Hello Kitty Hell

It is already well established that Hello Kitty fanatics love their claws. One would assume seeing that sampling of what Hello Kitty fanatics are willing to do to their nails pretty much sums up the worst of the worst, but that would be highly underestimating Hello Kitty fanatics. Case in point: the Hello Kitty pedicure:

The mere fact that I not only know what this is and what it is used for should make me want to end my life. Unforetunatley, the pain doesn’t end there. My wife has actually tried to put Hello Kitty eggshell membrane oil on my face (see, your life doesn’t seem all that bad at [...]

One would assume that it would be difficult to make anything worse than the Hello Kitty head that has tormented cats (even dead ones), dogs (including those doubly unfortunate enough to belong to Perez Hilton), babies and those related to fanatics who somehow feel this is cute. On a similar note, it would seem nearly [...]

The thing that I fear most in Hello Kitty Hell is when my wife and I have kids. It’s an absolutely no win situation, first and foremost, because she will want to have the baby conceived in a Hello Kitty bondage room and delivered in a Hello Kitty maternity ward. If it’s a baby boy, [...]

I would basically like to wipe the entire Hello Kitty MAC cosmetic line — and the advertising they did — completely from my mind due to the traumatizing effect it caused that I’m still recovering from. It’s difficult to have a positive outlook on life when you have seen the MAC make-up video and S&M [...]

Let me state for the record that I really hate fashion magazines. It has nothing to do with the heroin addict thin models that grace the pages and the unrealistic “perfect” body image that they send to those that read them. I hate them for a much more basic reason. From time to time, the [...]

While all things Hello Kitty defy logic, some of them defy logic more than others. A prime example of the latter is the Hello Kitty hair salon:

The thing that is so annoying with Hello Kitty fanatics is that they take things too literally. Most people who buy makeup use it as it is supposed to be used. Not Hello Kitty fanatics. When a Hello Kitty fanatic buys Hello Kitty makeup, they think that they are actually supposed to draw a Hello [...]

You knew that it would eventually have to happen. Having already Hello Kittified virtually every real gadget out there, the evil feline has decided that it’s necessary to take the next logical step in her plot to take over the world — invent random gadgets that make no sense at all, but which she knows [...]

Any normal person would assume that MAC coming out with a full Hello Kitty line of cosmetics would be as bad as something could get — until they viewed the MAC Hello Kitty video whereupon they would reflect on their naivety and concede that it had just gotten worse (but assume that it had now [...]

I really didn’t think that there would be anything more disturbing about the Hello Kitty MAC cosmetic line than the line itself, but that once again shows that I haven’t learned that the evil feline can always make things worse. If you have any doubt, take a look at this video (be warned, once you’ve [...]

I have absolutely no desire to write about this and would rather completely ban them from my mind, but the readers here obviously have no intention of letting me do that. Now that the emails are coming in at several a day, I’m simply posting this so that the emails stop! For anyone that doesn’t [...]

While I hate virtually all the Hello Kitty email that I receive, I especially hate emails that give my wife ideas that she hasn’t thought about before. For example, Hello Kitty hair:

There are many things wrong in the Hello Kitty universe which is readily apparent by simply going through a few posts on this blog, but there are some that are worse than others. I categorize the Hello Kitty tongue stud as one of these:

Sometimes when I see new Hello Kitty products, I think that Sanrio must actually be running out of things to Hello Kittify since there is no other explanation as to why some of these things are made. That, and the overwhelming focus that it’s never too early to indoctrinate the child masses into the Sanrio [...]

I know it’s going to be a really bad Hello Kitty Hell day when something like this arrives in my mailbox. Seriously, this is what my nightmares are made of: This is just so wrong on so many different levels that I don’t even have words to describe how much it scares me. The worst [...]

I’ve grown used to getting email from Hello Kitty fans that take issue with my disgust of Hello Kitty to the point that they even wish death upon me, but this email was a change of pace. It is the first time I have received an email telling me that I don’t appreciate the “sexiness” [...]

The fact that Sanrio makes a Hello Kitty douche pretty much assured that a Hello Kitty deodorant existed and now, of course, my wife is looking for it. There are a couple of classic signs that it is Hello Kitty. It’s marked “limited edition” at the top – who else besides Sanrio would come up [...]

It’s bad enough that Sanrio is able to sell Hello Kitty bottled water, but why stop when you have a good thing going? Apparently if bottling water with the evil feline on the front for drinking sells well, then bottling water with Hello Kitty on the front to splash on your skin would be even [...]

I don’t get it (what a big surprise there) – why do women think it’s cute to have Hello Kitty on the ends of their fingers? Some more nails that my wife “just has to have” I have nightmares about things like this…you know those ghost stories where a single hand comes after you? It [...]