Hello Kitty Hell

This is why Hello Kitty fanatics scare the hell out of me – they fashion things like this Hello Kitty bikini bottom that they believe is sexy, but just leaves everyone who sees it saying wtf?!?

Hello Kitty themed stores freak me out because there is no question that it will end up on my wife’s lists of places we must visit some day. It’s bad enough that I will someday be tortured into having to go to the Hello Kitty sweet shop, the Hello Kitty hotel (or even worse, the [...]

It’s bad enough when photos arrive in my mailbox that are products branded with Hello Kitty, but it’s even worse when I get a random Hello Kitty photo that I have absolutely no idea what it’s all about (and am too frightened to even imagine what’s going on):

I will be out of town for the first two weeks of April and I’m probably not going to have access to the Internet during that time to update this blog. I’m looking for someone to volunteer to take over during that time. If you feel that you can carry the Hello Kitty Hell banner [...]

While I don’t condone any product displaying the Hello Kitty brand, if I did have to choose one, the Hello Kitty rectal thermometer would certainly be in the running:

It’s not often that I’m torn when it comes to anything Hello Kitty. The fact that Hello Kitty Easter eggs exist pretty much proves that Hello Kitty Hell has already invaded every possible holiday rendering them all times of torture. So it would be nothing out of the ordinary for me to react to Hello [...]

While the Hello Kitty vibrator pretty much put to rest any doubt that Sanrio wanted to expand beyond kids, the recent collaborative between Hello Kitty and Aki Hoshino pretty much continues along these lines. For those unfamiliar, Aki Hoshino is a Japanese bikini model that has turned that into a b-list TV career: Not known [...]

It has already been established that owners will do masochistic sadistic things to their pets like place Hello Kitty heads on their cats and dogs, so this Hello Kitty head on Teddy, Perez Hilton’s dog, is not really all that surprising:

They just keep coming. Hello Kitty alone is reprehensible enough, but placing her on your skin with other supposedly “cute” characters just takes things to a whole new disastrous level as can be seen in this Hello Kitty Pikachu tattoo:

A sure sign that the apocalypse is upon us…The Kitty World Order:

Today, two confounded IT technicians wandered into my office and handed me a drawer from the new rack that they were installing. Printed on the circuit board was…. I cringed with despair when people started to make Hello Kitty computer mods. This sickness only increased as manufacturers began rolling out mass produced Hello Kitty laptops [...]

It is depressing the sheer number of Hello Kitty tattoos that exist out there and doubly depressing that so many people have an uncontrollable urge to share them with me.

Eight minutes of pure Hello Kitty Hell (view at your own risk of permanent brain damage)…

It’s never good to offer to help around the house when you live with a Hello Kitty fanatic. Even a simple “is there anything I can do to help clean?” will inevitably result in the evil feline forcing herself upon you. Case and point: Hello Kitty mop slippers:

It’s bad enough that my wife ends up making me Hello Kitty bentos for my lunch when I go out, but now when they aren’t wrapped in Hello Kitty handkerchiefs, I have to carry them in Hello Kitty lunch bags.

I don’t know which is more disturbing — that Hello Kitty tattoos actually exist or that they continue to mix and match the evil feline with other themes that make you simply say, “WTF?” That is about all that can be said for the Hello Kitty Afro Samurai Tattoo:

Why does this seem so appropriate to me? Hello Kitty, the Japanese cartoon figure popular with teenagers around the world, was used by a notorious Colombian drug lord to hide messages to his minions, according to a report Monday. Juan Carlos Ramirez Abadia, who is being held in Brazil after his arrest in August, hid [...]

It’s all right. Settle down and catch your breath. I know you read that headline and just about had a heart attack thinking that I had finally completely lost it. I’m sure you pictured me having been taken away in a Hello Kitty straight jacket to spend the rest of my life knocking my head [...]

There is not much in this world that I would consider a worse form of torture and torment than having to sit through something like this Hello Kitty fashion show: While my wife would view attending something like this close to heaven, I think I would need to carry around the sack full of the [...]

Yep, this sums Hello Kitty up pretty damn well… I know that they have Hello Kitty ash trays and Hello Kitty Zippo lighters, so Hello Kitty cigarettes really aren’t that much of a stretch – Sanrio probably already has them in the production pipeline and they will undoubtedly come with substances that produce further Hello [...]