Hello Kitty Hell

I’m not sure what it is with the evil feline and hair. Fanatics, in their delusional exuberance, feel that shaving the cat with no mouth into their hair is a good idea. Or turning their hair into a bow. Or going out and buying a Hello Kitty wig. And let’s not forget that there’s actually [...]

How can anyone possibly make reality TV any worse than it already is? Although most people wouldn’t think it could be possible, reality has shown it was actually quite easily accomplished. Simply add “Hello Kitty high fashion” and you get what can only be described as fashion created by coughing up a massive Hello Kitty [...]

You know that you really can’t take a fashion magazine seriously when they are willing to place the evil feline on the cover. You know they have gone completely insane when they think that doing a double cover is something that’s acceptable. We know that Elle Taiwan editors have guzzled the Kool Aid with their [...]

If Hello Kitty fanatics are willing to carve the evil feline into their skin (as well as branding), I guess that it really shouldn’t be a surprise that someone would also have no issue having Hello Kitty stabbed into their back with a bunch of acupuncture needles:

There are some things in life that when I see, I give thanks that I was somehow spared from the Hello Kitty Hellishness. That is exactly how I feel about this recent Hello Kitty by Swarovski event in Japan (prepare for 5 minutes of sickening sweetness if you dare to watch this video — I [...]

As if you really needed any additional proof that Hello Kitty fanatics have a warped sense of thinking, you simply have to ask yourself what would you do if you were going to the beach. Most of us would put on some suntan lotion to prevent a sunburn and have a good time, but the [...]

Seriously, the one thing that you quickly realize living in Hello Kitty Hell is that there is no possible way that you can make up the Hello Kitty crap that exists out there. While I am not usually a fan of Hello Kitty merchandise, there are still those rare instances when Hello Kitty goes to [...]

It seems that the people at Sanrio have found that the reintroduction of the Hello Kitty vibrator shoulder massager has been so successful that they needed to add an attachment to their line of products and call it the Hello Kitty face massager:

It’s more than a bit ironic that despite Hello Kitty having no mouth, she has quite an oral branding fixation. This irony is all the worse because the Hello Kitty oral branding tends to be some of the worst. It’s difficult to keep one’s sanity when you see things like the Hello Kitty tooth, the [...]

You know it’s going to be an extraordinarily terrible holiday season when it begins with Hello Kitty nails being made worse than all the examples already out there (something that any normal person would assume would be impossible). Then again, one thing I have learned over the years is to never underestimate how bad Hello [...]

It is already well established that Hello Kitty fanatics love their claws. One would assume seeing that sampling of what Hello Kitty fanatics are willing to do to their nails pretty much sums up the worst of the worst, but that would be highly underestimating Hello Kitty fanatics. Case in point: the Hello Kitty pedicure:

The mere fact that I not only know what this is and what it is used for should make me want to end my life. Unforetunatley, the pain doesn’t end there. My wife has actually tried to put Hello Kitty eggshell membrane oil on my face (see, your life doesn’t seem all that bad at [...]

One would assume that it would be difficult to make anything worse than the Hello Kitty head that has tormented cats (even dead ones), dogs (including those doubly unfortunate enough to belong to Perez Hilton), babies and those related to fanatics who somehow feel this is cute. On a similar note, it would seem nearly [...]

The thing that I fear most in Hello Kitty Hell is when my wife and I have kids. It’s an absolutely no win situation, first and foremost, because she will want to have the baby conceived in a Hello Kitty bondage room and delivered in a Hello Kitty maternity ward. If it’s a baby boy, [...]

I would basically like to wipe the entire Hello Kitty MAC cosmetic line — and the advertising they did — completely from my mind due to the traumatizing effect it caused that I’m still recovering from. It’s difficult to have a positive outlook on life when you have seen the MAC make-up video and S&M [...]

Let me state for the record that I really hate fashion magazines. It has nothing to do with the heroin addict thin models that grace the pages and the unrealistic “perfect” body image that they send to those that read them. I hate them for a much more basic reason. From time to time, the [...]

While all things Hello Kitty defy logic, some of them defy logic more than others. A prime example of the latter is the Hello Kitty hair salon:

The thing that is so annoying with Hello Kitty fanatics is that they take things too literally. Most people who buy makeup use it as it is supposed to be used. Not Hello Kitty fanatics. When a Hello Kitty fanatic buys Hello Kitty makeup, they think that they are actually supposed to draw a Hello [...]

You knew that it would eventually have to happen. Having already Hello Kittified virtually every real gadget out there, the evil feline has decided that it’s necessary to take the next logical step in her plot to take over the world — invent random gadgets that make no sense at all, but which she knows [...]

Any normal person would assume that MAC coming out with a full Hello Kitty line of cosmetics would be as bad as something could get — until they viewed the MAC Hello Kitty video whereupon they would reflect on their naivety and concede that it had just gotten worse (but assume that it had now [...]