” for your fan art to help your days go by. Stay strong. — sarah

No…and it’s not worth the time trying to figure out why. Hello Kitty fanatics simply make no logical sense and trying to figure out why they act the way they do will only drive you nuts…

It was clear to me from the first sighting of a Kitty mall shop long ago that mindless commercialism had come into its own. The convergence of over-population (“consumers”), globalization of crap commerce and cutsie “culture” was first epitomized by this character’s mouthless mug. “Shut up and buy!” taken to its iconic limit.

So it becomes apparent that humanity does not end with a whimper or a bang after all. The final scene is a seething mass of toxic plastics and “Kitty krap” on the Pacific Ocean MUCH larger than Texas. Happily scampering and eternally singing their theme upon this “new continent”… the Kitties. — Questpass

One more thing to look forward to in Hello Kitty Hell…

Hello Kitty Found Dead, Charred in Los Angeles — many readers

If only it was true…

Hi! So I love your site and at the same time I despise it because it’s filled with the very thing I love and hate, which is Hello Kitty. Unfortunately she was forced in to my life by my grandparents and aunts who did/do nothing but send me everything they could find of Hello Kitty. Trust me, I never wanted Hello Kitty in my life. Whenever I see her face I’m immediately drawn to the object and find myself trying to justify my need for it to my husband. He usually drags me far enough away that I realize what an idiot I was wanting it. I know it’s wrong, but it’s like a reflex every time I see her face. I need help. You don’t know how happy I was to read that you won’t tell anyone where to get the HK items you post!!! I don’t need to know and I really don’t need them anyway so I just want to really Thank You for that!!! Although I was tempted by the sewing machine that turns in to a Transformer…. If, in a moment of weakness, I do decide I need it then I’m sure I could find it myself. Then I’d blame you because I saw it in your site. Sorry, that’s just the way the cookie crumbles. I’m sure you understand. — A

And you thought crack addicts were bad…

Hi there, ive just been on your hello kitty hell site, and it really made me laugh, you have a funny way of writing. It seems your getting alot of negativity by some hk fans out there, so i thought id restore the balance some what and say how good and funny your site is! I myself am a 26 year old English girl, and a fully recovered hk addict! Back in my day i was gripped by her to the extreme, its an easy trap to fall into for a lot of girls and women.
When i was 4 i got a hk glow in the dark toy for xmas, which on reflection must have been a bootleg type thing , because it had a massive head! (even by hello kitties standards..) I liked it alot though and still do have a peculiar penchant for things with giant heads, anyway its not till i was around about 18 that i discovered hk through a friend of mine from brighton, which is englands gay capital incidently.

The fever quickly took hold, and i began to get obsessed i did think she was cute, and at that point still fairly underground where i lived anyway, and i like the unsual, now when i go back home even the scummy kids have hk clothes and stuff, and you can buy lots of tacky crap emblazoned with an outline of her head, and the gullible saps just lap it up!

I havent purchased anything with hk on it in a long time now thank god! At the worst financial drain of my hk obsession, i managed to spend at least $500 in just one shop that specialized in sanrio things in Amsterdam, i thought oh i can get stuff we cant get in england..i bought a lot of stationary, writing paper and unusual things,damn what a waste of money that was, of that whole collection i now possess just one hand mirror of hk which i appreciate as its my only item and fairly vintage now. The rest of my collection was stolen, by my ex b/f who decided after we broke up he could probably make some money on the stuff id collected over the years and took the lot to ireland, never to be seen again.. i do kinda miss that first doll, that glowed in the dark when i was 4, for sentimental reasons but the rest of my useless dust collecting collection i dont miss a drop, When you dont have it round you then you dont miss it, you dont need these things, and now im free.

At my most depraved point with hk, i persuaded the same ex b/f to drive me to brighton (gay capital), over 300 miles away just so i could purchase a hk dildo, officially released as a massager! (yeah right). So literally hk has made me orgasm with her vibrating head – i know at this point your probably hurling into a bucket, and horrified beyond belief, maybe just wondering why some random girl is telling you so much about a hk fascination.. well the moral to this disturbing and horrendous story is, i recovered and can fully understand why you live in hello kitty hell, mass merchandise is never a good thing, and even if its wrapped up in a sweet simple cat picture, its still just wrong, alot of its been made in china, probably by impoverished children and i just dont want to be a part of that society. People have long since forgotten how to be grateful for what they have, and to treasure things , they just waste money and dont think and amass a pile of useless plasticy tat that one day will end up in a charity shop because they will die, leaving behind all their useless crap, it may even be that some one so obsessed wants to be buried with their hk crap, in a hk coffin with a hk grave stone-surely there are better ways to spend your time than collecting useless junk, i think you were right when you said that people instead of whinging to you should be more constructive and send out love instead of hate. Besides if you were that much of a bastard you wouldn’t be still married to your wife, in a way i think its kinda sweet that despite your loathing for the kitty, you love your wife enough to be interested in her stuff, enough to make a website about it, i bet secretly you have some hk boxers! haha

anyway thanks for the site it brightned my day, and thanks for rading my ramblings…

sanrio satire from beth x

Sanrio just read this and have already developed a plan to launch Hello Kitty anonymous…

Thought you might appreciate the HELLo my wife just added to our kitchen.
She handed me the printout of the order she placed at target and said thanks for the valentines day present. Just what I needed .. a pink kitchen
So I can now look forward to a morning of hello kitty toast and waffles to go with my hello kitty
coffee, and clean up with our hands free hello kitty soap dispenser … someone please shoot me now. Putting The SIN in SINcerely, — My Hazey Clarity

Typical day in Hello Kitty Hell…welcome to the club…

I’m going to confess to not getting the whole “Hello Kitty” thing myself. Having said that, our large volunteer group is headed by a woman (not my wife or girlfriend) who is putting tons of time into the group while working full-time and studying for her MBA.

Would a $20 “donation for bandwidth” be enough for you to make an exception to “don’t ask where it came from rule” for the USB aquarium? Please trust me when I say I’m embarrassed to be asking.

Additionally, I would also gladly include a 3′ inflatable hammer, a full sized whoopie cushion, and a container of fart putty from our dental prize cabinet for your help. In any case, thanks for your time. Friendly Regards — Howard

For her and the group’s sake, it an’t going to happen – (refer to crack addict comment above…)

Hello Kitty Online — MMORPG Beta

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While I was earnestly hoping that this entire nightmare would simply go away, it appears that the readers here will not allow that since I have received over 40 emails to date letting me know that the Hello Kitty MMORPG (Massively Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Game) has launched. While over 40 emails from readers in itself is extremely disturbing (most with far too much exuberance), even more disturbing was the fact that I received an official press release from Sanrio Digital about this (how completely warped is that? There is something seriously wrong in the world when Sanrio begins sending me press releases…)

Hello Kitty online

As should come as no surprise, the press release shows that the Hello Kitty sticks with her true colors by making money (“The Item Mall allows players to use real money to purchase special items and upgrades for characters”) and creating violence (“Hello Kitty Online has an extensive crafting system with output such as tools & weapons…it has a sophisticated combat system”) key aspects to the game. You actually thought they would stop with Hello Kitty guns and Hello Kitty armoured personnel carriers?

Of course, my wife thinks that this game will somehow endear me to the evil feline since she knows I enjoy online games. “Don’t you just want to play?! Doesn’t it sound like the most fun ever?!” (those are questions that quickly lead to the couch and the Hello Kitty sleeping bag)

I wonder if the game will let you immediately commit suicide because even before being forced to try it out, I already know that is the only thing I’m ever going to want to do while playing it. Once again, Sanrio proves that they can always make my Hello Kitty Hell worse…

Sent in by Sanrio Digital (warning: as is to be expected from all things Hello Kitty related, annoying music will blast from your computer speakers) where all people working deserve to lose their jobs for thinking for one second that 1. creating this game was a good idea and 2. sending me a press release about it so my wife could know about it was in any way, shape or form a smart thing to do…

Hello Kitty Valentine

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For those of you who may not be aware, Valentine’s Day is celebrated a bit differently in Japan than it is in the US. In Japan, men don’t buy anything on Valentine’s Day – it is only women that buy chocolate or candy for men (then men reciprocate on March 14th on what is called “White Day”) Now one would make the logical assumption that since it is men that will be receiving the chocolate on Valentine’s Day, there would be no need for Hello Kitty Valentine’s Day chocolate, but alas, we are once again referring to Hello kitty where logic has never ruled the day. Thus, there is plenty of Valentine Day chocolate:

Hello Kitty Valentine

You might be able to imagine what my Valentine Day looked like. As my wife passed me box after box of Valentine’s Day chocolate, I had to greatly stifle the cringes that reflexively crossed my face as the evil feline time and again appeared on the chocolate (let it be said that there are way too many Hello Kitty chocolate Valentines in this world and I think I received them all…) Of course, I’m not actually allowed to eat any of this chocolate because as my wife said, “It’s too cute to eat. We should enjoy looking at it.”

I now have a shelf full of Hello Kitty Valentine chocolate staring back at me as I write this post which I can’t eat and will have to stare at for the rest of the month (at which point it will probably be packed away, but I still won’t be able to eat it). I know that it’s going to be a Hello Kitty Hellish rest of the month when I’m already hoping that my computer catches on fire and in the process melts all the Hello Kitty Valentines so I have a good excuse not to have to look at them anymore…

Photo sent in by Monica who deserves unthinkable torture for sending me this and forcing me to look at yet another Hello Kitty chocolate valentine on this most depressing day…

Hello Kitty Eggs

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In my wife’s never ending quest to make as much of our food Hello Kittified as possible, she recently purchased moulds that turn hard boiled eggs into Hello Kitty’s face:

Hello Kitty eggs

Believe me, there is nothing more frightening that waking up in the morning, walking to the breakfast table still half asleep, sitting down only to have Hello Kitty face eggs staring back at you…

Photo sent in by hellosis who really should have to have all her food in the shape of Hello Kitty so she can suffer the same terror as I have to for reminding me of the nightmare I experienced only a few days previously…

Hello Kitty Air Guitar

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It’s bad enough that there are a wide arrange of Hello Kitty electric guitars (not to mention Hello Kitty acoustic guitars), but it goes to a whole new level when Hello Kitty forces her way into an air guitar competition:

I really didn’t need to see this and I’m sure I’ll be having plenty of nightmares about it in the days to come, but that is typical when you live in Hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in by R who wrote, “I thought you would NOT enjoy this as much as I DIDN’T enjoy it, But misery loves company, so…” but still deserves to listen to all his music played on Hello Kitty guitars for making me share his misery…

Hello Kitty Zombie Art

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As I mentioned previously, there are very rare occasions when I actually like something Hello Kitty that I come across. This series of Hello Kitty zombies fits that category as well:

Hello Kitty zombie art

Hello Kitty zombie art

Hello Kitty zombie worms

Hello Kitty zombie intestines

Hello Kitty zombie zits

It is always nice when an artist is able to capture the “true” Hello Kitty for the world to see. Having spent the last few years in hello Kitty Hell, I have no doubt that this is exactly what the evil feline’s real nature is…

Sent in by Kay (via Art School Dropout) who would normally deserve a beer for sending these to me, but also sent me a photo with her Hello Kitty tattoo which negated the goodness of the zombie art I had been enjoying…

Hello Kitty Sexy Nightmare

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I know it’s going to be a really bad Hello Kitty Hell day when something like this arrives in my mailbox. Seriously, this is what my nightmares are made of:

Hello Kitty sexy

This is just so wrong on so many different levels that I don’t even have words to describe how much it scares me. The worst part being that Hello Kitty fanatics think that this is sexy and would be something that would turn men on. Damn, I’m not going to be able to sleep well for the rest of the month now with this image branded into my brain and I will fear walking in the door for even longer on the chance that this has given some type of inspiration to my wife. Once again, Hello Kitty Hell proves it can always get worse…

Sent in by devin who should have to date a woman just like this for the rest of his life (and even after death) for the trauma caused when I saw this and for thinking for even an instant that sending this to me would be a good idea…

Hello Kitty Dog Blanket

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There are few things worse than being the significant other of a Hello Kitty fanatic, but one possible exception may be being the pet of a Hello Kitty fanatic. This is especially true if you happen to be a canine. While it would seem that nothing could be more humiliating for a dog than to be forced to wear a Hello Kitty head or being tattooed with Hello Kitty, being dressed up in a Hello Kitty blanket certainly is up there in the running:

Hello Kitty dog blanket

Hello Kitty dog blanket

Obviously, most people look at this and think “wtf are you doing to that poor thing!?!” If, however, you show this to your significant other and instead get the reaction, “ahhhhhh, that is the cutest thing ever! That person must love their dog so much” then you must realize that you have nothing to look forward to in life but a constant barrage of Hello Kitty Hell…

Sent in by greta (via Elevated who should have to wear that blanket around for the rest of her life for believing that these photos are “soooo cute” and that sending me these photos would be a good idea in any way, shape or form…

Hello Kitty WinAmp Skin

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You know it’s going to be a Hello Kitty Hellish week when something like this happens. I should know by now. Never, ever let a Hello Kitty fanatic borrow your computer. It will always result in something horrendous. After letting my wife use my computer over the last couple of days while hers was getting repaired, I went to listen to music this morning and this popped up on my computer – A Hello Kitty WinAmp skin

Hello Kitty WinAmp skin

Even worse, the Hello Kitty theme song had been downloaded onto my computer. Unfortunately, this is nothing unusual when living in Hello Kitty Hell…

Hello Kitty Sunday Mail

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I’ve started to get quite a bit of random email recently, so I’ve decided to start a new theme called “Sunday Mail” where I will be posting what I receive during the week for all your reading pleasure:

I love HK (but most of her stuff is ridiculous!!!) and I’m sorry what your wife is putting you through. You’re a strong man! Anyway, I work at a store called Altex where the registers are fully functioning computers. Everyday I come into work I check your website to see what’s new in HKH. It has now become a “tradition” of sorts for the guys I work with (I’m the only female amongst 10 men) to follow me to my register to “see what’s going on in Hell today.” And if they don’t catch me when I first walk in, they stand next to my register until I pull up your website for them so see. I know if they knew I was e-mailing you they’d scream, but we totally love your website!!! -the Altex Crew

Hmmmmm, this is quite disturbing and simply confirms that no matter how much people want to look away from a car wreck as they pass by, it’s impossible to do…

Hello mr. Hello kitty hell! I was just wondering…Do you own any hk items? Not your household items, but I mean YOU bought it.. xD Hello kitty computer mouse, hello kitty strawberrys or even a plushie.. I’m sure all of your readers & such would like to know! – Raine

Why in Hello Kitty Hell would I ever buy crap of the evil feline for myself? Have you even read any of the posts in this blog???

HI! I sent you an e-mail (twice) from my work e-mail 😛 I usualy send you stuff from this one… anyway, I’m Absinth on your blog. If anything that we sent you are worthy of being mentioned my friend will be astonished… she believes that you will never pay attention to our e-mail… I know Paula is wrong! Wishing the best far away from the HK sleeping bag – Absinth

mentioned…be astonished

First off, I would like to state, that I do not care much for hello kitty, and I absolutely LOVE your blog, it’s hilarious. Anyways, I started to ponder something recently. You hate Hello Kitty, specifically the products of the feline, however, through your hate, haven’t you become an accessory to her fiendish world-take over? Because of Hello Kitty, there is now a comedy themed anti-hello kitty news site that regularly reports on the products of hello kitty “Hello Kitty Hell” So, in a way, you’re an accessory of Hello Kitty, and an object of your hate, and pain. – Jesse

Great, like I really needed another reason to kill myself….

Hi, long time reader of your blog, I too have been living in a Hello Kitty Hell, but my girlfriend has taken things a little too far. I should of known from the beginning that dating a Hello Kitty fanatic would be different, but not consuming every single part of my life. I too have been though all the clothing, the bracelets, rings, wallpaper and just about anything else that you could imagine. Also, saying anything about Hello Kitty is almost always grounds for some sort of punishment, ranging from the traditional kicked out bed for the night, to the i-am-not-talking-to-you-for-a-week. The other day I had gotten into a disagreement about putting Hello Kitty bedding down on our bed and for some strange reason, she didn’t get mad, only brushed me off and didn’t talk to me for the rest of the night. However today after I got home from work, I had found the sheer hearted revenge that could only come from a Hello Kitty fanatic. I went to use my new laptop that I often use for work and lo and behold there she was for all her glory, Hello Kitty, super glued onto my computer. I can only say this will be the last major argument we ever have….because now I have to figure out how to get Kitty off my machine…..I’m glad to see that more people are put to suffer at the ever changing hands of Hello Kitty than myself. Thought I might share. – Logan

Hello Kitty Dell computer

Welcome to the club – it only get worse…

hello i just read all the posts under the hello kitty tattoo tag, and i think mine should be on it as well 😛 mine appeared on bmezine mod blog but people thought i was trying to slander hello kitty and IT’S NOT TRUE i am a 100% hello kitty lover and the vagina face and dickhead came from a traditional japanese book! i love vagina, penis and hello kitty. so put them together and there you go! they are on my inner arms. =D love your blog! – Cici

As hard as it may be to believe, there are some Hello Kitty photos that are even too disturbing for me to post here…