Free Hello Kitty Contact Lenses Giveaway

I thought when I received a Hello Kitty glasses that things couldn’t get any worse. How wrong I was. I should know by now that things can always get worse in Hello Kitty Hell. For some unfathomable reason, someone upon seeing the glasses thought it would actually be a good idea to send me something else that places unimaginable fear into my life. So what could be worse than micro dot pink bow Hello Kitty glasses? How about a pair of Hello Kitty contact lenses?

hello kitty contact lense

Of course, I immediately thought of my Hello Kitty contacts post and realized that if I want to keep what little sanity I still have left, I can never let my wife wear these.

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I really have no idea why anybody would want to actually wear a pair of these contacts except if they were looking to alienate every single person that actually cares about them. If you think about it, there is something so disturbingly wrong with having to look at somebody with Hello Kitty eyes that there really should be some type of law against it. It’s a thing of nightmares. It’s the type of stuff that Stephen King cannot even imagine. It’s taking the worst torture possible, and elevating it another hundred levels. Seriously, can you think of anything more horrific or spine chilling than having to actually look at somebody with these contacts in their eyes? You know that these are what you’re going to be staring directly into when the Judgement Day comes.

hello kitty contacts colors

Apparently these come in a variety of different colors, but I have absolutely no idea what color the ones sent to me are (and there is no way in Hello Kitty Hell that I’m going to open them up and to find out). I imagine that they are the color that would make any sane person want to instantly vomit.

If you enter this contest, you agree that you are over 18 years old and that you aren’t stupid enough to actually stick this crap in your eyes. This is a novelty item. I have no doubt that if you were to stick anything Hello Kitty into your eyes, you would regret it for the rest of your life. It really doesn’t matter if they are “contact lenses” — the result of doing so is not going to and good. Just don’t do it. If you get these, destroy them. They should not be placed into your eyes, and you take 100% responsibility for your own idiotic tendencies.

Free Hello Kitty Eye Glasses Giveaway

One of the worst things about my life is that people actually think it’s a good idea to send my wife all kinds of Hello Kitty crap. Believe me, the last thing in the world that is needed around my house is anything with the evil feline on it. In most cases, it’s unavoidable that it enters her collection because I have no idea what has been ordered and what hasn’t, but a few days ago a package arrived with a message on the outside that indicated that whatever was inside was a gift (“A little something for Mrs. HKH”). I stealthily brought it inside and opened it to find the following letter:

Dear Mrs. HKH,

I love Hello Kitty almost as much as you do. I’m jealous that you are able to get so many Hello Kitty products that I can only dream of having one day. The one thing that I do love the most in my collection are my Hello Kitty glasses. Everyone compliments me when they see them and tells me how great they look. I am sending you a pair because I know that you will love them as much as I do!

Meghin

As you can plainly see, they’re quite hideous and undoubtedly created to inflict the greatest amount of pain on anyone who happens to come in contact with the fanatic delusional enough to wear them:

hello kitty glasses

hello kitty bow glasses

In the rare situation when I find myself in possession of something that my wife has no idea about, there is only one thing to do — get rid of it before she discovers it. The preferable course of action would be to take a hammer and let all my frustration loose, but that could leave tell-tale signs which would inevitably lead me to having to spend large amounts of time on the couch in the Hello Kitty sleeping bag.

Instead, I will secretly do a little test to see how many of you out there have no qualms of willingly torturing those you love by forcing this painful look on them…

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Free Hello Kitty Pez Dispenser Giveaway

The question is, “What does one who lives in Hello Kitty Hell do when a Hello Kitty item is found accidentally misplaced among his own items?” Does he return it to the Hello Kitty fanatic who will never fully understand the amount of true self sacrifice it takes to do such a thing, or does he go rogue and give it away and hope that the fanatic never finds out? The flip of the coin determined that he would go rogue.

Hello Kitty PEZ dispenser

This is a giveaway for a 2004 Hello Kitty Japanese Pez Dispenser (still in its original package because what Hello Kitty fanatic would ever actually use a Hello Kitty product???). There are 7 ways to enter:

“Like” Hello Kitty Hell on Facebook
Follow @hellokittyhell on Twitter
“Like” this Blog Post
Tweet About the Giveaway
Leave a Blog Post Comment
Google+
Pinterest

Good luck and let’s hope I can sneak this to one of you (who will hopefully destroy it is some awesomely horrific way) without getting delegated to couch in the Hello Kitty sleeping bag for the rest of the year…


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Hello Kitty Bento Making Set Giveaway

While the main reason I decided to take the long shot stab of winning a trip to the Vancouver Olympics was to help out a good cause, I must admit that the thought of escaping Hello kitty Hell for a couple of weeks also made it worth the effort. When I asked my wife to help, she agreed to give away a few of her things with the stipulation that if I did win, I had to pick up Hello Kitty crap that I found in Vancouver.

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Hello Kitty Nori Punch Giveaway

This is my second post in my continuing long-shot attempt to win a contest to blog about the Vancouver Winter Olympics and in the process, hopefully help out a good cause.

This contest is for a Hello Kitty Nori punch courtesy of my wife (who incidentally has been greatly encouraged by acquaintances who say that there are quite a few places to buy Hello Kitty crap in Vancouver — which has me thinking that maybe winning isn’t going to be the escape from Hello Kitty Hell that I had first imagined…):

Hello Kitty nori punch

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Hello Kitty Ice Cube Tray Giveaway

It is not often that my wife will give away things in her Hello Kitty collection, but she always has a soft heart when it comes to good causes. When we were in Japan, we used to give toys to a local orphanage. Now that we are back in the US, we needed to come up with a new project. We have set a very ambitious goal to provide a lot of food to food banks, and although we have just started, we are making a difference.

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Hello Kitty Face Carabiner Giveaway

If this is any indication of how this year is going to shape up, it’s going to be one Hello Kitty Hellish 365 days.

Now that we’re back in the US, my wife is dutifully trying to Hello Kittify our new place like in Japan. To keep my sanity, I try to take off each day to an Internet cafe to get work done. One would think that I would be safe now that I am not in the land of the evil feline, but that would be greatly underestimating Hello Kitty’s will to make my life hell.

I now know that I should never, ever check this blog in public. There were some notices in my email that a number of comments needed to be moderated, so I headed over to this blog to approve them. If I had only known what would happen next.

As the blog came up on the screen, the woman next to me must have glanced over to see it.

Woman: “Oh, I love that blog!”

Me: Instantly knowing this wasn’t going to be good when I looked to see a variety of Hello Kitty crap among her possessions. I forced a smile and remained silent hoping against hope that she would leave the conversation at that, ignoring the universal truth that if a person is a Hello Kitty fanatic, there is no shutting them up once the topic turns to Hello Kitty.

Woman: “I didn’t know guys like to look for Hello Kitty stuff too. Are you looking to get something for your wife? I love looking for new stuff there.”

Me: “Well, not exactly…” (thinking: “Seriously, this can’t be happening to me.”)

Woman: “Oh, you should buy your wife Hello Kitty jewelry. She’ll LOVE (repeated 3 times) IT! See, I have this necklace…” and the woman begins to go through and explain about all the Hello Kitty items she owns.

Me: (Thinking: “you have got to be kidding me…”) as I interrupt her, not really thinking what might happen because all I want to do is get this woman to stop talking about Hello Kitty. “Look, I am the guy that writes this blog, and…”

Woman” “OMG! OMG! OMG!”

Me: (Thinking: “oh crap, what have I just done?”)

Woman: Starts excitedly talking a million miles a minute so that nothing is comprehensible except for the final sentence which is, “your wife is my hero.” She then takes something out of her purse, hands it to me and says, “I want your wife to have this.”

Me: (Thinking: “this can’t be happening…) Thanks, but there is no need to do that.”

Woman: “No, I insist. I love your wife.”

Me: (Thinking: “under no circumstances should I ever let this woman and my wife meet if I want to keep my sanity…) “No, really, it’s not necessary…”

Woman: “Your wife will love it! You have to give it to her from me.”

Me: “Seriously, there is no need…”

Woman: Interrupting me mid sentence. “You have to promise to give it to her.”

Me: “Well…”

Woman: “There are no buts about it. It’s settled. You promise to give it to her, right?”

Me: “Seriously, she doesn’t need it. Have you ever read my blog? She has more…”

Woman: interrupts mid sentence again. “Oh, I LOVE (repeated 3 times again) your blog” and then goes into her undecipherable, mile a minute blabber about all the things she likes on the blog.”

Me: (wondering: “what is the worst of these two evils – having to listen to this woman blather for the next half hour about Hello Kitty or taking the thing for my wife and getting out of there asap.”) “Fine, fine,” I said grabbing the Hello Kitty face carabiner key chain and getting the hell out of there as quickly as I possibly could:

hello kitty carabiner face

So now I have this and there is no possible way I’m going to give it to my wife because if I do, she’ll insist on meeting this woman and that would certainly produce unimaginable ripples in the very fabric of life as we know it. So I will instead give it away.

The contest is simple and should give Hello Kitty fanatics a fun dilemma to try and overcome. Simply leave a comment in this post listing 3 or more reasons why you hate Hello Kitty. Any comment which has anything positive to say about Hello Kitty will be disqualified.

I will have a random number generated for the comments that qualify left below. The person’s comment that matches the number will receive the Hello Kitty face carabiner.

The contest starts now and will end at 11:59 pm eastern (10:59 pm central, 9:59 pm mountain and 8:59 pm pacific) on Tuesday January 12th. Open to anyone living anywhere in the world including my wife (oh, how I would love to see her list three reasons she hates Hello Kitty).

Update: There were 181 entries in this contest and the random number came out 20 – contragatualtions to Yasmin for being the winner:

random number keychain

Free Hello Kitty Optical Mouse and Mousepad

First, the posts and updates that happened this past week that weren’t mentioned on the front page:

Hello Kitty Girl Mike Carroll Skateboard Decks
Hello Kitty Assault Rifle (update)
Hello Kitty Schoolgirl
Hello Kitty LCD TV (update)

And now onto the contest…

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Free Hello Kitty Vibrator

So, apparently my mom read my post about the free Hello Kitty shoulder massager and followed the link explaining what the alternative use for it is. To her credit, when I talked to her on the phone, I didn’t get the reaction of disgust and lecture about the sexual promiscuity of the younger generation that I expected. No, the reaction was far, far worse…

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Free Hello Kitty Shoulder Massager

OK, I’m feeling a little less uneasy about the creepy stalker package for my wife that my parents received after the person that sent the package emailed me and said she wasn’t trying to be stalker-like at all. Apparently she was simply getting ready to move and felt inspired to rid herself of much of her Hello Kitty collection due to this blog (of course, it would have been much more inspirational if she had decided to try and give it away to someone other than my wife, or better yet, set it all on fire and sent me the video).

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Free Hello Kitty Toaster

Hello Kitty Hell took a major step down into the depths this past week which I never anticipated. I received an email from my parents in the US saying that a packaged addressed to a “Mrs. Hello Kitty Hell” arrived at their house and they wanted to know if I had any idea what it was about (they had no idea that I even wrote this blog). I instantly knew that whatever was going on, it was not going to be good.

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